Are You (or Have You Been) In Love With Someone You Can't Have?

zzirvingj

zzirvingj

New Member
Are you (or have you been) in love with someone you can't have?

Maybe you can't have the person because they are married, or distance keeps you apart, or you're in love with them but they're not in love with you, or they're gay :look:...or....whatever.

If so....how long have you been in love the person? Do you feel like you can get emotionally involved with anyone else at this point, or does the love you have for the other person keep you from doing so?

What do you think it would take for you move on?
 
zzirvingj said:
Are you (or have you been) in love with someone you can't have?

Maybe you can't have the person because they are married, or distance keeps you apart, or you're in love with them but they're not in love with you, or they're gay :look:...or....whatever.

If so....how long have you been in love the person? Do you feel like you can get emotionally involved with anyone else at this point, or does the love you have for the other person keep you from doing so?

What do you think it would take for you move on?
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Was "in love" with someone I thought I couldnt have, got over it. Come to find out he felt the same way the entire time. Now I dont want a thing to do with him.Weird I know:look:.
 
zzirvingj said:
^^Ya'll didn't answer my questions! ;)

I need details people, details....:lol:
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:lachen::lachen:

I worked with this white, Jewish guy and I had a massive crush on him but his family started the corporation and he was the attorney in charge of my department so I kept my thoughts to myself. We flirted a lot but in a playful way but I never imagined anything could happen because of all the things I mentioned. When I left the company I kept in touch because he vouched for me in other positions and plus he's an important contact. Years later after he was married to a nice Jewish girl and I was also married he confessed that he had a crush as well but did nothing because he didn't think I would be interested.

He's not the one who got away but I used to feel a little regret......
 
Not in love with, but have a serious crush on my good friends brother. I had the the crush on him long before she and I became good friends and she doesn't know and will never know. He's been dating another friend on and off over the years so I just stay in the friends lane. My crush on him won't hinder me from getting involved with someone else. But if he ever stepped to me....:look:...:yep:..:lol:
 
To answer your questions, yes I could get emotionally involved with someone else if I wanted to at the moment, I just choose not to becuase I have too much on my plate and i dont need any more stress. Between paying back student loans, 2 jobs and applying to grad school...I just dont need anymore on my plate.

Will the situation with this person always be there in the back of my mind, yeah, but I dont want to touch it. It would be too much drama, wouldnt work out and there is too much baggage for it to ever even work. If I knew then what I know now..i would have walked away sooner.
 
Yeah. But it wasn't really love. It may have been more like "in like/lust"

He's my ex-boyfriend's best friend. *ducks from stones* I know I know. Terrible. I know.

He was really attracted to me when we first met, but he was in a long distance relationship from college. I think I posted about him before. I liked him and I knew he liked me, but I wasn't going to wait around for him to make up his mind, so I ended up dating my ex instead. After he learned that my ex and I were in a relationship he came up to me and told me that I "ruined everything" :rolleyes:

I was really attracted to him though. I still am sometimes. And sometimes we get along really well. We had this very odd love-hate relationship for a really long time. I think it might be sexual tension, but who knows. We're cool now. He's a person who gives me a really hard time, but he looks out for me. His best friend from college told me that when I moved out here, he told him to take care of me. I was like awwww. Especially since his friend took that really seriously and has helped me out a couple of times.

I still think about what he'd be like in bed sometimes, but for the most part, I've moved on.

Plus my ex ended up being an amazing boyfriend so everybody wins. Except for him. :lol:
 
Well... I am still in love with my ex, I think :ohwell:

It's been over a year since we broke up, and even with the distance and the sad way that things ended, whenever we see each other, we sometimes can't stop smiling.
I thought I would marry him, and I was mentally preparing for marrying sooner than I'd imagined lol, like at 25 or whatever. My mother thought he was great. When she met him, she called him her "first son" (that woman...:lol:) My dad really liked him too, which was a wonderful surprise because he initially acted like he couldn't stand the "idea" of him.

We broke up because he confessed to me that he'd lied to me about something for a very long time. That really tainted a lot of the admiration that I had for him and made me question a lot of things about him. What's sad is that, other than that, he was an amazing boyfriend. He helped me grow in so many ways in my friendships, relationships with family, and with him. Anyway, after attempting to make it work for a while, I realized that I still had too much resentment... and it was just getting to be too much. I feel like I "can't have him" for those reasons-- I worry that I'll never feel fully secure with him.

