At what age do you start to give the side eye to a single man...

[PopLife]

that has never been married and doesn't have any kids?
Does the length of his past relationships or educational level/occupation make a difference?
What type of assumptions do you typically make about this type of guy?

 

[anon123]

Around 40. I typically think he doesn't really want to get married, is exceptionally picky, or is socially inept.

 

[Duchesse]

^^^Yeah 40 is just about the age when I start giving out side eyes. If he just came out of a long term rel. I'd want to know why he never took the step towards marriage. If he was busy working on a doctorate or something I'd understand more, but still side eye. Assumptions: former player, lack of commitment, more geared for singles life.

 

[Carrie A]

OMG ^^ Is that Benny Hinn in your siggy?

 

[anon123]

OMG ^^ Is that Benny Hinn in your siggy?

Yes it is. I didn't know of him until this morning. That clip is hilarious!

 

[HoneyA]

Yes it is. I didn't know of him until this morning. That clip is hilarious!

I am going to need a background story to that clip. What on earth?

 

[Bunny77]

I say 40, although I'm a little more liberal (up to 45) if the man lives in NYC, DC, Chicago or LA... LESS liberal (up to 37-38) if he lives in the Midwest outside of Chicago or anywhere in the South.

Yes, I think Atlanta is a fake wannabe professional town!

Now, this doesn't mean I automatically rule those people out, but I need to talk to them more to see WHY they might be single at a certain age. No, I don't straight up ask them because that's rude as all get out, but usually, their conversation will tell you why they're single.

People who live in those major cities that I mentioned often marry later because they pursue advanced degrees and because it's expensive to settle down and support a family in those places. If all of your friends are 35 and single, there's no real peer pressure for you to settle down either.

As for a man in those other locations, if they are highly educated professionals who took a while to get their degrees and establish themselves in their field, that makes sense. If they were shy and awkward and JUST finally gained some confidence and are now actively pursuing a woman for marriage, they get a pass too.

Those ones that are still "looking for the right one" or still like going to the club all the time or say that they're not ready? PASS!

Oh, and a permanent bachelor doesn't bother me at all... as long as he's not trying to pursue a marriage-minded woman for companionship. If he stays in his lane and doesn't pop out a few kids along the way then it's his business whether or not he wants to marry.

 

[YankeeCandle]

Yes, I think Atlanta is a fake wannabe professional town!

I mentally added the words "So sue me!" to the end of this sentence.

 

[Carrie A]

I am going to need a background story to that clip. What on earth?

I apologize OP. You mean what in heaven. Benny Hinn is a big time tele-evangelist. He brings folks on stage to heal them by his touch "In the name of Jesus." Generally they get the spirit and fall down as soon as he touches them. Many say they've been healed. Now I see he's ditched touching for flinging his sports coat...... and the folks are still falling like dominos. Amazing.

 

[MissYocairis]

Yes it is. I didn't know of him until this morning. That clip is hilarious!

My Grandmother LOVED Benny Hinn! She sent him money EVERY MONTH. She got to see in live before she died. I am feeling some kinda way about seeing him throwing his jacket over those people and them falling all out like that.

Sorry to hijack...I'm the lone voter at 45 and up but that's just because the 35-45 bracket was inaccurate. I actually start at around age 40. Every man I know who has not been married and has no children by the age of 40 is a true blue player.

 

[Raspberry]

I apologize OP. You mean what in heaven. Benny Hinn is a big time tele-evangelist. He brings folks on stage to heal them by his touch "In the name of Jesus." Generally they get the spirit and fall down as soon as he touches them. Many say they've been healed. Now I see he's ditched touching for flinging his sports coat...... and the folks are still falling like dominoes. Amazing.

The funniest part is how he is really puttin stremf into them swings .. I've laughed at that gif like 5 times today

 

[VelvetRain]

Around 40. I typically think he doesn't really want to get married, is exceptionally picky, or is socially inept.

Hmm this describes my ex to the t. Still don't know what the hell he wants and is 40. Exceptionally picky and wishy washy but not socially inept. Fool will probably be alone for the rest of his life.

 

[Lenee925]

Ladies how do you feel about a guy who was married young around 20 y/o?

