Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Avg

[*5+5]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I would choose #2.

Strong feelings are a must if I am not going to act like a ***** every day. I have tried option 1 and I turn into a raving lunatic... the more average my feelings, the stronger hate I have for the situation.

With option 2, he isn't doing anything wrong or being abusive so our strong love for each other is worth more than material things.

@ - the bolded.

I'm the same way and I wonder why. Is it b/c I'm mad at myself b/c here I have this great guy ready to give me the world and I can't get wit it?

or

Am I mad at the guy for putting me thru the guilt all the while killing me with kindness?

 

[*5+5]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Hmm, I guess average is quite relative and maybe my definition was limited so would you consider this average;

Guy #2 - pays all the bills, take care of the kids, the house, the cars etc. He makes sure that at all times the family and/or wife is financially sound and protected.

If at anytime he overlooks any of his manly duties he quickly rectifies them as you point them out, with dogged determination and tenacity.

He takes pride in the fact that he TAKES CARE OF HIS HOUSEHOLD (boom, boom beats chest)

When you ask for family/wife time you get it. However he rarely initiates this and sometime don't seem too enthusiastic about it unless it's the holidays, a bday or a special moment.

His idea spare time consists of kicking it with the boys or being left alone watching TV drinking a beer.

He’s slow to affection and the spooning isn’t always lock and key.

Maybe once a year he'll get you flowers or plan something for the two of you.

When you want to talk about something that's bothering you...he reminds you of how good you have it and how you don't want for nothing b/c he's handling his business as a man...

 

[Glib Gurl]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Well option number one happened..I blogged about it last year ad naseum

I had a long term satisfying enjoyable dating relationship...{see my LHCF album pictures of my 50th birthday where he took me to an exclusive
hotel restaurant/rooftop... a bottle champagne,chilling in the ice bucket on the roof top lounge, presents,flowers,the works!}

the guy was stellar...super bright ambitous,attractive,outgoing ,confident
had already directed one film with major names
has his own talk show..again with celebrities..film critic ..and really brainy..and super suportive of me and of me and my work,very up and coming..
plans to be bi-coastal in proximity to Hollywood & NY
everything I could want and he thought I was a goddess

*trying to figure out who kayte was dating*

 

[Ediese]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Great question. I just chose the one I was in love with, and I don't think it was the best decision. The one that treated me like a queen had all 150 things on my list (respectful, loving, faithful, patient, honest, family oriented, respectful, great friend, no kids, GREAT earning potential/very well educated, adores me so much, etc) The other one only had about 50. lol There was something about him that I didn't want to give up (not sex).

For some reason, as much as I wanted to love the better one, I couldn't. Even now that I feel like I made a mistake, I know that I can still get him back but I don't want to. I miss our friendship, but I don't miss him in the way that I should. I really battled with my decision. Love or the perfect man? I felt like I had to go with the one that I really loved.

Good luck.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

What if guy #2 started out like guy #1 to get u?

No fair adding on stuff lol!

I would have to dump him seriously if he flipped the script.. Don't start something you can't keep up..

That has happened to me so many times and I am just sick of it.

You know what? I think that some men, knowing that most women view men as dogs, try to run game by being the opposite - over doing the "treat you like a queen" behavior to rope you in and then flip the script on you once you're committed. I've seen it happen

 

[aribell]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I dont see how I can be in love and head over heels for someone that treats me average.

Hmm, I guess average is quite relative and maybe my definition was limited so would you consider this average;

Guy #2 - pays all the bills, take care of the kids, the house, the cars etc. He makes sure that at all times the family and/or wife is financially sound and protected.

If at anytime he overlooks any of his manly duties he quickly rectifies them as you point them out, with dogged determination and tenacity.

He takes pride in the fact that he TAKES CARE OF HIS HOUSEHOLD (boom, boom beats chest)

When you ask for family/wife time you get it. However he rarely initiates this and sometime don't seem too enthusiastic about it unless it's the holidays, a bday or a special moment.

His idea spare time consists of kicking it with the boys or being left alone watching TV drinking a beer.

He’s slow to affection and the spooning isn’t always lock and key.

Maybe once a year he'll get you flowers or plan something for the two of you.