I haven't genuinely liked anyone since (or long enough)... and some days I worry about my ability to move on. I want to, though, dammit!!:wallbash::look: Even though some days I want to club him over the head for messing up such a great thing. He's remorseful and has expressed wanting to try again, but I just don't know.

Either way, I've learned a lot about myself since the breakup, and I'm trying to make moves to find a husband soon:look:
 
Don't say what it is but was it a BIG lie or are you just mad that he lied?

CarLiTa said:
Well... I am still in love with my ex, I think :ohwell:

It's been over a year since we broke up, and even with the distance and the sad way that things ended, whenever we see each other, we sometimes can't stop smiling.
I thought I would marry him, and I was mentally preparing for marrying sooner than I'd imagined lol, like at 25 or whatever. My mother thought he was great. When she met him, she called him her "first son" (that woman...:lol:) My dad really liked him too, which was a wonderful surprise because he initially acted like he couldn't stand the "idea" of him.

We broke up because he confessed to me that he'd lied to me about something for a very long time. That really tainted a lot of the admiration that I had for him and made me question a lot of things about him. What's sad is that, other than that, he was an amazing boyfriend. He helped me grow in so many ways in my friendships, relationships with family, and with him. Anyway, after attempting to make it work for a while, I realized that I still had too much resentment... and it was just getting to be too much. I feel like I "can't have him" for those reasons-- I worry that I'll never feel fully secure with him.

I haven't genuinely liked anyone since (or long enough)... and some days I worry about my ability to move on. I want to, though, dammit!!:wallbash::look: Even though some days I want to club him over the head for messing up such a great thing. He's remorseful and has expressed wanting to try again, but I just don't know.

Either way, I've learned a lot about myself since the breakup, and I'm trying to make moves to find a husband soon:look:
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I am currently in this situation. Actually we're in love with each other, but nothing is going to come out of it. I don't really care to go into all the specifics here, but it's been well documented over in the relationship forum. There are a number of factors as to why we have no future.

We first said it to each other on my birthday, which was in February, but he said he knew he loved me for at least a month prior to that.

Because of the situation, I've always been open to seeing/meeting other people. I'm actually still dealing with the person I was seeing prior to him, although there's not really the emotional aspect anymore.

At this point, I think I'll have to really fall for someone else to completely get him out of my system, and I don't see that happening anytime soon.
 
yardyspice said:
Don't say what it is but was it a BIG lie or are you just mad that he lied?
Click to expand...

Hm... that's a good question. It was a big lie-- he mischaracterized a lot about himself (some lies in the beginning stages of our courtship, pre-commitment and devotion).
And I was so hurt that he lied [even though today, I know not to ask certain questions]. It also happens that he told me all of this the night before the Haiti earthquake happened. So, I was a mess for months, for a lot of reasons. My academics and my health suffered a lot during that time. So, I was resentful for a whole lot of things.
 
This is a great thread OP. I have nothing to contribute, but I 'm nosey as all heck and want to know details. I'm not askin' for any, just had to put that out there! :grin:

ETA: Some people don't know how great they have it when they find the person who loves them just as much as they love them. It really is a Blessing. I've seen enough to know that, Loving someone that doesn't love you back is absolutely Heartbreaking!
 
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Leesh said:
This is a great thread OP. I have nothing to contribute, but I 'm nosey as all heck and want to know details. I'm not askin' for any, just had to put that out there! :grin:

ETA: Some people don't know how great they have it when they find the person who loves them just as much as they love them. It really is a Blessing. I've seen enough to know that, Loving someone that doesn't love you back is absolutely Heartbreaking!
Click to expand...

So true...
 
