"Couple Friends"...am I being overly sensitive?

[PopLife]

Do you have couple friends, but not really care for one them?

Over the past year SO and I have made friends with a newlywed couple that lives across the street from us. They are always inviting us to do things with them or just come over and hang out. The first few times we hung out they seemed like really cool people and I thought it was nice to have another couple we could do things with.

Lately though, the husband does and says stuff that irritates me.

Mainly, he makes some type of comment about my appearance. The first time he did it we were out having drinks and out of nowhere he brings up a time we all went to dinner (a few months earlier) and how I was "all dressed up"....I thought it was kinda of weird that he would randomly bring that up, but I didn't say anything.

Another time we hung out his wife made a comment in reference to my height and me having on heels (she had on flats) and he jokingly responds that he should grab my hand and my SO grab his wife's and act like we're together...later that night he randomly brings up some big busted bimbo model that shares the same name as me and jokes how I could be the black version of her....when I tried to change the subject he insist on pulling up pictures of her on his phone.

This past weekend they invited us to an amusement park, while we were there he kept saying how he has never seen me "dressed like this" (I had on jeans and sneakers). I finally snapped and asked him what was the big deal and he says that when we go out I'm always dressed up and how he's never seen me in jeans. My SO tried to calm me down and said that I was being defensive and his wife (looking uncomfortable) says he just trying to say you dress nice. When I talked to my SO about it later on he said he understood why I was annoyed but that I could have responded better,so that I wouldn't come across as confrontational.

I know that I can be sensitive at times but I don't understand why he always has to make comments about me....it's starting to get to the point where I don't even want to hang out with them. Am I being overly sensitive because I just don't like him?

Would this annoy you, if so how would you handle comments like this?

 

[Lucie]

I wish I could lend you my SO. He would basically ask why he notices so much about me in a mean but funny way. I would be annoyed. I can be sensitive as well. I like a good joke but if it turns into a roasting routine I would not feel comfortable. Other than the things you mentioned do you enjoy spending time with them? How does your SO feel? All the best to ya.

 

[mallysmommy]

It sounds like you dont like him and dont like him making comments about you. I mean if this was anyone else would you feel the same? If i dont like a person anything they say can annoy me....something as simple as a greeting lol

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Hmmmm....it sounds like the other woman's husband might be attracted to you...

Just because people get married it doesn't mean they become blind lol.

He has definitely crossed the line a little bit in my book, and I'm sorry that his wife has to deal with that.

There's nothing wrong with not enjoying the company of some couple friends. My married sister says the same thing all the time. SOME times there are some couples she just doesn't care for. Plus, sometimes the wives get along and the husbands don't, and other times it's vice versa. There's nothing wrong with it imo. Sometimes you click with others, and sometimes you don't.

Since that guy sounds like he's being a little borderline pressed, I would just let your husband know that you feel a little uncomfortable around them....the HUSBAND especially.

You guys can make new couple friends....or just limit your time with the other couple lol.

 

[Kalani]

I agree that he finds you attractive but he needs to keep that to himself. I can relate as I've experienced something similar and it creeped me out. Some people don't mind the attention but I'm a low key, introvert and don't like folks paying so much attention to me, especially leering men. erplexed

 

[PopLife]

I wish I could lend you my SO. He would basically ask why he notices so much about me in a mean but funny way. I would be annoyed. I can be sensitive as well. I like a good joke but if it turns into a roasting routine I would not feel comfortable. Other than the things you mentioned do you enjoy spending time with them? How does your SO feel? All the best to ya.

It's weird because, at first I thought we had a lot in common as couples but the more we hang out I feel like we don't. Like when you first meet someone you really vibe with them and you're all excited about the relationship, but the more time you spend with them you realize there are a lot of differences.

My SO is kind of indifferent towards them, he doesn't go out of his way to hang out them but he is the type that hates confrontation and doesn't like burning bridges with people...he is a people person.

It sounds like you dont like him and dont like him making comments about you. I mean if this was anyone else would you feel the same? If i dont like a person anything they say can annoy me....something as simple as a greeting lol

I'm the same way, which is why I'm questioning if I'm being too sensitive.

 

[DarkJoy]

What's irritating is the disrespect to his wife and your man. She should have checked him in private long ago. Or your man

Is the woman a little mousy/submissive? Wondering why she's letting him go on and on like that. She would irritate me too if thats the case but I dont get along with too many folks anyway

His verbal 'flirtations' (which is exactly what they are) are relatively harmless (too you). He's immature. He seems like the type you have to ignore what he says and he'll shut up. If you keep acknowledging that it bothers you, he'll keep picking on you. Like a 10 year old child.

Either completely ignore what he says or limit your time with them.

 

[hopeful]

I would just stop hanging with them. Not worth the headache. Why bother? The point of hanging out together is to have fun and be relaxed. You aren't being overly sensitive and even if you are, so what? I'm surprised your SO isn't annoyed as well but I know men can kinda ignore stuff that irks us. I say stay away from them. It's not worth discussing and hashing out IMO. The guy's boundaries seem a little off because how you dress is none of his damned business. People love being frustrated when someone looks extra cute most of the time. There problem, not yours.