When you want to talk about something that's bothering you...he reminds you of how good you have it and how you don't want for nothing b/c he's handling his business as a man...

This is a really interesting question then. Maybe a married lady can comment on whether these things make a difference in the long run, but I see there being a problem still with #2 in that if I'm head over heels and he's not, no matter how normal his behavior is toward me, no matter how good I may have it, I'm always going to feel like I'm missing something from him because I want him to reciprocate what I feel for him. Marrying someone who I have stronger feelings for is something I'd like to avoid.

 

[DaPPeR]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Well option number one happened..I blogged about it last year ad naseum

I had a long term satisfying enjoyable dating relationship...{see my LHCF album pictures of my 50th birthday where he took me to an exclusive
hotel restaurant/rooftop... a bottle champagne,chilling in the ice bucket on the roof top lounge, presents,flowers,the works!}

the guy was stellar...super bright ambitous,attractive,outgoing ,confident
had already directed one film with major names
has his own talk show..again with celebrities..film critic ..and really brainy..and super suportive of me and of me and my work,very up and coming..
plans to be bi-coastal in proximity to Hollywood & NY
everything I could want and he thought I was a goddess

and when we began addressing marriage..last year, exclusive courtship came up...he'd only been holding back because he KNEW I was reticent....and the idea was courtship with both committed to an engagement/marriage if all went as it had been...

but I let the relationship go ........I loved him and could see perhaps falling in love if I stayed but ..I dunno...
I felt like ...it wasn't for me..ultimately

#2s....I ditch those.I'm like the old LTD Jefferey Osbourne song
Everytime I turn around... back in love again
w/caveat...I dont stay if it's not reciprocated
ooh lawd..been there done that

I am a bad qualifier for this thread....
sometimes it's not either one or the other I guess
and I am of the radical mind...I CAN HAVE IT ALL

my two pesos

There is
noooo way ur 50! u look good lady

 

[CandiceC]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Knowing what I know- Number 1 all the way.

 

[Kalani]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Definitely not the first scenario. Been there done that. It may be for most women but for me it was awkward getting all that attention and gifts when I couldn't reciprocate the feelings. erplexed

As for the second scenario, not sure about that either. I'd rather be single (probably why I am single now )

 

[Kalani]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

BUT...if you're not really feeling him, and you're not attracted to him, then I don't think you should stay w/him JUST because he treats you like a queen. That wouldn't be fair to either you or him, and I think the non-attraction factor would eventually start to wear on your nerves after a while.

This is what happened with me. What's funny is that initially I did find him attractive (looks wise he was pretty good...not smoking hot but good enough), but all that attention when I didn't have feelings for him eventually made him completely unattractive to me. Increasingly more and more things he did begin to get on my nerves. I finally had to break it off because I couldn't stand it anymore.

The only reason I even gave it as long as I did is my friends kept gushing over him about how he was "marriage material" and how well he treated me...blah blah....give it more time...yada yada...anyway I ended up just doing both me and him a disservice.

 

[missann]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Marrying someone who I have stronger feelings for is something I'd like to avoid.

Many women (especially older) feel this way. This is classic "marry someone who loves you more". We've had long threads on this sentiment.

This is what happened with me. What's funny is that initially I did find him attractive (looks wise he was pretty good...not smoking hot but good enough), but all that attention when I didn't have feelings for him eventually made him completely unattractive to me. Increasingly more and more things he did begin to get on my nerves. I finally had to break it off because I couldn't stand it anymore.

I've felt the same way about guys; it can be annoying especially if you're not the emotional/romantic type.

I used to wonder "How do you have all this time to chase me?" If he's too eager, it can become tedious and you start to feel you can do better.

 

[princessnad]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Oh, see I didn't interpret "treating you like a queen" in terms of dates, gifts, or vacations. My view was colored by own experience, in which royal treatment is almost entirely in what he brings to the table in terms of emotional support, enthusiasm for the relationship, loyalty, fidelity, warmth, and eagerness to help or support you in everything even at the expense of his own comfort or convenience.

Of course, you can also have a man who has all of that plus takes you on a mini-break to Tahiti , but the latter is just icing to me.

