Are you 25 years old or older and have NEVER been in a relationship?

[jupitermoon]

This thread is for you to share your views and experiences. I wonder how common is this?

My views (un-pc...):

I have never been in a relationship with anyone and I think this is so weird and abnormal. There are 18/19 year olds with more relationship experience than me. Because of this I sometimes I feel like a big 'ole kid and not quite "normal" like other women.

I'm starting to believe that perhaps god wants some of us to remain single? It is our fate?

 

[Raine054]

It is uncommon but if you are happy and healthy in other major areas of your life, I doubt there is anything wrong with you. Do you want to be in a relationship? Have you tried?

I have a male friend who is 24 years old and has never been in a relationship. He is extremely shy.

 

[lesedi]

I'm not in this situation but my take on it is: if you are fine with the situation and happy within yourself then it's FINE. If you are worried about it and are self-conscious and uncomfortable, then i'd say try and work on it ( speak to a counsellor, review your choices, analyse whether you are scared of risk/intimacy/pain)

 

[Bunny77]

I'm starting to believe that perhaps god wants some of us to remain single? It is our fate?

Don't put this on God...

(Be back later to add a few more thoughts!)

 

[MissK7]

it completely depends on how it makes you feel.. just because everyone else is doing something doesn't mean everyone has to do it in order to fit in. if you're ok with it, no problem. don't push anything just to be like other people.

if you do desire a relationship, then start putting out the intention that you want to have one and it will simply flow from there. no matter what be easy on yourself, be happy and it'll work out for you.

 

[Poohbear]

I agree with Bunny77 in that don't put this on God. And also, don't think it is weird or abnormal to have never been in a relationship. You have probably saved yourself a lot of headache and heartache over the years more than anything.

 

[Meritamen]

I'm not yet 25, I'm 22, but I keep this up I will still never had a relationship by that age. I enjoy being single for the most part but as I have gotten older the more I want to be with someone. It is probably because my friends are starting to get engaged, married, and having families so I feel like "Dang, I haven't even gotten started!" There are reasons why I continue to stay single; it does seem odd to people and I do feel like a child in that aspect because I have zero experience. But at the same time I think I have saved myself a lot of drama, headaches, and a few heartaches.
I guess I'm just a late bloomer in that regard. I mean if I wanted to date that badly I would just go out and date but I haven't. So I don't see what it has to do with fate.

 

[TayMac]

I don't know how common it is..but I'm 25 and just in my 2nd REAL relationship (dated alot but not many serious ones). Do you want to be in a relationship and if so, what are you doing to be proactive about it?

25 is not old..you aren't dusty and you have plenty of time to get out there in the dating world.

I don't believe God intended for most to be single or many other things that people like to say are "God's will."

 

[anon123]

I had dated before and been in relationships of sorts, but I didn't have what I considered my first full fledged relationship until 30. I do think it is abnormal and I think you are not happy with it. At least, I wasn't. Only means that it's time for a change. If something's not getting us the results we want, we have to change something. Maybe join some social groups that include men and look to a matchmaker?

 

[Renovating]

I don't think it's abnormal if you were focused on other things. I have to cosign on what Poohbear said, because SOMETIMES (not all) the relationships that take place between the ages of 18-25 can cause a lot of heartache.

I'm 26 and I've only had one long term relationship and that was one big learning experience. Anything under 1-2 yrs doesn't really count to me.

 

[ryanshope]

I don't think it is abnormal. In fact I think that it definitely saves you alot of heartache and drama. My relationships from 16-21 were SOOO volatile and intense. If I had the mind I have now, I would have K.I.M because in the end all of those dudes weren't worth the salt of my tears, much less the energy I put into the relationships.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yea I haven't had a truly SERIOUS long-term relationship before yet and I'm in my late 20s!

I've dated a few guys here and there, but none of them were really "the one" for me. I don't believe in dating just to be dating...I want to have a SERIOUS relationship and get married one day, so I have stopped wasting my time with guys and "guy friends" who aren't serious about having a relationship with me. I believe that for the most part, men KNOW what they want, and when they meet you, you're either what they want/or looking for, or you're not. If you're not...then you will know. Men don't play games with women that they want to eventually marry and make a wife. I've learned that much.