ETA: Ultimately your problem moreso may be with your SO. I have been in this type of situation and in the end realized it's a test for dh to be more protective. Some men may hate confrontation but sometimes being the man in the relationship requires some level of discomfort and confrontation.

 

[PopLife]

What's irritating is the disrespect to his wife and your man. She should have checked him in private long ago. Or your man

Is the woman a little mousy/submissive? Wondering why she's letting him go on and on like that. She would irritate me too if thats the case but I dont get along with too many folks anyway

His verbal 'flirtations' (which is exactly what they are) are relatively harmless (too you). He's immature. He seems like the type you have to ignore what he says and he'll shut up. If you keep acknowledging that it bothers you, he'll keep picking on you. Like a 10 year old child.

Either completely ignore what he says or limit your time with them.

She strikes me as the type that never wants to say anything confrontational in front of her husband.
For example, one time we were discussing prenups and the whole time in front of the men she was riding the fence on the issue and kind of quiet but when we went to the bathroom she starts telling me how she agrees with what I was saying...I'm thinking we were just having a discussion it's okay to express your opinion in front of your man.

and yea she irritated me too this past weekend...I wanted to slap her and her husband.

 

[PopLife]

I would just stop hanging with them. Not worth the headache. Why bother? The point of hanging out together is to have fun and be relaxed. You aren't being overly sensitive and even if you are, so what? I'm surprised your SO isn't annoyed as well but I know men can kinda ignore stuff that irks us. I say stay away from them. It's not worth discussing and hashing out IMO. The guy's boundaries seem a little off because how you dress is none of his damned business. People love being frustrated when someone looks extra cute most of the time. There problem, not yours.

ETA: Ultimately your problem moreso may be with your SO. I have been in this type of situation and in the end realized it's a test for dh to be more protective. Some men may hate confrontation but sometimes being the man in the relationship requires some level of discomfort and confrontation.

This is exactly why I brought it up with SO later on. It really bothered me that he didn't jump in and defend me. Yea he agreed with me later on, but I feel like he should have put him in his place....I'm still a little irritated about it but I don't want to keep bringing it up...

 

[DarkJoy]

She strikes me as the type that never wants to say anything confrontational in front of her husband.
For example, one time we were discussing prenups and the whole time in front of the men she was riding the fence on the issue and kind of quiet but when we went to the bathroom she starts telling me how she agrees with what I was saying...I'm thinking we were just having a discussion it's okay to express your opinion in front of your man.

and yea she irritated me too this past weekend...I wanted to slap her and her husband.

I cant hang with that type of couple. It seems like you're similar...

Yea. Your annoyance will only get worse. Probably best you find ways to respectfully decline their future invitations.

 

[ThickHair]

Stop hanging with these folks, it isn't worth it. You may be a bit sensitive, but you do have reason.

 

[Kinky4Agirl]

He should never address you at all at this point. You all do not know each other well enough for him to be saying anything personal about you. Your husband needs to stand up and put him in his place..privately. Because girlfriend he is coming on to you... yep!

 

[darlingdiva]

Your husband needs to check him because he's out of order--especially with that comment about he needs to take your hand and your husband needs to take his wife's hand and pretend that you all are a couple. What is that about?

He obviously has no respect for his wife. If he's doing that in public, I can only imagine what he does behind closed doors.

I agree with everyone who said to stop hanging out with them. They aren't worth the disturbance to your peace and happiness.

Smh. Situations like these make being an introvert so appealing.

 

[Country gal]

Don't let people that are not in your inner circle affect you. Keep the double dates to a minimum.

 

[Kinky4Agirl]

And another thing... I think he and his wife are swingers... They want ya'll to switch partners...

 

[spelmanlocks]

And another thing... I think he and his wife are swingers... They want ya'll to switch partners...

Lol I was thinking the same thing. Sounds like they trying to vet you all or something. That comment about grabbing each other SO hand is weird. Maybe that's why the wife is acting so cool about it.

 

[hopeful]

This is exactly why I brought it up with SO later on. It really bothered me that he didn't jump in and defend me. Yea he agreed with me later on, but I feel like he should have put him in his place....I'm still a little irritated about it but I don't want to keep bringing it up...

I wouldn't keep bringing it up either. Just let this couple go. But I think things like this will reoccur until it is resolved. Either your SO will become more protective, you will accept that he is not that way, or you will have to find another guy. As I get older I realize what a deal breaker this is. Nobody wants a hot head beating people up and going to jail, but there is a level of protectiveness that many women need. It's a tough world out there and a lot of crazy people so we as women have to be strong but if you have an SO or dh he should add an extra layer of protection IMO. Some men think protection is just about physical protection but it's so much more than that and deeper than that.

