are the men in d.c. really THAT bad?

[Crystalicequeen123]

If DC is that bad, why not go into the areas in Maryland or Virginia? You don't have to stay in the district.

I'm starting to wonder if this "DC Mentality" is spread throughout the DMV area though.

Because I live in MD, and a few of my close guy friends have told me this "DC/Baltimore Mentality" has spread throughout the entire area....including MD & VA.

Idk how true this is, but I DO notice that even guys here in MD have this certain type of "vibe" about them that give off the impression that women should be chasing after THEM and not the other way around. They think they're all that!

Some guys straight up play games! And I'm noticing (based on what other girlfriends of mine in the DMV area have told me) that it's something in the whole DMV area I'm afraid.

 

[lushcoils]

Idk. A lot of women do have success finding quality marriage minded men here, so it can't be all that bad. .aybe it depends on the individual.

 

[Imani]

Random observations. I worked in a corporate job in Atlanta and hardly any of the black women were married (and many of them had children). Now, I work in NoVA for a gov't agency and almost all the black women are married or engaged. However, I also noticed some of the blk women at my current job are married to non blk men and many to military men. I also wonder if they met their husbands here or did they already know them before they got here. I'm thinking possibly the latter.

Anywho, I'm in a training for work so haven't gotten the chance to mingle much. A nice lady I met has put me in contact with an engineer that works where she works to "show me around" the area; but clearly she's trying to "hook me up", lol. I'm just looking at it as meeting people/networking, zero expectations. We've just chatted on email a bit bc I'm doing some intense training offsite right now, so don't have time to link up with anyone until next month. He sounds nice, he's a southerner like me (which could be a good or a bad thing, lol).

 

[phynestone]

Yeah, I've been running into a few who give me their numbers and expect me to call. NO. You can ask for MY number and call me. Grown men and act like boys.

 

[UrbainChic]

Ladies, I should be relocating here soon. Some of your stories are making me nervous! There have to be some attractive nice men who aren't megalomaniacs or narcissists down there.... Is this a black man problem? or an all men problem?

I am starting to lower my expectations of "new city new romance"..... I was getting so excited until this thread

 

[Imani]

Ladies, I should be relocating here soon. Some of your stories are making me nervous! There have to be some attractive nice men who aren't megalomaniacs or narcissists down there.... Is this a black man problem? or an all men problem?

I am starting to lower my expectations of "new city new romance"..... I was getting so excited until this thread

I just moved here with the same expectations, well mine was more like, "new city, new job, new career, new men, new friendships, new life". Just a new beginning in general. I'm starting from scratch with everything.

My mentality is all it takes is one. So what if its a zillion idiots, surely I can meet ONE who is a good match for me. I do however, realize it may not happen asap. And that I have to make a serious effort to get out and socialize, esp with me living as far out as I do in VA. And don't waste my time with men who are idiots or not right for me. Thats so time consuming and wasteful spending time/energy and "trying to make it work" with dudes who obviously are not "it" for me. The older I get the easier it gets to weed dudes out real early in the game.

 

[Theo]

I'm from the DMV area but I left for school. I go home to visit, and there is a noticeable difference between the men where I am now and DC men. I mean, I literally notice it as soon as I step off the plane. When I'm in DC its like whatever, but when I get back here, men are maintaining eye contact, holding doors open, making conversation/flirtatious remarks, etc. Sometimes I'm wondering, maybe its not do with the men so much, but that the market is saturated?

Cuz DMV ladies are very pretty and maintain themselves very well. I have a friend who had to take a leave of absence from school to work at NIH, but he was born and raised in Chicago. He could not stop talking about how beautiful DMV ladies are . He was like "I was amazed! There were beautiful women everywhere! And they were so nice! Girls like Freelove are like a dime a dozen!" erplexed

I was like thanks? erplexed

 

[lushcoils]

there is a noticeable difference between the men where I am now and DC men. I mean, I literally notice it as soon as I step off the plane. When I'm in DC its like whatever, but when I get back here, men are maintaining eye contact, holding doors open, making conversation/flirtatious remarks, etc.

Cuz DMV ladies are very pretty and maintain themselves very well.There were beautiful women everywhere!

Interesting and on point observations. I always complain about that men here don't maintain eye contact; thus, how am I supposed to flirt with them and give the green light?

IME, many will hold open doors.