I got started late in the dating game also due to school. I just wasn't interested in settling down at that time and had my mind focused on other things. So I guess I'm a "late bloomer"??

Either way, I say that there's nothing wrong with being (insert age here) and a relationship "newbie". I don't think marriage or long-term relationships are an "age-related" type of milestone in life like getting your driver's license at 16, or being able to drink at age 21. No, I think that getting married or being in a serious relationship are one of those things that occur in life when you meet the RIGHT person. Even if the person isn't really "right" for you per se....you've still made a decision to marry that person regardless. Some women aren't willing to "settle" however, so therefore they may be waiting a little longer to find that "right" person.

Or...sometimes people in teens or early twenties just somehow happen to find that *special someone* at the right time and they end up marrying their soul mate at a young age. No biggie. Different timing for different people that's all.

It doesn't make you weird or strange.

Now, if you're afraid of commitment, or you're having guys knocking down your door and you're STILL not giving any guys a chance, then maybe you might want to look into the reasons for that.

But otherwise, I say enjoy life as a single person, and when that right man comes into your life, he'll hopefully be a nice ADDITION to your already full and happy life. The icing on the cake in other words...not the WHOLE cake.

 

[Poohbear]

I don't think it's abnormal if you were focused on other things. I have to cosign on what Poohbear said, because SOMETIMES (not all) the relationships that take place between the ages of 18-25 can cause a lot of heartache.

I'm 26 and I've only had one long term relationship and that was one big learning experience. Anything under 1-2 yrs doesn't really count to me.

I'm 26 years old too!

I've only had one serious relationship too (4 years off and on which I ended in 2006). Right now, I'm in a relationship considered serious (almost 1.5 years).

 

[itismehmmkay]

I feel like I was a late bloomer. I didn't have my first real serious relationship until 26 or so. Before then I did have guys that I dated/talked to.

My advice would be to get out there.
I'd like for my children to have relationship experience earlier (no early sex though)

 

[Strangefruittree]

I dont think there is anything wrong... I alway say if 40 is the new 30.... 20 something is the new adolescence.... I am taking this time to learn and grow myself and not make the same immature mistakes my parents made. I have had a couple of realtionships and because of my personal lack of maturity things went into directions they did not need to go in. because I did not know myself well enough and because I did not know how to take care of myself... I had these crazy expectations of what a relationship was supposed to be... I got sick of running in circles and am now taking the time to cultivate myself and my life before i decide to share the gift that is me and my life with someone else. I mean, dating.... it can help you learn about yourself and what you want in a partner... But every relationship you get into is a wild card... cause your dealing with another person with free will... The best thing you can do is learn yourself, so that when a realtionship opprotunity presents itself, your ready to make it the best it can be for you.

 

[Strangefruittree]

oh and I remember being proposed to when i was about 19... Still I treasure many attributes of that realtionship. And I did love him, was in love with him and all of that. But the marriage commitment was just too big for me to handle at that age. Not because i wanted any other person or was curious. I truly did not undertand the concept of marriage but i knew what divorce was and did not want that, lol... To this day, that relationship has componets of a prototype but, i am glad i did not make that committment so young.

 

[Renovating]

I'm 26 years old too!

I've only had one serious relationship too (4 years off and on which I ended in 2006). Right now, I'm in a relationship considered serious (almost 1.5 years).

I hope it continues to go well.

 

[SeatownSista]

26 year old perpetual single checking in... I'm really starting to feel like I'm some kind of weirdo or something. I can totally relate to not quite feeling like a normal woman because of it and like a big ole kid. I work with adolescents and many of them have had or are currently in relationships that have lasted 2 or 3 years, making me feel even more like weirdo.

 

[Filmatic]

I'm going to be un-pc too and say there is something wrong. People who I have come across who haven't had a relationship before and are in their mid to late 20s are behind their peers emotionally speaking. When a person is 25 and hasn't been in a relationship and gets with another 25-26 who has, the former is always play catch up with the way the relationship is going. Even one relationship will better prepare someone for a mature relationship.

So if you aren't happy, it's time to change it.

 

[lesedi]

I think i have to agree with the sentiment that it IS unusual and NOT the norm....but it is not anything to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. I also disagree with some of the posters who have mentioned that by not getting into relationships at a young age you save yourself heartache. I have endured PLENTY of heartache, pain etc...but I wouldn't have it any other way- I have had to weed out the duds to get to the right one.

