Argument with SO, Opinions please!!

butterfly_wings

butterfly_wings

New Member
Ok, so what do you ladies think of this.

Sometimes me and my SO go through difficult spurts, this is one of them. The other day we were talking about interracial relationships. He dated a white woman for 6 months before we met, we’ve been together 3 ½ years. In college I dated a white guy for less than a month. I was saying that I think it is fine but it is easier to date someone from your own race/culture (this is my opinion and I don’t mean to offend anyone).

Later that day I went out for dinner with some old school friends and had a great time, nice to see them and catch up. Anyway she told me about this white guy that I went out with at age 14 has finally come out (LOL, hope that wasn’t me), so me and SO were watching movies and chatting and I mentioned how my friend told me this guy was now gay. Then out of nowhere he went off on one and was saying why didn’t I tell him that it was 2 white guys I went out with, and that we were being open and how I lied and that I always conviently forget things and change my story. I didn’t even really consider that as a relationship as we were kids and it was innocent and we just went to the movies. But he kept going on and on saying how I lied, I told him that this is ridiculous, he says it isn’t down to the fact that it was a white guy but that I lied. After I thought about it I realised that I had told him in passing conversion in the past.

I’m having trouble trying to understand where he is coming from and how I lied?? :perplexed

Opinions please!!
 
aww. you most likely did tell him (but he wont wanna hear that)

he's just having an insecure moment. Just apologize and rub his ego a bit lol
 
Keep your eyes open. Accusing someone of lying over something that petty is usually a deflection for something else. I really doubt the reason he kept going on was solely about the facts surrounding a teeny bopper relationship you had at 14. You're having trouble understanding where he is coming from because his reaction was displaced from the real issue he has.
 
carcajada said:
Keep your eyes open. Accusing someone of lying over something that petty is usually a deflection for something else. I really doubt the reason he kept going on was solely about the facts surrounding a teeny bopper relationship you had at 14. You're having trouble understanding where he is coming from because his reaction was displaced from the real issue he has.
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aw man you think he's cheating? i hope thats not true :(
 
No he would never cheat, but he is insecure at times but covers it well. I think it is ridiculous but I hate being called a lier especially when I haven't lied!
 
I agree with other posters.... sometimes "out of the blue" reactions are a sign that something else is going on with him (probably nothing major. Men are WAY more fragile than women sometimes--it's all about ego).

It's natural to react when someone is calling you a liar, but try to turn the conversation back to him(i.e. Why do you feel like I'm being dishonest? How does it make you feel when that happens? What can we do differently to make sure you don't feel this way anymore?)

It's obvious his feelings are important to you, so remind him of that. Tell him that you recognize that he's hurt, you had no intentions are not to hurt him, and that you love him. Usually a good ego stroke diffues the situation.

Best move: Acknowledge.... Don't Defend (easier said than done, huh?)
 
TinyBlu said:
I agree with other posters.... sometimes "out of the blue" reactions are a sign that something else is going on with him (probably nothing major. Men are WAY more fragile than women sometimes--it's all about ego).

It's natural to react when someone is calling you a liar, but try to turn the conversation back to him(i.e. Why do you feel like I'm being dishonest? How does it make you feel when that happens? What can we do differently to make sure you don't feel this way anymore?)

It's obvious his feelings are important to you, so remind him of that. Tell him that you recognize that he's hurt, you had no intentions are not to hurt him, and that you love him. Usually a good ego stroke diffues the situation.

Best move: Acknowledge.... Don't Defend (easier said than done, huh?)
Click to expand...

Thanks this is a good idea :)
 
I doubt that he is cheating, but he is insecure for some reason and it rubbed him the wrong way that u have dated white men.

My take, and I may be wrong is that BM think that they are the only ones that date outside thier race or they they should be the only ones. However, when we do it, it's like what!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol.

Let him calm down then you talk about it.
 
I think he's pms'ing. :lol: Seriously, I do. He'll be alright. He's acting like a woman right now. He will be fine and get over it. Just be sensitive to him and try and be patient. I think you dating wm sticks in his craw and then to hear of a "new" one (who really shouldn't count) just dug into him a little deeper when he least expected it. He probably wasn't prepared for that it was out of the blue and it probably had never crossed his mind. Then all these feelings arose he wasn't prepared for.

I don't think this means he is hiding anything or cheating.
 
Kimgirl50 said:
sorry assumed thats what you ment caz thats all the women on this board usually apply..been on this for too long lol
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This is a very TRUE statement :lol:


Sorry nothing relevant to add bc I dont understand why he would have an outburst to something that was meaningless....
 
he sounds insecure if that's how he reacts. it would be one thing if you left out a major ex boyfriend that you dated just before him or whatever and it lasted for a long time but some dude you went to see a PG-13 movie with a few times and then came out of the closet is nothing to flip out over!

low self esteem is such a huge turn off.
 
It turns out that there was a lot more to it than that, it was more to do with me not opening up when he had openend up to me.

He thinks I'm Passive Aggressive and after reading the evidence I agree, not sure what to do? :sad:
 
Why do you even have to tell him about all of your past relationships? I hate it when men want to know about everybody you've dated, slept with, and how many people......when they don't even tell you the truth about those things.

I don't talk about the past with boyfriends or dates. Men always find a way to use those things against you when they are angry, or insecure. A lot of men even look at the women differently after they tell them stuff like that.

Men are constantly saying how women talk too much, and they are kind of right, but in a different way that they mean it to be......we tell them too much. Some things should be kept private, unless it's absolutely necessary to tell them......and that's almost NEVER.
 
Sorry butterfly wings, but IMO, your SO needs to get a grip. :nono: He said that the race of the men wasn't an issue, but you also said he was angry because you dated 2 white guys when you said you only dated one, not that you dated a guy (without mentioning race) you didn't tell him about. I can understand how he might have been initially rubbed the wrong way by something that came out of the blue, but (IMO) your explanation should have been enough to diffuse the situation.
 
butterfly_wings said:
It turns out that there was a lot more to it than that, it was more to do with me not opening up when he had openend up to me.

He thinks I'm Passive Aggressive and after reading the evidence I agree, not sure what to do? :sad:
Click to expand...
But evidence like what? In your OP, you said you told him about the second guy in passing conversation, but based on how subsequent events unfolded, it appeared to slip your SO's mind.
 
He's trippin'. Also, my take on it is this. Some black men enjoy having the upper hand in this interracial dating thing. Like we only want them and they can have any race women they want. They like feeling like they have more options than us and that they are in more demand than us. In his mind your background flips the script. And I agree with Cherrypie. He ain't gotta know every daggone thing about you. Do not let him make you feel guilty over anything. Shoot I just realized I kinda went out with 3 white guys. I always say two, but I'm just remembering a little crush in middle school. I wish someone would hold that against me. Y'all need to let go of the past and focus on the present and future.
 
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