bf molested daughter fo 5 years

[Ayesha81]

Hi ladies

My close cousin found out her boyfriend of was molesting her daughter at 6yrs old to her now age 11 years old. The two rape incidents happened recently the other incidents were sex abuse. Her daughter told some of her friends at school and someone called CPS in June. Her bf was indicted on 17 counts of child molestation. He is currently in jail awaiting trial. When this happened she was 7 months pregnant with his baby she gave birth in August. She has 3 daughters who are not his children.

He calls her crying everyday he denies it. He will not talk about it. He reads bible scriptures over the phone. She knows in her heart she did it. I keep telling her to not deal with him anymore stop taking his calls and dont go see him in jail. What does she do? She goes with the new born baby( his son) to see him.

I am really hurting for my cousin. I do feel bad sometimes that I might be to harsh with her about ending all contact with him. I just want her to move on with her life.

Any advice on how to get thru to her without offending her or sounding judgmental? Thanks.

 

[VivaMac]

You have been more restrained than I would be, in fact i am wondering if your cousin is brain dead. What is with these women who put men before their children and allow these no good SOBs around their daughters?

She needs a swift kick in her behind. OAN, this post has ruined my night. BTW, I would not worry about being judgemental or offending he,r someone needs to advocate for this little girl, clearly her mother is too stupid and dickmatized to do it for her.

 

[weaveadiva]

Goodness. I'm sorry to hear this, OP. If I were the abused daughter I would feel all kinds of s---ty knowing my mama was still dealing with him.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I have no advice but this happened to someone I know, with her step daughter. Her husband had two kids when they met. I posted about it here before. The step-daughter and her biological mom were pregnant at the same time by mom's boyfriend. Mom took the boyfriends side and didn't believe the daughter. He threatened to rape the young daughter to get the older one to submit (around 14 at the time). He molested her for a couple of years before she got pregnant and had to tell. Eventually mom did believe her (DNA test I suspect). At first they were calling her "fast" and presuming she was having sex with someone at school or in the neighborhood.

The guy was arrested but in the the daughter would not testify against him. He did go to prison but I'm not sure how much time he got.

She had a second baby by some boy in school by the time they got her into therapy (and they did family therapy). She moved in with her dad and step-mom after all of that happened, before baby #2.

She has to be 18 or close to it by now and she seems to be adjusting but she was never close to her mom again after that.

 

[VivaMac]

I have no advice but this happened to someone I know, with her step daughter. Her husband had two kids when they met. I posted about it here before. The step-daughter and her biological mom were pregnant at the same time by mom's boyfriend. Mom took the boyfriends side and didn't believe the daughter. He threatened to rape the young daughter to get the older one to submit (around 14 at the time). He molested her for a couple of years before she got pregnant and had to tell. Eventually mom did believe her (DNA test I suspect). At first they were calling her "fast" and presuming she was having sex with someone at school or in the neighborhood.

The guy was arrested but in the the daughter would not testify against him. He did go to prison but I'm not sure how much time he got.

She had a second baby by some boy in school by the time they got her into therapy (and they did family therapy). She moved in with her dad and step-mom after all of that happened, before baby #2.

She has to be 18 or close to it by now and she seems to be adjusting but she was never close to her mom again after that.

How could she be? Poor Girl.

 

[frida1980]

I wish I could give you the advice that she, and millions of others like her need to snap out of it. Unfortunately, I have a cousin who's stuck on POS guy, who she follows loyally as a dog. It's a sickening situation, because these women are clearly willing to risk the welfare of their own sons and daughters just to have a "man."

I have no idea what to do about your cousin, but daughter should be your first priority. She was sexually molested and raped for five (5!!!) years! She's going to need major therapy and lots of support from her family. See if she can stay with anyone else, in a safer more secure environment. Offer to take her to therapy, spend a lot of time with her. She needs to bond with someone because she obviously didn't feel like she could trust any adult around her to tell this secret. That is the saddest part of the story. Right now, she needs a stable trustworthy adults around her. She'll also need to be around trustworthy men, so that her trust in men isn't completely destroyed.

Furthermore, I strongly think that her mother isn't capable of caring for her properly if she continues to meet with this man. If she has three other daughters, get them tested to see if they've been molested too. Molesters will target more than one daughter, if they can.

As for your cousin, she probably needs to have her kids taken away. That is harsh. But a person that would have continual contact with a man that her own daughter says not only molested her but raped her, is not playing with a full deck. She needs some intense therapy. Maybe after her children are taken, she'll realize that she needs to put them first. However, it's not her that I'm worried about. It's her daughters and the next molester she brings into her house after this one.

Focus on the kids, OP. They're the only ones that matter at this point.

 

[FelaShrine]

No offence but she's disgusting

Instead of choking out the dude that hurt her daughjter, she's busy playing family visiting time with this nmonster

How is her daughter supposed to feel? Just ugh

 

[littlegoldmittens]

I've never understood the mentality to stick by your man no matter what, but then again I'm not a "ride or die" and never could be..I'd leave in a heartbeat. But this is not about me.

I really have no advice, I'm at a loss.

 

[FlowerHair]

Honestly I don't think there's any way to get through to her... People like that put everyone before their own flesh and blood, even someone who hurt her daughter as much as he did.

Some women are desperate for a man and will take any kind of abuse to keep one in their life. I would perhaps tell her that "someone" might call CPS if she continues to have contact with this man.

