cocoberry10
Well-Known Member
Even though we are ladies, I was sent this by email from a friend. I think it has a lot of relevance
Dating for Nice Guys
http://dating-advice.suite101.com/article.cfm/dating_for_nice_guys
Author: Phil Marley
Published: April 3, 2007
Why do women ignore the shy, nice guys and date the arrogant 'jerks'? Here's how nice guys can change the rules and get dates whenever they want.
It’s the complaint of shy single men the world over: women pass them over for arrogant, aggressive, abusive men. When these men inevitably cheat on them, the women moan about their experiences – often to the nice guys themselves. Some of them even have the gall to say they ‘Wish more guys were like you’. And then they find themselves another jerk while the nice guy stays single.
Things aren’t exactly as they appear. Nice guys, completely understandably, often have a slightly skewed perspective thanks to years of being ignored. They see the men who are successful with women as their enemies. If they’ve been out of a relationship for some time, they can sometimes become out of touch with the way women think – women become mysterious and unreadable to them. So to try and make sense of things, nice guys make assumptions – those guys are jerks and they get dates, so women must prefer jerks.
This isn’t what’s happening. If you’re a nice guy and you want to get more dates, it’s absolutely crucial that you understand what’s really going on. The truth isn’t as easy to swallow as the myth you’ve been sold, but it will open your eyes and allow you to be massively more successful with women.
First of all, women aren’t stupid. They aren’t attracted to jerks. Tough as it may be to accept, the men nice guys resent aren’t idiots. So why do they appear to be?
When someone’s your enemy, it’s easy to make snap judgements about their character. What nice guys see as overwhelming arrogance is usually just confidence. What appears to be smugness is just a happy, relaxed nature. This is actually great news for nice guys, because the traits these men are displaying are easily learnable.
What about the way these ‘jerks’ treat women? While it’s certainly true that some men do treat their partners badly, this trait tends to be magnified out of all proportion when seen through the eyes of a nice guy. Two things tend to happen.
Firstly, nice guys observe a few genuinely abusive men who are successful with women and assume that all men they see getting lots of dates must have the same trait.
Secondly, nice guys sometimes misinterpret things. When a female friend complains of something her new ‘idiot boyfriend’ did, the nice guy forgets he’s only hearing one side of the story and loses sight of the fact that, in all relationships, some arguing is normal. The nice guy thinks I’d never treat her like that! In truth, what he’s seeing is probably a normal, healthy relationship.
So Why do ‘Jerks’ Get More Dates?
In summary, then, why do women prefer jerks? They don’t. Why do nice guys finish last? They don’t. The ‘jerks’ are nice guys. What the women find attractive in them is:
The good news is that anyone can acquire these skills. If you’re a nice guy, you now know that you have a lot more in common with the ‘jerks’ than you thought. If you want to, you can learn to be confident and to talk to girls. Suddenly, you’ll be one of those guys you thought was a jerk. And nice guys will wonder why you get more dates.
Dating for Nice Guys
http://dating-advice.suite101.com/article.cfm/dating_for_nice_guys
Author: Phil Marley
Published: April 3, 2007
Why do women ignore the shy, nice guys and date the arrogant 'jerks'? Here's how nice guys can change the rules and get dates whenever they want.
It’s the complaint of shy single men the world over: women pass them over for arrogant, aggressive, abusive men. When these men inevitably cheat on them, the women moan about their experiences – often to the nice guys themselves. Some of them even have the gall to say they ‘Wish more guys were like you’. And then they find themselves another jerk while the nice guy stays single.
Things aren’t exactly as they appear. Nice guys, completely understandably, often have a slightly skewed perspective thanks to years of being ignored. They see the men who are successful with women as their enemies. If they’ve been out of a relationship for some time, they can sometimes become out of touch with the way women think – women become mysterious and unreadable to them. So to try and make sense of things, nice guys make assumptions – those guys are jerks and they get dates, so women must prefer jerks.
This isn’t what’s happening. If you’re a nice guy and you want to get more dates, it’s absolutely crucial that you understand what’s really going on. The truth isn’t as easy to swallow as the myth you’ve been sold, but it will open your eyes and allow you to be massively more successful with women.
First of all, women aren’t stupid. They aren’t attracted to jerks. Tough as it may be to accept, the men nice guys resent aren’t idiots. So why do they appear to be?
When someone’s your enemy, it’s easy to make snap judgements about their character. What nice guys see as overwhelming arrogance is usually just confidence. What appears to be smugness is just a happy, relaxed nature. This is actually great news for nice guys, because the traits these men are displaying are easily learnable.
What about the way these ‘jerks’ treat women? While it’s certainly true that some men do treat their partners badly, this trait tends to be magnified out of all proportion when seen through the eyes of a nice guy. Two things tend to happen.
Firstly, nice guys observe a few genuinely abusive men who are successful with women and assume that all men they see getting lots of dates must have the same trait.
Secondly, nice guys sometimes misinterpret things. When a female friend complains of something her new ‘idiot boyfriend’ did, the nice guy forgets he’s only hearing one side of the story and loses sight of the fact that, in all relationships, some arguing is normal. The nice guy thinks I’d never treat her like that! In truth, what he’s seeing is probably a normal, healthy relationship.
So Why do ‘Jerks’ Get More Dates?
In summary, then, why do women prefer jerks? They don’t. Why do nice guys finish last? They don’t. The ‘jerks’ are nice guys. What the women find attractive in them is:
- Confidence – These men aren’t shy. They can approach any woman.
- They know how to talk to women – they know how to chat-up without being cheesy, they’re positive and they give value when women talk to them.
The good news is that anyone can acquire these skills. If you’re a nice guy, you now know that you have a lot more in common with the ‘jerks’ than you thought. If you want to, you can learn to be confident and to talk to girls. Suddenly, you’ll be one of those guys you thought was a jerk. And nice guys will wonder why you get more dates.
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NO NO NO! He needs to read this! And I like the part about "approaching women", I like to be approached!
