Backlash against relaxed hair?

[Vashti]

What I wonder about is if there will be a backlash against relaxed hair from the Dominant culture. It seems that we are always at the mercy of those who are in control. Years ago those of us who wore our hair natural were looked upon as unprofessional looking or too "political/Afro-centric/offensive" whatever. In some places this is still the case even though that's changing. Will it be unacceptable on some level to wear our hair relaxed in the future? Will employers start looking at you with disdain for having relaxed hair? They certainly used to when some women chose to go natural. I think a woman should be able to wear her hair however she chooses without people preaching to her about their personal opinion or denying her this or that over her hair. I've read a couple of threads on here lately about a certain employer refusing to hire or even firing some black women because their hair was straight. This was surprising to me. Usually it's the other way around. Business is business, I get that and usually there isn't much to do about it but leave or conform to policy, but it doesn't sit right with me and I found it just as offensive as the threads where natural black women were being given a hard time in the workplace because of their hair. I hope it's not a trend.

I hope the larger culture leaves this alone and allows us to simply be us whether we are natural or relaxed. The only women on the planet who seem to have to worry about their hair being deemed acceptable in western society, no matter how she wears it is the Black Woman.

 

[AlekHidell]

Why does it matter? Shouldn't the only thing that matters be that you have the choice do style your hair however you like? Why does anyone else's hair matter?

Personally I don't want folks to focus on my hair (except the occasional compliment). I'm so much more than how I choose to style my hair.

The problem for me is that it's not a choice. Not really. Most black women are not merely weighing their options and deciding to relax. Most are relaxed as little girls and most continue to touch it up for the better part of their adult lives. For so many black women to have never really experienced their natural hair beyond preschool age is odd at best. It's hard for me to believe it comes down to two competing options, relaxed or natural, and most black women just happen to choose relaxed.

 

[Sugar]

It shouldn't matter, but it does.

I would like for what grows out of our scalp to be considered normal. The longer we see relaxers as the default way of life for black women, the more we are going to see toddlers with broken off relaxed hair and missing edges. Relaxing should be seen for what it is...a style choice for adult women who want to wear straight hair. And there's nothing wrong with that.

I don't see toddlers running around with relaxed hair to be honest. I'm not saying it doesn't happen...but I don't see it. But I also don't see relaxers as a styling choice for adult women only. Tweens, teens, and adults, yes.

But we all have things we don't like to see on kids, I don't like seeing kids running around with microbraids and dred locs either, so I get what you're saying.

 

[newbeginnings2010]

First off, let me say that I'm not trying to start any sort of fights about "good hair" vs. "bad hair" or anything like that. I am just noticing that as of late there are more and more anti-relaxer messages out there . . . from things as broad and in your face as Chris Rock's Good Hair to articles in Essence, Clutch (online e-zine), and other outlets that seem to exclude relaxed hair in articles discussing hair care . . . .

As a relaxed sista, I'm kinda about that. I'm not saying that we shouldn't celebrate natural hair . . . indeed, we should. It's quite revolutionary that it's becoming more mainstream after years of being viewed a choice that is "radical" or "political." It's just hair, people. So, given that I recognize that, why must we do a seeming 180 degree flip to excluding relaxed locks from the discussion of African American haircare? No, it's not me "wanting to be white" or denying my heritage. Again, it's just. hair. Sheesh.

Am I just being paranoid or has anyone else noticed this trend. Any thoughts on the subject in general?

I have not yet read anything that anyone else has posted here, but I must that I completely agree with you. I don't read magazines or keep up on the latest trends, so I didn't even notice that a lot of people were going natural until I made the decision for myself. Suddenly I looked up and realized that LOTS of people were going natural!

I decided to transition to get away from the relaxer chemicals and stop stressing about perfect straightness and "flowiness." I want to wear pony puffs and twists and STOP messing with my hair. I know being natural has it's own set of issues, but I don't mind it because it's a change and I'm looking for change.

