Credit and Divorce (my personal story)

G

gone_fishing

New Member
Most of you probably already know about this but for my own personal reasons I wanted to share this with those of you who do not know. This is personal and private but I wanted to share something with you all in case it may come up later down the road.

I've changed the monetary figures and inserted inaccurate ones to give you the idea of the situation but the situation was just as I describe below.

Thanks.

Copies and pasted from my blog.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Case of the Ex-husband - bad bad news


I've probably had the worst weekend I've ever had in my life. I'm writing this for my preferred readers only because obviously I'm not ready for the whole world to read my thoughts.

Anyway, once upon a time I was married (in reality not all that long ago) and we signed a separation agreement and the Court entered a decree requiring him to pay all of our debts.

Actually, this is how it worked. My ex and I sat in a room while our attorneys and one mediator tried to negotiate the division of marital property (assets and debts).

My husband had a 401K, we had a money market account, a mutual funds account, a checking account, a savings account and all of these assets totalled around $43K if I recall correctly.

At the same time we had car debt from a vehicle he leased and turned in (we ended up being upside down on it), credit car debt, a home improvement loan, and college debt.

All of those debts totalled around 60K if I recall correctly.

My husband said he wanted the money market account, he wanted me to waive rights to his 401K, he wanted the mutual funds and I could have the checking and savings account which only totalled maybe 7K or so.

Anyway, I obviously so NO WAY and told the mediator to go back into the little room he was sitting in and tell him I'll see him in Court.

Well the mediator came back with a surprise. She tells me my husband still wants all these assets but in exchange he will also take all the debt.

Remember that we got married young so all of our credit is totally entangled with one another. I don't think there is a loan or credit card that we didn't have joint liability on. (Don't want to hear much fussing on the age of marriage or why we divorced because that's not the point :P of this post).

Anyway, I thought to myself...if the court splits things 50/50 then I'd have $21,500 worth of assets but I'd also have 35K worth of debt. That means my networth would still be in the red $13,500.

My husband offering to take on ALL the debt even though he also wanted to leave me with only 7K worth of assets sounded like a good deal because I was young and I had a good job and I just KNEW that I could build my fortune back up with no problem. That means I'm in the black 7K with no debt.

So I accepted the offer, we signed the agreements, the Courts entered an Order and we proceeded with the divorce.

After the fact I was TOO happy to call the creditors and tell them please send all future correspondence to the ex and provided them with his address.

Thank God right?!!!

WRONG!

Recently, I found out that my ex has filed for bankruptcy. You know what that means? It means that the creditors can no longer contact him in regards to paying the debts. Creditors are not happy people when it comes to writing things off so guess what? That's right! They are coming after me for ALL the debt that my ex said he'd take on. Only now I have no assets to pay them off with. I handed over 43K worth of assets thinking he would pay ALL debt.

I am so upset right now that I don't really know what to do with myself! But, my purpose in writing this is not to get pity from you. My purpose is to let you know to watch yourself, watch joint liability accounts, watch entangling your credit rating and score with your significant other because it can come back to bite you in your behind. I work for a family law firm and it NEVER occurred he'd do that to me. I was quite the fool!

After speaking with an attorney (whom I work for), I was instructed that bankrupty law which is in the same category as federal law supercedes any domestic or state court orders. Apparently, this means I cannot even get a court order requiring him to pay those debts because bankruptcy/federal law says he's no longer responsible.

For more information about how to protect yourself, please visit this site from the Federal Trade Commission. It's very important.

http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/credit/divorce.htm

Take care and be blessed.
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Wow! I am so sorry you are dealing with this. he will get his at the end of the day. I said a prayer for you. Any plans on what to do next?
 
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a snake!!! I can't believe he actually sprung this on you. How much do you actually have to pay since he filed bankruptcy?
 
Well what I didn't explain in the first post is that my ex lives overseas now and he has a great job now (with a foreign corporation) so having a bankruptcy filing on his name impacts him very little.

He doesn't plan to move back to the US so he's not at all concerned.

He claims that he never knew that they would come after me...:ohwell:

I don't know if that's true or not but I lean towards not true.

The reason I tend not to believe him is because after he got this high paying job he stated that he could make all those debts disappear if we could get back together.

Well being the contrary woman that I am that only cemented the fact that divorce was the right decision in this situation.

I have since acquired a consolidation loan to pay off individual creditors and I make a lump sum payment to the bank for the total amount of the debt.

It was the only way to save my credit since I had no intention of filing for a bankruptcy myself.

I just wish he had told me he was going to do that so I could be prepared for the phone calls or start making payments right away.

By the time the creditors called me some of the accounts he was supposed to pay were already in default.

