Yesterday I had lunch with a Director from my job. Background: He is very attractive, very intelligent, and very charming. Although he is married, he used to cheat on his wife on the regular with random women.
I began lamenting about my current situation and how I always seem to go back and forth with the man mentioned in the OP.
He asked me about the things I like and dislike about him, so I spill the beans. He says, "So let me reiterate what you said to me. You like that he is attractive, successful, and you have fun when you're hanging out. What you don't like about him is that he's rarely affectionate, sleeps with other women, doesn't call you often, and doesn't include you in his weekend plans."
At this point I'm feeling like Boo-Boo the Fool! The Cons clearly outweighed the pros, and the pros were miniscule and could be found in many other people.
He tells me that most single men have women on the side based on certain physical characteristics. They have Girl1 for the big boobs...Girl2 for the nice butt...Girl3 who likes to go downtown...Girl4 has nice long legs. Depending on what they desire that specific day, that's who they'll contact. If that first choice is not available, they'll go down the list. At that point, I was sitting at the table with my mouth wide open. Call me naive.
I began to tell him how I've broken it off and then go right back to him.I said, "Sometimes I feel like I've already re-lapsed, so what's the point of breaking it off again? It's too late. I never thought I'd be this weak and allow someone to treat me this way."
He said, "If you fall in the mud, does that mean you have to stay in the mud? No! My mom always told me that there's a diffence between committing a sin and living in sin. Pick yourself up, forgive yourself and then continue to move on"
He also said, "It's funny how we can't change other people. Yet, he's changing you. He's changing you, but you're not changing him."
I sat on that comment for a while and I felt like I had a moment of clarity.
I wanted to believe that I was special to this man, but I was only fooling myself...and I didn't need to waste anymore time trying to prove that I was worthy.
I left the lunch feeling sad for all that I'd been through...and angry at myself for allowing it to happen.
But I'm allowed to a start new beginning, and it began when I got up from that lunch table.
erplexed Ugh, growing pains.