No comment on the flirtatious remarks.

If you don't mind, what kind of area did you move to?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I'm from the DMV area but I left for school. I go home to visit, and there is a noticeable difference between the men where I am now and DC men. I mean, I literally notice it as soon as I step off the plane. When I'm in DC its like whatever, but when I get back here, men are maintaining eye contact, holding doors open, making conversation/flirtatious remarks, etc. Sometimes I'm wondering, maybe its not do with the men so much, but that the market is saturated?

Cuz DMV ladies are very pretty and maintain themselves very well. I have a friend who had to take a leave of absence from school to work at NIH, but he was born and raised in Chicago. He could not stop talking about how beautiful DMV ladies are . He was like "I was amazed! There were beautiful women everywhere! And they were so nice! Girls like Freelove are like a dime a dozen!" erplexed

I was like thanks? erplexed

If you don't mind me asking....What state/city do you go to school in? Just curious.........just in case I want to take a break from this DMV area.......

 

[Imani]

I'm from the DMV area but I left for school. I go home to visit, and there is a noticeable difference between the men where I am now and DC men. I mean, I literally notice it as soon as I step off the plane. When I'm in DC its like whatever, but when I get back here, men are maintaining eye contact, holding doors open, making conversation/flirtatious remarks, etc. Sometimes I'm wondering, maybe its not do with the men so much, but that the market is saturated?

Cuz DMV ladies are very pretty and maintain themselves very well. I have a friend who had to take a leave of absence from school to work at NIH, but he was born and raised in Chicago. He could not stop talking about how beautiful DMV ladies are . He was like "I was amazed! There were beautiful women everywhere! And they were so nice! Girls like Freelove are like a dime a dozen!" erplexed

I was like thanks? erplexed

I haven't seen all these beautiful women people are talking about up here. Again tho, this is coming from someone who has spent the last few years in or near Atlanta before moving here. Back there, everywhere you turned there was a dimepiece w/ a video vixen body with perfect hair, outfit, nails, and at least 3 in heels . In the A you could be at the drive through at Mickey Dee's and the girl at the window will be looking like Lauren London/Gabby Union/insert other pretty person or somebody with a fly @ss $300 weave. It was not a game. It could be a Wednesday at Target and you will see a chic walking around looking like she is about to go to a photoshoot or something.

 

[UrbainChic]

I haven't seen all these beautiful women people are talking about up here. Again tho, this is coming from someone who has spent the last few years in or near Atlanta before moving here. Back there, everywhere you turned there was a dimepiece w/ a video vixen body with perfect hair, outfit, nails, and at least 3 in heels . In the A you could be at the drive through at Mickey Dee's and the girl at the window will be looking like Lauren London/Gabby Union/insert other pretty person or somebody with a fly @ss $300 weave. It was not a game. It could be a Wednesday at Target and you will see a chic walking around looking like she is about to go to a photoshoot or something.

My grandmother moved into that area not too long ago and its so true! LOL i was like what is up with these people!

I'm still looking forward to this new chapter in the DMV area. I guess I will just have to change my game plan a bit down here.

 

[sj10460]

DC is truly what you make of it and who you associate yourself with. It's one of those cities where you have to know people in order to enjoy your time.
I've never dated anyone that was actually from DC, because (no offense to the natives) I don't like the way the men look. From the dreads with the dirty scalp, the ill fitted jeans, the New balance sneakers, driving lincoln cars with hub cabs, the accents, i'm just turned off! Not to mention the 1 in 3 statistics (HIV)
However, the men that aren't from DC are completely different IMO. And yes, they have major attitude! Successful; educated, great career/job, in shape, well dressed, traveled and articulate they feel as someone mentioned earlier, they are entitled. They all care about their happy hours and the gym.

My life in DC is so dull, that's why I escape home (New York) monthly. Maybe, I'm not putting myself in the right circles- scratch that, I'm not putting myself in the right circles, but when I was out and about, I just couldn't get with the Vibe here.

