Askes Me Out, But Never Makes A Plan!

[greenmetro99]

Hello ladies, give me your opinion !!

I met a guy 1 month ago. He is a 40 year old professional guy, never married. He’s very nice and calls and texts all the time. So I talked to him a lot. But here’s the problem. He doesn’t seem to be a good planner. He invites me on dates, but never makes a plan about what restaurant or a definite time. It seems like he wants me to tell him a time and place… I’m not use to that.



On the first date, I came up with a quick plan because I saw he wasn’t going to take initiative. There was a screening going on at a local theater so I don’t out to his neighborhood about 20 minutes away from my home….no problem. He showed up 13 minutes late and didn’t really have an excuse other than “I’m not perfect. He only lives about 5 minutes away from the theater so he didn’t have much of a drive. Ok I looked over that. We had a decent time. He paid for the date food and drinks. And asked me out again that same day.

So he had a whole week to plan the second date. I’ve talked to him on the phone a lot during this week, so I assume the date was still on for Saturday. At 3pm he calls and asked if or not we still were going out. I said of course….you invited me out! So I assume we were still going. Then I asked him what we would be doing, restaurant, time, etc. He was clueless.

He kept saying that he doesn’t know my area well so he wasn’t able to find a restaurant or bar. There are 100s of lounges, bars, restaurants in my area……The thing is that he only lives 20 minutes away from me and he works in my area regularly lol. He could easily went on any restaurant review website to find a local restaurant, recreational center, movie theater, laser tag etc.. I explain to him that this is awkward because there is no plan, I don’t know what attire to wear, etc. He said I seemed mad. He told me he wasn’t perfect again…… I was mad and I canceled the date. Was I wrong to cancel plans? He was very nice. But I don’t see a point in dating a man that won’t take the lead.

I have no problem with making plans… But the first couple of dates I’m use to the man initiating the plans. He asked me out!

Let me know what you think ladies

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I understand your frustration but I probably wouldn't have cancelled unless I wasn't feeling him at all.

It's odd for a man his age. I'm guessing he's used to not doing much of anything for dates or his ex planned everything and he just paid the bill. After letting him know what you expect, I'd give him a couple of opportunities to get it right and then reevaluate. It's not a fatal flaw but it's not the right impression to leave so early on.

 

[MzLady78]

He sounds lazy and inconsiderate.

Are you 100% sure he's single? That could also be why he doesn't plan, he may not know for sure when/if he'll be available.

That "nobody's perfect" mess would annoy the crap outta me.

 

[GraceJones]

No, you're not wrong at all. I would have cancelled too. He's clearly lazy and does not wish to lift a finger during this courtship process. Better you know now then later.

 

[greenmetro99]

He sounds lazy and inconsiderate.

Are you 100% sure he's single? That could also be why he doesn't plan, he may not know for sure when/if he'll be available.

That "nobody's perfect" mess would annoy the crap outta me.

I think he's single. I can call him at anytime, day and night and he will answer the phone. The nobody's perfect mess did annoy the crap out of me! Its an excuse to F#ck up without any consequences. Because no ones perfect.

 

[greenmetro99]

Thanks ladies for the response. Im just making sure I wasn't being to hard on him. I stayed very calm with him from the hours of 3pm to 7pm....I let him know that I needed some type of details. I told him I didnt care if we went to get some freaking ice cream, a drink, dinner, picnic etc... I didnt care what we did I just needed a time and place so I could know what to wear and what time to be there. I dont like showing up to dinner in jeans. Or showing up to the arcade with a freakem dress on. I was being pushy but damn I needed to know. Its like I did my hair and nails earlier that morning and everything. Ladies I spent time getting ready. He should have least put some effort in it.

And I just remembered...He had recently went shopping this week at the mall in my area with tons of restaurants. So now I'm thinking hes just simply lazy. He's an excuse maker.

He also told me as we were arguing about the lack of planning that I didn't provide him with any input about this plan...... I planned the first date , and I explained to him that I would prefer if he made plans in advance for the future date. It takes 5 minutes to go online google a restaurant and call and make reservations. He had a week to find something.

