Can you ask your man for financial assistance?

moda

moda

New Member
Would your man offer financial assistance without you needing to ask?

I was thinking about this because of the can this marriage work thread. This is more for the unmarried ladies or the married ladies before they said I do. I think there is a big misconception out there about a man's role in a relationship and I would like to see if others feel the same way.

I remember a friend of mine was about to be evicted and her boyfriend told her she should get a 2nd job to avoid this in the future. He did not offer any money or say she could stay with him :blush: he would have been an ex that moment but she stayed with him for like a year after that. Luckily she did not get evicted.

When I was dating my husband I went to PetSmart to buy some dog food. He called me and asked where I was and when I told him he literally starts screaming "I can't believe you did not ask me for help". I was dumbfounded and said "for what, the bag of dog food is not that heavy". He said "Ohhhh I thought you said CheckSmart" (a place that gives pay day loans) this was within a couple months of dating. When he started spending more time at my house he came to me and told me he felt like he should be helping me financially so he started paying my mortgage although he did not move in.

Now I am not saying that a man has to start paying your bills but if he cannot be there for you when you are at your worst he does not deserve you at your best.

Any other stories?
 
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Great great thread. I want a man that has no issues taking care of me and that's not to say that I'm unable to take care of myself.
 
FemmeFatale said:
Great great thread. I want a man that has no issues taking care of me and that's not to say that I'm unable to take care of myself.
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Exactly! I wish I would have been thinking like this when I first started dating. I wasted a lot of years with men who did not quite understand this concept and I was too busy being Miss Independent and proving I could do it all myself.

When I started dating my husband it was like a foreign concept to me that a man could help me even if I did not need it. I love my mother and she did well raising me, but some of the things she taught me screwed me in the dating game.
 
Actually now that I think about it, I titled the thread all wrong. It should really be "Will your man offer financial assistance without you needing to ask?"

IMO that is what sets a great man apart from an "acceptable" man. A great man will notice you are in need and offer help and an "acceptable" man will help if you ask.
 
I'll answer the question you meant to ask. Yes, he will offer if he noticed that I needed help. If I had to ask, he would gladly provide. What the heck is the purpose of having him around if he can't support/provide for me? (not saying that's the only reason of course, but I do believe it's one of the benefits of being in a relationship lol otherwise, you're pretty much deadweight.)
 
Absolutely! I wouldn't have it any other way.
However, in my very early twenties I briefly dated a guy like the one your friend dated. Noticed I wrote briefly. I ain't having that bull. Life's too hard and there are too many other options out there. If you feel my problems ARE my problems.....Cool! So is my kitty! Later!
 
Before we were engaged DH would leave me his car and his ATM card when he went away for work. He left the car because I didn't have one at the time. He left the bankcard so I could do transfers and pay bills for him, but when I asked he would help me. I always asked before I took money out of his account for me.
 
I've never been comfortable asking for assistance. I know that your partner shouldn't mind helping you when you need it but my dad was an "Indian giver" and that affected the way I view men and money. He would give you something and then take it back when we was mad so I just decided to never take anything so you can never ask for it back. I know I got to work on that one.
 
I lived with my parents for the first few months of us dating but he paid for the dates. After three or four months he got me a car b/c I was using my mom's spare and I didnt work. He went out of state for his job for 3 months and sent me half of every month's salary for my upkeep and to decorate his house. I moved in with him around the 7th month and married 8th month but when I moved in I didnt ask for money bc we got a joint account. I dont think I ever asked for money, we sort of dated with the assumption of marriage in the near future and sharing of income I guess.