You def. need a car in DC or some friends that drive, unless you live directly on the metro lines. And trust, I can't express this enough where you live makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE. I've ran across men, fine dudes, my IBM (ideal black man) that won't date me because of where I live...Once I was in Kramerbooks in Dupont, just to relax and get away from my apt and this fine brother walked in it must have been around 2am anyway, he asked if he could sit down, i agreed and we had good convo. As soon as I told him where i lived, he gave me the GTFOH face and he was completely turned off. Then he had the nerve to ask why I lived where I lived...I politely told him, because I PAY MY RENT, And it's what I can afford. He looked at me as if I said I had AIDS, and was like, "yeah, I don't go in that area, sorry, it was nice talking to you, but this won't go anywhere."
Another time, I was with some friends from college and we were at a club in Adams Morgan, mixed crowd and this white dude was really feeling me, he brought we a couple of drinks and offered to give me a ride home, I told him, I would catch a cab, but I appreciated the offer, and he was like, "are you afraid of taking me to your house" and I told him, not at all, I just didn't feel comfortable cuz we didn't know each other and he asked what part of the city i lived in and I told him, he was like, Oh that's the ghetto, do cabs even go there?
I say all of this to say, make friends before you come here, have a car and be prepared to have a LDR or be single.

 

[sj10460]

Oh and I just read the previous threads, this is my 1st post in relationships, I wish someone would have put the meet up in the meet up area so everyone would know about it, I would love to have attended...not crying over split milk, #justsaying

 

[UrbainChic]

sj10460 that was really helpful about what to expect. Thanks

 

[natural_one]

sj10460 Do you live in SE or something? I have never heard of men saying that wouldn't date a woman based on where she lives

 

[Imani]

I haven't really quite ran into any dudes yet who would be MY "ibm" (i've always disliked that term for some reason) . Bc if you a have stank attitude, then that would automatically disqualify you from being MY ideal. I guess I have dated/know so many of them types of cats, having a degree/nice job/in shape/a few pair of designer loafers doesn't impress me. Those are a GIVEN for me (the 1st three) and nothing special, its expected. I'm more interested in can you hold a conversation, do you know how to chill/have a good time, are you an honest nice person, have a sense of humor, etc.

 

[MissJ]

I have an interview in DC and have been looking at apartment prices. Wow, but I'll be d@mned if I live in the ghetto! Those marriage statistics are unsettling. Maybe I should rethink possibly moving there. :scratchch

 

[Imani]

^^^Haven't been here long, but its nice to me so far. I don't think you'd regret it. Its especially a good place to be career wise.

However, I am in no rush to be married, so maybe I'm a bit biased bc that's not on the top of my list of goals right now. I figure if I decide I want to be married it will be years from now and if I feel like I want/need to relocate at that time, I will.

 

[sj10460]

No, I live in NE....Imani I'm not sure what you intentions were; if you were just stating your preferance, or being sardonic because your post read a little snarky, or it could be just the way I read it.

Nevertheless, yes, ideally, those are a given for me as well, along with being a non-smoker and taller than me. I believe my partner should have more than me, at the very least the same. I was taught to date up, so for me, being in my early 20s, no children, college educated, decent job, in shape, own apt, it's rare that you find that in a man, aa man at my age that is looking for a monogamous relationship, especially in DC. Now that's my POV, yours mine be different. And when I speak of DC I'm talking about DC, not the DMV. There's a difference in attitude and culture.

 

[Imani]

No, I live in NE....Imani I'm not sure what you intentions were; if you were just stating your preferance, or being sardonic because your post read a little snarky, or it could be just the way I read it.

Nevertheless, yes, ideally, those are a given for me as well, along with being a non-smoker and taller than me. I believe my partner should have more than me, at the very least the same. I was taught to date up, so for me, being in my early 20s, no children, college educated, decent job, in shape, own apt, it's rare that you find that in a man, aa man at my age that is looking for a monogamous relationship, especially in DC. Now that's my POV, yours mine be different. And when I speak of DC I'm talking about DC, not the DMV. There's a difference in attitude and culture.

No snark. I don't do internet snark, its not that deep to me. Just random thoughts.

 

[Theo]

lushcoils and Crystalicequeen123

I'm in Chicago. I like it. Men are so much more assertive. They are more like Southern guys in that capacity (I went to school in VA and lived in NC for a few months.) As far as the young professional scene, I think it's pretty decent. The culture is not as superficial as DMV culture. I feel like at home everyone is trying to outdo the next person in some dumb way, outdress each other, nicer car, etc. It could be my crowd, but I don't sense that up here as much. Guys are a little more down to earth?

