Anyone in their early 20's ready to be engaged?

[FunkyDiva]

Yes. Being married will not hinder my goals or my life.

This is exaclty how I feel, I can still persue my goals while married and I will not lose my individuality and I don't want my future husband to either. The most successful relationships to me are those that work together to help each other persue their goals, being a team and cheerleader. Just because I'm married doesn't mean the only growth I'll be able to acheive is within the relationship.

 

[Amour]

To you ladies, what's the main difference of being in a long term committed relationship and being married. I asked because of alot of the posts that I have read have said things like im in a long term committed relationship but still want to enjoy the single life.

How do you enjoy the 'single' life whilst being in a long term relationship, is there a lack of commitment, freedom to do what you want? I dont get it. I envision when I get married it will be the same as now, ill be committed and will still be able to do what I want

 

[mxdchiq86]

i'm 21 and married and i'm loving it. i am not hindered in anyway, i've only gained a life long partner.

 

[br0wney3z]

You ain't never lied about facebook...everytime I log-on there is a new wedding album being posted. But yes, I'm ready to settle down and get married

ETA: However not the old maid or old lady in the shoe type of married but that guaranteed warm body, get it whenever I want type of married

So I thought it was just me who was having this same problem. I just logged on today and saw that 2 more of my high school classmates got married in the past 3 weeks. it's crazy. I recently met a man whom I think could be the one, and I am happy that I've found him, but I'm good on the ring thing for at least a few more years. We've talked about it, and probably it will happen in the next 2 years. I'm just happy that I've found him

 

[glamazon386]

Me......

 

[Farida]

To you ladies, what's the main difference of being in a long term committed relationship and being married. I asked because of alot of the posts that I have read have said things like im in a long term committed relationship but still want to enjoy the single life.

How do you enjoy the 'single' life whilst being in a long term relationship, is there a lack of commitment, freedom to do what you want? I dont get it. I envision when I get married it will be the same as now, ill be committed and will still be able to do what I want

Being married is different. I felt it right after we were pronounced. I'm not kidding. It isn't so much how our relationship is, because that's the same, it is the way people treat you. All of a sudden your parents shift from being your primary caretaker to let your man handle that...you can't say, "you go visit your mom for christmas, I'm going to my family." Not to mention all financial and big decisions are made together.

All of a sudden your family business is 100X more involving on both ends. And, the realization that this is it....you made a big move and you can't go back on it now. At least not as easily and not without major consequences.

You can do what you want. Just not if your husband doesn't want you to. At least if you want to be in a happy marriage.

Yup.

I would say how others treat us is a big difference. Good and bad.

 

[secretdiamond]

I agree with the bolded Im 22 and am soo ready to atleast be engaged..ive been with my SO for three years and weve lived together for 2 yrs and 8 months i feel like i have the normal freedoms of any 22 yr old i go to school, hang out, travel whatever..I dont understand why ppl think because you get married you cant follow your dreams or have funerplexed Ive been blessed because my SO follows his dreams hard and is behind me pushing me to follow mine even harder..he is my best friend and we know we want to be together forever so what am I waiting for? Trust the pickings are slim so if the good lord created a great SO just for you hold on to him

Since I'm in the obvious minority here, let me explain. I hope I'm not offending anyone when I say I want to wait. I'm not saying getting married early (and the 20's are not that early) that you'll be hindering your fun, your life, or your dream goals. Like you ladies, I have tons of friends getting married and have been to many weddings recently. I respect their choice, but it just ain't for me right now. So why can't my choice be respected?

No, marriage won't stop me from finishing school. But for me, school, then marriage is my desired sequence in life. Like I said, I'm waiting because I will have the rest of my life to spend being married. I'm not missing out on anything, cuz I will get there. I've heard so many of my married friends give the advice about waiting and getting to know yourself first. A lot have regretted getting married so early (*disclaimer* I'm not saying any of you will regret it, & it has nothing to do with freedom/fun). Some of them even divorced already.

It's not about whether I love my SO or if he's the one. If that's the case, I should have been married at 16 when I thought my ex was the one & I was so in love. Trust, I know I got my man & he ain't going anywhere.