Sent from my Samsung Charge
 
My last boyfriend took really good care of me, I never wanted for anything. I all ways tried to show him and tell him how much I appreciated it. He would be at work and stop by and carry my laundry upstairs (3 flights) I could fill this thread up about all the good things he did that no one had ever done for me. I really have a gauge on what kind of treatment I expect from my husband.
 
babyu21 said:
I've never been comfortable asking for assistance. I know that your partner shouldn't mind helping you when you need it but my dad was an "Indian giver" and that affected the way I view men and money. He would give you something and then take it back when we was mad so I just decided to never take anything so you can never ask for it back. I know I got to work on that one.
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He wanted to pay the tuition I owed northwestern but I felt like it would be making me a gold digger but but in hindsight I should have took it and trusted in myself that I could pass the CPA which all he wanted to do is help me which would have helped us in the long run.
 
I'm answering the "would your man offer assistance" question.

I'm currently single but my last bf wouldn't. We broke up after like 2 mths because I thought that he could've been treating me better.

My bf before would. We were together for more or less 4 years and though I was never in a situation where I needed extra cash. He'd pick up the bills, ask if I needed things etc. Actually my bf before him would as well. When I told him that we couldn't get married b/c I was still in school he was a bit indignant, he was like "Of course I'd take care of us and pay for your schooling."

The next guy I'm with will have to know that as a role of a man he'd have to make some effort to take care of me especially if marriage is in the cards. That's why I had to break up with the first guy I mentioned. If he couldn't ensure that I'm ok as a bf I wouldn't expect things to change if he were to be my husband.
 
Re: Would your man offer financial assistance without you needing to ask?

moda said:
When I was dating my husband I went to PetSmart to buy some dog food. He called me and asked where I was and when I told him he literally starts screaming "I can't believe you did not ask me for help". I was dumbfounded and said "for what, the bag of dog food is not that heavy". He said "Ohhhh I thought you said CheckSmart" (a place that gives pay day loans) this was within a couple months of dating. When he started spending more time at my house he came to me and told me he felt like he should be helping me financially so he started paying my mortgage although he did not move in.
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I like how your husband thinks :yep:
 
My man rocks! He really takes his role as provider very seriously. He even cooks for me and freezes food so I don't have to cook (not that I really can anyway, LOL) when he is away. We always laugh that when we have kids he needs to get ready for his trip 2 days in advance, so that he can cook all of our meals before he goes.

Within weeks of dating he had me open up an account so that he could deposit money for me when he was away. If I need something, he will do his best to provide the funds for me to get what I need/want. He even takes care of my dog. He asked me when the last time Zippy was seen by the vet and had me set up an appointment so he could get checked out. He is the sort of man that believes in making sure his woman is good first, then focuses on himself second.

The best part of all is that he truly enjoys being there for me, whatever way he can.
 
my mother and i just had a discussion about this and i am still having a hard time asking for money, even though my friend has offered to help me out in any way.
 
Oh yeah every boyfriend I had in the last ten years hated my cat not him he also had a cat. He made sure he all ways had food and litter and picked him up a food storage container
 
babyu21 said:
I've never been comfortable asking for assistance. I know that your partner shouldn't mind helping you when you need it but my dad was an "Indian giver" and that affected the way I view men and money. He would give you something and then take it back when we was mad so I just decided to never take anything so you can never ask for it back. I know I got to work on that one.
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I've had similar experiences. I hope I'll be able to accept help from the right man though.

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My exfiance did. I didn't have heat in my car, when he came to town he gave me money to get my car fix. Whenever I did travel to see him (LDR), he took me grocery shopping before I returned home, he also did it when he came to see me or he just gave me cash to get groceries. He gave me money to get my eyebrows and toes done. Even though I was getting them done before we got together. Whenever I would purchase a gift for him, I would find money in my house in strange places after he left. He told me I didn't have to spend money on him, he didn't like that.
 
I'm in a relationship and my BF is doing this for me now because I'm transitioning and relocating (permanently) to another state. So, yes to answer the question. Honestly, I haven't had any problems with any past BF's in this regard. I actually expect it if I really need it. Otherwise, like Ediese said, he's just dead weight.
 
My FH is a great provider. He always says that he provides and I manage. He jokingly calls me "El jefe".
 
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