Maybe because I would never be able fall in love with someone who did not give adequate emotional support and enthusiasm, I just assumed "treating you like a queen" meant materially.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

How do you have strong feelings for someone who just meets basic requirements? I mean, yay somebody paying the bills and being home...um, that's a roommate. Takes care of the kids? You can get a nanny for that.

It makes me wonder how people rank attributes in importance to how they feel about someone. For me, loving someone has to do with what they do basically as WELL as what they do for me personally and for my benefit.

 

[Kalani]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I've felt the same way about guys; it can be annoying especially if you're not the emotional/romantic type.

I used to wonder "How do you have all this time to chase me?" If he's too eager, it can become tedious and you start to feel you can do better.

Wow, this is so true! I've never been the romantic type. What I'm looking for in a relationship is a partner that I can have fun and share my interests with (traveling, outdoor hobbies,etc..)...pretty much a best friend with strong mutual attraction (cause what I lack in romantic feelings I make up for in...um.. passionate feelings ). In the past when guys have really went all out to "romance me", I would be flattered for a moment than just feel awkward cause it is so not my scene! My idea of a perfect date would include something active and fun like snowboarding, lol! I'm weird that way.

 

[My-Foolish-Heart]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I'd pick number 1. I think I'd rather have him love me more...

 

[Guitarhero]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

but I let the relationship go ........I loved him and could see perhaps falling in love if I stayed but ..I dunno...
I felt like ...it wasn't for me..ultimately

B'cuz you felt you were settling. Nobody wants that. BTW, there's a great thread over in the christian forum that could apply to anybody of any philosophy of life. Just plug it in. I want #1 but then I don't want to settle. I certainly don't want to chase #2. Sigh. This week, I've been disturbed by various relationship issues all around me (friends etc.) and have been scared to death! He's going to have to come in a flaming white chariot straight down from heaven carrying a huge note signed by God for me to believe it lol. That's how I feel presently.

And 50? What 50? Wowz, all I can say.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Guy #1 is a definite win IF you have sexual attraction for him. If not, just make it easy on both of you and send him packing early.

Guy #2 sounds not so great If getting him to compromise or do anything for you is a struggle... those feelings of being head over heels will dissipate with the quickness.

 

[mz tracy 25]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Number 1 definitely wins in my book. He sounds like a good man. Emotions and feelings change everyday. It's what's solid that matters. I know plenty of people who thought with their heart instead of their head, and all of them (including me), now regret it.

 

[Rastafarai]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

If I were to choose it depends on my age and my plans. If I wanted to start a family and settle down I'd go with No. 1. If I was young and still had time on my hands I'd go with neither.

 

[Dellas]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Depends on your age? In my twenties...I wanted love and looks. Now that in my thirties, I want a decent person who adores me and is a good whole person.

 

[Choclatcotton]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I have already been with #2 , 6ft 4 football build, Professional, educated, head over heels with him, fine, redbone. It was unbalanced lov, unrecipricated, one sided and uncommitted. He left me on a string. As an mature woman, I'd take #1 anyday, as long as he had his own self respect.

 

[Coil Tresses]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

When I was younger I had good men who treated me like a Queen, but I was mean, rude, and nasty, basically not ready and immature. On the flip I ended up falling in love with an a*shole!

So, never again!! I'll take the Queen treatment and treat him like a King on the strength of. I am ready, but not desperate looking for it to happen.

 

[She-Ra]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I'd go with option 1.....Being treated like a queen has a way of making you fall head over hills for a guy.

Same here when a guy treat me like a queen (not out of desperation to control and we're crazy about each other), I find myself treating that guy very well with some of that feeling passed onto others in my life. Mind you, I don't mean it as keeping score but I've found that positive relationships (friendship,love, peers, colleagues etc) help me be my best.

In my younger yrs, I settled for okay(i.g. he didn't beat me, looked at other women in my presence but didn't touch and came home at a reasonable time). I've noticed I didn't care too much about the guy, played a self-drama victim by giving too much at times and becoming emotionally numb. The people in my life and myself had to deal with mood swings, b i t c h ing and an avoidant personality disorder.



Eventually, I learned something very important to how I succeed in life - My sensitivity allows me to grow and thrive in positive environments while negative personalities will affect me and leave me feeling drained of energy.