"Couple Friends"...am I being overly sensitive?

[gabulldawg]

He's flirting with you and shading her at the same time because finds you attractive and wishes she was more like you. I've been in that situation and it's awful. What's worse is that I'm very close to the wife. Stop hanging out with them. You will always be on edge. Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

Couple friendships are a tricky thing. Just like with any friendship you have to make sure you are compatible. It's ok if you aren't. Just can't force it.

 

[FelaShrine]

And another thing... I think he and his wife are swingers... They want ya'll to switch partners...

I was just about to say this

The fact that the wife thinks nothing of it tells me they are swingers

let us know how it goes

 

[HoneyBadger]

I don't know about swinging but he sounds disrespectful to women. He can't see you as another man's wife and be respectful.

 

[SincerelyJane]

I'm not getting swinging vibes, when I've been approach its been a little more overt, with sexual overtones. And those types are usually pretty outgoing. I think the husband is just frustrated weirdo.

 

[lux10023]

dude is completely out of pocket and his wife being quiet abou tit is very telling---umm no

yeah i dont like certain couples we are associated with--i dont like women who dress tacky and i dont like husbands who treat their wives badly and disguise it as joking..i also dont like push-over wives get a back bone


ummm i let dh know so that he is aware of why im not overly happy to hang with them---but cordial..its really hard to find a couple that one really gels with---lolol

 

[Southernbella.]

I'm not getting swinging vibes, when I've been approach its been a little more overt, with sexual overtones. And those types are usually pretty outgoing. I think the husband is just frustrated weirdo.

I agree. I think the wife is just used to his behavior and has probably rationalized it. The wife in my scenario had low self esteem, probably from years of her dh picking at her weight, her hair, and the way she dressed.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[lana]

Since someone in my family has a husband like this all I can say is do your best to stay away from the husband. I personally don't see anything wrong with hanging with the wife one on one IF you like her and want to be her friend (not his).

I simply invite my family member to "girl's night out" and that way we exclude her ignorant husband. She's not stupid, she knows what the problem is and she also knows that I refuse to be around him.

 

[Kinky4Agirl]

I agree. I think the wife is just used to his behavior and has probably rationalized it. The wife in my scenario had low self esteem, probably from years of her dh picking at her weight, her hair, and the way she dressed.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

Correct, she has all the atributes of someone that can be made to do whatever her partner wants... Why would he ever want to hold your hand OP? That is just too close for comfort.. And honey chile get a woman like that behind closed doors and she'll suck a golf ball through a garden hose and damn near stroke the sh** out of you, me, him and anybody else she's told to..... Gotta watch those quiet heifers

 

[PopLife]

I agree. I think the wife is just used to his behavior and has probably rationalized it. The wife in my scenario had low self esteem, probably from years of her dh picking at her weight, her hair, and the way she dressed.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

She doesn't really dress up when we go out, but I just figured that is her style...now I'm starting to wonder if it's because of her husband. She has mentioned him complaining about her spending too much money and time in the hair salon.

I think he doesn't like prissy/high maintenance women and for some reason he has that perception of me...

Since someone in my family has a husband like this all I can say is do your best to stay away from the husband. I personally don't see anything wrong with hanging with the wife one on one IF you like her and want to be her friend (not his).

I simply invite my family member to "girl's night out" and that way we exclude her ignorant husband. She's not stupid, she knows what the problem is and she also knows that I refuse to be around him.

They are the type of couple that does everything together. The times we have hung out alone it's like he is there anyway because she is texting with him all night or she'll want to meet up with "the guys" later.

 

[vevster]

This is why I don't like to be too cozy w neighbors.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

She doesn't really dress up when we go out, but I just figured that is her style...now I'm starting to wonder if it's because of her husband. She has mentioned him complaining about her spending too much money and time in the hair salon.

I think he doesn't like prissy/high maintenance women and for some reason he has that perception of me...

He's nuts. He hates high maintenance but at the same time, attracted to how well you're kept. Misogynist.

 

[gabulldawg]

What is it with men and their love-hate relationship with "high maintenance" women??? They know they like it.

 

[Ivonnovi]

I say he is just an "arse"!

He seems to have a dominating personality. Does his maritial relationship look like he's the BIG "I" and she (the wife) is the little U
I had an Ex like that, I was supposed to/expected to wear a potato sack and look plain,...meanwhile he was looking at, praising, admiring and complimenting every thing that walked by. He was quite satisfied with the idea that I would never rise above his [preconceived] level for me; ......I got my satifaction at divorce court and "still I rise".

 

[carcajada]

What is it with men and their love-hate relationship with "high maintenance" women??? They know they like it.

They're cheap! They want the luxury prize without the taxes and duties that go along with it.

 

[SincerelyJane]

She doesn't really dress up when we go out, but I just figured that is her style...now I'm starting to wonder if it's because of her husband. She has mentioned him complaining about her spending too much money and time in the hair salon.

I think he doesn't like prissy/high maintenance women and for some reason he has that perception of me...



They are the type of couple that does everything together. The times we have hung out alone it's like he is there anyway because she is texting with him all night or she'll want to meet up with "the guys" later.

Believe me if he told her he liked prissy ultra femme women she would rush to oblige. I know his type. His problem is that he doesn't like women. I wouldn't be surprised is he's a sexist misogynist who also expects women to go half on everything. He is very confused and that is not your problem.

 

[onyxdreams]

This guy is an idiot and while he tells his wife he wants her a certain way, he rather be seen with a woman like you,thus the comment of holding hands. My suggestion is to use sarcasm to put him in his place instead of losing your temper. When he brings up an outfit or makes a comment call him out, call out his wife for his behavior.

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

any updates?

