Beautiful But Socially Awkward

[Blessed&higlyflavoured]

So...

I didn't know whether to post this in here or in the Career Advancement forum. A Friend/ex-work colleague told me that while I'm lovely to look at I am, in fact awkward. She went on to inform me that on two separate occasions someone at work was interested in me and I had no clue, missing all the social cues. It had me looking back with fresh eyes.

I've just started a new job. The talent romantically and professionally is at a much higher standard. I'm approaching 30. I don't want to miss out on any opportunities.

Stories , Tips and Tricks would be appreciated

 

[awhyley]

I'm curious as to what the clues were? Did they ask you out for coffee?

 

[bellatiamarie]

Tip #1.... don’t date people that you work with.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

It's not a good idea to date a Co-worker. Keep being oblivious.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I agree about not dating coworkers. Regarding the socially awkwardness, what helped me is confidence. I still say/do weird stuff, but I embrace it. From the responses I get people seem to enjoy how I express myself.

I believe my awkwardness came from being in my head alot. Overthinking every little move I made. So I stopped judging how I operate over all. So what I think alot?

You have a job and seem to be doing well in that area. So my advice to you is to stop trying to conform, and own your differences.

Also as far as "social cues " go it helps to be more of a listener than a talker. If you remain receptive during communication is give 100% of your attn, you are able to respond better.

 

[Blessed&higlyflavoured]

I'm curious as to what the clues were? Did they ask you out for coffee?

Coffee, Lunch, their treat.
Or stay late and help with work.

@bellatiamarie and @FoxxyLocs I agree 100%, I don't even think I would have necessarily admitted to knowing what was going on but its good to be aware of all your resources.

I'm working on my confidence. It's better than it was but it's kind of sometime-ish . The ultimate for me would be feeling comfortable in all spaces all the time

 

[Saludable84]

It doesnt sound like youre awkward, I think maybe you arent approachable and should just probably work on being approached. So, likely softening your appearance for approach. Practice, but dont make them a goal.

 

[Ganjababy]

I don’t understand why anyone would encourage you to date people from your workplace. It can get even more awkward or ugly if things do not work out...

 

[awhyley]

Coffee, Lunch, their treat.
Or stay late and help with work.

I don't see those as proper cues, and I agree with the others who stated that love at the office is a minefield.

 

[Evolving78]

I don’t understand why anyone would encourage you to date people from your workplace. It can get even more awkward or ugly if things do not work out...

It’s a setup and she just started. Stay awkward OP, at least at work and with coworkers.

 

[Mai Tai]

Who cares what your ex-coworker thinks though? Was this advice unsolicited?

Any guy who is truly interested will make his intent KNOWN. Weak invites for coffee or lunch are typical amongst plutonic professional relationships so I can see why you wouldn't have picked up on that, and a male coworker asking you to work late with him is an invite to his penis soooooooo.....

Dating coworkers is a HUGE no no but even then, if you are a little awkward, what's wrong with that? Work on your confidence girl because your ex-colleague's opinion would not have you thinking this deep about your personality when you know who you are.

 

[Silkycoils]

I'm a bit awkward at times, but I love it . . .it can be endearing.

I laugh at myself often in my recollection of my gaffes.

Oh, I dated a co-worker once . . .it didn't end well.

 

[kupenda]

Nothing new to add. If they wanted you (and were worthy) they would have out right said it. Who wants a man that’s too shy to say he likes you? Does he just suffer when the waitress brings him the wrong food? What if he gets foxed at the gas pump, does he just take his L and keep it moving? Just say no to scary men. Especially at work. Stay awkward tho. That ish is cute. Ask me how I know

 

[God_Favor]

Who asked her?

 

[Maracujá]

Tip #1.... don’t date people that you work with.

Twenty years strong

 

[Lylddlebit]

*********poof***********

 

[ava2]

When you say you’re awkward, Can you describe what you mean?

 

[Ganjababy]

*******

***fixed some typos

i enjoyed your post immensely

 

[Blessed&higlyflavoured]

When you say you’re awkward, Can you describe what you mean?

