Bamboozled Again..smh

Nasdaq_Diva

Nasdaq_Diva

Well-Known Member
So, make a long story really short my ex and I have been broken up for 8 months now. I truly thought we'd get married blah, blah. Fast forward to recently. He and my cousin spoke on FB and he was telling her how he thought I hated him. She told him I still love him blah blah, we need to talk.

Now, I know that he's in a relationship (the girl who came between us) with said girl. I got a whole other thread on her and her bs..but I digress. So, he doesn't know that I know this..

We talk last night 1.5hr. I never brought up him having a gf. While talking, He said, "Nasdaq, what are we going to do about US" I told him I've already let him know how I felt a while back, and I'm willing to know what he's feeling. He said, "I barely have time for myself these days" Which, i understood because he's in law school and works as an engineer full time.

During our conversation he tells me about how he was in NYC and thought about me when they passed NYU (that's my dream grad school). I asked why he was up there (since he turned down Columbia Law School some months back) and he said a friend flew him up there he was doing some PR stuff..

So, I went to his FB page (no we're not friends - but I have my ways) and it says he's still in a relationship with this girl. His status message says soemthing about said girlfriend having a show on Bravo. Plus his status picture is of him and her (I'm assuming shot in NYC)

I'm shocked, pissed, and hurt! I just don't understand him! I called him up and he was on his way to class an said he'll call back this afternoon. I told him it was important.

ME: "at what point where you going to tell me you have a girlfriend"
Him: Nasdaq, can we talk about this at 3:30pm
ME: Hell no! I really don't understand you. We finally get to the point where we can have a decent grown up conversation, and you're still lying about BS! You just asked me last night, "nasdaq, what are we going to do about us"
<he tries to interrupt me>
ME: and I told you it was on you. You're the one who said you barely have enough time for yourself, and now I find out you're in a relationship with someone. What, you trying to be a player? Have your cake an eat it too
Him: Can we please talk about this when I call you at 3:30pm. I told him no and hung up!

*sigh*

Tears, why did I allow myself to even think that this time apart would do us some good?! Why did I think he'd at least a small part of him matured in the sense that he could have a genuine conversation with me. I thought we'd at least work up to rebuilding our friendship! I really don't get the point of lying to me STILL!! I mean, really what was the point?

Sadly,
Nasdaq
 
::HUGS:: For your own sake, do not invest time or energy into this individual until he is single. You are playing with fire because a lot of men talk a good game by stringing women along. You are a beautiful young lady with a bright future. I know this sound cliché but move on because there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Based on your message it sounds like infidelity was involved (correct me if I'm wrong) so if he allowed another female to come in between your relationship, is that someone you really want to dedicate your life to? He is showing you how he is. Pay attention. While you are spending energy on this individual, he is having a good time with his current girlfriend. Don't let him steal your time hon. Open yourself up to meeting other guys.
 
MuseofTroy said:
::HUGS:: For your own sake, do not invest time or energy into this individual until he is single. You are playing with fire because a lot of men talk a good game by stringing women along. You are a beautiful young lady with a bright future. I know this sound cliché but move on because there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Based on your message it sounds like infidelity was involved (correct me if I'm wrong) so if he allowed another female to come in between your relationship, is that someone you really want to dedicate your life to? He is showing you how he is. Pay attention. While you are spending energy on this individual, he is having a good time with his current girlfriend. Don't let him steal your time hon. Open yourself up to meeting other guys.
Click to expand...

Yes there was. Basically he told me he cheated while I was away at training (Army). When I got home I asked w/ who an he said her. I ended up noticing her alot on his FB, so I inboxed her. She was basically like, "well he said you guys broke up a long time ago" I was like, "oh bc we are getting ready to go out of town for our 1yr anniv." So then..she switched it up and was like, "well I dont really care if you two are still together, he's in Chicago right now (where they are both frm) so you can have him when he comes back!"

So..yeah she knew about me, but didn't care *sigh*

I'm talking to a guy friend about this. it's so funny how different male responses are to females.
 
OK maybe I read this wrong but I don't understand why you bothered waisting 1.5 hours of listening to his bs when you already knew he had a girlfriend? Its almost like you set yourself up. Please walk away. No friendship will happen from this.
 
