Close Yo Legs (Tony Gaskins)

[RegaLady]

He didn't go into details about the "hell" they went through, but he did mentioned that they went through it because of having premarital sex. I wanted him to explain but.......

I've heard ppl say they experienced problems in their marriage because of premarital sex, but I've never heard anyone go into the specifics.

@Poohbear I so get what you're saying, it's true there are women who don't need this message, but there are those who do. Unfortunately a lot of women AND men might need to hear this, so I don't knock his message. It's so much bigger than those of us who don't need to hear it.

I recently spoke to a GROWN woman who believes she can sex a man into a relationship

He is right and I agree with him.


He explains a little of what the "hell" is- people not building their marriage on the right foundation. I don't think people really get to know the people they involve themselves with when sex is always on the mind. The foundation of a relationship is flaky when sex is the number one reason why people get together and stay together.

I know women want someone to tell men to "act right", but I hate to say this, men act right when women get it together. You can't tell men anything. We teach them through our actions. I swear if you had all women on the same page in thoughts and actions by setting some standards,there will be no dogs. Period.

 

[RegaLady]

True. I guess some of the advice these men give just feels like an attack on all single unmarried black women sometimes, like it's a curse not to be married, or like we're dumb creatures that have low self-esteem or think we're not good enough... There are unmarried black women out there like me who know how to close their legs. Not all women open their legs to anybody and everybody. Not all unmarried black women have low self esteem. I surely don't.

QUOTE]

I will say the ones who open their legs and have low self-esteem mess it up for everyone . I hate to say it but one has to look at it (dating) like any other market. Where its cheap, is where consumers will flock to, and that will leave the expensive goods less chances for being bought.

 

[runwaydream]

He is right and I agree with him.


He explains a little of what the "hell" is- people not building their marriage on the right foundation. I don't think people really get to know the people they involve themselves with when sex is always on the mind. The foundation of a relationship is flaky when sex is the number one reason why people get together and stay together.

I know women want someone to tell men to "act right", but I hate to say this, men act right when women get it together. You can't tell men anything. We teach them through our actions. I swear if you had all women on the same page in thoughts and actions by setting some standards,there will be no dogs. Period.

i hate this blaming the woman phenomenon.

I will say the ones who open their legs and have low self-esteem mess it up for everyone . I hate to say it but one has to look at it (dating) like any other market. Where its cheap, is where consumers will flock to, and that will leave the expensive goods less chances for being bought.

i completely agree with this.

 

[Raspberry]

What kind of 'hell' did having sex with his wife prior to marriage cause?

It was some vid or podcast where Tony said something about having a hard time transitioning from treating his wife like a girlfriend to treating her like a wife and their sexual history had something to do with that. I can't remember the details but the idea was that there's a mindset change after marriage that's needed in order to have a mature marital relationship and it took him a while to make the mental transition. I remember thinking his comments were interesting at the time and they had a ring of truth about them.. maybe I"ll come across it and post it.

 

[LivingInPeace]

It was some vid or podcast where Tony said something about having a hard time transitioning from treating his wife like a girlfriend to treating her like a wife and their sexual history had something to do with that. I can't remember the details but the idea was that there's a mindset change after marriage that's needed in order to have a mature marital relationship and it took him a while to make the mental transition. I remember thinking his comments were interesting at the time and they had a ring of truth about them.. maybe I"ll come across it and post it.

He sounds ridiculous. This is his issue. Not anyone else's. You can and I do have a mature marital relationship with my husband and yes we had sex before marriage. All of the people I know who are married had sex with their future spouses before marriage and we've all been married between 8-20 years.

 

[kismettt]

He sounds ridiculous. This is his issue. Not anyone else's. You can and I do have a mature marital relationship with my husband and yes we had sex before marriage. All of the people I know who are married had sex with their future spouses before marriage and we've all been married between 8-20 years.

yeah that didn't sound like a "we-had-sex-before-marriage" issue, it sounded like there was something seriously wrong with HIM. the fck.