 

[MzLady78]

No, you're not being too hard on him at all, everything you said re: wanting to know how to dress etc., makes total sense and he's old enough to know better.

 

[Mai Tai]

This is one of those instances that I wouldn't "work with a brotha". There is a reason why he is 40 and single/never married. He's lazy, lacks spontaneity and seems to want to skate by on giving you the hopes of dating without any real effort on his end.

I mean...he didn't even seem remorseful for being late for a date that YOU planned. I would have cancelled too and deleted his number with the quickness.

 

[KimPossibli]

leff he out.
waste man things

 

[metro_qt]

#wasteman

 

[Mai Tai]

Thanks ladies for the response. Im just making sure I wasn't being to hard on him. I stayed very calm with him from the hours of 3pm to 7pm....I let him know that I needed some type of details. I told him I didnt care if we went to get some freaking ice cream, a drink, dinner, picnic etc... I didnt care what we did I just needed a time and place so I could know what to wear and what time to be there. I dont like showing up to dinner in jeans. Or showing up to the arcade with a freakem dress on. I was being pushy but damn I needed to know. Its like I did my hair and nails earlier that morning and everything. Ladies I spent time getting ready. He should have least put some effort in it.

And I just remembered...He had recently went shopping this week at the mall in my area with tons of restaurants. So now I'm thinking hes just simply lazy. He's an excuse maker.

He also told me as we were arguing about the lack of planning that I didn't provide him with any input about this plan...... I planned the first date , and I explained to him that I would prefer if he made plans in advance for the future date. It takes 5 minutes to go online google a restaurant and call and make reservations. He had a week to find something.

If things are this hard less than 2 dates in, it will not get better. He's 40 and can't plan a night of dinner and dancing?? I mean this is basic stuff. How long has he been single? Why did his previous relationship end? You know what...I don't even want to know the answer. That fool is lazy. Keep it moving.

 

[MzLady78]

If things are this hard less than 2 dates in, it will not get better. He's 40 and can't plan a night of dinner and dancing. I mean this is basic stuff. How long has he been single? Why did his previous relationship end? You know what...I don't even want to know the answer. That fool is lazy. Keep it moving.

Yep. Should be smooth sailing a month in.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

This is a work with a brotha-ism that I would work with. He's pre- broken in to take instructions on what you want to do and not complain about it.

Planning your dates is only an issue if he doesn't want to pay for them.

IMO you should give him another chance.

 

[lavaflow99]

He's too old for all of these. I would keep it moving and fade to black. Too much work so early in the getting to know him stage.

 

[GraceJones]

This is one of those instances that I wouldn't "work with a brotha". There is a reason why he is 40 and single/never married. He's lazy, lacks spontaneity and seems to want to skate by on giving you the hopes of dating without any real effort on his end.

I mean...he didn't even seem remorseful for being late for a date that YOU planned. I would have cancelled too and deleted his number with the quickness.

I was trying to figure out how to word this. Thanks lol

 

[GraceJones]

If things are this hard less than 2 dates in, it will not get better. He's 40 and can't plan a night of dinner and dancing?? I mean this is basic stuff. How long has he been single? Why did his previous relationship end? You know what...I don't even want to know the answer. That fool is lazy. Keep it moving.

Right! And playing dumb. He knows what he's doing...

I'm just going to put it out there.

He wants to have a sexual relationship with minimal effort. Pure laziness. He wants to sleep with you but he doesn't want to put any work in doing so. He's too old for this!

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

You have more patience that I do. I'd either move on or enjoy free dates.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Sounds like much of what I was getting and it was such the turn off...

 

[Sosoothing]

Did you properly explain to him why it's important to you that he plan things?
Because I'm guessing it's more than just knowing what outfit to turn up in. A planner makes a woman feel secure, cherished...all that good stuff.

 

[greenmetro99]

If things are this hard less than 2 dates in, it will not get better. He's 40 and can't plan a night of dinner and dancing?? I mean this is basic stuff. How long has he been single? Why did his previous relationship end? You know what...I don't even want to know the answer. That fool is lazy. Keep it moving.