Nasdaq_Diva said:
Yes there was. Basically he told me he cheated while I was away at training (Army). When I got home I asked w/ who an he said her. I ended up noticing her alot on his FB, so I inboxed her. She was basically like, "well he said you guys broke up a long time ago" I was like, "oh bc we are getting ready to go out of town for our 1yr anniv." So then..she switched it up and was like, "well I dont really care if you two are still together, he's in Chicago right now (where they are both frm) so you can have him when he comes back!"

So..yeah she knew about me, but didn't care *sigh*

I'm talking to a guy friend about this. it's so funny how different male responses are to females.
Click to expand...

Well I asked my guy friend two seconds ago and he agrees with me. Walk away because this situation has the potiential to get messy. Lets say you steal him back, what makes you think he won't cheat on you with another woman? Don't lower yourself like the other girl did. You are better than that. You have more self respect than to play with someone else's leftovers. He doesn't sound like a nice guy to me if he cheated on you. You have to look within yourself and believe you deserve better than scraps. Hell fake it until you make it if you don't believe.
 
He cheated on you with her, now he wants to cheat on her with you.

Booooo!!

The good news is, now you know without a doubt what kind of man he is. Next!

BTW, that baby in your avatar is simply adorable!!

ETA: you are, too!
 
Last edited:
Jazala said:
OK maybe I read this wrong but I don't understand why you bothered waisting 1.5 hours of listening to his bs when you already knew he had a girlfriend? Its almost like you set yourself up. Please walk away. No friendship will happen from this.
Click to expand...

Yeah, you kinda read it wrong..yes we talked for that 1.5hr but it was not about us on a relationship/future level. Just conversation in general.
 
Thanks ladies! I feel like shi after 'outing' myself on LHCF. I feel like a total lame now - I've beyond embarassed myself letting everyone know what I'm going through.

I'm gonna go take a nap now.
 
I'm sorry you are hurting. But this could have been avoided. You knew about the girlfriend. Did you think after the conversation he'd go an change his FB page? Why would you put yourself in this position? As long as he is still involved with the other girl there is a great chance you will be hurt.
 
Nasdaq_Diva said:
Yes there was. Basically he told me he cheated while I was away at training (Army). When I got home I asked w/ who an he said her. I ended up noticing her alot on his FB, so I inboxed her. She was basically like, "well he said you guys broke up a long time ago" I was like, "oh bc we are getting ready to go out of town for our 1yr anniv." So then..she switched it up and was like, "well I dont really care if you two are still together, he's in Chicago right now (where they are both frm) so you can have him when he comes back!"

So..yeah she knew about me, but didn't care *sigh*

I'm talking to a guy friend about this. it's so funny how different male responses are to females.
Click to expand...

Wow that's something. So even if he put her as the side chick, you as the main chick..she would be ok with that.

Time to let this go.
 
Nasdaq_Diva said:
Yeah, you kinda read it wrong..yes we talked for that 1.5hr but it was not about us on a relationship/future level. Just conversation in general.
Click to expand...

You must still have feelings for him though. Since he is involved with someone else it sounds like it would be best for you to not even be friends with him.
 
Nasdaq_Diva said:
Yeah, you kinda read it wrong..yes we talked for that 1.5hr but it was not about us on a relationship/future level. Just conversation in general.
Click to expand...

Yea but don't even talk with him when you know you still have feelings for him. That how we get caught up.
 
Nasdaq_Diva said:
Thanks ladies! I feel like shi after 'outing' myself on LHCF. I feel like a total lame now - I've beyond embarassed myself letting everyone know what I'm going through.

I'm gonna go take a nap now.
Click to expand...

Don't feel bad. We can all learn from this. I don't think anyone is above thinking it could never happen to them. Love is a powerful thing and when you love a person sometimes you don't think correctly. They don't call it blinded by love for nuthin. As long as this thread helped you to see things in a different light it was worth it.:hugs:
 
Ok Nasdaq...First off...please do not feel embarrased for sharing here on LHCF. Sometimes it's good to get unbiased opinions on certain things. With that said, I think in this situation, you, my friend, NEED some TOUGH love so please don't be offended...

I am very confused as to how this man played you (again) as opposed to you playing yourself. Not only did this man cheat on you, but he is currently dating the woman he cheated with...and here's the punt...you knew this before talking to him, before you allowed your feelings to get wraped up in this mess, before this man hit you with the okie-doke. I hate to say it, but girl, you set youself up for this one. Real talk.

You all heartbroken and sad when in fact, you knew the deal when you accepted his phone call. I'm going to need you to dry those tears, take accountability for your role in this and peep game...