 

[SincerelyJane]

Lol I know his type. In the car with his wife he probably talks smack about girls who act prissy all the time and are too high maintenance, he likes a "down to earth" woman, and the wife is just nodding along eating it up but confused as hell

I agree with hopeful just stop hanging with them. From experience it's not going to get better until he finds what he wants in his marriage. He should just be more honest with his wife and himself. I dealt with something sorta similar only it was my SO at the time's BF. He would make me the target or poke fun at me in a mean way and I would argue with my SO about defending me more. The BFF also would try to make me feel bad or guilty about my ex paying for my food or entrance into places when we went out. As if it was any of his business. Ugh, such a mess. I just stopped hanging out with my SO and that particular friend, thought it was awkward since they are BFFs. I also knew for a fact he was attracted to me. But it sounds like your hubby doesn't like the douche so it's okay.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Are they swingers?

 

[Southernbella.]

He's flirting with you and shading her at the same time because finds you attractive and wishes she was more like you. I've been in that situation and it's awful. What's worse is that I'm very close to the wife.

Stop hanging out with them. You will always be on edge.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[PopLife]

Are they swingers?

I don't get that impression, they come across kind of corny and the wife seems very reserved.

He's flirting with you and shading her at the same time because finds you attractive and wishes she was more like you. I've been in that situation and it's awful. What's worse is that I'm very close to the wife.

Stop hanging out with them. You will always be on edge.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

This is exactly how I feel, every little thing he says irks me. He also was teasing me about how small the purse that I was carrying at the amusement park was ...he comes across like one of those annoying little boys in grade school.

Lol I know his type. In the car with his wife he probably talks smack about girls who act prissy all the time and are too high maintenance, he likes a "down to earth" woman, and the wife is just nodding along eating it up but confused as hell

This is what I feel like he is trying to imply and I snapped on him because I don't know why he's so bothered by my appearance...I am not your wife I can act and dress any way I feel like.


ETA:
While we were out this weekend, the wife invited us to her bday dinner next weekend, my SO said he couldn't make it because of his military drill, and before I could come up with an excuse her husband blurts out well you can just bring your sister....I feel bad because the wife came to my bday dinner, but my tolerance level for both of them is very low right now.

 

[hopeful]

Don't go PopLife. He's too pushy. When dh can't attend something people get on my nerves trying to figure how they can get me to attend. Unless I really like the people I am usually unlikely to attend without him. I'd get her a nice card, a cute little gift, and KIM.

 

[foxxymami]

And another thing... I think he and his wife are swingers... They want ya'll to switch partners...

^^^I'm wondering the same now too.

The fact that he is saying all of this stuff about how you look, and the wife is just standing there watching the exchange struck me as odd. Seems like they are trying to watch your reactions or something.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Kinky4Agirl

I got that impression as well, swingers trying to slowly build up to wife swapping sex romps. He is attracted to you and being openly disrespectful to his wife, you and your husband. And yes, your husband needed to check the guy, publicly. Get these people out of your life ASAP. They seem like trouble, the husband especially.

And another thing... I think he and his wife are swingers... They want ya'll to switch partners...

 

[PopLife]

Don't go PopLife. He's too pushy. When dh can't attend something people get on my nerves trying to figure how they can get me to attend. Unless I really like the people I am usually unlikely to attend without him. I'd get her a nice card, a cute little gift, and KIM.

This is what I'm probably going to do...although it might be awkward because we live right across the street from them, it's not worth the headache. I hate feeling forced to be around people I don't like and being an introvert makes it worse.

Kinky4Agirl

I got that impression as well, swingers trying to slowly build up to wife swapping sex romps. He is attracted to you and being openly disrespectful to his wife, you and your husband. And yes, your husband needed to check the guy, publicly. Get these people out of your life ASAP. They seem like trouble, the husband especially.

^^^I'm wondering the same now too.

The fact that he is saying all of this stuff about how you look, and the wife is just standing there watching the exchange struck me as odd. Seems like they are trying to watch your reactions or something.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Eww, the thought of that makes my stomach turn seriously. erplexed
Maybe I'm naive but that never crossed my mind, I would mention it to SO but he will probably really think I'm nuts...he already thinks I'm over suspicious of people...lol.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

PopLife

I'm a bit more suspicious about that kind of thing since DH and I were approached by a White couple to "swing". The woman approached me though, not the guy. We were not hanging out with them or anything, we had just met them that same day while on vacation.

Eww, the thought of that makes my stomach turn seriously. erplexed
Maybe I'm naive but that never crossed my mind, I would mention it to SO but he will probably really think I'm nuts...lol.

 

[PopLife]

PopLife

I'm a bit more suspicious about that kind of thing since DH and I were approached by a White couple to "swing". The woman approached me though, not the guy. We were not hanging out with them or anything, we had just met them that same day while on vacation.

Wow!

I am not about that life and SO knows it...early on in the relationship we discussed all this stuff and I'm glad that we are both on the same page regarding that ...to each his own tho.

 

[Fine 4s]

Dunno why but I'm thinking swingers!

ETA- noticed other people got that same feeling. But for that suspicion, we have those, I like them but I'm not into couple stuff or dates I feel corny doing that stuff lol

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Glad I wasn't alone on that one.