Are you still in love with your first love?

[br0wney3z]

I was just thinking about this today. In high school, I didn't date until my senior year when I was introduced to the boy who would become my boufriend. We dated most of my senior year, and broke up right before prom. Anyways, as you can imagine he was not only my first love, but my first.....a lot of things. Its been 6 years now since we broke up, and we still keep in touch, birthdays, holidays, the occasional 'I'm bored what are you doing?' call. Obviously I've dated since we broke up, but somehow I can't help missing him. Not all the time, but when I get a bit depressed and things aren't going right with my current or just feeling nostalgic. Its worse than a fleeting moment thing though, not that I am constantly thinking about him, but I just always thought that we would one day get married and what not. Does this happen to anyone else?

 

[gymfreak336]

Yep I still am....I have finally accepted that I will never "get over it" I will always love him in some way

 

[gone_fishing]

Not in the least!

 

[gone_fishing]

My ex husband though...as much as I know we just CANNOT be together...I'll always love him. We shared almost all of my adulthood, some of my childhood and we have a child that we planned and cherished.

I'll always care about him.

Too bad he's a jerk.

 

[tyrablu]

I am...And i am trying to fight those feelings.

 

[jrae]

Love him, yes. In love with him, no.

 

[Much2much41]

Nope. Not in the least. Saw his ignorant @ss on the correctional website last month, with a never ending rap sheet

 

[MrsQueeny]

Heck to the no. I am so glad I am no longer with him. I don't have anything bad to say about him but I have been over him for over 10 years now!!! Q

 

[spelmanlocks]

I would not say that I am in love with him, but there are still some feelings there some good and bad. Someone told me that I should accept that he is a part of the hard wiring in my heart and that a part of him may always be there, so I shouldn't sweat it to much and I don't. I too thought we'd be married, have kids, etc. Finally I had to ask him to stop calling, deleted him from my facebook, etc. Cutting off all contact with him made it much easier for me to move on.

 

[Danene5]

In Love, No but we'll always be friends. There is always going to be apart of me that will love him. I think that if you are still in love with your first love then you should really talk because you can't move on with someone else if you are in love with another person. Also I appreciate him. My first love and I were together for 4 years since the age of 15. Now at 26, I see what mistakes I made and have learned tremedously from them. We talk once a week and it reminds me why we could never be together. But I am appreciative of the life lessons that he has taught me.

 

[Luvmylife]

Not in the least...for some reason dude irks the hell outta me now.

 

[br0wney3z]

Nope. Not in the least. Saw his ignorant @ss on the correctional website last month, with a never ending rap sheet

Oh wow. I think what makes it hard for me is that its not that either one of us did anything to end the relationship on bad terms, we just sort of stopped clicking and we were both going away to college. But I sometimes feel like he had many of the qualities I am looking for in a companion now and I just haven't been able to find anyone that not only matches him, but surpasses him. And the fact that he senses that I still have those feelings, but he doesn't seem to have that special place for me in his heart really irks me. When am I going to learn

 

[Extremus]

Heeellll noooooooo!!!! That n**** crazy!

 

[Britt]

YES ! I am !
Each year that has passed I thought my feelings would completely dissappear for him and it hasn't . I got with him when I was 16-18.. Well I'm 25 will be 26 in Feb and I STILL to this very day think about him. Sometimes, I will get in a frenzy and scour the internet to 'find him'. Even when I am not consciously thinking about him, I do think about him on some level. I compare the people i'm with to him, in some shape or form. I pray for him. I even, oh man, ... i've tried googling him several times, well, I was able to get his parents phone # and I gave them a call and it was great speaking with them. It looks like he's moved on with his life, and he hasn't called him. Eventhough I was young, I felt such a connection to him, it was as I could 'feel' him, it was much more than lust, I could feel his pain, he was my comfort, my best friend, everything. I have not felt that connection with anyone that I have been with after him.

When I read the letters he wrote me when he moved away from NYC, I still cry lots of tears. I could feel the love and intent in his words. I would just like to speak to him to hear his voice and see the man he's grown into. His parents told me he just bought a 4 bdrm house and I was sooo happy for him. I think the person that makes me forget about my first love, or makes me not yearn for him, that would have to be the man that I will marry .

