those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still young?

[SleekandBouncy]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

I don't consider 10 years a particularly big age gap. Maybe it's a cultural thing.
I wouldn't date anyone who weren't health and fitness minded in the first place regardless of their age. I see a lot of folks who are gassed out at 35.

I have dated a man over 10 older than me and I would not recommend it for most women. I think for that to work it requires an exceptional older man or an exceptional woman who is confident that the frame of mind that man is in is one that she is okay with accepting, for the rest of her life. She should also consider whether or not she is prepared for the health concerns that will arise.

 

[phynestone]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

That man looks younger than 72. Perhaps he dyes his hair or otherwise keeps himself together physically. That's just too large of an age gap for me, but to each his own.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

LOL this conversation had me thinking of Anthony Quinn.

I met one of his kids and he HATED his father: called him old bastard and said he was constantly spitting out kids! He had a passionate dislike for his dad and no respect for him because of this fact. I know Anthony Quinn had over a dozen kids. This guy, Quinn had him in his 60's if I remember correctly and he went in this speal about how his dad was still popping out kids.

. I remember the conversation because I thought it was interesting that his father was Anthony Quinn as I was really interested in acting moreso than writing then. But I was shocked by the hatred and disgust that the guy had for his father and I suspect it's because he kept popping out the children with no regard for his age. I'm sure he has underage (non adults ( children now and he's long since passed away.

After hearing this I thought about it. I realized it seems kinda selfish to have kids in your 60's 70's/ 80's because really are you going to even make it to their high school graduation? Little kid is 10 when you die, now he/she feels a void in their life from their missing parent...is that fair. Or Okay so you make it but they lose you in college? It just doesn't seem right. I think having kids in 30's or 40's is okay though. My parents had me young and I think there's other trade offs for that: my mom was excellent but my dad was still childish even though he was in his early twenties and really shouldn't have had kids. He was a short term thinker and didn't think about the long term repercussions of his actions. I think when you're older you think before reacting and that can be good for a child. It's the reason I decided if I had kids I'd have them when I was older...but not super old enough that it's selfish.

 

[Transformer]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

How was he killed from cheating. Just being nosy.

He approached a woman that another man considered off-limits and was stabbed.

The funny thing about physical fitness and aging. My father lived to age 92 with the last 8 years suffering from Alzhemier's. He was extremely fit having work "on the railroad" for 40 years. He was more physical fit than men half his age but his mental attitude toward marriage was pure Middle Ages. His concept of child rearing came from the 1800s--from the folks that raised him.

I believe regardless of how physical fit you are now, physically you decline at a more rapid rate as you age. While it's true that a person can become disabled at any age, I think the probability is higher for an older person.

 

[Triniwegian]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

You ladies keep referring to physical fitness but how does that matter if he is old at heart?

 

[Makenzie]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

He must have been rich.

I wouldn't say rich, per se, but I do believe her tradeoff was financial stability. She has two young daughters and has always lived above her means. Now she will be able to do all she wants, I'm guessing. I couldn't do it. Just the thought of seeing a man's 71 year old naked body makes me want to pass out. Let alone touch it.

Wow, y'all think 10 years difference is a big age gap?

I guess when your young it can feel that way. I have many friends 10 years older or younger than me and we have everything in common. We like the same things and nobody is disabled.

If your 49 and the man is 59 what's the big deal?

Anybody at any age can become disabled and need constant care.

I don't know, I don't see that as a big age gap . JMHO

My limit is 10 years, maybe 15. And that's a huge MAAAAYBE. 10 years though doesn't seem like a big deal to me. My dad is 8 years older than my mom. I grew up with her calling him 'the old man'. But his brothers and sisters say he always been old. So that's not because of the age gap.

 

[msdeevee]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

10 was my limit. Well, maybe 12... like a 32 year old and a 44 year old don't seem that bad.

My rule of thumb was that if you were old enough to be my daddy going by a general national average of first sexual experience (so, say, 15-16 years old), then you were too old for me!

I think it's fine to want a more mature man, but I think that younger women REALLY need to think about a large age gap and if that "maturity" is so cool when he's 60 and she's 39-40, etc.