If he wanted to be with you he 1st, would not have cheated on you, and 2nd would not have started a new relationship. Now you talked to this man thinking he would come clean and you all would work on this "friendship," but the truth is... his current relationship status is none of your business. He has absolutely no obligation to tell you anything about his personal life, nor is it your place to expect him to, confront him about not doing so, or get upset when he doesn't reveal something that you already (secretly) know. You all are no longer together...He owes you nothing...the sooner you realize this the less pain you will feel.

I also have to ask...Why is maintaining a friendship with this man so important to you? He cheated on you! He brought unessessary drama and pain into your life yet you feel the need to clutter your life with this garbage. Last time I checked, cheating involves lying, manipulation, and deceit. Not only that...when a man cheats, he is purposfully exposing you to STDs, HIV, and unwanted outside children. Are these seriously qualities that you want in a FRIEND?
 
Last edited:
I know you still care for him which is why you even bothered entertaining his thoughts but take it from us here, he's not worth it. He will continue to waste your time if you let him. Men do it all the time, everyday.
 
maybe im readin it wrong and so are u cuz da way i see it, u should be mad at da cousin b'cuz she is the one who told him that you were still in love with him, so i think he took that and thought YOU still had feelings for him. see what i'm sayin? so that is why he asked the question "what are we going to do about us" because of what your cousin told him. he doesn't think there is closure there.

and, you spoke to him on the phone for like an hour and a half. why would he bring up the fact that he has a girlfriend, when he knew you already knew he had one? i don't know who called who, but if he thought u still hated him, then that is what i would've had him thinking. he's where he wants to be.

so really, no one is at fault. he didn't lie to you THIS TIME. just a miscommunication via a third party - your cousin. don't be so hard on yourself. but always remind urself as to why u broke up with him in the first place.

and another thing. i hate when men say "i hardly have time for myself". people make time for what they really want to do. they will find time to phuck, facebook n some mo shyt. so that there is BS, but probably another topic.
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
maybe im readin it wrong and so are u cuz da way i see it, u should be mad at da cousin b'cuz she is the one who told him that you were still in love with him, so i think he took that and thought YOU still had feelings for him. see what i'm sayin? so that is why he asked the question "what are we going to do about us" because of what your cousin told him. he doesn't think there is closure there.

and, you spoke to him on the phone for like an hour and a half. why would he bring up the fact that he has a girlfriend, when he knew you already knew he had one? i don't know who called who, but if he thought u still hated him, then that is what i would've had him thinking. he's where he wants to be.

so really, no one is at fault. he didn't lie to you THIS TIME. just a miscommunication via a third party - your cousin. don't be so hard on yourself. but always remind urself as to why u broke up with him in the first place.

and another thing. i hate when men say "i hardly have time for myself". people make time for what they really want to do. they will find time to phuck, facebook n some mo shyt. so that there is BS, but probably another topic.
Click to expand...

No, you're reading it TOTALLY right! A week or so ago I told her about how he still crossed my mind and stuff. She said she was going to hit him up. I told her not to, I didn't want the drama, etc. Seh agreed and left it alone. She brought it back up late last week. I had written him an email (to his work) a while back. So, she was all like, "well how do you know he even got it" and "I just dont' want you to miss out on something good with him" She was previously engaged (she's married now) and says that w/ prior fiance, she too wrote a similiar email that he never received, she didn't want to see the same happen with me.

Again, I told her what's done is done...an hour later I get a text from her talking about, "you owe me! I should get a cousin of the year award" I asked her what she was talking about and she said she hit him up anyway and told him it was all her doing and that even though I told her not to write him, she is hardheaded. And from there..the floodgates opened..

I wish wish wish she hadn't said anything. I hate that this has all unfolded like this.
 
i see. well, das one grave that shoulda neva been dug lolol

it's all good cuz nothing bad happened. ur overreacting. it's not that serious.

think of it this way. when he told u he barely had time for himself, which translates to "i don't have time for you right now" (serious relationships). but he wants to call and explain to you at 3:30pm. he wants u to sit n wait til 3:30. git da phuck. i wouldn't be available 3:30, 4:30, notneva:30.

really, there is nothing to explain, but deep down, u wanna know. two things could happen. go hed n take one for the team and hear what he has to say (not that anything will change), or ignore him forever and be done.

your time is valuable too. don't waste ur time with him. he ain't worth it.
 