All I want is some closure, and I don't think I will get that until I speak to him or find 'the one'.

 

[br0wney3z]

YES ! I am !
Each year that has passed I thought my feelings would completely dissappear for him and it hasn't . I got with him when I was 16-18.. Well I'm 25 will be 26 in Feb and I STILL to this very day think about him. Sometimes, I will get in a frenzy and scour the internet to 'find him'. Even when I am not consciously thinking about him, I do think about him on some level. I compare the people i'm with to him, in some shape or form. I pray for him. I even, oh man, ... i've tried googling him several times, well, I was able to get his parents phone # and I gave them a call and it was great speaking with them. It looks like he's moved on with his life, and he hasn't called him. Eventhough I was young, I felt such a connection to him, it was as I could 'feel' him, it was much more than lust, I could feel his pain, he was my comfort, my best friend, everything. I have not felt that connection with anyone that I have been with after him.

When I read the letters he wrote me when he moved away from NYC, I still cry lots of tears. I could feel the love and intent in his words. I would just like to speak to him to hear his voice and see the man he's grown into. His parents told me he just bought a 4 bdrm house and I was sooo happy for him. I think the person that makes me forget about my first love, or makes me not yearn for him, that would have to be the man that I will marry .

All I want is some closure, and I don't think I will get that until I speak to him or find 'the one'.

ITA with the bolded. At least I'm not the only one. Everything you said you have done, I have done. We still talk so at least I know how he is doing, but that in my opinion makes it harder to move on b/c I want to be there doing the things he's doing with him and not just hearing about it.

 

[Britt]

ITA with the bolded. At least I'm not the only one. Everything you said you have done, I have done. We still talk so at least I know how he is doing, but that in my opinion makes it harder to move on b/c I want to be there doing the things he's doing with him and not just hearing about it.

I just feel like I need proper closure, and eventhough I haven't seen him or heard from in 3 years, part of me obviously needs to let it go and have closure. It's not like i'm really trying to rekindle anything, but I need to know that my feelings are for the past and that it's time to move on. I need to see him or speak to him to fully let - it- go. I feel kinda silly to feel this impacted by him . I can't believe almost 10 years since i've met him, and I still feel this way .

 

[br0wney3z]

I just feel like I need proper closure, and eventhough I haven't seen him or heard from in 3 years, part of me obviously needs to let it go and have closure. It's not like i'm really trying to rekindle anything, but I need to know that my feelings are for the past and that it's time to move on. I need to see him or speak to him to fully let - it- go. I feel kinda silly to feel this impacted by him . I can't believe almost 10 years since i've met him, and I still feel this way .

I was just having this conversation with one of my girlfriends the other day. It makes me think that there is something wrong with me that I can't let go and move on. But I like what someone else said in their post, that she just had to accept that he was going to be "part of the hard wiring in my heart and that a part of him may always be there." I guess I just need to exhale and give up the ghost of past love.

 

[Britt]

But I like what someone else said in their post, that she just had to accept that he was going to be "part of the hard wiring in my heart and that a part of him may always be there." I guess I just need to exhale and give up the ghost of past love.

This is true, but hard for me to accept , I feel like such a looser. It's just amazing how one person had such an impact on me, and mostly everyone else it disposable. It amazes me so much b/c I was so young when I was with him, I was a teenager.

 

[br0wney3z]

This is true, but hard for me to accept , I feel like such a looser. It's just amazing how one person had such an impact on me, and mostly everyone else it disposable. It amazes me so much b/c I was so young when I was with him, I was a teenager.

you and me both lady, you and me both.

 

[Mortons]

No, but I am of the belief that love doesn't end it just transforms. While I don't love that person in the same way anymore I do care for them.

 

[Ms Red]

Not in love with him anymore. Or the idea of him.

But he still tries to keep me in his life... 3 texts from him this week and yesterday he called my mom's house to wish us a 'Happy Thanksgiving'

So maybe HE is the one still in love

 

[Much2much41]

Oh wow. I think what makes it hard for me is that its not that either one of us did anything to end the relationship on bad terms, we just sort of stopped clicking and we were both going away to college. But I sometimes feel like he had many of the qualities I am looking for in a companion now and I just haven't been able to find anyone that not only matches him, but surpasses him. And the fact that he senses that I still have those feelings, but he doesn't seem to have that special place for me in his heart really irks me. When am I going to learn

How do you know that? You said you are still in contact with each other. Who is making contact? You or him? If it's him, then maybe he DOES still have feelings. Has the subject ever come up?