So all in all, no political, racial, or "natural is beautiful," reasons for me. Change is just good sometimes! I'm going from having colored jet black relaxed hair to a colored reddish brown fro! (The color is going to be my reward for getting there).

 

[Sugar]

The problem for me is that it's not a choice. Not really. Most black women are not merely weighing their options and deciding to relax. Most are relaxed as little girls and most continue to touch it up for the better part of their adult lives. For so many black women to have never really experienced their natural hair beyond preschool age is odd at best. It's hard for me to believe it comes down to two competing options, relaxed or natural, and most black women just happen to choose relaxed.

As a child I didn't have so much as have a choice in what I was going to wear, let alone what was done to my hair. If I did have a choice there are few items of clothing that I would have burned. Being relaxed as a child is no excuse for an adult woman who has the desire to see and experience her natural not to do so. Many simply aren't interested for one reason or another. I don't think its odd at all...but that's most likely because for the most part I'm only interested in my own head of hair.

 

[justicefighter1913]

Of course... i have been natural for my whole life and I always try to explain how to make upkeep easier. I also offer bkts to my hair school clients (its not a chemical process so I am comfortable with doing it in my house) but nobody wants to do that.
They always list several frustrations:
"I'm ugly now"
"Its too much"
"It keeps sweating out"
"My hair is nappy"

Just wow Foodie!! Really?! People come in there and say that ish?
*Thank you God that I have a positive self-image and a healthy dose of self-esteem**

 

[AlekHidell]

As a child I didn't have so much as have a choice in what I was going to wear, let alone what was done to my hair. If I did have a choice there are few items of clothing that I would have burned. Being relaxed as a child is no excuse for an adult woman who has the desire to see and experience her natural not to do so. Many simply aren't interested for one reason or another. I don't think its odd at all...but that's most likely because for the most part I'm only interested in my own head of hair.

I disagree that a child repeatedly receiving relaxer touchups and watching most women in her family probably also receiving the same relaxer touchups has no bearing on later adult choices. The same is true for many other facets of life, but I'll move on from that.

To the bold, well, my membership here indicates that I very much care about other heads of hair including my own and my post count indicates that I enjoy talking about it . For those who don't care, I don't really know why they bother entering topics like this at all.

 

[Sugar]

I disagree that a child repeatedly receiving relaxer touchups and watching most women in her family probably also receiving the same relaxer touchups has no bearing on later adult choices. The same is true for many other facets of life, but I'll move on from that.

To the bold, well, my membership here indicates that I very much care about other heads of hair including my own and my post count indicates that I enjoy talking about it . For those who don't care, I don't really know why they bother entering topics like this at all.

I didn't say it has no bearing on later adult choices. I'm merely saying that if an adult woman wants to go natural she has that option available to her...it doesn't matter if she was relaxed as a child.

We're all here for different reasons. My membership here indicates that I'm interested in taking care of my hair and talking about hair and that's about it. And since its a messageboard that we pay a membership fee to post on I see no reason for people to not post in any topic they choose to : )

 

[AlekHidell]

I didn't say it has no bearing on later adult choices. I'm merely saying that if an adult woman wants to go natural she has that option available to her...it doesn't matter if she was relaxed as a child.

We're all here for different reasons. My membership here indicates that I'm interested in taking care of my hair and talking about hair and that's about it. And since its a messageboard that we pay a membership fee to post on I see no reason for people to not post in any topic they choose to : )

First bold--well, we disagree(red bold part). I think childhood impacts adulthood--not a groundbreaking observation on my part, I admit, but an important one when it comes to perceived choices for black women and haircare.

Second bold--I wasn't implying you shouldn't post. You mentioned this in one post

Why does anyone else's hair matter?

and this in another

I don't think its odd at all...but that's most likely because for the most part I'm only interested in my own head of hair.

So it seemed important to you to only focus on your hair. The nature of the topic is an implied observation about black women as a population and haircare choices in general. For someone who only cares about their own hair (and saying so in response to why others care about what's mainstream for black women), I didn't understand why the topic would interest you. Nothing deeper than that.