Mai Tai said:
Ok Nasdaq...First off...please do not feel embarrased for sharing here on LHCF. Sometimes it's good to get unbiased opinions on certain things. With that said, I think in this situation, you, my friend, NEED some TOUGH love so please don't be offended...

I am very confused as to how this man played you (again) as opposed to you playing yourself. Not only did this man cheat on you, but he is currently dating the woman he cheated with...and here's the punt...you knew this before talking to him, before you allowed your feelings to get wraped up in this mess, before this man hit you with the okie-doke. I hate to say it, but girl, you set youself up for this one. Real talk.

You all heartbroken and sad when in fact, you knew the deal when you accepted his phone call. I'm going to need you to dry those tears, take accountability for your role in this and peep game...

If he wanted to be with you he 1st, would not have cheated on you, and 2nd would not have started a new relationship. Now you talked to this man thinking he would come clean and you all would work on this "friendship," but the truth is... his current relationship status is none of your business. He has absolutely no obligation to tell you anything about his personal life, nor is it your place to expect him to, confront him about not doing so, or get upset when he doesn't reveal something that you already (secretly) know. You all are no longer together...He owes you nothing...the sooner you realize this the less pain you will feel.

I also have to ask...Why is maintaining a friendship with this man so important to you? He cheated on you! He brought unessessary drama and pain into your life yet you feel the need to clutter your life with this garbage. Last time I checked, cheating involves lying, manipulation, and deceit. Not only that...when a man cheats, he is purposfully exposing you to STDs, HIV, and unwanted outside children. Are these seriously qualities that you want in a FRIEND?
Click to expand...

Thanks for this! I love giving/receiving tough love. Everything you said was something I would've told one of my best friends if she were going through anything similiar.

Like I said, yeah I know he's still in a relationship. I wasn't secretly hoping he'd disclose it though. I kept wanting to bring it up, but like I said, I already knew the truth. It was just that he went around the 'truth' and told a lie. At the end of the day I felt hurt because why lie about something like this?!

Do I love him..honestly absolutely. Do I want to be with him: HELL NO! Do I trust him: DOUBLE HELL NO!

ETA: He just called...we talked for a sec. I set him straight..I will be alright.
 
Came in to give you a (((((((BIG HUG))))))). I know how you feel went through the same thing about 2 years ago.... It will get better. ETA.... What goes around comes around for him and her.
 
Last edited:
Your cousin may have done you a favor. It seems like you may finally have real closure. Perhaps you needed the opportunity to set him straight one last time. Even though he didn't owe you full disclosure that would have been nice. It seems to me that you can now see him more clearly.
 
Hugs to you. Hang in there, girl! Don't feel bad, I went through something very similar. Happens to the best of us. I'm glad you set him straight. It's so much easier said than done when you're emotionally attached to a person. It will get easier with time.
 
Girrrl, speaking from experience I would like to offer some advice:

1.) Go ahead and have a funeral for hope on that relationship. I know you said you don't want him, but just in case those feelings try to creep back, your heart needs to understand it will never happen.
2.) Don't express your feelings for this guy ever again to your helpful cousin. People like that mean well, they really do, but they open up the floodgate for emotions that should not be resurfaced...with all that 'well maybe you should give him another chance' or 'you were too hard on him'....whateva.
3.) Focus on your happy right now. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself happy and laughing.

On paper he sounds like a good catch, but IRL he is a dime a dozen. You'll be ok.
 
(((Hugs)))

I don't have anything more to add except - You need to stay off of his Facebook page. Trust me. I know you're curious about what's going on but all of those social networking sites are horrible (when you're in a relationship and when you're trying to get over someone).
It's bad enough being sad the relationship ended. It makes it worse when you're trying to read into everything post or picture you see on their page(s).
 
Again Facebook is the Devil and life would be better off without it. Nothing else to add except I agree 100% with Mai Tai.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

cinnamin316
Is this guy into me?
Replies
16
Views
334
cinnamin316
cinnamin316
V
Constant Chatter -> Silence. Why?
Replies
27
Views
482
ThickHair
T
I
Give it up or not?
2 3
Replies
74
Views
2K
Extremus
Extremus
myronnie
What is wrong with him?? I need help again..
2
Replies
48
Views
1K
Irresistible
Irresistible
loolalooh
This Guy Stands Me Up and Texts Me A Month Later
Replies
25
Views
893
MizAvalon
MizAvalon
Back
Top