 

[LivingInPeace]

yeah that didn't sound like a "we-had-sex-before-marriage" issue, it sounded like there was something seriously wrong with HIM. the fck.

I'm having a problem with women listening to random guys like him and Steve Harvey like they have some special insight into relationships. All they have is special insight into how to get paid. All these generalizations about men and women are silly.

 

[kismettt]

I'm having a problem with women listening to random guys like him and Steve Harvey like they have some special insight into relationships. All they have is special insight into how to get paid. All these generalizations about men and women are silly.

i have a problem with men spouting sexist, misogynistic bullsht.

if you cannot have sex with a woman without losing respect for her or treating her with respect afterwards, there is something wrong with you.

i do not get it. and i also don't get women who excuse it. and as i've said before, i’m sure there is a respectful, non-inflammatory way to tell both men and women that it may be in their best interest to wait to become physically intimate with someone for a laundry list of reasons that have nothing to do with how respectable it makes you.

the sad thing about the title (based on it alone i couldn't watch the video b/c i DO NOT engage in sexist bs), is it's not "edgy" or new. it's so played out it's pathetic. i'd be more impressed if you could get your message across w/o resorting to it.

 

[tinkat]

I don't see anything wrong with the vid and it honestly could be wayyy more raw than that. I have honestly watched all his vids and can relate to a lot of the stuff. Thankfully I learned that before watching the vids.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[RegaLady]

I'm having a problem with women listening to random guys like him and Steve Harvey like they have some special insight into relationships. All they have is special insight into how to get paid. All these generalizations about men and women are silly.

SH and this guy say what alot of men say, if you ask them. I think if women do not like what this guy says or even Steve Harvey, I challenge them to get a POV from a male friend or relative they trust. Men who care about me would tell me to "close my legs" until I knew enough about a man and he earnestly cared about me I don't see the problem

 

[LivingInPeace]

SH and this guy say what alot of men say, if you ask them. I think if women do not like what this guy says or even Steve Harvey, I challenge them to get a POV from a male friend or relative they trust. Men who care about me would tell me to "close my legs" until I knew enough about a man and he earnestly cared about me I don't see the problem

The problem for me is generalizing about men. Some men will dump you if you have sex with them right away. Some men will wait months and seem like they care and when you have sex with them, the challenge is over for them and they bounce. Some men will like you and want to be with you and not care if you have sex with them on the first date or the fiftieth.

 

[tinkat]

I had a guy tell me if I wanted to have sex prior to marriage that was cool and if I didn't that would be fine although hard. He said he respected the latter choice way more even if he had to wait.

He said its quite strange that yes he want sex but deep down he wants a woman to make him wait....

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[LoveisYou]

I don't even see it from what a man wants perspective, I see it from a self-protective this is what I want viewpoint. I don't care if a man doesn't want to wait, I'm waiting for various reasons, and if he can't then he needs to go, that's all. I'm not waiting to get him, I'm waiting because it means that much to me to wait and the man for me will believe I'm worthy of the wait. Preferably he will want to honor God and wait too. If he doesn't want to wait then we're just not on the same page and that's o.k., we'll both just K.I.M. No arguments, no compromise, that's where I am at this point in my life.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I don't even see it from what a man wants perspective, I see it from a self-protective this is what I want viewpoint. I don't care if a man don't want to wait, I'm waiting for various reasons, and if he can't then he needs to go, that's all. I'm not waiting to get him, I'm waiting because it means that much to me to wait and the man for me will believe I'm worthy of the wait. Preferably he will want to honor God and wait too. If he doesn't want to wait then we're just not on the same page and that's o.k., we'll both just K.I.M. No arguments, no compromise, that's where I am at this point in my life.

This.

I 100% understand that there is a double standard when it comes to sex and that it's a messed up copout if a man thinks it's is okay to just say "oh I got what I wanted, I'm bored. Ya gave it to me too fast." or that a man might leave even if he waits 10 years--I get all that. BUT. The message isn't offensive to me because it's not that anybody's justifying or disputing anything, it just is what it is. I think some women would want to hear this because they actually want to wait but they also want to have a relationship like everybody else and they don't know if it's possible.