 

[awhyley]

Why is she taking his calls? After finding all that out, my child would be fatherless.

 

[SimplyBlessed]

Lawd this is a situation right here...

Ugh I'm sorry but ur cousin smh

I would think she is being supportive of his behavior by going to see him therefore is just as guilty as he is

The girl needs to be taken out of her care. Can u imagine the betrayal her daughter feels? Please please get that little girl to therapy, talk to her, spend time with her. She was crying out for help n her own momma is basically turning her back on her.

I wouldn't be allowed to go visit him bc I would probably be in there with him for attempted murder

 

[Tamrin]

Im so disgusted by this situation. Her daughter is a victim and she is further victimizing this poor baby by visiting this man in prison and taking his calls. Some people do not deserve to have children.

 

[Ayesha81]

CPS did take her kids away on the same day they issued a warrant for his arrest. Its about 2 months now and she has not gotten her kids back yet.

As for your cousin, she probably needs to have her kids taken away. That is harsh. But a person that would have continual contact with a man that her own daughter says not only molested her but raped her, is not playing with a full deck. She needs some intense therapy. Maybe after her children are taken, she'll realize that she needs to put them first. However, it's not her that I'm worried about. It's her daughters and the next molester she brings into her house after this one.

Focus on the kids, OP. They're the only ones that matter at this point.

 

[LunadeMiel]

CPS did take her kids away on the same day they issued a warrant for his arrest. Its about 2 months now and she has not gotten her kids back yet.

Good, someone as horrible as she is doesn't deserve to have those children. I hope a deserving parents get to show those children the love that they deserve.

 

[spelmanlocks]

I would curse my cousin out so bad. I'm glad CPS took her kids. One of my cousins is a convicted child molester and he married a woman with two young kids, a son and a daughter. This woman let's my cousin watch her daughter alone and I just don't get how she can trust him. I know women in their 30s who are still messed up from being molested so your cousin's daughter has a long road ahead of her.

 

[frida1980]

CPS did take her kids away on the same day they issued a warrant for his arrest. Its about 2 months now and she has not gotten her kids back yet.

She's never going to unless she can show she's changed. It's for the best. They'll come for the baby if she keeps this mess up.

So were the girls put with a relative or strangers? Can you visit them? Help them out as much as you can. They need it.

 

[Highly Favored8]

I am so sorry OP.

 

[vevster]

I have nothing to add. The situation is messy.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Save your sympathy for your cousin's daughters. Make sure where ever they were placed is safe for them and let them know that you are there for them. Your grown cousin has made a choice - let her live with the consequences. Your younger cousins (especially the one that was raped) did not and needs you more.

 

[FelaShrine]

I would curse my cousin out so bad. I'm glad CPS took her kids. One of my cousins is a convicted child molester and he married a woman with two young kids, a son and a daughter. This woman let's my cousin watch her daughter alone and I just don't get how she can trust him. I know women in their 30s who are still messed up from being molested so your cousin's daughter has a long road ahead of her.

You should have reported your cousin

is he wife aware of this?

 

[FelaShrine]

CPS did take her kids away on the same day they issued a warrant for his arrest. Its about 2 months now and she has not gotten her kids back yet.

Have you gone to check up on the kids? Do you know where they are

 

[spelmanlocks]

You should have reported your cousin

is he wife aware of this?

He already spent ten years in jail for rape and child molestation, and is on probabtion. Yeah she knows his history, she still married him.

 

[Ayesha81]

I have not seen them. They are at a foster home now they are all in therapy 3x a week thats when she gets to see them.

Have you gone to check up on the kids? Do you know where they are

 

[Ganjababy]

I hope CPS also take her baby when it is born.

 

[Ayesha81]

^^She had her baby in August. She is a good mother she treats her kids well its her babys father that messed up.

 

[faithVA]

I'm sorry but a good mother does not go chasing after the daddy that molests your child. A good mother would be hurt so deeply that she wouldn't even consider it. If she is going to see the father of her child, there is a great possibility that she would let him back in the home when he got out.

She needs to get some help.

 

[FelaShrine]

^^She had her baby in August. She is a good mother she treats her kids well its her babys father that messed up.

She's not a good mother. Stop defending your cousin's nonsense

Instead of making excuses for her behavior to us, how about visiting her daughter who was thrown in foster care because of her selfish mother's negligence.

 

[goingBack2black]

^^She had her baby in August. She is a good mother she treats her kids well its her babys father that messed up.

I take care of children who are in treatment centers like this and a handful of them repeat what happened to them to some innocent child, so the cycle continues.

I want you to put yourself in the SAME situation as your cousin and honestly think good and hard about this.

If your child was molested, sodomized, taken advantage of and abused at the hands of someone you trusted and who utterly betrayed you and innocent children's lives, would you still stay in contact with this person??? Honestly.

 

[RUBY]

^^^i agree with faithVA.

OP your cousin isn't a good mother, a good mother protects her children and wouldn't be doing what she is doing right now.

 

[Ayesha81]

No I would not stay in contact with him at all. I told her to forget him. She is confused and hurt. She wants to know why he did it. He will not give her an answer.

I want you to put yourself in the SAME situation as your cousin and honestly think good and hard about this.

If your child was molested, sodomized, taken advantage of and abused at the hands of someone you trusted and who utterly betrayed you and innocent children's lives, would you still stay in contact with this person??? Honestly.