Becoming the OTHER Woman...

[Syrah]

Alright, I'ma put my business out there. I have an innocent crush on a guy I work with, whom I know has a girlfriend - a serious girlfriend.

Some details:
- I call it innocent because I would never act on it.
- I call it a crush because that's just what it is. He's witty and funny and we're basically just straight up goofy and silly when we're around each other. And I like being around him.

But here's the problem: We travel for work - all of us. We all live different places (actually he and I live on opposite costs - he on the east, me on the west) and meet in a third place - it's a group of 10 of us. We stay in the same hotel together. We eat together (sometimes - which gets old). We go out together.

And I never really thought anything of it until a third party came up to me one day after he stopped by in my office to ask me some work related stuff and she was like "I think he's into you" which caught me totally off guard.

So here's my question - at what point does it cross the line from harmless flirting to it becoming the other woman?! I know I'm not at that point - but it wouldn't take much.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Harmless flirting, which skirts at inappropriateness already, primes you to be gradually warmed to become the other woman.

When you start consciously and purposely putting yourself in inappropriate situations, you then start to become the other woman, especially when you know you like him.

 

[Evolving78]

there is no such thing as harmless flirting. Flirting can open doors that need to stay glued shut!

 

[Highly Favored8]

WOW, Good and interesting post. If this dude has a "serious girlfriend" and you both have innocent fun like joke around. Then another co-worker notices that he maybe into or is in to you. Yes, you are becoming the "other women". No, let me take that back you become the other women when you both cross that boundry line. Now if he is no longer with the "serious girlfriend" then he starts dating you then you will just be the "rebound woman" Set up your boundries.

 

[2buttonsnow3]

Harmless flirting, which skirts at inappropriateness already, primes you to be gradually warmed to become the other woman.

When you start consciously and purposely putting yourself in inappropriate situations, you then start to become the other woman, especially when you know you like him.

I agree.............

 

[foxxymami]

IDK....it seems like Ms. Third Party is trying to instigate **** erplexed

How did "I think he's into you" come up anyway?

 

[Keen]

You have cross the line when you and him are doing things or flirting in such a way you would not want your man to act with another woman. This line is different for each individual.

 

[Laginappe]

Harmless flirting, which skirts at inappropriateness already, primes you to be gradually warmed to become the other woman.

When you start consciously and purposely putting yourself in inappropriate situations, you then start to become the other woman, especially when you know you like him.

I agree.

But I'll add that if you know he's in a relationship and still decide to flirt - then that's not harmless. That's predatory and pushes you to the front of the Other Woman line.

 

[kweenameena]

I agree.

But I'll add that if you know he's in a relationship and still decide to flirt - then that's not harmless. That's predatory and pushes you to the front of the Other Woman line.

ditto!!!!!!!!!

 

[DarkVictory]

Some details:
- I call it innocent because I would never act on it.

So here's my question - at what point does it cross the line from harmless flirting to it becoming the other woman?! I know I'm not at that point - but it wouldn't take much.[/quote]

IMO the fact that you are wondering about it means you have crossed the line.

 

[Moonxyz]

you guys are in the initial stage of emotional involvement .

So IMo its already charting.

And not its not innocent since you have feelings for him.
Its going to go downhill form now unless you become completely cold and just limit your interaction to hi and bye.

 

[vestaluv1]

Harmless flirting, which skirts at inappropriateness already, primes you to be gradually warmed to become the other woman.

When you start consciously and purposely putting yourself in inappropriate situations, you then start to become the other woman, especially when you know you like him.

there is no such thing as harmless flirting. Flirting can open doors that need to stay glued shut!

But I'll add that if you know he's in a relationship and still decide to flirt - then that's not harmless. That's predatory and pushes you to the front of the Other Woman line.

AGREE, AGREE, AGREE.

Shut it down, lock it off, stop it now. When I find out that a guy is 'attached', but he's still trying to flirt with me it kinda puts me off him anyway because it just means he ain't got no integrity or enough respect for his woman...very off putting (for me anyway) ...don't know why that is.

 

[Syrah]

So here's my question - at what point does it cross the line from harmless flirting to it becoming the other woman?! I know I'm not at that point - but it wouldn't take much.

IMO the fact that you are wondering about it means you have crossed the line.[/quote]

Part of the problem that makes me ask the question is the CIRCUMSTANCES. And I'm just being honest - if the tables were turned and I was girlfriend at home with my man 2,000 miles away, EVERY WEEK, in a hotel with 10 other people - one of whom he spends more time with than others, I'd be concerned.

Is there something to be concerned about? I dunno - cuz I wouldn't act on it and I don't think he would either (and its got nothing to do with being "of good moral fiber" - I just believe Karma is a you-know-what and it's not worth it).

 

[fuchsiastar]

Whew girl, thats a tough one. Theres a reason why consultants get into relationships with each other and get married....quiet as it's kept...but you've got to put up some limits. I can say I have experienced this, but I've been the one in the long distance relationship, and I've generally been the one to put the boundary up. Once dinner is over, I'm off to the hotel and not logging onto IM, etc....no drinks in the hotel lobby...keep things as professional as you can in your situation.

Oh, and you know that thing we do when we talk about cities that we are gonna visit, and he invites you to hang out for a weekend on his coast....don't do it...don't ask me how I know

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Okay, now I have to add...

You must also clarify the difference between joking and harmless flirting.

When I was younger there were people at jobs who had real SOs, but had a "play" GF at work and stuff. It was all platonic jokes in the end, and for the MOST part, nobody disrespected. But playtime can prime for more BS.

 

[syze6]

IMO the fact that you are wondering about it means you have crossed the line.

Part of the problem that makes me ask the question is the CIRCUMSTANCES. And I'm just being honest - if the tables were turned and I was girlfriend at home with my man 2,000 miles away, EVERY WEEK, in a hotel with 10 other people - one of whom he spends more time with than others, I'd be concerned.

Is there something to be concerned about? I dunno - cuz I wouldn't act on it and I don't think he would either (and its got nothing to do with being "of good moral fiber" - I just believe Karma is a you-know-what and it's not worth it).[/QUOTE]

Many people entertain the thought and say they won't act on it. I think the danger is in entertaining the thought too often and too long. Many times our thoughts become our actions, especially if we're put in certain situations. You may not have any intentions but being repeatedly put in the company of him and already enjoying his company, put you on a road to acting upon it. I limit my interactions with attached men. I don't treat them like the plauque but I don't engage in harmless flirting. I don't engage in conversations that suggest any type of hooking up tones. It's hard for me to find anything likeable enough about an attached man, that would stir feelings in me.