 

[DigitalRain]

I have heard this many times before, mainly on hair forums but I have yet to meet these people.

I think where you live has a lot to do with how we look at our hair. I live in south Louisiana and the relaxer still reigns supreme and most black folks look down on natural kinky hair. Looser curled hair usually gets a pass "Oh you got dat good hurr" but anyone who's a 4 on down you can bet you will get some stank stares, snickers, and ignorant comments.

I do find that its not as bad as it used to be and more people are putting down the chemicals.

 

[LittleLuxe]

I don't see toddlers running around with relaxed hair to be honest. I'm not saying it doesn't happen...but I don't see it. But I also don't see relaxers as a styling choice for adult women only. Tweens, teens, and adults, yes.

But we all have things we don't like to see on kids, I don't like seeing kids running around with microbraids and dred locs either, so I get what you're saying.

To be honest I've come to the conclusion that this debate isn't really and never will be as simple as people try to make it.

Truth is we're all different, we can try to lump each other together under the guise of we're all black but it just doesn't work that way because half of the comments the natural posters just don't resonate with me.

I was never made to feel negatively about my natural hair and never had damaged horrifically cared for relaxed hair. My mom nurtured my hair and loved it when it was both natural and relaxed. I didn't have white people twist their faces at me or my nieces, nephews, aunts, and uncles point and laugh at me while chanting "She ain't got that good hair". Nope. Just wasn't my lifestyle. In fact no one gave a damn about my hair outside of the occasional "Oh it looks so pretty." Hair was just hair. Shocking I know. But it wasn't half as important as getting a good education or being a better person. I didn't have to be natural to know about my ancestors and my history because that was about knowledge not about what I did to my hair. I didn't have to be natural to be a proud representation of an African woman, that was about demeanor, confidence, and spirit. I was never made to feel awful for doing anything to my hair so no I don't have any negative feelings towards natural hair or bitterness about relaxed hair.

So no I don't go through life seeing sweet babies with chewed up relaxed hair victims to their momma's dependance on relaxers on a daily basis and even on the occasion I do see one, guess what? I tend to believe that a mother who wants to care for a child finds ways. If your momma isn't caring for your relaxed hair then I don't think for a second she'd do any better with natural. You'd look a HAM regardless.

Also my hair may grow from my head this way but not for one second does that mean to me that is my ONLY option of what to do with my hair. It is the 21st century and the year 2010 and I am a creative woman who loves to express herself. My eyelashes also grow out of my head with a certain appearance but on a daily basis I curl them and color them with mascara. Shockingly even mascara that DOESN'T match my natural color such as blue or green. My nails grow out of my body with a certain appearance but when I'm bored I paint them different shades and even try to draw a heart or two on a pinkie. My eyebrows were have their own natural appearance and i alter that every few weeks for the sake of style. Oh and my armpit and leg hair....girrrrl.

So in short I'm doing a lot of altering on my body with no regrets or shame, it's just hair: eyelash hair, armpit hair, leg-hair, and head-hair. I do different things with each area and I would do them all because I'm no more natural with my head-hair than I am with another part of my body. I mask my natural scent with perfume as well because that's what I like.

To some women their hair may be a representation of so many deeper things and I'm fine with that. But it isn't for me. What you feel and do about your hair doesn't involve me. If you want to be natural then I'm in total support but stop taking whatever issues you've had with women in the past be they your family or another race and pushing it on women who never met you. I don't have a negative word or view for natural women and neither do a lot of the posters on these boards. Some of us never had a moment where we can relate to the hardship but that doesn't mean we support it. We're all just looking for equal representation and attentiveness to our needs. We don't write black hair magazines, we're the consumer and we pretty much get whatever they want to shovel onto us too - and just because some woman with stick straight hair is on the cover doesn't mean the tips being offered are anymore beneficial to us.

Sometimes it's just 79 pages of pretty pictures with 0 real hair relevance.

Now chill people, live and let live. No more insinuations or snide comments.