I'm curious...how many of you knew about this "loop hole" before I told you?
 
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adequate said:
Most of you probably already know about this but for my own personal reasons I wanted to share this with those of you who do not know. This is personal and private but I wanted to share something with you all in case it may come up later down the road.

I've changed the monetary figures and inserted inaccurate ones to give you the idea of the situation but the situation was just as I describe below.

Thanks.

Copies and pasted from my blog.
Click to expand...


I understand what you are going through. I was married really young was a college student with no job or credit. So, like you my credit/credit rating became entangled with my ex husband and he was not responsible at all. I found that out the hard way :( It is really hard, but I know that you can recover, I did. Come up with a financial plan that is best for you and stick with it. This will take some sacrifice and hard work but in the end you will have the debt under control and good credit.
 
WOW! Sounds like he knows how to play the game really well. Im sorry this has happened to you. Can you file for bankruptcy also???
 
adequate said:
Well what I didn't explain in the first post is that my ex lives overseas now and he has a great job now (with a foreign corporation) so having a bankruptcy filing on his name impacts him very little.

He doesn't plan to move back to the US so he's not at all concerned.

He claims that he never knew that they would come after me...:ohwell:

I don't know if that's true or not but I lean towards not true.

The reason I tend not to believe him is because after he got this high paying job he stated that he could make all those debts disappear if we could get back together.

Well being the contrary woman that I am that only cemented the fact that divorce was the right decision in this situation.

I have since acquired a consolidation loan to pay off individual creditors and I make a lump sum payment to the bank for the total amount of the debt.

It was the only way to save my credit since I had no intention of filing for a bankruptcy myself.

I just wish he had told me he was going to do that so I could be prepared for the phone calls or start making payments right away.

By the time the creditors called me some of the accounts he was supposed to pay were already in default.

I'm curious...how many of you knew about this "loop hole" before I told you?
Click to expand...



I must admit, I thought that once it was settled in the divorce it was settled. He stated he would pay he would have to pay. I am glad to hear you weathered that storm. Good luck, and remember God don't like ugly.:yep:
 
Not interested in filing for bankruptcy. I have a consolidation loan and I'll just pay that down. I'm not going to ruin my credit behind him. My credit score was near 690 before this happened. Thank you for your concern though.
 
adequate said:
Not interested in filing for bankruptcy. I have a consolidation loan and I'll just pay that down. I'm not going to ruin my credit behind him. My credit score was near 690 before this happened. Thank you for your concern though.
Click to expand...

You said he has no plans to come back to the states, does he have family in the states? Also, if he said that-then he knew what he was doing, who did he think they would go after once he stopped paying?:sad:
 
adequate said:
Not interested in filing for bankruptcy. I have a consolidation loan and I'll just pay that down. I'm not going to ruin my credit behind him. My credit score was near 690 before this happened. Thank you for your concern though.
Click to expand...
Wow this is really great info and you should post this on the financial board. I know some ladies would be interested in finding out who you used for the consolidation loan. I am sorry this happened to you. I will be praying that you will have favor and this will be taken cared of swiftly. As for your ex, you just let GOD deal with him. Q
 
Spidergul said:
You said he has no plans to come back to the states, does he have family in the states? Also, if he said that-then he knew what he was doing, who did he think they would go after once he stopped paying?:sad:
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He's originally from Texas but he has found happiness living in Bahrain. Prior to our divorce he tried to get me to move there and I declined for numerous reasons. He just likes it there *shrug*. He's always put money before family so I believe that he won't come back any time soon. He's making too much money there.

He comes back once a year to visit his son. I keep the visitation issue and this issue separate and to save myself stress I don't even discuss it with him anymore.

If he does move back to retire...that bankruptcy will have fallen off his report by then and he would have enough money saved up (in his vew) for him not to need to rely so much on credit (long enough to build it back up) - if need be.
 
adequate said:
Not interested in filing for bankruptcy. I have a consolidation loan and I'll just pay that down. I'm not going to ruin my credit behind him. My credit score was near 690 before this happened. Thank you for your concern though.
Click to expand...
I'm glad to hear that. Believe me, it's the last thing you want to do. Get together with a financial consultant for advice.
 
adequate said:
He's originally from Texas but he has found happiness living in Bahrain. Prior to our divorce he tried to get me to move there and I declined for numerous reasons. He just likes it there *shrug*. He's always put money before family so I believe that he won't come back any time soon. He's making too much money there.

He comes back once a year to visit his son. I keep the visitation issue and this issue separate and to save myself stress I don't even discuss it with him anymore.

