Bridesmaid Dilemma

[LaBelleLL]

I don't think being offended that a bride retracted her bridesmaid invitation means that the offended person is not a real friend. In the grand scheme of things, taking back an invitation 9 out of 10 times is considered to be rude. That's basic etiquette. LOL.

On another note, I would talk to your family off line OP and seek their opinion. No offense, but a lot of the women on here readily admit that they do not have a lot of friends, are quick to cut folks off and are very introverted, so opinions may be skewed.

I don't think this thread is about friends getting offended and that being wrong. OP sounds like she is prepared to deal with whatever emotions or reactions her friends may have once she tells them she is cutting down her numbers. In fact, OP is nervous about it so it shows that she is aware of that possibility.

No comment on bringing in what women have said in other threads here when OP is specifically seeking out advice from the board.

 

[Menina Preta]

I don't think this thread is about friends getting offended and that being wrong. OP sounds like she is prepared to deal with whatever emotions or reactions her friends may have once she tells them she is cutting down her numbers. In fact, OP is nervous about it so it shows that she is aware of that possibility.

No comment on bringing in what women have said in other threads here when OP is specifically seeking out advice from the board.

I based my initial response on how I would imagine my best girl friends would feel. As the thread progressed, it seems like OP is not really that close to those women. I did bring it up b/c I do think people need to take advice received here with several grains of salt based on what people have shared here when it comes to friendships.

Good luck OP and good luck with the rest of your wedding planning!

 

[LaBelleLL]

^^^ It is if they are willing to ruin a friendship based on a change in wedding plans and the rudeness it caused.

Yeah with true friends - if they were offended and felt hurt - everyone would talk about it etc. But the friendship should not have to end. Shouldn't even be on the table. Not true friends - then yes - all kinds of tomfoolery.

This happened to me but in the reverse. A "friend" basically dropped me after I withdrew from the bridal party. She was having a destination wedding and it was during my first year of law school. I had no money and it didn't feel right to ask my parents to finance the trip. Mind you, the hotel stay was $350/night - just to give you an idea of one of the expenses.

I told her in time that I couldn't go and why. She said ok. I went to every other event to the lead up. She dropped myself and the other women who couldn't afford to go lol (one was a PhD student). This all happened Bc to be frank - she wasnt a true friend. And I think I was a filler lol.

 

[justNikki]

If a friendship ends because the bride changed her mind about the number of bridesmaids, I would say that doesn't sound like a close enough friend to share in such a special day anyway.

IJS

 

[tru4reele]

I think it's rude to retract an invite, even an informal one. But who cares, people do rude things all the time lol.

It probably is rude. But it's more rude for people to ASK to be a bridesmaid. Let the bride invite you. They know exactly what they be doing by putting you on the spot.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Lol I would be relieved if you to,d me I didn't have to be a bridesmaid. Dresses makeup and hair are high!

 

[sj10460]

I would be pissed if one of my best friends did this. I don't think it's a good idea, especially if they've been supportive of your relationship.

 

[silverbuttons]

At the end of the day.... do you, boo. You're going to have a life after your wedding day and that might include new friends. It is what it is.

If you're fine with that, then I would recommend a face to face conversation. Be direct and as smooth as possible.

 

[ATLcutey20]

I would be relieved to not be a bridesmaid. I don't think its rude either. Things change when you're planning a big event. Its not like they've bought their dresses yet. Do what's best for you.

 

[mrselle]

If you're concerned about their feelings being hurt or want to soften the blow, perhaps you could give them a smaller role. Program attendant, gift attendant, someone to pass out bubbles or rice, candle lighter, etc... The good thing is that if one of them chooses to not do it or backs out at the last minute the role can easily be filled by someone else.

 

[PrissiSippi]

If you're concerned about their feelings being hurt or want to soften the blow, perhaps you could give them a smaller role. Program attendant, gift attendant, someone to pass out bubbles or rice, candle lighter, etc... The good thing is that if one of them chooses to not do it or backs out at the last minute the role can easily be filled by someone else.

I thought she was getting married in a small courthouse setting. She wouldn't need or have all that. I don't see the big deal. Maybe so if it were a big wedding because people get embarrassed when u post pics on social media and people come to you like I thought you and such and such were close why weren't you in the wedding. Other than that....it would be no big deal to me.

 

[natural2008]

Your wedding do whatcha want. Congratulations OP.

 

[londontresses]

I'd just tell them OP. You've scaled down the wedding and you're going with 3 instead of 6. It doesn't sound like you guys are that close anymore and I'm sure they've noticed too. I'd be relieved I don't have to spend all that money on the wedding of someone I hardly chat to anymore.

Congrats!! I hope you enjoy the rest of the planning and your big day

 

[Saga]

To be honest, I've already made up my mind that I'm gonna cut down to 3 bridesmaids. I'm not looking for advice on whether or not I should do it. I know it can be perceived as rude and awkward no matter how I try and word it, which is why I made this thread asking for various ways I can soften the blow and let them know in the least offensive way as possible. I've got some good ideas from this thread.

I said that I'm warming up to the idea of this wedding and I've realised the reason for this is because I'm finally doing things the way I want to do them. Before, I was all about pleasing everyone but myself, worrying about who to invite etc, and it meant that I was literally dreading my own wedding. Now I've decided to make decisions that make me and my FH happy and I feel a lot more positive about the wedding.

Exactly. Your wedding shouldn't be about trying to make sure every single solitary person feel included at your own expense, it should be as stress free and affordable as you can possibly make it. I've had to un-invite people to an event once, and yes it is disappointing and uncomfortable for both parties but I prefaced it by saying "It was unanticipated and I really wish you could be there, however blahblahblah" We are all still cool.

 

[Keen]

I would be relieved to not be a bridesmaid.

Me too. I don't mind being a bridesmaid but I would not be offended if I had not purchase my dress. As a matter of fact, I've been getting out of bridesmaid duty by offering to be a hostess. I was going to hep anyway...

I know people who beg brides to let them be bridesmaid.

 

[Daughter]

Me too. I don't mind being a bridesmaid but I would not be offended if I had not purchase my dress. As a matter of fact, I've been getting out of bridesmaid duty by offering to be a hostess. I was going to hep anyway...

I know people who beg brides to let them be bridesmaid.[/QUOTE]

Someone tried to invite themselves to my wedding. I also know of someone else who tried to get someone to make them a godmother to their baby, lol. People are bold!

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Congratulations!
It's your wedding. If they take it personally they're focused on the wrong thing, themselves.

 

[MizAvalon]

Just tell them, just like you told us. You changed your mind about what you wanted, it's not some sort of personal slight against them. I can see why friendships end over weddings. Women getting all up in their feelings over decisions that have nothing to do with them.

 

[MizAvalon]

I know people who beg brides to let them be bridesmaid.

I knew someone like this. She begged to be a bridesmaid SO bad and the bride finally broke down and said ok. She thought it meant that she won some sort of popularity contest and that it was all going to be fun and games. NOPE. She learned quick that being a bridesmaid is a lot of work and it's very expensive.

Once she saw all of those dollar signs add up when she learned that she was expected to pay for her dress, shoes, hair, makeup, and contribute money towards the bridal shower and bachelorette party, she backed out. It was the funniest thing ever. She literally had no clue that all that was involved.