 

[br0wney3z]

How do you know that? You said you are still in contact with each other. Who is making contact? You or him? If it's him, then maybe he DOES still have feelings. Has the subject ever come up?

He jokes about it when we talk or go out. But he is so unreliable, we'll make plans to hang out and then he'll never call to confirm. Then he'll go months without calling, and then randomly call one day and start saying how I never call him (which I don't cuz I don't want him to think he has the upper hand). We just have a very strange relationship I guess

 

[Much2much41]

He jokes about it when we talk or go out. But he is so unreliable, we'll make plans to hang out and then he'll never call to confirm. Then he'll go months without calling, and then randomly call one day and start saying how I never call him (which I don't cuz I don't want him to think he has the upper hand). We just have a very strange relationship I guess

Well, I obviously don't know the two of you, but I think there are some feelings there on his part, but he is too chicken to say so . I also think he could be "testing other waters", but wants to make sure you don't get to far away when he's ready to come back. That unreliable crap would work my nerves, though .

 

[miracle]

Yes, I am still very much in love with my first love, and thank God everyday for bringing us together after twelve years of being apart!!! I'm blessed to be able to say that my first love will soon become my husband!!!

 

[glamazon386]

I was. But not any more. It did take me a LONG time to get over it though. A LONG time. It was like once he was out of the picture to the point where I barely talked to him or saw him, I was finally okay.

 

[caribgirl]

This is true, but hard for me to accept , I feel like such a looser. It's just amazing how one person had such an impact on me, and mostly everyone else it disposable. It amazes me so much b/c I was so young when I was with him, I was a teenager.

Oh Ladies I know exactly how you feel. I have accepted that I will always love my first love. I had to end our friendship b/c it was not doing me any good keeping in contact with him. He somehow became my best friend even after we had lost contact with one another for several years. I realized that I wanted more but he seemed confused so I decided to not communicate with him at all anymore. I miss him but I think it was for the best.

Anyway, we are not the only ones who feel this way. Here is an excerpt from an interesting article that I ran across:

Some research indicates that a teenager may attach specifically to a first lover in much the same way as a baby attaches to a mother, said Linda Waud, a psychologist who wrote her dissertation on three reunited couples.

"There is an actual neurological attachment that happens between these individuals," she said, "and that's why it's enduring and it never leaves your mind. It's there forever and ever."

Waud, 61, was reunited with her current husband after more than 35 years apart; they met at a high school reunion after each of their marriages to other people had ended.

Click on this for the entire article:
http://www.shirleyglass.com/bostonglobe.htm

 

[Colliecole]

I'm still with him and lovin' strong

 

[Demi27]

Yes!

I don't even know where that man is now. I haven't seen him since 1995, but I will always love him.

 

[Bmack]

br0wney3z, I would suggest you talk to him about your feelings. I was in the same situation. My first love was my first everything. After we broke up I still was in love with him no matter who I dated. We kept in touch the same way you and your ex keep in touch...we lost touch for about two years. I remained in love with him despite being in another relationship, and caring for my boyfriend at the time. We reconnected because I kept bumping into everyone, his best friend, his mother...long story short- we are married now!!!

yep thats the love of my life in the pic below. I say tell him, if you are certain of your feelings. If you are not sure just feel things out at the least.

I was just thinking about this today. In high school, I didn't date until my senior year when I was introduced to the boy who would become my boufriend. We dated most of my senior year, and broke up right before prom. Anyways, as you can imagine he was not only my first love, but my first.....a lot of things. Its been 6 years now since we broke up, and we still keep in touch, birthdays, holidays, the occasional 'I'm bored what are you doing?' call. Obviously I've dated since we broke up, but somehow I can't help missing him. Not all the time, but when I get a bit depressed and things aren't going right with my current or just feeling nostalgic. Its worse than a fleeting moment thing though, not that I am constantly thinking about him, but I just always thought that we would one day get married and what not. Does this happen to anyone else?