If he does move back to retire...that bankruptcy will have fallen off his report by then and he would have enough money saved up (in his vew) for him not to need to rely so much on credit (long enough to build it back up) - if need be.
Click to expand...

What does he do for him to move overseas and make so much money?
 
Girl, I was pissed off just reading this post!!! I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I will never understand why folks can't just quietly go on their way when a relationship/marriage ends? Why you gotta try to ruin the person's life/credit/financial stability?!

That's alright though. He got his coming. You just handle your biz in the meantime.
 
Whew...this makes me sad. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

But it also reaffirms my belief that women should take an active role in maintaining her own personal credit/debt. We are often always the ones that get the in the financial pit when a divorce happens. Why? Because traditionally men handle the financial decisions, finances and we take on the feminine role of "figures just hurt my head". Also since are the ones that ultimately take on expenses for the children/household, they are often less with more disposable income than we do, even if both spouses make the same amount of money, WE get the short end of the stick financially.

I stay on top of all our finaces. Not only is dh a mortal man, which means he's capable of anything, he's also an attorney, I aint crazy:ohwell:. I believe men are alot more calculating than we think AND I think we put far too much trust in them with OUR lives only to get put in these situations. I always believe men put themselves first no matter what they say or do. I have not yet a man yet that puts everything on the line like we so often do. They say they do/will but in instances of divorce..they always come out 'protected'

Hang in there girl, I'm glad you're able to share your story b/c it might help someone else out there.
 
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MissScarlett said:
Whew...this makes me sad. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

But it also reaffirms my belief that women should take an active role in maintaining her own personal credit/debt. We are often always the ones that get the in the financial pit when a divorce happens. Why? Because traditionally men handle the financial decisions, finances and we take on the feminine role of "figures just hurt my head". Also since are the ones that ultimately take on expenses for the children/household, they are often less with more disposable income than we do, even if both spouses make the same amount of money, WE get the short end of the stick financially.

I stay on top of all our finaces. Not only is dh a mortal man, which means he's capable of anything, he's also an attorney, I aint crazy:ohwell:. I believe men are alot more calculating than we think AND I think we put far too much trust in them with OUR lives only to get put in these situations. I always believe men put themselves first no matter what they say or do. I have not yet a man yet that puts everything on the line like we so often do. They say they do/will but in instances of divorce..they always come out 'protected'

Hang in there girl, I'm glad you're able to share your story b/c it might help someone else out there.
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Great post, very very true. IMO, Men always always put themselves first when things get rough or fall apart. Seen it way too many times
 
nikki1971 said:
Great post, very very true. IMO, Men always always put themselves first when things get rough or fall apart. Seen it way too many times
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I meant to add I don't think her dh PLANNED it but he did what most men do, its watch out for himself.

I think men are just inherently selfish, its like a species thing or somethng.

I know someone is going to come in here and say "my dh would NEVER do this or nope he's not selfish" but like I said, they're made of flesh, not superman.

I don't sit around and think, what if...I do plan to be married forever BUT IF "what if happens", I'm ready :yep:
 
This is so sad... I'm so sorry this happened to you. Sounds like you made a good decision with the consolidation loan. Man oh man, it's amazing how grimy some people can be.

I did NOT know about this loophole, and I thank you heartily for sharing it.
 
That's why my mom always tell us to have your own money and make sure you know what your husband is doing with it. Make it your business to check the bank statements, 401Ks. etc. And stay on top of your credit AND HIS!!!

When I decide to get married all of my stuff will be separate from his. That includes credit, bank accounts, etc.
 
MissScarlett said:
I meant to add I don't think her dh PLANNED it but he did what most men do, its watch out for himself.

I think men are just inherently selfish, its like a species thing or somethng.

I know someone is going to come in here and say "my dh would NEVER do this or nope he's not selfish" but like I said, they're made of flesh, not superman.

I don't sit around and think, what if...I do plan to be married forever BUT IF "what if happens", I'm ready :yep:
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ITA :yep: As I stated in my earlier post, I was married really young. So, I was very naive about men and had no one to guide me. You can never say never :nono: I learned alot of hard lessons back then and over 15 years later I can say I would be much more mindful of things and prepared when/if I re-marry.
 
Honey6928215 said:
That's why my mom always tell us to have your own money and make sure you know what your husband is doing with it. Make it your business to check the bank statements, 401Ks. etc. And stay on top of your credit AND HIS!!!

When I decide to get married all of my stuff will be separate from his. That includes credit, bank accounts, etc.
Click to expand...

See I still believe in the spirit of marriage and that is being a union. We do put our money together, have a main joint account, joint savings/investments but we also both have separate personal accounts.

I think you should trust but not blindly so and that is financially as well.
 
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