 

[Shananyganz]

The OP has not given any examples of natural hair being favored over relaxed...just featured. I have seen many mainstream segments/articles featuring straight hair or curly hair exclusively (Today Show, InStyle, Lucky, Glamour, GMA to name a few). I doubt any of them are worried.

ETA: Naturallycurly promotes curly over straight regardless of race/ethnicity/culture.

To be clear, I was speaking in more general terms; however, favor (promote, encourage, highlight) is the word that I used to describe how things are playing out as it pertains to hair from my POV. I am familiar with Naturallycurly and I believe my initial post left room for such a point. Either way...as I initially stated and to keep it 100, society and most inhabitants thereof, could give a rip...like so many things, this whole issue (if we consider it that) is a divisive ploy. As Pollyanna as it may sound, it would be NICE to focus on healthy hair vs what we choose to do with said healthy hair once it leaves our scalp. Period. Dot. That was my point.

~S~

 

[Sugar]

First bold--well, we disagree(red bold part). I think childhood impacts adulthood--not a groundbreaking observation on my part, I admit, but an important one when it comes to perceived choices for black women and haircare.

Second bold--I wasn't implying you shouldn't post. You mentioned this in one post



and this in another



So it seemed important to you to only focus on your hair. The nature of the topic is an implied observation about black women as a population and haircare choices in general. For someone who only cares about their own hair (and saying so in response to why others care about what's mainstream for black women), I didn't understand why the topic would interest you. Nothing deeper than that.

When I say it doesn't matter if one was relaxed as a child I mean it doesn't in any, way, shape, or form keep one from being natural as an adult. Its simply a matter of choosing to go natural.

I like to talk about hair, well more specifically hair products. But I don't fixate on what other people do with their hair. I don't have to maintain anyone else's hair but mine, so it would be silly to focus on someone else's hair but mine. However, while I might not be interested in someone else's hair styling choices, different viewpoints are often of interest to me.

 

[Prettyeyes]

I was relaxed from age 12 (parents' decision)to age 29 (present) I refused to enter my 30's without a complete understanding of who I am in all aspects. I needed to know what was growing out of my head!!!!

I always secretly envied naturals who could get their hair wet and not destroy their style and who's hair was less fragile and to me more versatile. And who knew their hair type.

Last summer I had amazing MBL hair and I was sitting on the porch with a cousin I hadn't seen in many years and she said " I see you grew your long hair back, but what happened to the thickness?" I said "girl my hair is thick" She said "No, when we were little you had the longest hair and it was so thick that they had to use the bigger hair bands and rubber bands just to put it in pony tails, I never seen anything like it in my life, at times it was bigger than you were!"

And once I told my grandma I loved her hair and she said "your hair was exacty like mine before your mom relaxed it."

My mother hated natural hair (but took excellent care of mine natural and relaxed) now that I BC'd and take good care of my hair, when we are in public and I get compliments she starts bragging that her daughter is NATURAL. I am so happy I was given clues to my hair identity and that I BC'd and am not looking back!

If a person chooses to relax it should be after knowing their hair i.e as an adult or older teen because no one should take that style option away from us either. It is kinda cool that we can relax or flat iron our hair and look totally different if we want to. I LOVE BLACK HAIR!!!

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

This is something that this Naturalgyrl has noticed too.
Essence's last article on Natural hair was OKAY....But what bothered me was the websites they referred people to.

I was hoping KISS or LHCF would be on there....because both sites encourage healthy hair practices. I see the revolution happening, and its good....Relaxed ladies keep your head up...Its nothing personal....When it comes to the PUBLIC at LARGE, people tend to jump on a certain SIDE...without looking at the most important issue of them all.....Which is having healthy hair. Honestly most people quit being natural after a short period (or quit their HHJ even when relaxed)is bc they can't handle the work it takes to keep it healthy....Now we know of more ways and techniques to keep natural hair thriving....I think thats the point of the trend...but of course you have people taking sides and taking it too the extreme....