And despite what I wrote earlier, I dont think I'm a stunner or anything. In fact I was talking to my sis on the phone, and I was saying how guys think I'm a dime here, and she said (I quote) "Guys think YOU are a dime?"

Really it was funny when she said it. She's not evil or mean or catty or anything like that, she just knows how I look and how low-mani I am. I was initially surprised at my newfound "status" too.

I haven't seen all these beautiful women people are talking about up here. Again tho, this is coming from someone who has spent the last few years in or near Atlanta before moving here. Back there, everywhere you turned there was a dimepiece w/ a video vixen body with perfect hair, outfit, nails, and at least 3 in heels . In the A you could be at the drive through at Mickey Dee's and the girl at the window will be looking like Lauren London/Gabby Union/insert other pretty person or somebody with a fly @ss $300 weave. It was not a game. It could be a Wednesday at Target and you will see a chic walking around looking like she is about to go to a photoshoot or something.

I believe you. It's all relative. In general Chicago style is a few months behind the DMV area. It could be b/c of difference in proximity to NY or just the more laid-back nature of people in this area, but it's def something I noticed. I've only spent a couple of days at a time in ATL so I personally can't speak on the women there, but in college guys would go to ATL and feel the need to come back saying THE SPELMAN CHICKS ARE STUNTIN ON Y'ALL I mean, I dunno, went to an HBCU in undergrad and it was known for being a fashion shown and having a lot of really pretty women, but hey you Georgia Peaches very well might have us beat I am not hatin!

But yeah, I def think dating culture and in a somewhat related manner, amt of of pressure a women feels to maintain her physical stuff can differ based on region.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Freelove more details on the dating scene and the men in Chicago please.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

DC is truly what you make of it and who you associate yourself with. It's one of those cities where you have to know people in order to enjoy your time.
I've never dated anyone that was actually from DC, because (no offense to the natives) I don't like the way the men look. From the dreads with the dirty scalp, the ill fitted jeans, the New balance sneakers, driving lincoln cars with hub cabs, the accents, i'm just turned off! Not to mention the 1 in 3 statistics (HIV)
However, the men that aren't from DC are completely different IMO. And yes, they have major attitude! Successful; educated, great career/job, in shape, well dressed, traveled and articulate they feel as someone mentioned earlier, they are entitled. They all care about their happy hours and the gym.

My life in DC is so dull, that's why I escape home (New York) monthly. Maybe, I'm not putting myself in the right circles- scratch that, I'm not putting myself in the right circles, but when I was out and about, I just couldn't get with the Vibe here.

You def. need a car in DC or some friends that drive, unless you live directly on the metro lines. And trust, I can't express this enough where you live makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE. I've ran across men, fine dudes, my IBM (ideal black man) that won't date me because of where I live...Once I was in Kramerbooks in Dupont, just to relax and get away from my apt and this fine brother walked in it must have been around 2am anyway, he asked if he could sit down, i agreed and we had good convo. As soon as I told him where i lived, he gave me the GTFOH face and he was completely turned off. Then he had the nerve to ask why I lived where I lived...I politely told him, because I PAY MY RENT, And it's what I can afford. He looked at me as if I said I had AIDS, and was like, "yeah, I don't go in that area, sorry, it was nice talking to you, but this won't go anywhere."
Another time, I was with some friends from college and we were at a club in Adams Morgan, mixed crowd and this white dude was really feeling me, he brought we a couple of drinks and offered to give me a ride home, I told him, I would catch a cab, but I appreciated the offer, and he was like, "are you afraid of taking me to your house" and I told him, not at all, I just didn't feel comfortable cuz we didn't know each other and he asked what part of the city i lived in and I told him, he was like, Oh that's the ghetto, do cabs even go there?
I say all of this to say, make friends before you come here, have a car and be prepared to have a LDR or be single.

Why didn't you check these dudes when they came at you like that? I'm from the DMV but I wish a guy would come at me like that. Black or white, and I'm one of the non-confrontational/passive aggressive types.

 

[Duchesse]

One thing that I've noticed about the men here, and I can't tell if I'm just super paranoid or the rough aggressiveness of NYC men has made me judgmental, but many professional black men that I'm coming across seem to have an underlying sugary sweetness. I mean many!