 

[Duchesse]

How old are you? I used to think that I was a freak of nature for always being single. For me it was really intense shyness, social/sexual awkwardness, and genuine fondness of single-hood that caused the delay.

I didn't start really dating until I was 23, and didn't have a "relationship" until I was 25. I'm 27 now and have never had a real long term relationship of serious depth. I think if I'd never dated at all at this point in life, it would be strange.

At times I do wish that I wasn't such a late bloomer, but honestly, if I started dating at a younger age, I would have been a mess, prob. have like 15 kids and be married w/o papers to a poet.

 

[Bunny77]

Okay, got lots of thoughts here...

I was 20 when I got in my first relationship, so I guess I don't fit here... but I have a lot of friends in this situation and I was probably on my way to it as well. I kind of made myself get a boyfriend as a junior in college. I did care about him a lot, but there was a lot of drama surrounding the situation that probably would have made me pass him up 9 times out of 10... but back then, I figured it was time to have a relationship, so I gave it a go.


Anyway, I think this situation is becoming a lot more common. Because we no longer live in a society in which women (even the shy ones) would meet a nice shy boy at school or church and could still end up with a partner, you now have situations where women who are shy/studious or just focused on education/career can end up approaching their 30s without being in a relationship.

On one hand, I think it's GREAT that these women avoided the ridiculousness of high school relationships. I don't mean just the heartbreak -- I mean the fact that these 18-19-year-olds these days really don't have all that much RELATIONSHIP experience. From what I hear, most of these girls might have had a "boyfriend" for a few years, but have no idea what it means to go on a date and be courted. They just hang out at someone's dorm/house/apartment and have sex. Shoot, I hear a lot of college "relationship" are like this these days... again, that's not the experience I find all that valuable... this is why you've got women in their 30s (sometimes with kids) who haven't experienced a relationship in which they are pursued and courted!

On the other hand, it eventually becomes unproductive to continue talking about all the heartache and heartbreak that you saved yourself from by not having a relationship. I think the poster YankeeCandle made an excellent post about this in a different thread. Yes, there are negatives to relationships (break ups, etc.), but by not having any, you also miss out on the opportunity to love, to be loved, to care for another person, to learn how to "relate" to someone on a level completely different from the level in which you'd relate to a good friend or a family member. These are important personal developments that we should experience, and I can see something "missing" when I meet older people who've spent their lives without having been in serious romantic relationships. There is an emotional immaturity there that I can't quite describe, but I know it when I see it.

(I'm talking about 35+ here, btw).

Now, I do think that if you are at least dating -- even if you have not been in a serious relationship -- that does help quite a bit in one's relational development. It is harder to get into quality relationships these days, so sometimes, one's lack of GOOD relationship experience is just the sign of the times.

Or, it could be the sign of something that one needs to work on internally. That's what the person needs to figure out.

 

[Bunny77]

I don't believe God intended for most to be single or many other things that people like to say are "God's will."

Exactly.

I find that this type of comment comes from one of two places... sometimes both.

1. People who make poor relationship decisions and when the consequences come, it's easy to push it off on "God's will" instead of looking at themselves and realizing that their actions are what caused the current situation. I often hear the comment, "Perhaps God is telling me that I am supposed to be single because all of my relationships have been bad."

Well, uh, God didn't tell you to get with Pookie, Tyrone, Ray Ray or Bubba did He? That was all YOU... so the lesson should be that you should perhaps listen to when God is telling you NOT to get with dudes you know you have no business dealing with... your poor choices should not be translated as messages from God that you aren't supposed to be in relationships at all.

2. A situation might not be one's fault, but instead of doing some internal work to see if there is room for self-improvement or change, it's easy to just say, "Oh well, I guess this is/isn't God's will." That's lazy thinking and another way to shift responsibility.


As far as I'm concerned, unless God specifically told you to be single for life, then your current status likely has nothing to do with Him or 'His will.'"

 

[Maracujá]

This is a great thread. Like Mwedzi said, I've never been in a real relationship either. I was with someone in my early twenties - I turn 25 in july - but you can hardly call that a relationship, it didn't even last either. Right now I'm dating this guy that I've known for almost three years and I really want it to work.