He has no children but he is interested in me. I don't want to judge him for getting married and divorced at 20, but it makes me wonder if he is a good decision maker. I personally kinda want me and my future DH to experience marraige for the first time, but I also don't want to sleep on a good potential.

 

[AstroQueen77]

I start to give the side eye around 34.

 

[runwaydream]

im talkin to this guy who is 33 and im givin him a srs side eye for not bein married yet and only having had 2 srs relationships. and those just lasted a little over a yr. c'mon now. im tryin to get to the bottom of it but dont know how to w.o seeming like im judging or grilling.

a lot of my friends my age (23) are beginning to get married. and im lookin @ this dude like...is you for srs?

so yea...32+

 

[Bunny77]

im talkin to this guy who is 33 and im givin him a srs side eye for not bein married yet and only having had 2 srs relationships. and those just lasted a little over a yr. c'mon now. im tryin to get to the bottom of it but dont know how to w.o seeming like im judging or grilling.

a lot of my friends my age (23) are beginning to get married. and im lookin @ this dude like...is you for srs?

so yea...32+

LOL, you would hate my boyfriend then!

 

[Bunny77]

Ladies how do you feel about a guy who was married young around 20 y/o?

He has no children but he is interested in me. I don't want to judge him for getting married and divorced at 20, but it makes me wonder if he is a good decision maker. I personally kinda want me and my future DH to experience marraige for the first time, but I also don't want to sleep on a good potential.

This might not be bad... like anything else, it depends.

Also like you, I've always had this thing about wanting to marry someone who'd never been married either. NOT because being divorced makes you a bad person or anything like that, but it was just really important to me to feel that I was experiencing something for the first time WITH my partner... and not that he'd been there, done that. I think this was because I was a semi-late bloomer in the dating field, and everybody and their mama was telling me that was a good thing because I was just avoiding drama and busters and don't worry, the Lord would send someone when the time was right and all that...

So then to finally start dating and seeing that while I was being patted on the back for "waiting" when I wanted to date, folks were getting married and maybe having kids... and getting divorced... and these were the dudes I got as a reward for "waiting?" Uh, hello, I got robbed!!!! I felt like being a late bloomer made me unfairly forfeit my desire to join with someone and build a life with him.

(Sorry for venting... )

Anyway, I would give this guy a chance. In a way, the fact that he did get married so early could show that he values commitment and doesn't want to play around. Just make sure that he actually learned some lessons from the divorce -- some men think that they were just "young and foolish" and never really examine what went wrong in their first marriage. Second marriages have a high failure rate and I think it's because people don't really fix particular issues that caused the first marriage to go down the tubes.

So... see what he's like, ask some questions when the time is right and make up your mind from there.

 

[JustKiya]

Hrm. It really depends on the guy. I can see a man being a serial monogamist, and never wanting to get married. I respect the fact that he - as he should have - avoided having children if he knew he didn't want to get married.

As long as I didn't want to get married or have children, either - we would work out nicely.

 

[CarolinaGal]

It's hard to say. I know plenty of professionals mid 30s and up that have not yet found "the one." Education, career choice, location, all of that plays a role in how a person's life unfolds. I just get to know the guy for who he is. Personally, I can appreciate a never been married 40 y/o man w/o kids more than a never been married 35 y/o man with kids. It's just my preference for my man to never have been married and not have children. On the flip side, there comes a point where men start giving us women the side-eye as well.

 

[phynestone]

I couldn't choose an age b/c not everyone wants to be married. Also, marriage and kids are not promised to us. There are people that may wait for years to meet that special someone and that could be the way God planned it for their lives. Folks shouldn't get into bad marriages and have kids just for the sake of it to prove a point.

I do agree that location and career choice may play a factor. I think I'm learning that now. There are so many factors involved along with a few hypotheticals....IDK. Y'all have made good points, I will say.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I don't really give a man the side eye for not being married or having kids, period. Not all people want children or to be tied to another individual for the rest of their natural life.
I will however assume things about him, depending on what other variables are involved I might assume he's simply not interested in marriage, but prefer ltr OR I might assume he's afraid of commitment, a serial cheater, stuck in boyhood, distrustful of women, etc.. It all depends on the whens, whys, and wheres of the his particular situation.

Generally I assume that at 40 if a man isn't married he is not interested in being married, ever.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Yep; 40. Even if he has kids. But if he's never been married I'd wonder why.