 

[PopLife]

any updates?

Not really, we haven't hung out with them since last weekend.
She called to confirm if I was coming to her bday dinner and I told her I wouldn't be able to make it. She also invited me to attend another event with her but I declined...I don't think she's getting the hint.

This guy is an idiot and while he tells his wife he wants her a certain way, he rather be seen with a woman like you,thus the comment of holding hands. My suggestion is to use sarcasm to put him in his place instead of losing your temper. When he brings up an outfit or makes a comment call him out, call out his wife for his behavior.

This is what SO suggested but I explained to him I still need him to back me up in these situations....

Believe me if he told her he liked prissy ultra femme women she would rush to oblige. I know his type. His problem is that he doesn't like women. I wouldn't be surprised is he's a sexist misogynist who also expects women to go half on everything. He is very confused and that is not your problem.

Funny you say that, because they always share a meal every time we go out...just an observation (not judging, I know times are ruff).

Also, they stopped by our house on Thanksgiving and raved about the food (SO's mom cooked), two days later the wife called to see if I we had any leftovers because her husband wanted some.

 

[Kalani]

Also, they stopped by our house on Thanksgiving and raved about the food (SO's mom cooked), two days later the wife called to see if I we had any leftovers because her husband wanted some.

What in the world??? erplexed

 

[Ganjababy]

This here is some crazy cow dung hot mess

Also, they stopped by our house on Thanksgiving and raved about the food (SO's mom cooked), two days later the wife called to see if I we had any leftovers because her husband wanted some. hwell:

 

[Ganjababy]

I have someone like this in life. I cannot avoid him so I have zoned him out. Early in their relationship he had his woman ask me if I wanted to join them in the bedroom. This happened 15 years ago and I have never told anyone.

He still makes comments whenever he sees me. He is really crass with it. Last month he said to me "I bet your DH cannot wait to do you when he gets home! you look good!"

I zone him out. It no longer bothers me. I'm not saying you should. If I were in your position I would avoid them. For me this is more complex. I'm more than friends with the wife (and kids). Now I don't allow him in my house. But I still have to see him at certain gatherings.

 

[gabulldawg]

So her husband is just all kinds of inappropriate, huh?? erplexed I blame it on her. When will she finally check that fool!??!?!

 

[Mai Tai]

She doesn't really dress up when we go out, but I just figured that is her style...now I'm starting to wonder if it's because of her husband. She has mentioned him complaining about her spending too much money and time in the hair salon.

I think he doesn't like prissy/high maintenance women and for some reason he has that perception of me...



They are the type of couple that does everything together. The times we have hung out alone it's like he is there anyway because she is texting with him all night or she'll want to meet up with "the guys" later.

Oh he likes prissy women, and probably masturbates to the thought of them.

I've noticed that with some domineering men want their wife to look a frumpy, played-out mess in an effort to break their self-esteem thus making them easier to control.

Once he's made her look unnactractive, then he works on making her feel unnatractive and once that happens, he puts himself in a more god-like position in her life. He now becomesthe prize while treating her as if he is doing her a favor by even staying married to her.

 

[PopLife]

What in the world??? erplexed

Yea, I was annoyed when she asked...even if the food was all that (which it wasn't ) I would never ask someone for 2 day left overs.

ETA:

The husband has been trying to get SO to invest in his business (glad he decided not too) and even suggested a couple of times we buy a multi unit lot and live on the property together.

I feel like they are trying to too hard to include themselves in our life and it feels forced at times...

I think all of this has been a subconscious build up for me and I can't take the weirdness anymore...hence me snapping on him.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Your neighbor sounds like Jason Pitts from The Game.

 

[Mai Tai]

Yea, I was annoyed when she asked...even if the food was all that (which it wasn't ) I would never ask someone for 2 day left overs.

ETA:

The husband has been trying to get SO to invest in his business (glad he decided not too) and even suggested a couple of times we buy a multi unit lot and live on the property together.

I feel like they are trying to too hard to include themselves in our life and it feels forced at times...

I think all of this has been a subconscious build up for me and I can't take the weirdness anymore...hence me snapping on him.

WHAT?????!!!

So yeah...No, I do not feel you were being too sensitive even before you posted the tidbit above. Now I see why you are so annoyed. Like who does that? As a fully functioning adult, why would you want to live wth another couple? He is waaaaay to comfortable...cut that ish off stat.

 

[Ivonnovi]

Funny you say that, because they always share a meal every time we go out...just an observation (not judging, I know times are ruff).

Also, they stopped by our house on Thanksgiving and raved about the food (SO's mom cooked), two days later the wife called to see if I we had any leftovers because her husband wanted some.

/\ /\ See, this right here.... Tells me that she is helpless to control him, & lacks the strength to stand up to him. She has some esteem issues, And He Damn Well knows it [thats why he's with her].
Some folks like to hold others down, some where, some how you might want to ask her what he does to lift her up, [i'd put $ on its something trivial]; use this as an opportunity to plant a seed of how a MAN should treat/value his wife (I.e. lift her UP). SOME of us just don't know, I know it took me 6years to realize that my Ex was Neva going to be the type to "lift his woman up".

 

[MizAvalon]

I haven't read the the entire thread so I don't know what else has been said but my opinion is that this man is attracted to you and is testing you with these comments. He will keep going further and further to see how far he can take it.

I wouldn't hang out with them anymore. I'm not going to spend my leisure time with anyone who makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

[niknakmac]

We had couple friends that we dropped last year. We both couldn't stand the husband. I think I disliked him more than DH and it's too bad because I really like the wife. She really doesn't like to go out and do stuff always invites me over where I will be subjected to her husband so I let the friendship go.