'Nice Guys'

[halee_J]

There are plenty of "nice guys," but how many of them are genuinely kind. I find that these "nice guys" who get stepped on are really passive aggressive men with low self esteem. They tend to put the women they are interested in on a pedestal and worship her, rather than take the time to truly get to know her. And then they get mad when she chooses the man who treats her as a total human being instead of a mythical object. I'm so over "nice guys."

I could write a book on these dudes. But I will just cosign in saying yes, please watch out for these jokers and don't get fooled. They are big into victimizing and manipulating. They have a bunch of people fooled into thinking they are little angels and all the ladies pass them over bc they are soooooo nice (when really its b/c u don't have confidence/a backbone/ur actually a jerk), but will flip the script and become assholes when things don't go there way. And will cry to everyone about how mean/trifling women are and nothing is ever they fault bc they are the victim nice guy (and many people will actually buy their story and feel bad for them further feeding into it). Yes, they will do nice, sweet things but it is almost always for the wrong reasons and only to get something in return.

Amen, amen. Alot of "nice guys" aren't nice, just messed up guys trying to be slick.

 

[phynestone]

Ooooh the trickery, the manipulation and passive aggressiveness i've endured with certain nice guys... and then they let *you* know that *you'll* never meet another guy like them, and *you're* making the biggest mistake of your life...

Anyone who actually says this gets the side-eye from me. If you're all that and you actually know your worth, why do you need to tell someone that they need to be with you. Just reeks of insecurity.

 

[Britt]

There are plenty of "nice guys," but how many of them are genuinely kind. I find that these "nice guys" who get stepped on are really passive aggressive men with low self esteem. They tend to put the women they are interested in on a pedestal and worship her, rather than take the time to truly get to know her. And then they get mad when she chooses the man who treats her as a total human being instead of a mythical object. I'm so over "nice guys."

I could write a book on these dudes. But I will just cosign in saying yes, please watch out for these jokers and don't get fooled. They are big into victimizing and manipulating. They have a bunch of people fooled into thinking they are little angels and all the ladies pass them over bc they are soooooo nice (when really its b/c u don't have confidence/a backbone/ur actually a jerk), but will flip the script and become assholes when things don't go there way. And will cry to everyone about how mean/trifling women are and nothing is ever they fault bc they are the victim nice guy (and many people will actually buy their story and feel bad for them further feeding into it). Yes, they will do nice, sweet things but it is almost always for the wrong reasons and only to get something in return.

Yep, she means "Mr. Nice Guy". Like you said, wolves in sheeps clothing.

Uh, uh. They're not misguided. In fact, they're just as bad as downright crappy guys, if not more, because they lead one into a false sense of security and have you second-guessing yourself when something goes wrong in the relationship. Manipulation is the worst.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
One of my #1 complaints about a previous relationship. I never felt so mind f*******d before. At least in the past, I knew what I was getting into, I knew the type of guy I was dealing with. Things were more straightforward, you knew what to expect - good and bad. There was no manipulation or anything passive or underhanded. The bullshyt was out in the open, and their apologies were far more genuine. Bc I've never really dealt w/'nice' guy before it took a bit of time (a few months) to really realize that the person was extremely manipulative, cunning, very passive agressive and a punk all on top of it. They will play nice, and are generally anything but an arsehole, but they also know how to play a game, know how to riddle you with guilt, very sneaky, and underhanded. As odd as it may seem, I resent this far more than the fukcery I've dealt with from other relationships. At least I didn't feel like I was mind f*****d

Now that I think about it, I've have never ever heard any of the 'bad guys' I've dealt with speak bad about their ex's. The little bit they spoke of them, if at all, I could tell they respected and loved their ex's still and maybe even feel remorseful for the err of their ways. The nice guy rips the ex to shreds Whew, this thread got me a little heated wooooo sahhhhhh!

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

I had to bold and enlarge that!!

I've met PLENTY of actual nice guys (none of those self-proclaimed ones). My problem has ALWAYS been the fact that their peens are small. If I could look past that, I'd be married with children by now.

was that a pun

 

[Imani]

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
One of my #1 complaints about a previous relationship. I never felt so mind f*******d before. At least in the past, I knew what I was getting into, I knew the type of guy I was dealing with. Things were more straightforward, you knew what to expect - good and bad. There was no manipulation or anything passive or underhanded. The bullshyt was out in the open, and their apologies were far more genuine. Bc I've never really dealt w/'nice' guy before it took a bit of time (a few months) to really realize that the person was extremely manipulative, cunning, very passive agressive and a punk all on top of it. They will play nice, and are generally anything but an arsehole, but they also know how to play a game, know how to riddle you with guilt, very sneaky, and underhanded. As odd as it may seem, I resent this far more than the fukcery I've dealt with from other relationships. At least I didn't feel like I was mind f*****d

Now that I think about it, I've have never ever heard any of the 'bad guys' I've dealt with speak bad about their ex's. The little bit they spoke of them, if at all, I could tell they respected and loved their ex's still and maybe even feel remorseful for the err of their ways. The nice guy rips the ex to shreds Whew, this thread got me a little heated wooooo sahhhhhh!

