Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Avg

[*5+5]

You have this phenomenal guy that's willing to do whatever to make you happy, he loves you unconditionally and meets all of your standards or must haves. He’s exceptional in the way he handles you and the relationship, but at best, you just like him.

--or--

The guy that really has your heart, you love to love him and you are emphatically, undoubtedly head over heels for this guy but he treats you average. Average meaning, he's not cheating or abusive in any form. But he doesn't go over and beyond to make you happy. A sacrifice is a constant fight and he meets the standard but doesn't exceed them.

If you had to choose one which would it be?

 

[TayMac]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I would pick the first one because love can sneak up on you and grow over time. It happened to me.

 

[Blaque*Angel]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

This is A hard one!! :scratchch:

 

[Nyssa28]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I'd go with option 1.....Being treated like a queen has a way of making you fall head over hills for a guy.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Oh wow....this is tough!!!

I've sort of been in the same situation that you're talking about (ie. guy treats you like a queen but....) and it is not easy.

Ummm....I would say if you're looking to be in a long-term relationship/marriage with a man, then the man who treats you like a queen would be BEST. If you at least LIKE him, then that's good. Love can sneak up on you like TayMac mentioned.

BUT...if you're not really feeling him, and you're not attracted to him, then I don't think you should stay w/him JUST because he treats you like a queen. That wouldn't be fair to either you or him, and I think the non-attraction factor would eventually start to wear on your nerves after a while.

But at the same time, you don't want to be with a man that you love MORE than he loves you either! NO way... Been there done that, and it didn't make me feel good. I think being in the second situation would hurt the most.

You want a man who is in the middle of these two situations. One that you love, but one that truly loves you also & treats you like a queen as well. It may take more time, patience, and what not ,but in the end it is truly worth it.

I will say this...I'm going to end up with someone that I love and I'm attracted to, AS WELL AS someone who thinks I'm *special* and treats me well. The two are not mutually exclusive, but if really deep down you feel that they are, then that may be what continues to show up in your life.

 

[kayte]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

You have this phenomenal guy that's willing to do whatever to make you happy, he loves you unconditionally and meets all of your standards or must haves. He’s exceptional in the way he handles you and the relationship, but at best, you just like him.

--or--

The guy that really has your heart, you love to love him and you are emphatically, undoubtedly head over heels for this guy but he treats you average. Average meaning, he's not cheating or abusive in any form. But he doesn't go over and beyond to make you happy. A sacrifice is a constant fight and he meets the standard but doesn't exceed them.

If you had to choose one which would it be?

Well option number one happened..I blogged about it last year ad naseum

I had a long term satisfying enjoyable dating relationship...{see my LHCF album pictures of my 50th birthday where he took me to an exclusive
hotel restaurant/rooftop... a bottle champagne,chilling in the ice bucket on the roof top lounge, presents,flowers,the works!}

the guy was stellar...super bright ambitous,attractive,outgoing ,confident
had already directed one film with major names
has his own talk show..again with celebrities..film critic ..and really brainy..and super suportive of me and of me and my work,very up and coming..
plans to be bi-coastal in proximity to Hollywood & NY
everything I could want and he thought I was a goddess

and when we began addressing marriage..last year, exclusive courtship came up...he'd only been holding back because he KNEW I was reticent....and the idea was courtship with both committed to an engagement/marriage if all went as it had been...

but I let the relationship go ........I loved him and could see perhaps falling in love if I stayed but ..I dunno...
I felt like ...it wasn't for me..ultimately

#2s....I ditch those.I'm like the old LTD Jefferey Osbourne song
Everytime I turn around... back in love again
w/caveat...I dont stay if it's not reciprocated
ooh lawd..been there done that

I am a bad qualifier for this thread....
sometimes it's not either one or the other I guess
and I am of the radical mind...I CAN HAVE IT ALL

my two pesos

 

[awhyley]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Someone bending over backwards to please me would have more of an effect on me than some guy who only did the bare minimum. That kind of attitude would cause the love to fade.

 

[Bunny77]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

You have this phenomenal guy that's willing to do whatever to make you happy, he loves you unconditionally and meets all of your standards or must haves. He’s exceptional in the way he handles you and the relationship, but at best, you just like him.

--or--

The guy that really has your heart, you love to love him and you are emphatically, undoubtedly head over heels for this guy but he treats you average. Average meaning, he's not cheating or abusive in any form. But he doesn't go over and beyond to make you happy. A sacrifice is a constant fight and he meets the standard but doesn't exceed them.

If you had to choose one which would it be?

