Are you into unavailable men? How did you change?

[Duchesse]

I'm starting to think that maybe I need to see a counselor or therapist. I've been doing some self reflection and have noticed that I have a big problem with falling for men who are completely unavailable. Meanwhile, I always have nice, good men who show sincere interest in me and actively pursue me, but I rarely have any interest in them or throw them in the friend category.

Does anyone else do this? I literally could have been in five relationships this past year but I didn't like any of these men romantically. The one that I really did like and thought we were going to be in a relationship is the biggest flake ever and fell off. Now my current crush is always at work or makes up some excuse as to why he cant see me. Meanwhile I have two men who really like me and want to spend time with me, but I feel NOTHING and ignore their calls.

I really think I have a problem.

 

[DarkJoy]

this is to say I've only had 1 crush from an unavailable man and the resultant feelings were on the verge of being...well soul crushing, really... a quick diversion of attenttion and all was well...

If you find yourself in this kind of cycle, yes, please seek counceling. Idk how anyone can do that over and over. The constant devastation would be...goodness. can't describe it

Hope you find your way.

 

[Lucie]

It could stem from how you were brought up. Perhaps, it makes you feel good to get a man that is unavailable. Maybe like a prize? I think it is GREAT that you recongnize this about yourself. I do not think you are alone in this. Many women like/love men that are unavailable. All the while the available men get little to no attention. Perhaps, you should seek some counseling and they can help you break the cycle. Good luck honey.

 

[Duchesse]

Thank you ladies for your insight and input. I was just thinking and feeling some type of way...I appreciate it. I'm going to see if I can find someone to talk to and figure out the root.

 

[Blyss_curls]

I don't think there's a one size fit's all for why some of us, have been attracted to unavailable people. My reason, may not be your reason.

For me yes, I did that earlier in life.
When I finally realized I was dating the same person, over and over--I wanted to know why. When I realized why, I started the process to change the pattern.

 

[CarLiTa]

I used to think I understood the term "unavailable men," but I am not sure I do anymore. What makes a man unavailable?

I have met guys who pursued me and seemed fairly open (too early to really know) and it turns out that they were not entirely emotionally available. By the time that I found out, it's quite a disappointment. It's the men who lie by omission... not the ones who actively look as though they are hiding something.
I don't know if my radar is off or something, or if I need to get bold and ask probing questions about a guy's past relationships on dates 1-2 or something... which I would consider a no-no in dating.
But, I am getting tired of the liars by omission. (I won't lie... I've been a liar by omission myself but I am trying to stop that)... Not sure why I have attracted that and how to stop it.

 

[tlbaby23]

Im currently in a similar situation and it is very frustrating! Theres guys that come to me and try so hard to get close to me yet i always push them away and im automatically turned off. YEEETT on the other hand theres the guy that i am interested in and he comes up with every reason why he cannot put time into me right now. Every though he made it plain and clear that he doesnt want anything with me right now i have a hard time just letting go because if this "maybe we can have a happy ending if i show him how much i care" smh. i know its pitiful and i need to focus on me n move the hell on!