Can you really be committed if you're not married??

A

Aveena

New Member
.... seems like in the movies it is very romantic for a woman leave her groom at the alter :spinning: I know I know it's just the movies AND to add insult to injury the bride usually is running into the arms of another man.

very romantic huh? Which got me thinking...

Is there commitment and then "commitment"? Are you really committed if you ain't married yet... should you even try to be?

just wondering...
 
Hmmm, good question. I think commitment comes in levels-- just because you have a ring and you're engaged or married does not make the man or woman 'more' committed to the relationship. If you take your vows seriously, it SHOULD, but sometimes that's not the case.

Yes, it is worth trying to be committed because if you are both looking to be in a married union one day, the commitments that you show each other now will be reflected down the line in your marriage/relationship. For me it's like building a house on a solid foundation. If we start the relationship with ideas like 'well, since we're not married, commitment isn't that important,' then that sets a low standard, IMO.

I think two people have to be on the same page to show and reciprocate the same level of commitment.
 
I agree in not setting the bar to low but in agreeing to commit the only thing you can agree to is that the bond is as strong as both people participating. If one person wants out - that's the end of the commitment. No harm no fowl.

I was watching one of those romantic movies and I was like?! wth... in real life this would be drama! :grin:

In marriage people get 6 months separation.. etc.... to give people time accept it. being single there is no courtesy.. I guess I'm just ranting... :look:
 
Re: Can you really be committed if you're not married?
ans: YES
Commitment is in your heart not on a peice of paper.
 
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Women may think that but men who aren't married seem to not be as comitted as they should be if they were married
 
I can't tell you how many married men are dating or have gf's....I only wish that were the case. Check out some theads on here. I dated a guy only to find out he was engaged the entire 11 months we were dating. There's a recent post in here titled I found out my bf is married. If it aint in your heart then it doesn't matter.

Women may think that but men who aren't married seem to not be as comitted as they should be if they were married
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Golong said:
I can't tell you how many married me are dating or have gf's....I only wish that were the case. Check out some theads on here. If it aint in your heart then it doesn't matter.
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So true. I know as many married people who cheat as single ones who do. I'm hoping it's just this twisted life I see and that it's not really the case overall :ohwell:
 
I had a friend that loved women. He would be with women but not pratice monogamy. He thought once he became married than he would be able to faithful. I just feel like you should be doing that when you have a girlfriend. What is there a magic switch that you turn on because you are married that says you will not cheat.
 
Country gal said:
What is there a magic switch that you turn on because you are married that says you will not cheat.
Click to expand...

To answer your question Country gal, think it might the the exchange of vows.

Fran, this is an interesting question. How about you tell us what you've gone and done. We're all sisters her we won't chastise you.

As for being commited it's hard, there's temptation everywhere whether you're single or married. The key is restraint. It's in the heart and if it ain't there straying will come easy.
 
naijaGal said:
To answer your question Country gal, think it might the the exchange of vows.

Fran, this is an interesting question. How about you tell us what you've gone and done. We're all sisters her we won't chastise you.

As for being commited it's hard, there's temptation everywhere whether you're single or married. The key is restraint. It's in the heart and if it ain't there straying will come easy.
Click to expand...

Sorry to bump this old thread. I started this thread not so much because of what I've been through per se but just an overall feeling I've gotten recently about marriage and relationships. I think this like says alot of what I'm feeling.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dga18Th2wlY&mode=related&search=
 
So why is it that older people are always so quick to say:
"Aww you're young. You ain't married to nobody, go have fun" ?

I've heard this numerous times. It's almost like commitment is not for younger people.
 
audacious1 said:
So why is it that older people are always so quick to say:
"Aww you're young. You ain't married to nobody, go have fun" ?

I've heard this numerous times. It's almost like commitment is not for younger people.
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I think people say that because being a young adult is the perfect time to get to know yourself and what you like and dislike - and this discovery process can really be fun. :yep: So many times young people fall in love with people that in all honesty they don’t even like. Hind sight is 20/20 but you don’t want to give up years of your life to find this out. Especially, if you are not in a position to get married because you may find that you morphed into someone that YOU don’t even like! And will be stuck cleaning yourself up.

You know your parents rules and philosophies on things but now is your chance to get in touch with your own way of thinking/being given everything you've learned so far in life. love/marriage is about sacrifice which is why people put it off until they can afford the mental and financial capital to share with another.

I think commitments come in levels…. Like there are things you do for your boyfriend that you wouldn’t do for some random dude you met yesterday and then there are things you do for your husband that you would never do for a boyfriend because the level of commitment is proven and stronger.

I don’t think that this philosophy gives you a pass to disregard and disrespect people; that behavior is just ugly. I do believe in keeping things light and fluffy and just hanging out etc. The right guy will not let you slip by J
 
I didn't see the video, but I used to think so. Now, I think you can be sort of committed, but the kind of committment that means the most to me right now is marriage, and until that happens, I won't feel totally committed to anyone until I am married. This comes from giving waaayyy too much of myself to someone that I was sure was as committed to me as I was to him, that I thought I was marrying. In my behavior, I treated him like I would have treated my husband, but he wasn't my husband yet and didn't deserve that treatment. I will hold that attitude from now on.

Oh, and about cheating : I don't agree but some cheaters beleive that they are still deeply in love with their mates and truly "committed" just having sex.
 
Fran said:
I think people say that because being a young adult is the perfect time to get to know yourself and what you like and dislike - and this discovery process can really be fun. :yep: So many times young people fall in love with people that in all honesty they don’t even like. Hind sight is 20/20 but you don’t want to give up years of your life to find this out. Especially, if you are not in a position to get married because you may find that you morphed into someone that YOU don’t even like! And will be stuck cleaning yourself up.

You know your parents rules and philosophies on things but now is your chance to get in touch with your own way of thinking/being given everything you've learned so far in life. love/marriage is about sacrifice which is why people put it off until they can afford the mental and financial capital to share with another.

I think commitments come in levels…. Like there are things you do for your boyfriend that you wouldn’t do for some random dude you met yesterday and then there are things you do for your husband that you would never do for a boyfriend because the level of commitment is proven and stronger.

I don’t think that this philosophy gives you a pass to disregard and disrespect people; that behavior is just ugly. I do believe in keeping things light and fluffy and just hanging out etc. The right guy will not let you slip by J
Click to expand...

Thanks for the response. :)
 
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