 

[Bunny77]

P.S.: I will add that I went a decade without being in an actual relationship (where the man was my boyfriend) for many of the reasons that Crystalicequeen mentioned. After the college relationship ended, I often dated, but none of the dating situations resulted in actual serious relationships.

When I started noticing the length of time that had passed, I had to change things.

So I can relate to a lot being said in this thread.

 

[Curlybeauty]

I had dated before and been in relationships of sorts, but I didn't have what I considered my first full fledged relationship until 30. I do think it is abnormal and I think you are not happy with it. At least, I wasn't. Only means that it's time for a change. If something's not getting us the results we want, we have to change something. Maybe join some social groups that include men and look to a matchmaker?

You are over the age of 30?

And I agree with Bunny, about the valuable experiences with being in relationships. I have always been in and out of relationships, and for once I don't even want one. I just can't handle it right now. I'm focused on school, and haven't found a way to balance a relationship, school, and life in general. PLUS, then one I really want, is going to Korea in august for basketball .

Bitter sweet, but I will have time to get my ish together.

I wish OP could chime in about whether or not she is dating. I would personally give you the side-eye, but I don't know the whole story!

 

[LovelyNaps26]

If you're weird then I am too.

I am 26 and I have never been in a relationship. Have I been "holla'd" at? Too many times to count since I was 12!. I want a good Christian guy and I either get approached by players or nice guys who don't share my core values. I have several, at least five girlfriends whom I can say for sure are beautiful, all college educated, emotionally stable and have NEVER been in an exclusive (i.e. had a boyfriend) relationship.

At this point in my life I don't want to just be with somebody to say I had a boyfriend. I could have done that anytime if I wanted to. I see janky relationships and I at least want to start off with someone I like and I think will be a decent fit. I just hope God works something out before 30. 'Cause by then I might begin to feel weird.

eta: I do believe God will work things out but I do also believe it's important for me to be proactive and approachable. I've been working on that recently.

 

[Xerxes]

This thread is for you to share your views and experiences. I wonder how common is this?

My views (un-pc...):

I have never been in a relationship with anyone and I think this is so weird and abnormal. There are 18/19 year olds with more relationship experience than me. Because of this I sometimes I feel like a big 'ole kid and not quite "normal" like other women.

I'm starting to believe that perhaps god wants some of us to remain single? It is our fate?

Alrighty, I fit this profile too well. I am 29 and have never had a serious boyfriend.

I'm an uber nerd, Christian and used to be a size 16 which rendered me invisible until I became a size 2/4 7 years ago.

I have all of my degrees and an amazing career and now I am trying to add a man to my life, but I tend to like superficial jerks and I find it hard to be attracted to someone I could start a healthy relationship with during my limited free time.

If I weren't a Christian, I'd be married by now. Each guy I almost had a longterm with wanted me to move in and sleep with him. And nearly each of these guys are just as successful as myself and married now to the girl that they met after I said "no".

I am not going to compromise my beliefs, but I have to start getting attracted to the heart of a man first and not be so turned off by the external.
I will get in my first longterm within 60 days because I so need a man right now. lol

At this moment, I am waiting for one of my car tires to be fixed and I wish I had a man to deal with this crap so I could still be at work.

I will start flirting tonight at the gym.

 

[username12]

I think it all situational.

It's common for college-aged women to not be in relationships, considering that most college-aged men are enjoying their "options."

I've noticed that women who aren't college educated get into relationships quicker than those who are in college, maybe they are around more relationship-minded men.

Then you have to consider the quality of the relationships, I see a majority of men my age (I'm 24) cheating.

Plus commitment ages change with educational level, men who aren't college educated marry between of 18-25, college educated men marry between the ages of 25-35. The 20s have become an extended adolescence where most are enjoying being young and free. As long as you're dating, learning and discovering yourself, you'll be fine.

 

[jupitermoon]

I don't know how common it is..but I'm 25 and just in my 2nd REAL relationship (dated alot but not many serious ones). Do you want to be in a relationship and if so, what are you doing to be proactive about it?

25 is not old..you aren't dusty and you have plenty of time to get out there in the dating world.

I don't believe God intended for most to be single or many other things that people like to say are "God's will."