Yes.
I'm in a relationship...that's....ever evolving lol. Meaning we've been together for a long time, since the end of senior year of high school. We've grown...and don't know if we still want the same things...so we're still committed but made a promise if either of us ever wanted to entertain someone else, we would.immediately take a break and let nature take its course. And its serving us well. *shrug*

So there's a guy that I talk to...won't say how I know him, but he's closer physically and mentally to the guys I dated prior to my current SO. And he's amazing. And I am becoming emotionally attached, but Idk if its enough to make me press pause on my SO. AND he is in a relationship of his own and has other baggage. We talk and flirt. I discuss both him and SO in the Relationship RT thread. Is it "love"? Idk.....but I feel like somethings missing when I don't talk to him, I hate going long periods of time not seeing him, and I tell him EVERYTHING. He tells me he cares, yet we're both pretty sure nothing will come of it. I think its because both of us are too scared to leave the relationships we're in because we've been in them so long. NEITHER OF US ARE MARRIED AND HIS RELATIONSHIP IS AN OPEN ONE (and yes, I've spoken to her so I KNOW it is) so no need for scolding, LHCF moms lol. So its just...a thing. Idk. Lol.

Did I skip any of the questions....oh! It's been about....10 months TOTAL, but about 5 since I've known it was a mutual attraction.

Sent from my pretty red Inspire, excuse the typos!
 
If he's not for you, then he's blocking the one who is. Maybe a purge is needed -- burn all his stuff and block him from your phone.

MzLady78 said:
I am currently in this situation. Actually we're in love with each other, but nothing is going to come out of it. I don't really care to go into all the specifics here, but it's been well documented over in the relationship forum. There are a number of factors as to why we have no future.

We first said it to each other on my birthday, which was in February, but he said he knew he loved me for at least a month prior to that.

Because of the situation, I've always been open to seeing/meeting other people. I'm actually still dealing with the person I was seeing prior to him, although there's not really the emotional aspect anymore.

At this point, I think I'll have to really fall for someone else to completely get him out of my system, and I don't see that happening anytime soon.
Click to expand...
 
Not in a few years but it used to be a theme to my dating... when I did like people that were unavailable, I never had a problem with squeezing my way, getting rid of the other person and taking their spot :look:

Particularly when I was younger, I used to be good at making the person call the other person on three-way or while they were with me to tell the other person it was over or to stop calling :look:...dunno if I have that magic anymore, I wouldnt try it or recommend it lol
 
Yes, I thought I was and I think of him often. Not much I can do about it. I told him 2 times my feelings and both times he states, "Oh, I had no idea you felt that way, I am flattered". That is it. I have stopped playing myself.
 
Yup. This is the situation I am in right now and there isnt anything I can do about it. I am dating someone else at the moment and that takes my mind off of the situation. I have strong feelings for both but the one I cant have..................yeah.
 
omg this is depressing and I posted about it in the relationship forum not too long ago. I have a BF now but im still in love with my ex...it's pretty sad and I feel like a horrible person at times. Both of us are in new relationships and there's 6 hours b/w us. It's too complicated to even bother trying to elaborate but I keep telling myself that I DONT have to be with him. But something in me keeps saying he's the one. I feel like it's holding me back from life and it's a distraction.
 
No.

But I used to purposely put up obstacles with men that wanted to be serious with me. I would say/think/feel/pretend I was in love with them and then when it was just too much pressure to really go there--I would find some obscure reason why we couldn't be together and then go around and say "Yeah I'm in love with so and so but we can't be together" :look:. I didn't like giving into the feeling of needing, loving, wanting a person.
 
Yes. And the minute I was able to have him, I ran like hayle and never looked back :yep:
 
Yeah, he was actually my boyfried tho. When I found out he was a dog faced whore bag, I had to leave him. But I was still in love with him for a long time...and couldn't have him since he was a lying cheat puff.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2
 
Yes. I have been.

My high school sweetheart who graduated a year earlier than me. After he graduated he proposed to me and then his parents made him join the AF. The plan was after I graduated from high school, we would get married and I would move with his parents until he finished his tech schools, then we would live together.

We talked and planned everything out (1 year) and he sent me the plane ticket for me to fly to his parents home.

The day of...where I was supposed to show up at the airport, I got scared and backed out.
Him and his parents were calling and I couldn't face them for weeks and I avoided his calls, letters, etc.

Well.....less than a year later (Christmas to be exact), I finally mustard up enough courage and called his parents house.

He answered and said he couldn't talk......

He ended up getting a chick (his now wife) prego during my not talking with him and he married her. I asked him why and he said his father told him to do the right thing by her and marry her.

I was crushed and it took both of us YEARS to just let go.

Funny because just a few months ago he found me on FB.

His wife looks like she could be my sister. :ohwell:
 
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