I think (for me) I'm being wise in not trying to "race" to altar. Everyone's life is different & everyone has their own level of comfort. I don't want to feel like I'm getting married b/c my friends on facebook are or because it's the popular consensus. I want to get married when I feel I'm ready to. And for me, I'll feel ready once I'm done with school, have started working, and had some time as a young single, professional woman. I really don't get it, I'm still young, I'm in my 20's, what's the urgency???

I hope you ladies understand I'm not attacking your choices.

 

[ManeVixen]

Since I'm in the obvious minority here, let me explain. I hope I'm not offending anyone when I say I want to wait. I'm not saying getting married early (and the 20's are not that early) that you'll be hindering your fun, your life, or your dream goals. Like you ladies, I have tons of friends getting married and have been to many weddings recently. I respect their choice, but it just ain't for me right now. So why can't my choice be respected?

No, marriage won't stop me from finishing school. But for me, school, then marriage is my desired sequence in life. Like I said, I'm waiting because I will have the rest of my life to spend being married. I'm not missing out on anything, cuz I will get there. I've heard so many of my married friends give the advice about waiting and getting to know yourself first. A lot have regretted getting married so early (*disclaimer* I'm not saying any of you will regret it, & it has nothing to do with freedom/fun). Some of them even divorced already.

It's not about whether I love my SO or if he's the one. If that's the case, I should have been married at 16 when I thought my ex was the one & I was so in love. Trust, I know I got my man & he ain't going anywhere.

I think (for me) I'm being wise in not trying to "race" to altar. Everyone's life is different & everyone has their own level of comfort. I don't want to feel like I'm getting married b/c my friends on facebook are or because it's the popularly consensus. I want to get married when I feel I'm ready to. And for me, I'll feel ready once I'm done with school, have started working, and had some time as a young single, professional woman. I really don't get it, I'm still young, I'm in my 20's, what's the urgency???

I hope you ladies understand I'm not attacking your choices.

Secretdiamond i hope i didnt offend you but i really didnt feel offended by your post at all. Why do you feel your choice isnt respected? I am REALLY curious why people posted they wanted to do simple things like travel and finish school when i see so many married women doing all of those things all i was looking for was a simple answer to clarify this for me..I understand everyone has there own opinion on whats the right time for them to get married and I simply wanted to add my thoughts to the thread. I cant relate to people on facebook getting married or people "racing" to the alter because I dont have a facebook account nor do I have one friend or family member (other than my parents) who is married, Sorry if you felt I singled you out in any way but I was simply asking a question just to see if someone else had an outlook on this i hadn't explored yet...erplexed

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I am so ready. I want to marry my BFF. He's the love of my life.

 

[pisceschica]

I agree with the bolded Im 22 and am soo ready to atleast be engaged..ive been with my SO for three years and weve lived together for 2 yrs and 8 months i feel like i have the normal freedoms of any 22 yr old i go to school, hang out, travel whatever..I dont understand why ppl think because you get married you cant follow your dreams or have funerplexed Ive been blessed because my SO follows his dreams hard and is behind me pushing me to follow mine even harder..he is my best friend and we know we want to be together forever so what am I waiting for? Trust the pickings are slim so if the good lord created a great SO just for you hold on to him

Because sometimes you can't. Your decision making changes a whole 'lot when you are married. You have to take your spouse's situations into account you ALWAYS have to think about how its going to affect the other person. Where as someone who is unattached or not in a legal binding union can just do as they please.

If you're a person like me who has very ambitious career aspirations and is adament about taking ANY career opportunity that comes her way, you have to think about how marriage can and does limit some of those opportunities.

 

[ManeVixen]

Because sometimes you can't. Your decision making changes a whole 'lot when you are married. You have to take your spouse's situations into account you ALWAYS have to think about how its going to affect the other person. Where as someone who is unattached or not in a legal binding union can just do as they please.

If you're a person like me who has very ambitious career aspirations and is adament about taking ANY career opportunity that comes her way, you have to think about how marriage can and does limit some of those opportunities.