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

There is an age difference btwn me & DH but we like the same things. Listen to the same music. Remember the same childhood tv shows and all that.

I don't think that age matters at all when you love someone, but.......No, I'm not trying to take care of no old man either.

I don't see why a 35 year old would even consider marrying a man over 70 unless he promised me some serious financial perks. I guess that would be called something else though..

Look at Larry King and his 50 year old wife. How did she have 2 kids for him ?

 

[NaturalPath]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

This is why I prefer to date younger.

My first and current SO is 1-2 years younger than me.

If I am in the situation where we end up breaking up, my next SO will be in the range of 1-2 years younger or older; but I prefer younger.


I think 5-10+ years are way too old for me, but that is just my opinion and preference.

 

[Transformer]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

It's as simple as this--Age Matters! That's why you have to be:

62 to collect Medicare
55 to move into an "adult" community
16 to legally have sex
21 to drink alcohol

There are statutory rape laws that go into effect if you're more than 3 years older than your teen counterpart.

No maturity(mental or physical) and chronological age is not the same thing. But as the doctor told me "that's all we got to go by." He stated regardless of "how young I felt" or "physical fitness level" he still has the write in the records(for the insurance company) my real age

 

[hervirtue]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

This is a great topic ladies!!! My hubby is 9 years older than me. I'm 36 and he'll be 45 next month and as you can see by my ticker we're expecting a baby in the next two weeks . For me, I don't see hubby's age as a problem because physically he's in very good shape and mentally he can be just as big a kid as a 20-something year old when it comes to having fun. I've always been considered wise well beyond my years so I've always dated/being attracted to older men because in MY EXPERIENCE they seem to be more grounded.

My only concern sometimes is whether or not our daughter will resent the fact that her dad is older but I feel like times are changing. People are waiting later in life to have children for many reasons so as long as we keep ourselves in shape and our minds active as best we can we should be fine.

It just depends on what God's plan is for our lives. I mean I could've married a man the same age as me or younger and God forbid he ends up in an accident or becomes medically sick which wouldn't allow him to fully be there for me or the baby anyway, you know.

But I'm very happy with my hubby and have no complaints, especially not anything because of our age difference.

 

[Transformer]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

Hervirtue,

I am going to be fair and say I think it makes a lot of difference whether you have your first child when you are mature or having a second family. I've found that elderly men that are on there second family a bit more subdued.

 

[Kiadodie]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

Well I've told of my experience many times. My mom was 31 and my father was 65 when I was born. MY MOTHER had a miserable marriage. She had to attend social functions and travel by herself.

I often teased my father that he married his "Social Security." Of course she ended up being his caretaker as years progressed. I would never date an older man....five years is pushing it for me. I became enraged when my niece was dating a man 18 years older than her.

Yup, my mom is 20 yrs younger than my dad and this is the same thing that happened...she's his caretaker.

I would never marry a much older man.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

I believe a love deep enough can conquer anything. This is a natural genuine concern but I wouldn't let it stop me if I was deeply in love and couldn't imagine marrying anyone else.

We're all here on borrowed time with no guarantees. Plus you can't guarantee the length or success of your marriage and parenting partnership by setting a perimeter on the age gap.

I do also feel it's a case by case thing. If you're an old soul and your old man is young at heart it could be good.

 

[hervirtue]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

Hervirtue,

I am going to be fair and say I think it makes a lot of difference whether you have your first child when you are mature or having a second family. I've found that elderly men that are on there second family a bit more subdued.

I think it just depends on the person. I wouldn't even call my hubby elderly. When I think of elderly I think of a person in their late 60s early 70s.

 

[hervirtue]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

I believe a love deep enough can conquer anything. This is a natural genuine concern but I wouldn't let it stop me if I was deeply in love and couldn't imagine marrying anyone else.

We're all here on borrowed time with no guarantees. Plus you can't guarantee the length or success of your marriage and parenting partnership by setting a perimeter on the age gap.

I do also feel it's a case by case thing. If you're an old soul and your old man is young at heart it could be good.

100% agree with you!

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

My parents were 15 years apart, and my father was 44 when I was born. My mother ended up dying a full 12 years before my father, so it ended up not mattering from that aspect, as he ended up having to take care of her for the year that she was sick.