Really, the answer might be neither, but if I HAD to choose, then No. 1 would be it. It wouldn't even be hard.

I have a few different reasons why though.

See, the older I get, the more I have a problem with the way that the word "love" is used. To me, love is an action, not just a feeling... but the way most folks define love, you would think that love is just butterflies in the stomach, excitement, infatuation and dare I say, even a slight obsession.

None of those indicate "love" at all, as far as I'm concerned... therefore, there's absolutely no way that I could be "head over heels" for the second man or that he would have my heart. He might have other body parts , but because he is not acting out of love, then I could not love him at all.

So I guess the situation that is presented with No. 2 would not exist in my universe, because it is impossible for me to love a man who acts in that fashion and have feelings of any depth for him.

 

[*5+5]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

What if guy #2 started out like guy #1 to get u?

 

[Bunny77]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

What if guy #2 started out like guy #1 to get u?

Good point... I thought about that after I posted!


I guess I just assumed that since one had to choose between two men, that neither relationship was all that established.

Now say if Guy 2 was my husband and he lost his job and changed after 10 great years, I'd stick with him.

But still, if we're only talking boyfriends, I guess Guy 2's actions would cause me to not love him as much, and I probably would move on.


(Note: I don't think Guy 1 is great shakes either, but he's the lesser of two evils if I HAD to pick! )

 

[TayMac]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

No fair adding on stuff lol!

I would have to dump him seriously if he flipped the script.. Don't start something you can't keep up..

 

[ThickHair]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

What if guy #2 started out like guy #1 to get u?

That has happened to me so many times and I am just sick of it.

 

[awhyley]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

No fair adding on stuff lol!

I would have to dump him seriously if he flipped the script.. Don't start something you can't keep up..

Darn right. He would get the boot; dropped like a hot potato.
After my numerous warnings, he would be told that his services were no longer required.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

The right answer is to chose to be treated like a queen.
lol
however we often end up with being treated average by following our heart.

 

[*5+5]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

(Note: I don't think Guy 1 is great shakes either, but he's the lesser of two evils if I HAD to pick! )

Oh yeah Bunny, how so?

The right answer is to chose to be treated like a queen.
lol
however we often end up with being treated average by following our heart.

^^^I so agree with this! I have a friend that chose the average treatment just to be with the guy she loved, he covers the basics (provides, man of the house etc.) yes, bills are paid but he's out of sight off with his boys. She begs for dates

 

[Bunny77]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Oh yeah Bunny, how so?

Oh, I just mean that he might not be right for ME personally even though he's a wonderful guy.

Before I met my current boyfriend, I met a man like No. 1. He was REALLY a great guy and I did give him a fair chance, but I really felt nothing for him... I just figured it wouldn't be fair to either of us for me to stick around when I knew I wasn't feeling it and he could find someone who was feeling him like that.

That's all I mean!

 

[HoneyA]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I'll take being treated like a queen now. If I like the guy, that's good enough. I've been in situation 2 and while you like having the feelings you do for the guy, it's really not all that nice a situation to be in.

 

[HoneyA]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I'd go with option 1.....Being treated like a queen has a way of making you fall head over hills for a guy.

True dat.

however we often end up with being treated average by following our heart.

Very true dat.

 

[MixedBerry]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I dont see how I can be in love and head over heels for someone that treats me average.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Oh, I just mean that he might not be right for ME personally even though he's a wonderful guy.

Before I met my current boyfriend, I met a man like No. 1. He was REALLY a great guy and I did give him a fair chance, but I really felt nothing for him... I just figured it wouldn't be fair to either of us for me to stick around when I knew I wasn't feeling it and he could find someone who was feeling him like that.

That's all I mean!

Yes, I know what you mean. I just went through this myself quite recently actually. If you're not feeling it for someone, then it's best to let them go. I wouldn't want some man to be w/me ONLY because I was "nice" and because I liked him. No way... Everyone deserves to be with someone who they are "in love" with. Anything less than that is kind of settling if you ask me.

I dont see how I can be in love and head over heels for someone that treats me average.

I know it may sound crazy...but you'd be surprised how often this happens. If someone asked me 3 years ago, I'd probably be in disbelief as to how this could happen too! But having going through what I went through, and having STRONG feelings for someone who treated me "average" (at best ), I can totally see how it can happen.

But then, you wake up from the dream, you grow up, you heal your pain, you learn from your mistakes, you banish those demons, and you say: "NEVER again!"

 

[Duff]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

if I had to chose then guy #1 but really neither.