I can understand this I had to deal with this in my relationship already im VERY ambitious about my career as well but i think im personally i am family person more and I guess career wise my career is flexible thats why i havent put much thought into this..Thanks I really appreciate it

 

[secretdiamond]

Secretdiamond i hope i didnt offend you but i really didnt feel offended by your post at all. Why do you feel your choice isnt respected? I am REALLY curious why people posted they wanted to do simple things like travel and finish school when i see so many married women doing all of those things all i was looking for was a simple answer to clarify this for me..I understand everyone has there own opinion on whats the right time for them to get married and I simply wanted to add my thoughts to the thread. I cant relate to people on facebook getting married or people "racing" to the alter because I dont have a facebook account nor do I have one friend or family member (other than my parents) who is married, Sorry if you felt I singled you out in any way but I was simply asking a question just to see if someone else had an outlook on this i hadn't explored yet...erplexed

oh no. I didn't think you were singling (sp?) me out. When I said my choice to be respected, I meant in general. lol. Not by you or anyone here in particular, but within society's views/the general views of this thread. (see that's the problem with typing instead of actually talking) I, too, was also genuinely interested, but on the reason for what it seems like an urgency to get married now (by some), esp. when I know many ppl IRL who do, are not ready & it eventually shows.

And the rest of my post was b/c I just felt like all the life's goal's & fun/freedom posts came after I posted mine. I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea since a lot of women here are married in their early 20's or younger. Moreover, I got the impression, that wanting to wait was viewed as "silly" esp if you're with the "one" already. Since I am on of the few who felt that way in the thread, I simply decided to explain it.

I was directly responding to your comment on having/keeping a man. I don't think I have to rush to get married to keep my man. I'm sorry if I came across as rude or like you were attacking me. That was not my intention.

 

[mango387]

Well, I was really ready until I started teaching at the age of 22 (almost one year ago). Everyone was getting married-my best friend, my cousin, my niece (she's almost my age), my other cousin, MY EX, etc. I had earned a MA and a BA, so I was ready for a box. One thing I will forever be grateful for was that first year of teaching.

If I had married, I would have immediately started having children. Teaching taught me that I was neither ready for marriage nor children, because I still had a lot of maturing to do. I am not immature, but there were a lot of areas that required growth. Teaching enabled me to see myself as I truly was (for better or worse). Now, I want to be engaged, but I still need two or three years before I can say "I do."

 

[Ms.Nigeria]

I am. Tired of the dating game

 

[lilsparkle825]

i'll be 21 next month...i go back and forth on this. my SO and i have been together for 3 1/2 years and i can definitely see myself with him, we talk about it all the time, but nothing serious like a ring or a wedding date is in the books. we're definitely graduating first, and i NEED to focus on medical school, but i am taking a year off and i can see him wanting to get married in that time. i do think i have a little growing up to do first...i like to go out and all and he has NEVER been one for doing that. now having kids is another story....nuh uhhhh...

ETA: if we do get engaged there will definitely be a long engagement considering we have been physically apart for all 3 1/2 of the years, except for the summers. (we met the summer before i began college and attend different universities.)

 

[filthyfresh]

Girl I am SO with you! The dating seen in Chicago is dead, buried, and needs to be brought back to life. Its so bad that I want to move. I visit other cities and the men are so fresh, so sweet, so charming, so NOT in a gawd d^&m white tee!

GIRL! You ain't never lied.
I am so sick of white tees, race car jackets, them quilted looking leather jackets, cars with rims that have no business having them, big *** 12" speakers in the trunk, etc.
And most of all, males with NO degrees.
We have some of the world's best universities right in our city.
But do they go? Nope. They sit on the block in their white tee. SMH.

 

[Mortons]

Me .................

 

[Aubergold]

I'm not opposed to it but I'm also not in a rush at all.

 

[Aviah]

Not at all right now... (but that's expected, I'm not 20 till November)

 

[Ediese]

Oh..jeeze I guess I'm no longer early 20s. I'll be 25 next week, but I sure as heck am waiting for ring. Probably not going to happen anytime soon though. Oh well I'm starting school for my masters in the spring, so I guess I just need to focus on that.

 

[shawny86]

I'm 21 i have been married for two years this coming feb. My husband and were together for 4 years before getting married and felt it was just time. No regrets at all, he is my best friend and I love him more now than ever because I love the man he has become.

 

[aribell]

Definitely not, gotta finish law school first

Definitely understand that one.