WE ALL must stay positive, and beautiful, stay classy and keep doing what makes US happy!

 

[nikolite]

From the OP, I did not get that the rising popularity of natural hair is a bad thing. The problem is the way that relaxed hair/people who use relaxer are starting to be viewed.
Like I said, I'm happy that natural hair is starting to be celebrated, but I don't want relaxed hair to become stigmatized because natural hair is moving on up. What I want is for relaxed and natural hair to be looked at equally, and for both to be included in discussion and stuff. Neither one should be looked down upon.

And I think that's how many relaxed heads around here feel...it's not that we want to see natural hair stamped out or held down. No one's trying to dull your shine. When someone BC's or a natural head posts a thread or whatever, there are always lots of thank yous and encouraging messages from relaxed people, as well as other naturals. So clearly, relaxed people are also appreciative of natural ladies. But as the number of natural ladies grow, it would be nice if relaxed people were not made to feel bad/like they have inferior hair/ignorant/excluded for choosing to relax.

But I'm not sure that that's the problem. The number of naturals and the number of people that are pro-natural are small compared to the number that wear relaxers and such. There aren't many women or men that view relaxers or straight hair in a bad way, at least not that I can tell.

IMO, the real problem isn't how relaxed women are starting to be viewed but how some of them are beginning to view themselves when they see other naturals.

There is not a lot of guilt-tripping and finger-pointing going on from anyone here and definitely not IRL, but a lot of discussion and exploration that is leading to self-reflection. That can provoke a negative or positive response in an individual, but its still very much an internal response within their own mind.

Its the same tension that a person deals with when they decide to go natural or stay relaxed (or go relaxed again). Some people just don't deal with it very well.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

i love conks​

 

[Honey Bee]

I'm done witchoo for today.

 

[Junebug D]

I wuz here.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

no special comment: i just wanted to say I LOVEE NATURAL and TEXLAXED, LONG HAIR!!! OMG

BIG HAIR RULES!!!

 

[Junebug D]

I wish I knew why people were getting mad.

To me, what's being discussed here is not like how Americans want to build a wall across the Mexican border, or how white people get mad about affirmative action. Those types of things come from people with privilege not wanting others to have anything at all.
.

The irony of that statement...

Especially if you want to break that statement down even more, when you consider what really is the "privileged" hair status in the black community and beyond it. It's not standard Boomquisha with a doobie, hint hint.

 

[nikolite]

Just wow Foodie!! Really?! People come in there and say that ish?
*Thank you God that I have a positive self-image and a healthy dose of self-esteem**

My sister (inspired by me, I think) BC'ed out of the blue on her own. Her current boyfriend and his best friend called her ugly now and said she looked like a man. (He's long gone now, btw).

She looked gorgeous, and as a model even did a few shoots with her hair cut short. Many photographers liked her look. Initially, she loved it.

But she's always been the type with a low self-image and very obsessed about how others (especially black men) view her. She put a relaxer back in her hair in two months, as soon as she had enough hair to, and wore a pixie style. You'd be surprised.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

i love conks​

"YOU GOT THAT CONK READY FOR ME" Malcom X voice

 

[NYAmicas]

I suppose there is a bit of a backlash but honestly anyone who has a problem with what's on my head & yours, (relaxed or natural) can suck it. I wish someone who doesnt get up with me and style my hair for me would open their foolish mouth to tell me what they want me to do with it. Chile please.

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

But I'm not sure that that's the problem. The number of naturals and the number of people that are pro-natural are small compared to the number that wear relaxers and such. There aren't many women or men that view relaxers or straight hair in a bad way, at least not that I can tell.

IMO, the real problem isn't how relaxed women are starting to be viewed but how some of them are beginning to view themselves when they see other naturals.

There is not a lot of guilt-tripping and finger-pointing going on from anyone here and definitely not IRL, but a lot of discussion and exploration that is leading to self-reflection. That can provoke a negative or positive response in an individual, but its still very much an internal response within their own mind.

