Could You Marry a Man Your Family Didn't Like???

[Syrah]

It's simple - could you do it:

1 - Could you DATE a guy your family didn't like?
2 - Couldn't you MARRY a guy your family didn't like?
3 - Could you Date a guy your friends didn't like?
4 - Could you MARRY a guy your friends didn't like?

And I don't mean "oh, he's not good for you", or "you can do better" but can't stand his ass, momma won't have him in the house, daddy wants to kill him and has threatened his life on multiple occasions, can't bring him to the Christmas functions cuz nobody will talk to him, your girls get funky when you bring him around (and even THEIR men act funny when you bring him around) - they DONT LIKE HIM.

 

[gone_fishing]

If my family or friends had a problem with my significant other so much so that they wanted me to leave him they better have a darn good reason.

I mean sis better have seen him dressed like a transvestite at a club. Or mom maybe saw him on America's most wanted or he gives me black eyes (never would happen) or does drugs or is an alcoholic or some other flaw that would render my life unbareable and burdensome.

Otherwise, if they just don't like him and he's done nothing wrong then they need to step off. Family or no family. Sorry.

If they want me to be happy they need to give me the freedom to choose a mate who makes me happy. So long as he's not rude to them they should have NOTHING to say.

I can't think of a reason a mom would say you can't come into my house unless he did something serious. If it's ethnictism or nationalism that is making her act cooky then that's her or their problem and not mine.

So yes, I'd date a man who my family didn't like and I'd also marry him. If my family ever wants to see grandbabies they will get over it quick fast and in a hurry.

If not then I will be happy with my man as he will be with my daily while my family has their own families and things to do.

My step-mother's parents disowned her at the age of 35 or so when she married my dad.

She loved him so much she let them go.

Now that my father is deceased her parents welcome her back.

Over time she has accepted them into her life again. At first it was difficult because she felt like she was betraying my dad's memory since they were only reaching out because he was gone..

But I told her dad is gone and she deserves family and love so go ahead. I was shocked she asked me about it.

She had 15 great years with my dad which no other person can ever give her. Not mom, not dad, not me, not kids...

So live YOUR life and let them live THEIRS.

 

[CurliDiva]

It's simple - could you do it:

1 - Could you DATE a guy your family didn't like?
2 - Couldn't you MARRY a guy your family didn't like?
3 - Could you Date a guy your friends didn't like?
4 - Could you MARRY a guy your friends didn't like?

And I don't mean "oh, he's not good for you", or "you can do better" but can't stand his ass, momma won't have him in the house, daddy wants to kill him and has threatened his life on multiple occasions, can't bring him to the Christmas functions cuz nobody will talk to him, your girls get funky when you bring him around (and even THEIR men act funny when you bring him around) - they DONT LIKE HIM.

There has to be MORE to this story why do so many different people have such a negative reaction to this GUY!

If this your current situation, please give more details? Normally "threats to kill someone" are not part of regular family dinner conversation. Spill the BEANS!

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Did it once, never again!! The folks' opinions need a thorough look see before you disregard what they sense, could be right, could be wrong; then should you still be enamored..go right ahead.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Family and friends will always come before my man...initially. That said, knowing that these people have my best interests at heart more than this man probably does, it may affect how I perceive any future plans with the man.

Date..yeah, but I probably wouldn't be thinking serious long-term potential. My man will have to fit into my family life, not have a problem with my friends either, I just don't like that energy. Plus, I can't imagine compromising holidays and family functions or my husband not being a part of that. Not how tight my family is. They have great judge of character when it comes to people and this wasn't an option so my answer is..

I've done it before, WON'T do it again!

Was close to marriage, and I had that defiant attitude towards my friends and my family. It just turned into a situation where he kept me away from them, and he wanted it that way. It was unhealthy, he took me away from my support system, but lacked the tools to replace that. Learned my lesson.

 

[caribeandiva]

gurl from that description, Hell no!! i wouldn't even date him.

 

[secretdiamond]

Like others have said, did once before will NEVER do it again!!!! For anyone who is out there in this situation, PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

 

[ALWAYZL8]

Family and friends see things we can't see because we are so involved. I trust my family and I know they have my best interest at heart. I do have some single friends that won't approve of any guy I'm dating if they are alone at the time. I always run a guy across my married friends and their hubbies so they can scope him out and keep me on the up and up.

 

[Farida]

From that description - NEVER.

That means something is really wrong with him and you just don't see it.

This is if it isn't because of racism or classism.

 

[esoterica]

Something has to be wrong somewhere if everyone hates him.

 

[BlkOnyx488]

NO I could not, my family has a history of liking the spouse better than the family member so if I was dating someone that didn't sit well with my family, there is definately something wrong with him.

For the record my family loves my husband more than me LOL which means i made the right choice!

 

[caltron]

I voted no based on my past experience. My family absolutely hated my ex from day 1. Of course I was too much in love to recognize that he was a loser, but they saw it right off. I wasted many, many years of my life with that fool. I wish I had listened to my family from the beginining.

I know my family only wants the best for me, so I probably would not get into a serious relationship with someone if my family had reservations. However, if you KNOW your family is being trifling or petty and not concerned with your best interests, then you should do what makes you happy.