I actually had #1 for about 3 years. a queen could get treated no better. that actually made me fall in love with him. then he started to have problems and went into his man cave for a long time and the treatment of me dramatically changed. I stayed for a good while (14 months) after that but my feelings were going away step by step because the core and cause of them were gone. now he's back to being normal and wants me back. I KNOW I would get treated better than before probably for the rest of my life, but ALL of the feelings are totally gone.

 

[HoneyA]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I dont see how I can be in love and head over heels for someone that treats me average.

Well I was in love with him for 5 years. I don't think he always treated me average. Certainly not at the beginning of our relationship but I don't think it was Queen status either. My feelings started to wane when I realised that he should be treating me a whole lot better. God knows why I was still pushing for committment with him but it was because I still loved him. I got a Valentines delivery from him last month. I was likeerplexed, yeah ok.

 

[YankeeCandle]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I would pick the first one because love can sneak up on you and grow over time. It happened to me.

Me too.

Picking choice A (although I didn't have a Choice B waiting in the wings and frankly never would; men like that don't have a chance in hell with me) was one of the best things I ever did.

 

[julzinha]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

This is a hard one!

 

[Theo]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I usually date guys who treat me well.

I just can't make it work with a guy who doesn't. I mean, I've dealt with that in the past, and didn't like how that felt, so I'm done with that.

It is hard for me to develop really strong head over heels feelings for anyone. I'm very suspicious of those types of feelings and I wouldn't feel comfortable handing over the keys to my heart like that. Like my current boyfriend, I definitely love him and care about him a lot, but sometimes I wonder about the lack of intensity of my feelings for him. Am I supposed to be head over heels? Do I want to be head over heels? I don't know.

Yeah, I know this is probably off topic. My bad... just thinking out loud.

 

[princessnad]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

I would choose #2.

Strong feelings are a must if I am not going to act like a ***** every day. I have tried option 1 and I turn into a raving lunatic... the more average my feelings, the stronger hate I have for the situation.

With option 2, he isn't doing anything wrong or being abusive so our strong love for each other is worth more than material things.

 

[princessnad]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

How are we defining as average?

I just read the thread and people are mentioning begging for dates. To me that is not "average" that is "poor" treatment.

To me average means like going on basic dates, throw in some chain restaurants and rarely going on vacations overseas. I could deal with that for true love instead of getting the queen treatment and wanting to stab myself with a spoon whenever I am around the person (<---this happens when I am forcing myself to be around someone who has strong feelings for me that isn't returned)

 

[YankeeCandle]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

How are we defining as average?

I just read the thread and people are mentioning begging for dates. To me that is not "average" that is "poor" treatment.

To me average means like going on basic dates, throw in some chain restaurants and rarely going on vacations overseas. I could deal with that for true love instead of getting the queen treatment and wanting to stab myself with a spoon whenever I am around the person (<---this happens when I am forcing myself to be around someone who has strong feelings for me that isn't returned)

Oh, see I didn't interpret "treating you like a queen" in terms of dates, gifts, or vacations. My view was colored by own experience, in which royal treatment is almost entirely in what he brings to the table in terms of emotional support, enthusiasm for the relationship, loyalty, fidelity, warmth, and eagerness to help or support you in everything even at the expense of his own comfort or convenience.

Of course, you can also have a man who has all of that plus takes you on a mini-break to Tahiti , but the latter is just icing to me.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Option 2...

But at the end of the day if the person could not eventually go between 1 and 2... and meet a happy medium... It probably wouldn't last anyway.

I feel like, with option 1 - I'd be settling... and we all know NOBODY wants to be "settled" for. . . and it would be an insult to that guy

With option 2- I made the choice to know he's not really all out in love with me... and MAY be settling but I obviously don't care

 

[aribell]

Re: Avg feelings for a guy that treats u like a QUEEN v. being in love and treated Av

Oh, see I didn't interpret "treating you like a queen" in terms of dates, gifts, or vacations. My view was colored by own experience, in which royal treatment is almost entirely in what he brings to the table in terms of emotional support, enthusiasm for the relationship, loyalty, fidelity, warmth, and eagerness to help or support you in everything even at the expense of his own comfort or convenience.

Of course, you can also have a man who has all of that plus takes you on a mini-break to Tahiti , but the latter is just icing to me.

If option 2 is the above, I would take #2 if we at least had a genuine, strong, friendship connection and I was really ready to settle down and start a family. But I wouldn't be with a guy just because he was head over heels for me.

I also agree though that begging for dates and the man always being out with his friends shouldn't considered "average" treatment, but "below average."