He was a good dad (mostly) and it was only when he got married to my stepmother that he became an @sshole, but *shrugs*. I don't know that his age had much to do with it.

My husband is a year and a half older than me and it works just fine for us. I wouldn't date a man more than 10 years older than me, ever.

 

[JayAnn0513]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

My parents are 10 yrs apart and age was not an issue. +15 yrs is where I personally draw the line. Like someone else said, if you are old enough to be my daddy...that's a no go.

 

[YankeeCandle]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

I respect the feelings and opinions of those who shared their revulsion for The Older Man. I definitely agree you shouldn't be with a man more than five years older than you if the thought of him at age 70 makes you shudder or imagine a ghoul.

But everyone's different and likes/tolerates different things.

The whole specter of "you'll be his nurse!!!!!:" just doesn't bug me as much, at least with the particular person I am with. I'm already his nurse, and, more often, he is mine. *shrug*

When he's sick, I cheerfully tend him, and when I've had several medical mishaps, he tends me. We each do it with more joy than any professional nurse *I've* ever had---I don't know where some of you are finding these loving/intimate professional nurses, but PM me the name of your hospital!

He's 9-10 yrs older than me depending on the time of year, BTW. My father has the same age difference to my mother. And no, I just don't think it's all that big of an age leap, particularly when you've both seen or (almost touched) 30.

As usual, do what works for you. If a large age difference scares the beejezus out of you more than giving up your current relationship with a particular boo (humans are not interchangeable, contrary to some beliefs)... time to bye-bye! If vice-versa, sit back and enjoy your emotional intimacy with your loved one.

Either way, figure out what's REALLY, ultimately important to you. And go for it.

 

[honeisos]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

Great thread ... My friend married a man that was 34years older than she was ... he was 70 and she was 36 .. At the time he was in great health .. and for sure she had a daddy issue lol .. i say for about a good 7 out of the 14 yrs they were married it was good or ok .. but he went down hill for the last 7 yrs and died last year at 84..
Between his older children and his age ...she had a lot to deal with .. it was not a blissfull 14 yrs...

I like younger men myself LOL !
But just being in a realtionship period is a trip .. older , younder .. same age .. whatever . it will always be something ! lol

 

[HairTemptress]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

OP i know this is off topic, but WHERE did you get those shoes from the pics in your siggy??

 

[curali]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

Originally posted by SvelteVelvet:

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you
I believe a love deep enough can conquer anything. This is a natural genuine concern but I wouldn't let it stop me if I was deeply in love and couldn't imagine marrying anyone else.

We're all here on borrowed time with no guarantees. Plus you can't guarantee the length or success of your marriage and parenting partnership by setting a perimeter on the age gap.

I do also feel it's a case by case thing. If you're an old soul and your old man is young at heart it could be good.

Ladies!!

My take is going to be different in that I would LOVE TO BE MARRIED TO My one and ONLY TRUE Love Who is 14 YEARS OLDER THAN ME!!!

I am married to a man who is 6 years Younger than me and it has been 'turbulent.'

He is extremely jealous, controlling, manipulate and at the same time he can be gentle, funny, generous and loving but the problem is I married him because I knew I could never be with my true love.

I would take care of him without any hesitation because in my experiences with older men, they are loving, gentle, kind and know how to treat a woman.

Don't get me wrong; I love my husband; I just know that if I had been given the chance, I would be married to "Tom" instead.

I would, if the need arose, put him on every anti-aging regimen I could find, keep him active and keep plenty of Tong Kat Ali on hand
____

 

[curali]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

Well said, YankeeCandle!!

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Re: those who married OLDER MEN - what happens when HE GETS OLD and you are still you

In this pic Id guess them to be the same age
erplexed Good for him bad for her.

It's funny, I was thinking about this the other day.
There was a pic in the paper with a Swedish actor, his wife and children.
The actor is 72, his wife 41 and the youngest children 10 (twins).
He was born in 1937.
I meet this actor back in the 80's and I must say that he was VERY charismatic, attractive, charming but the age thing.....

The wife is successful all by herself... she's a cook, I think....
But the age thing kills me. My husband was 48 when our child was born and that's about as old as I'll go!