I've tried dating websites and asking my friends if they know any suitable guys (strangely they all claim they don't). Lately, I've given up.

I do go out (not often though), but I really don't know how to act around guys (and don't think most are interested in me). At this point I'm pretty open to dating/marrying almost anyone that's going to be faithful and just accept me.

26 year old perpetual single checking in... I'm really starting to feel like I'm some kind of weirdo or something. I can totally relate to not quite feeling like a normal woman because of it and like a big ole kid. I work with adolescents and many of them have had or are currently in relationships that have lasted 2 or 3 years, making me feel even more like weirdo.

I wish I could thank you twice.

I'm going to be un-pc too and say there is something wrong. People who I have come across who haven't had a relationship before and are in their mid to late 20s are behind their peers emotionally speaking. When a person is 25 and hasn't been in a relationship and gets with another 25-26 who has, the former is always play catch up with the way the relationship is going. Even one relationship will better prepare someone for a mature relationship.

So if you aren't happy, it's time to change it.

You're not being un-pc at all. You're speaking the truth.

How old are you?

I'm in my mid 20s. I'm too embarrassed to give my exact age.

Okay, got lots of thoughts here...

I was 20 when I got in my first relationship, so I guess I don't fit here... but I have a lot of friends in this situation and I was probably on my way to it as well. I kind of made myself get a boyfriend as a junior in college. I did care about him a lot, but there was a lot of drama surrounding the situation that probably would have made me pass him up 9 times out of 10... but back then, I figured it was time to have a relationship, so I gave it a go.


Anyway, I think this situation is becoming a lot more common. Because we no longer live in a society in which women (even the shy ones) would meet a nice shy boy at school or church and could still end up with a partner, you now have situations where women who are shy/studious or just focused on education/career can end up approaching their 30s without being in a relationship.

On one hand, I think it's GREAT that these women avoided the ridiculousness of high school relationships. I don't mean just the heartbreak -- I mean the fact that these 18-19-year-olds these days really don't have all that much RELATIONSHIP experience. From what I hear, most of these girls might have had a "boyfriend" for a few years, but have no idea what it means to go on a date and be courted. They just hang out at someone's dorm/house/apartment and have sex. Shoot, I hear a lot of college "relationship" are like this these days... again, that's not the experience I find all that valuable... this is why you've got women in their 30s (sometimes with kids) who haven't experienced a relationship in which they are pursued and courted!

On the other hand, it eventually becomes unproductive to continue talking about all the heartache and heartbreak that you saved yourself from by not having a relationship. I think the poster YankeeCandle made an excellent post about this in a different thread. Yes, there are negatives to relationships (break ups, etc.), but by not having any, you also miss out on the opportunity to love, to be loved, to care for another person, to learn how to "relate" to someone on a level completely different from the level in which you'd relate to a good friend or a family member. These are important personal developments that we should experience, and I can see something "missing" when I meet older people who've spent their lives without having been in serious romantic relationships. There is an emotional immaturity there that I can't quite describe, but I know it when I see it.

....

I strongly agree with the underlined. I'll go even further and say that women that have been in relationships before carry themselves differently than someone like myself. No matter what anyone says, knowing that we are desired and wanted by someone makes us all feel good and increases our confidence and self esteem. Should your self esteem and well being soley depend on being desired by others and being in a loving relationship? No, but it certainly adds to it. It's one of the many things that make us feel good about ourselves.

You are over the age of 30?

And I agree with Bunny, about the valuable experiences with being in relationships. I have always been in and out of relationships, and for once I don't even want one. I just can't handle it right now. I'm focused on school, and haven't found a way to balance a relationship, school, and life in general. PLUS, then one I really want, is going to Korea in august for basketball .

Bitter sweet, but I will have time to get my ish together.

I wish OP could chime in about whether or not she is dating. I would personally give you the side-eye, but I don't know the whole story!

No, I'm not dating.

It's so true that being in relationships during the teens and early 20s is a developmental milestone. I'm very behind most women my age and I see how this affects my relationship with other adults. I don't feel grown up and feel as if I can't relate to most people (because I truely haven't had the same "normal" life experiences). In real life, especially on job settings, other adults have a tendency to bully me and treat me like a kid and now I'm starting to see why I allow this...