Maybe I'm not awkward
I'm thinking of rebranding according to what @Lylddlebit said in her post "my natural manner has standards built in"

Lol....
Small talk is really difficult. It's not that I don't know how to do it, or even that it's important when joining a new place as a means to introduce yourself to people. It's just hard work.
I prefer one on one, but I'm not the best at making the effort to introduce myself to people.
I'm great at remembering conversations, which sometimes gives people the heeby jeebies because I'll remember who what why when and how

I also find it really difficult being forthcoming about myself (I don't think this is necessarily had a bad results overall but I'm aware there's a happy medium between being able to be forthcoming and actually being foolish enough to tell everyone your business)

I don't know how that comes across but the advice here has been super helpful. Especially Ms. Lyddlebits.
But I know some of my personality traits are going to hold me back in a professional sense. So I'm examining them.

 

[Blessed&higlyflavoured]

Who asked her?

We're good professional friends. So I don't mind the feedback.

 

[quirkydimples]

Maybe I'm not awkward
I'm thinking of rebranding according to what @Lylddlebit said in her post "my natural manner has standards built in"

Lol....
Small talk is really difficult. It's not that I don't know how to do it, or even that it's important when joining a new place as a means to introduce yourself to people. It's just hard work.
I prefer one on one, but I'm not the best at making the effort to introduce myself to people.
I'm great at remembering conversations, which sometimes gives people the heeby jeebies because I'll remember who what why when and how

I also find it really difficult being forthcoming about myself (I don't think this is necessarily had a bad results overall but I'm aware there's a happy medium between being able to be forthcoming and actually being foolish enough to tell everyone your business)

I don't know how that comes across but the advice here has been super helpful. Especially Ms. Lyddlebits.
But I know some of my personality traits are going to hold me back in a professional sense. So I'm examining them.

You don’t sound awkward; you sound like an introvert - which is not a bad thing. If you know how to be situationally extroverted, it won’t hold you back in your career and is actually an asset.

 

[lavaflow99]

You don’t sound awkward; you sound like an introvert - which is not a bad thing. If you know how to be situationally extroverted, it won’t hold you back in your career and is actually an asset.

That's exactly what I thought. An introvert is a wonderful thing! As I am happily one myself. Nothing sounds awkward about what you described.
And yes, good advice about "situational extrovert." I like that word. Know when it is imperative to step out of your comfort zone to speak with/engage folks. It may be painful initially but you will be rewarded in the end.

 

[awhyley]

Maybe I'm not awkward
I'm thinking of rebranding according to what @Lylddlebit said in her post "my natural manner has standards built in"

I also find it really difficult being forthcoming about myself (I don't think this is necessarily had a bad results overall but I'm aware there's a happy medium between being able to be forthcoming and actually being foolish enough to tell everyone your business)

I too struggle with this. Trust issues from the past. Let me know how you're handling it.

 

[MissNina]

Girl, I’m completely oblivious to men liking me and I’ve generally been like that since birth. Almost all my bf’s except for one I had no idea liked me “like that” until they did some completely obvious act that was equivalent to a neon green flashing sign. I was blindsided when my ex proposed to me although he took me ring shopping like a month prior

FYI, this fact about myself has actually served me a great deal professionally and personally. I stay out of a lot of nonsense - aimed at me and others alike - literally Bc I don’t notice it.

Don’t worry about missing out on anyone Bc the men you actually want will actually say or do something to let you know, regardless. I wouldn’t recommend dating anyone you work with anyway unless it’s a very special circumstance (I.e.@Lylddlebit).

 

[shespoison]

@MissNina

I am the same way. I got broken up with by a man I didn't even know I was dating for being "oblivious."

I don't assume anything. If you are interested say it with your chest.

 

[aribell]

While I agree that you don't need to be distracted by anyone's hints at work, it's a good thing to at least be able to perceive where people are coming from or what they're getting at. Is this an issue outside of romantic situations? Outside of work as well? If not, these two individuals were probably not serious. They may have found you attractive and would have welcomed getting to know you better, but that doesn't necessarily mean really interested. If either were really interested, they would have made sure you knew it.