Its the same tension that a person deals with when they decide to go natural or stay relaxed (or go relaxed again). Some people just don't deal with it very well.

I agree that the discussion about natural v. relaxed hair is leading to some uncomfortable introspection for some people. I would never label that a bad thing or a problem though, because such introspection almost always leads to positive personal growth. I think there was a thread about that recently...longhairlover made it, I think. Where she talked about having a kind of epiphany about relaxers and relaxed hair. And it was a good and interesting thread. But that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the anti-relaxer sentiments that I've heard in my immediate real life surroundings. I know people who have Bced, and immediately started up with "relaxed hair is so low-class, so ugly, so ghetto, it's for people with slave mentalities, for people who don't care about their health, for people who don't care about their culture, for people who want to mask their race, people who are uneducated/unenlightened, etc.", not even caring that I'm sitting right there with my relaxed head. Maybe it has more to do with region (I live and go to school in places where the natural community generally rolls deep), but people are starting to look at relaxed hair the same way they were looking at natural hair not too long ago. I know it's not everywhere, so not everyone will have experienced such things. In some places, relaxers are still very much king. But it's a big country and an even bigger world, and things sometimes take a little time to catch on. Especially in places where the traditional ideas about natural hair are still strong. But eventually, I do think that natural hair will become the norm, and I think that's a great thing. I just don't want relaxed hair to be viewed negatively.

i love conks​

Why are you so silly?

 

[gabulldawg]

I find it funny that the thread is proving OP's point. Oh the irony. LOL

 

[nappystorm]

Haven't you heard? Tyler Perry is remaking Roots and we're all auditioning

All jokes aside, wear your hair the way you feel comfortable, OP.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

@Southerbella:


this siggy is soo friggin funny yo

O/T, so?

 

[Bint Yusef]

The irony of that statement...

Especially if you want to break that statement down even more, when you consider what really is the "privileged" hair status in the black community and beyond it. It's not standard Boomquisha with a doobie, hint hint.

I don't know if you're trying to be funny or not be just be direct if your statement is at me. Recognizing degrees of privilege does not mean one does not recognize their own within the hierarchy. I believe all black/ish women regardless of hair texture should enjoy the freedom to wear their natural hair with pride and free of persecution and doubt. I will state this whenever and where ever regardless of who doesnt like it.

 

[nikolite]

I agree that the discussion about natural v. relaxed hair is leading to some uncomfortable introspection for some people. I would never label that a bad thing or a problem though, because such introspection almost always leads to positive personal growth. I think there was a thread about that recently...longhairlover made it, I think. Where she talked about having a kind of epiphany about relaxers and relaxed hair. And it was a good and interesting thread. But that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the anti-relaxer sentiments that I've heard in my immediate real life surroundings. I know people who have Bced, and immediately started up with "relaxed hair is so low-class, so ugly, so ghetto, it's for people with slave mentalities, for people who don't care about their health, for people who don't care about their culture, for people who want to mask their race, people who are uneducated/unenlightened, etc.", not even caring that I'm sitting right there with my relaxed head. Maybe it has more to do with region (I live and go to school in places where the natural community generally rolls deep), but people are starting to look at relaxed hair the same way they were looking at natural hair not too long ago. I know it's not everywhere, so not everyone will have experienced such things. In some places, relaxers are still very much king. But it's a big country and an even bigger world, and things sometimes take a little time to catch on. Especially in places where the traditional ideas about natural hair are still strong. But eventually, I do think that natural hair will become the norm, and I think that's a great thing. I just don't want relaxed hair to be viewed negatively.

I haven't seen that type of sentiment at all. Ive only heard one or two people say something like that online. But it probably does have to do with your surroundings, because I've never heard of witnessed this IRL, especially not from naturals. We all generally understand relaxing because we've done it ourselves for years. I'd be taken aback if I heard some of that too.

Still, I doubt that will become a widespread thing at all. Like someone else said, that's an unlikely fear akin to "the Mexicans are taking over." In that case, I guess you might live in New Mexico so I understand why you might get that feeling from your area.