I agree. I think he's lazy and a excuse maker. He told me that he was a little rusty at dating. But how hard could it be to pick any random restaurant, movie etc and set a time and date. I explained to him when I met him that I was a very planned, organized person. I have to know plans in advanced because i keep a bust scheduled.
He said he's been single 11 months. He said his ex and him broke up on good terms. So he doesn't bad mouth her or anything. He seems very nice, but kind of passive.

 

[greenmetro99]

Did you properly explain to him why it's important to you that he plan things?
Because I'm guessing it's more than just knowing what outfit to turn up in. A planner makes a woman feel secure, cherished...all that good stuff.

I didnt tell him all that . But I did tell him having a plan is always important to me because im not good at getting things together at the last minute. Plus I have a very active life and lots to do. I dont have time to sit around guessing and waiting.

 

[greenmetro99]

Sounds like much of what I was getting and it was such the turn off...

It was a turn off. He was nice, but I like a more assertive guy that can put a little effort and consideration into things. He didnt seem to understand what the problem was.

 

[greenmetro99]

You have more patience that I do. I'd either move on or enjoy free dates.

I thought about going on a free date, but I decided to have more fun on the sofa eating french fries lol . He turned me off too much to be bothered. Its like he didnt understand where i was coming from.

 

[greenmetro99]

Right! And playing dumb. He knows what he's doing...

I'm just going to put it out there.

He wants to have a sexual relationship with minimal effort. Pure laziness. He wants to sleep with you but he doesn't want to put any work in doing so. He's too old for this!

I agree ,He wasnt trying to put effort in. Ive never experienced a guy that didnt want to plan a date. He could have easily said meet me at 8pm at a location, etc. He was just clueless.

 

[greenmetro99]

This is a work with a brotha-ism that I would work with. He's pre- broken in to take instructions on what you want to do and not complain about it.

Planning your dates is only an issue if he doesn't want to pay for them.

IMO you should give him another chance.

LOL I thought about that too. He is broken in.....But I do like more of a take charge man. But he probably aint calling back anyway. I told him I dont want to go on a date anymore. So he probably deleted my number

 

[SlimPickinz]

This is a work with a brotha-ism that I would work with. He's pre- broken in to take instructions on what you want to do and not complain about it.

Planning your dates is only an issue if he doesn't want to pay for them.

IMO you should give him another chance.

Could you explain why you would work with him??

 

[hopeful]

I didnt tell him all that . But I did tell him having a plan is always important to me because im not good at getting things together at the last minute. Plus I have a very active life and lots to do. I dont have time to sit around guessing and waiting.

Girl you did plenty. Please do not second guess yourself. And don't worry about letting a "nice guy" go. Serial killers are nice. Literally anybody can be nice. What you want is someone who is genuinely kind, thoughtful, aware, attentive, etc. This guy was not serious. He's a talker, not a doer. Too lazy. He was trying to train you to do the work. You should not have to beg a guy to plan the date he asked you out on.

 

[GraceJones]

I thought about going on a free date, but I decided to have more fun on the sofa eating french fries lol . He turned me off too much to be bothered. Its like he didnt understand where i was coming from.

Girl, you just like me. I meet a guy like that and I'm like, "Umm, Hulu is better." lol

 

[GraceJones]

Girl you did plenty. Please do not second guess yourself. And don't worry about letting a "nice guy" go. Serial killers are nice. Literally anybody can be nice. What you want is someone who is genuinely kind, thoughtful, aware, attentive, etc. This guy was not serious. He's a talker, not a doer. Too lazy. He was trying to train you to do the work. You should not have to beg a guy to plan the date he asked you out on.

Real talk I know a sexual predator that a lot of people would call "nice." Being nice doesn't mean anything.

 

[Covagirlm]

This is a work with a brotha-ism that I would work with. He's pre- broken in to take instructions on what you want to do and not complain about it.

Planning your dates is only an issue if he doesn't want to pay for them.

IMO you should give him another chance.

I almost choked on my drank reading this