 

[loved]

Nope. My friends and family give me good love and I would trust the love behind the judgment.

I have seen this from the other side - a person alienated from family & friends because they could not stand her SO - & for good reason.

 

[indigodiva]

If everyone in your circle has That level of disdain for the person, then you must be too in love to see what's really good! I mean if the family dog even starts snarling and foaming at the mouth when your SO is around then its time for you to bounce! lol

My mom saw things in my ex's right off the back, and even with one who wasn't a bad guy, she just knew long term we wouldn't last b/c he had different goals in life, and even though I was "so in love" to the point that I didn't see it coming, she knew once that whole in love feeling died down, I'd realize what was really there.

So on that note, if my people had a big problem with the person I chose to date, it would probably be for a good reason, and I definately trust their judgment and leave Mr. Wrong alone. I used to think having my parent's blessing if or when I get married wasn't necessary, but I've totally reconsidered on that.

 

[curlcomplexity]

I couldn't see myself doing it now, but back in the day I almost diderplexed. I was engaged to a man that my brothers, sister, and brother-in-law didn't care to much for. I thought that their reason for disliking him was petty at the time. However, my siblings are my closest best friends. We were all we had growing up. One day my ex-fiancee and I got into an argument about how my family didn't like him (he brought it up). To make a long story short, he ended up saying "f^*k your brother!". I made him repeat it to make sure I heard it right. Three days later the engagement and relationship were off for good!

 

[dlewis]

My husband married me.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

The only way my family and friends would really despise the man I am going to marry is if he did something major bad to me. In this case, I would not marry him. Now they might have a problem if he is of another race but they wouldn't forbid him to come to family functions or ignore him when he's around. They would just ask me if I am ok with marrying a white man (or something like that). And since I obviously would be ok with it, yes I'd marry him.

 

[stinastina]

I agree with all the above posts. I had a friend who married a guy no one liked. Of course, they eloped and didn't tell anyone. Her mom wanted to cancel Thanksgiving a few years ago so he couldn't come to her house. My girl left him 6 times the first year they were married, filed for divorce 30 days after their wedding. Last year she left him and spent the summer at her parent's house. This summer she left him (I think they are still separated, I haven't gotten the scoop yet).

But, yeah, save yourself a lot of trouble and listen to the folks. I plan on bringing my SO over to her parents house so they can give their stamp or boot !

 

[darkangel25]

Something has to be wrong somewhere if everyone hates him.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[sonce]

It's simple - could you do it:

1 - Could you DATE a guy your family didn't like?
2 - Couldn't you MARRY a guy your family didn't like?
3 - Could you Date a guy your friends didn't like?
4 - Could you MARRY a guy your friends didn't like?

And I don't mean "oh, he's not good for you", or "you can do better" but can't stand his ass, momma won't have him in the house, daddy wants to kill him and has threatened his life on multiple occasions, can't bring him to the Christmas functions cuz nobody will talk to him, your girls get funky when you bring him around (and even THEIR men act funny when you bring him around) - they DONT LIKE HIM.

If those I love react that negatively to him, then that fool has to go TODAY.

 

[cocosweet]

If everybody (or even a significant percentage) doesn't like him, then something is definitely up. Vice versa, I can't see spending the rest of my days tethered to a family that I know can't stand me.

 

[moonglowdiva]

Yes. My happiness doesn't depend on whether moms and pop are happy. I can't live my life base on that notion. It is all about my happiness.

 

[BGT]

My BFF did. She married a guy who cursed out her mom without anyone's knowledge. He cheated on her after that with his ex and got her preggers. Now she's moving to Arizona with him next week.

 

[JustKiya]

It would depend on why they all hated him. The simple fact that they all hated him wouldn't be enough for me to kick him to the curb, no.

 

[Ms Red]

From past experience: If all of the significant people in my life hated him with valid reason... he would be GONE.

And I mean that because I've been through it and sure, the ride-or-die gig works for some... but for me... I should have bounced immediately.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

My family, yes. My Mom, no.
My fam are not really great judges of character and not so hot at making their own decisions.
I don't consult them on any big decisions in my life.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Family/friends are God's way of protecting you. If no one likes him, its more than like a strong reason way. Often times we get blinded by the need for the relationship to succeed that we dont really ask is it right for me, regarding how much butterflies you have at the present moment.

All in all, I've learned this lesson the hard way. If they dont feel right about him, peace out!

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I couldn't of married a man my mother didn't like, I don't know if I could date a man that she didn't like.

 

[LadieCrn]

If everyone hates him, then no I won't be dating or marrying. However, my father does not like ANYONE. I could be with Barack Obama and he would find something negative to say. My sisters ex was a really nice guy, he was supportive, he was getting a PHD but my father ragged on him constantly to my sisters and I. My little sister has a BF now and he doesn't like him. My SO and I have been together 5 years and we have a son, he doesn't like him. My dad is just that way. No man is good enough for his girls.

 

[nucienuce1]

erplexedIm in this situation right now. Ive been dating my boyfriend for two years and my Mom doesn't like him because...... She didnt give me a reason. My brother thinks he's too friendly but he now likes him, my sister liked him and now she is unsure. My mode of thinking is if my children like him and no one has a valid reason for not liking him and he treats me exceptionally well then there is no problem and i am going to marry him!