 

[Lenee925]

This might not be bad... like anything else, it depends.

Also like you, I've always had this thing about wanting to marry someone who'd never been married either. NOT because being divorced makes you a bad person or anything like that, but it was just really important to me to feel that I was experiencing something for the first time WITH my partner... and not that he'd been there, done that. I think this was because I was a semi-late bloomer in the dating field, and everybody and their mama was telling me that was a good thing because I was just avoiding drama and busters and don't worry, the Lord would send someone when the time was right and all that...

So then to finally start dating and seeing that while I was being patted on the back for "waiting" when I wanted to date, folks were getting married and maybe having kids... and getting divorced... and these were the dudes I got as a reward for "waiting?" Uh, hello, I got robbed!!!! I felt like being a late bloomer made me unfairly forfeit my desire to join with someone and build a life with him.

(Sorry for venting... )

Anyway, I would give this guy a chance. In a way, the fact that he did get married so early could show that he values commitment and doesn't want to play around. Just make sure that he actually learned some lessons from the divorce -- some men think that they were just "young and foolish" and never really examine what went wrong in their first marriage. Second marriages have a high failure rate and I think it's because people don't really fix particular issues that caused the first marriage to go down the tubes.

So... see what he's like, ask some questions when the time is right and make up your mind from there.

Thanks Bunny! I will sit back and observe and see what happens. I heard that he likes me but he hasn't said anything yet, probably because I was in a relationship. In any case, I will give him a chance when the opportunity presents itself

 

[Bene]

Really depends on the situation. If he just got out of a relationship and is single at whatever age, then I don't really think too much of it. I mean, hey sh*t happens. But if he's like 40+, isn't married, isn't recently divorced/broken up, doesn't have a life partner , doesn't have a friend w/ benefits of some sort, then I'm thinking retard, serial killer, hardcore gamer, living in his mama's basement talking about "I PUT MY NAME ON THE ORANGE JUICE!!!" or "I SAID KNOCK WHEN THE DOOR IS CLOSED, YOU HEAR ME? I SAID YOU KNOCK!!!", or smells really bad and no one ever bothered to tell him.

 

[AstroQueen77]

Really depends on the situation. If he just got out of a relationship and is single at whatever age, then I don't really think too much of it. I mean, hey sh*t happens. But if he's like 40+, isn't married, isn't recently divorced/broken up, doesn't have a life partner , doesn't have a friend w/ benefits of some sort, then I'm thinking retard, serial killer, hardcore gamer, living in his mama's basement talking about "I PUT MY NAME ON THE ORANGE JUICE!!!" or "I SAID KNOCK WHEN THE DOOR IS CLOSED, YOU HEAR ME? I SAID YOU KNOCK!!!", or smells really bad and no one ever bothered to tell him.

It is a shame because I have somebody just like that in my family..and he is indeed an emotional retard.

 

[pisceschica]

I don't make assumptions in regards to situations like this especially if the guy devoted years to education/career b/c that may delay his interest or limit the time he can devote to a serious relationship.

 

[kurlybella]

Hrm. It really depends on the guy. I can see a man being a serial monogamist, and never wanting to get married. I respect the fact that he - as he should have - avoided having children if he knew he didn't want to get married.

As long as I didn't want to get married or have children, either - we would work out nicely.

i agree. marriage is not for everyone. no need for me to side eye anyone about their personal life preference in comparison to what I do with MY life.

now, if there is any side eye going on, i'm side eyeing folks who get married and then cheat.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Bene you had me in tears laughing. Why do I know exactly what kind of guy you are talking about! @ putting his name on the orange juice!

If he hasn't been married but was in a live-in LTR for an appreciable length of time, it looks better than if he just hasn't found the right one after 20 years of dating. Then you have to consider if they didn't marry because he wanted to be free and refused to commit or for some other reason.

 

[sylver2]

40+
i know plenty of guys my age btween 35-40 that put their career first. so they have no kids or never been married. 40 or later u should finally be trying to settle down.

 

[MzLady78]

Well, I'd rather a guy stay single and do his thing than get married and cheat.

I know very few married man that are faithful. I'm like well if you weren't done sowing your oats or whatever, why'd did you even bother?