Since I've been dating my SO I've heard 2 people--that don't know we've been celibate--say repeatedly about other people "she's not sexin that man. smh. He's gonna leave her." or "great h*ad is the key to get your man." Had I not known from my own personal experience and been relying on what I hear I would be misguided. No shade to these 2 women AT ALL but they also both tell me how they want a relationship. Now. I am not saying that those 2 things are correlated but I am saying that, as a person who hadn't dated much because of a relationship I had been in since basically childhood, had I been listening to them I would be confused. Gaskin's message might not necessarily be for those 2 women because how they feel is how they feel. It might not be for me because life has taught me that I disagree with them. But if I were on the fence and wasn't quite sure if I could risk losing somebody I thought cared about me; if I wasn't sure whether a man was right about his "needs" and I was wrong to not fulfill them, then this message would be helpful for me (and I also understand that women enjoy sex as much as men and don't want to wait --again, this is where I say that I guess the message is inapplicable).

Now, I do agree that if a grown man in real life that told me with the exact words "keep your legs closed" I would be ready to curse him out so I might not even get to the part of what he was saying that I found useful. lol

 

[tinkat]

Since I've been dating my SO I've heard 2 people--that don't know we've been celibate--say repeatedly about other people "she's not sexin that man. smh. He's gonna leave her." or "great h*ad is the key to get your man." Had I not known from my own personal experience and been relying on what I hear I would be misguided.

From his vids this is the point that I think he was trying to make. That you don't have to feel like you have to give it up to keep a man. I agree with LoveisYou also and I personally am doing celibacy for that. I know how I am and to avoid confusion and protecting self I am choosing to wait.

My mind is way more clear in general without sex although I miss it.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[FlyyBohemian]

i hate this blaming the woman phenomenon.

i completely agree with this.

Thank you. I for one have had a lot of men not pursue a relationship with me because I did not have sex with them and the most chaste women are usually overlooked. Holding out does not always give you the results he says they'll give you. Hold out for God and your personal convictions, because most men aren't worth holding out for.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

I'm having a problem with women listening to random guys like him and Steve Harvey like they have some special insight into relationships. All they have is special insight into how to get paid. All these generalizations about men and women are silly.

Steve Harvey yeah, but this Tony guy, I don't get a bad vibe from him. His views are true even though he puts a lot of accountability on the woman, but so do a lot of church men. I think pastors should put more emphasis on how men should treat us.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

This.

I 100% understand that there is a double standard when it comes to sex and that it's a messed up copout if a man thinks it's is okay to just say "oh I got what I wanted, I'm bored. Ya gave it to me too fast." or that a man might leave even if he waits 10 years--I get all that. BUT. The message isn't offensive to me because it's not that anybody's justifying or disputing anything, it just is what it is. I think some women would want to hear this because they actually want to wait but they also want to have a relationship like everybody else and they don't know if it's possible.

Since I've been dating my SO I've heard 2 people--that don't know we've been celibate--say repeatedly about other people "she's not sexin that man. smh. He's gonna leave her." or "great h*ad is the key to get your man." Had I not known from my own personal experience and been relying on what I hear I would be misguided. No shade to these 2 women AT ALL but they also both tell me how they want a relationship. Now. I am not saying that those 2 things are correlated but I am saying that, as a person who hadn't dated much because of a relationship I had been in since basically childhood, had I been listening to them I would be confused. Gaskin's message might not necessarily be for those 2 women because how they feel is how they feel. It might not be for me because life has taught me that I disagree with them. But if I were on the fence and wasn't quite sure if I could risk losing somebody I thought cared about me; if I wasn't sure whether a man was right about his "needs" and I was wrong to not fulfill them, then this message would be helpful for me (and I also understand that women enjoy sex as much as men and don't want to wait --again, this is where I say that I guess the message is inapplicable).

Now, I do agree that if a grown man in real life that told me with the exact words "keep your legs closed" I would be ready to curse him out so I might not even get to the part of what he was saying that I found useful. lol

Thank you for being real!