I felt the same way, at least if it would've just been ur regular run of the mill bad guy, it would've been cut and dry. But with these dudes its all about the mind games. And yep, the exes were all evil whores, nothing is EVER their fault, bc they are perfect saints and according to them u will never find anyone else to treat you as well as they do.

But you live and you learn. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I bet I don't fall for the okey doke again.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

Be glad that you got through it. Some girls live getting played and still wonder what's wrong with them.



BBun, please post references to some of the materials that you're reading because I'm concerned about this intuition issue that you're talking about, since it seems that these guys act is so good, one might dismiss your feelings and don't realize what's happening until its too late. Weeding out these guys is essential, and if it can be done by the second date, I'm all for that.

I am so sorry that I missed your question

How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved- M.A. Sandra L. Brown (excellent book ... really good)

Women Who Love Psychopaths - 2nd Edition by Sandra L. Brown M.A. (even if you think that you have NOT been involved with a psychopath, there's some VERY valuable information in this book ... very good - A MUST READ)

The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourselfby Beverly Engel ( it's a good/ok book to start with ... worth reading )

Obsession: The FBI's Legendary Profiler Probes the Psyches of Killers, Rapists and Stalkers and Their Victims and Tells How to Fight Back [Hardcover] - John E. Douglas

ETA: He's Just No Good for You: A Guide to Getting Out of a Destructive Relationship by Beth Wilson and DeMaria Rita PhD (really good ... simple, to the point and good tips/information)

ETA(again): Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft (there's some great information in this book)
​

These books were good, and there are lots more!

 

[Imani]

Ballerina_Bun D@mn those books sound serious. I may have to check those out. I love psychology.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Yes I have dated the nice guy. A few were in fact self proclaimed nice guys. Being a nice guy doesn't mean he won't play you, lie to you, cheat or dump you. Just means he's polite. Tells you absoluetly nothing else. At this point I really don't know the difference between the bad boys and the nice guys except the things they like to do or the face they show you. They are all just guys.

 

[Britt]

I felt the same way, at least if it would've just been ur regular run of the mill bad guy, it would've been cut and dry. But with these dudes its all about the mind games. And yep, the exes were all evil whores, nothing is EVER their fault, bc they are perfect saints and according to them u will never find anyone else to treat you as well as they do.

But you live and you learn. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I bet I don't fall for the okey doke again.

I've experienced this entire paragraph w/an ex .

 

[TrueToHair]

..........................

 

[mischka]

Self-proclaimed 'nice guys' aren't humble from my experience.

Usually, guys who describe themselves as nice misunderstand 'I'm a nice guy' as 'I hate all those b8tches who rejected me and it's because I'm nice.' They think 'nice' is interchangeable for 'woman hater/bitter.'

Anyway, one reason why women might not like nice guys - that I didn't think of until a not-nice guy pointed it out to me - is that nice guys have a tendency to be unsatisfying lovers/bad in bed/small penis

 

[Imani]

Usually, guys who describe themselves as nice misunderstand 'I'm a nice guy' as 'I hate all those b8tches who rejected me and it's because I'm nice.' They think 'nice' is interchangeable for 'woman hater/bitter.'

Anyway, one reason why women might not like nice guys - that I didn't think of until a not-nice guy pointed it out to me - is that nice guys have a tendency to be unsatisfying lovers/bad in bed/small penis

All of my self proclaimed nice guys were champs in the bedroom They would have self esteem issues about seemingly every other thing but that was the one thing they were good at and confident about.

But then again, in general, I have this unique talent for selecting guys who are on point in that area. Its a gift...and a curse. lol

 

[Kalani]

The Holy Drive-Thru of Lurve - No More Mr. Nice Guy

This article is dead on! One of my favorite quotes from it-

"I have some news for you, Nice Guys of the world. "Nice" isn't as much of a selling point as you'd think. In fact, for most women, it's like expecting that your new car will come with wheels attached. "

 

[hopeful]

I am so sorry that I missed your question

How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved- M.A. Sandra L. Brown (excellent book ... really good)

Women Who Love Psychopaths - 2nd Edition by Sandra L. Brown M.A. (even if you think that you have NOT been involved with a psychopath, there's some VERY valuable information in this book ... very good - A MUST READ)

The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourselfby Beverly Engel ( it's a good/ok book to start with ... worth reading )

Obsession: The FBI's Legendary Profiler Probes the Psyches of Killers, Rapists and Stalkers and Their Victims and Tells How to Fight Back [Hardcover] - John E. Douglas

ETA: He's Just No Good for You: A Guide to Getting Out of a Destructive Relationship by Beth Wilson and DeMaria Rita PhD (really good ... simple, to the point and good tips/information)

ETA(again): Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft (there's some great information in this book)
​

These books were good, and there are lots more!

Reposting because someone may need to read these books.