Maybe it's just a different type of swag or style of dress. And I don't think that these men are necessarily DL, but I have been noticing something...that I just can't put my finger on...that just seems somewhat effiminate (mannerisms/vibe) Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[MCMLXXXIV]

One thing that I've noticed about the men here, and I can't tell if I'm just super paranoid or the rough aggressiveness of NYC men has made me judgmental, but many professional black men that I'm coming across seem to have an underlying sugary sweetness. I mean many!

Maybe it's just a different type of swag or style of dress. And I don't think that these men are necessarily DL, but I have been noticing something...that I just can't put my finger on...that just seems somewhat effiminate (mannerisms/vibe) Does anyone else feel this way?

Hilarious, I thought I was the only person who thought this.

 

[Glamorous_chic]

Hilarious, I thought I was the only person who thought this.

+3 i agree as well. its really kind of funny.

 

[*SkolarStar*]

OT- freelove Can you do a spinny about Chicago? I was thinking of starting it but an OP from you would be more worthwhile. I just want more advice about what the men there are like.

 

[butter_pecan]

Yup, this is pretty accurate. I hate to say this, but I attract a different type of man living close to the redline in Bethesda, than when I was on the green line in PG County. And I basically make the same amount of money, have the same mindset/lifestyle, etc. It's stupid, really, 'cause in places like NYC, you don't know who's who. DC is SO hung up on status and appearances.

DC is truly what you make of it and who you associate yourself with. It's one of those cities where you have to know people in order to enjoy your time.
I've never dated anyone that was actually from DC, because (no offense to the natives) I don't like the way the men look. From the dreads with the dirty scalp, the ill fitted jeans, the New balance sneakers, driving lincoln cars with hub cabs, the accents, i'm just turned off! Not to mention the 1 in 3 statistics (HIV)
However, the men that aren't from DC are completely different IMO. And yes, they have major attitude! Successful; educated, great career/job, in shape, well dressed, traveled and articulate they feel as someone mentioned earlier, they are entitled. They all care about their happy hours and the gym.

My life in DC is so dull, that's why I escape home (New York) monthly. Maybe, I'm not putting myself in the right circles- scratch that, I'm not putting myself in the right circles, but when I was out and about, I just couldn't get with the Vibe here.

You def. need a car in DC or some friends that drive, unless you live directly on the metro lines. And trust, I can't express this enough where you live makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE. I've ran across men, fine dudes, my IBM (ideal black man) that won't date me because of where I live...Once I was in Kramerbooks in Dupont, just to relax and get away from my apt and this fine brother walked in it must have been around 2am anyway, he asked if he could sit down, i agreed and we had good convo. As soon as I told him where i lived, he gave me the GTFOH face and he was completely turned off. Then he had the nerve to ask why I lived where I lived...I politely told him, because I PAY MY RENT, And it's what I can afford. He looked at me as if I said I had AIDS, and was like, "yeah, I don't go in that area, sorry, it was nice talking to you, but this won't go anywhere."
Another time, I was with some friends from college and we were at a club in Adams Morgan, mixed crowd and this white dude was really feeling me, he brought we a couple of drinks and offered to give me a ride home, I told him, I would catch a cab, but I appreciated the offer, and he was like, "are you afraid of taking me to your house" and I told him, not at all, I just didn't feel comfortable cuz we didn't know each other and he asked what part of the city i lived in and I told him, he was like, Oh that's the ghetto, do cabs even go there?
I say all of this to say, make friends before you come here, have a car and be prepared to have a LDR or be single.

 

[butter_pecan]

OT- @freelove Can you do a spinny about Chicago? I was thinking of starting it but an OP from you would be more worthwhile. I just want more advice about what the men there are like.

Yes! I'm actually thinking of relocating to the Chi soon . Cannot wait for this to happen!!!

 

[butter_pecan]

I totally feel like most men here (even ones I've dated, at times) are effeminate. I want a man's man, like what I had back home. These men won't even change the oil in your car, because "it's dirty and time consuming, and I could just pay somebody to do it." Smh.

One thing that I've noticed about the men here, and I can't tell if I'm just super paranoid or the rough aggressiveness of NYC men has made me judgmental, but many professional black men that I'm coming across seem to have an underlying sugary sweetness. I mean many!

Maybe it's just a different type of swag or style of dress. And I don't think that these men are necessarily DL, but I have been noticing something...that I just can't put my finger on...that just seems somewhat effiminate (mannerisms/vibe) Does anyone else feel this way?