But is anyone conflicted? I am so conflicted about this. The "older" I get (I'm only 23), the more I don't want to get married too young. And so many people say to simply wait a little longer. But at the same time, I see friends and hear stories of people who married young and love it and don't feel like their lives have been hindered by it. Difficult to know which one is true. But my intuition says to just wait.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I know people who were married young and are happy, others not. The ones who are happy are usually the people who wanted to be married. They welcomed the lifestyle and the changes it brings. Those who ended up divorced or unhappy were those who still believed that "just a little better" was around the corner, they wanted to see and do more and were not ready to settle down. I think ppl should follow their heart, young marriage isn't for everyone.

Also, American culture says that if you're not 23 and not dating around something is wrong with you. A lot of ppl damage a good relationship because they want to play the field. Really what that says is that they mightkindwouldwanna upgrade, but they need to see what's out there. If you like what you like then constantly waiting to see what's out there is unnecessary. The happy young couples I know were happy with their SO and weren't interested in looking elsewhere. Our culture also says that people need 50-11 years to get to know each other well enough to be married, so all that has to be taken into consideration.

 

[Mortons]

Definitely understand that one.

But is anyone conflicted? I am so conflicted about this. The "older" I get (I'm only 23), the more I don't want to get married too young. And so many people say to simply wait a little longer. But at the same time, I see friends and hear stories of people who married young and love it and don't feel like their lives have been hindered by it. Difficult to know which one is true. But my intuition says to just wait.

I get conflicted sometimes, its hard not too with the things we are told. I just dont understand what people are waiting for sometimes. My thought process is, I would rather be young with my spouse and grow together., Sure we will have hard times, what marriage wont? But I dont really see the appeal until waiting until I'm older, super lonely, jaded from bad/meaningless relationships to find the one I'm looking for.


Plus I wanna meet my boo while my thighs are still firm and the girls still have a little perk left

 

[Bliss806]

I am 24 years old and at this point in my life I would like to get married. However, I know there are certain things that both my partner and I need to work on before we can make that lifetime commitment. I see myself being married before I have a baby and I would like to have a child no later then 27 years old. Also, I feel as though if I was to get married, I could focus on my relationship with God. I have never been the type to like the single life. I love being committed to one man and could definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with my current boyfriend. The one thing I don't want to do is to rush into getting married and we both aren't ready or more to say he isn't ready. Also, I want a big wedding and right now I can't afford that lol.
I do think that people who get married when they are 21 and under it is too soon. My preference in what I want in a man has changed drastically since I was 17-21.

 

[tinkat]

Also...I know I'm ready for the wife part....but not so much the mother....I'm still too selfish for that part, plus I dont really like two year olds....***cough cough*** like my little cousin...if they could just skip to four that would be perfect me and 4+ get along great

I feel you on the bolded...I want to marry my SO, but the timing is not right of course. We have been having serious conversations about our future though.

 

[Mortons]

I am 24 years old and at this point in my life I would like to get married. However, I know there are certain things that both my partner and I need to work on before we can make that lifetime commitment. I see myself being married before I have a baby and I would like to have a child no later then 27 years old. Also, I feel as though if I was to get married, I could focus on my relationship with God. I have never been the type to like the single life. I love being committed to one man and could definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with my current boyfriend. The one thing I don't want to do is to rush into getting married and we both aren't ready or more to say he isn't ready. Also, I want a big wedding and right now I can't afford that lol.
I do think that people who get married when they are 21 and under it is too soon. My preference in what I want in a man has changed drastically since I was 17-21.

I think it has to do with where you are in life. Some 21 year olds are out of college, working, building a life for themselves, and are sure where they want to be and what they want. Some 30 year olds are still living in mamas house, don't have goals, dreams, or aspirations and clearly have no business in a relationship. It depends not so much on age but where you are at the point in your life when you are trying to make the decision.

 

[BeautifulNameX]

I do feel so ready to marry. But I know my SOisnt, and I can't marry yet because I still need to learn the basics time management, cooking, I clean good, how to entertain my self because I have the tendency to be board and that kind of stuff. I feel my SO is the one but he needs to grow up. I'd say I'd be physically ready when I get my associates. Or about 19. But I'd wait to we like 22 because thats when I think my SO will he ready.

 

[czyfaith77]

I would say it depends on the person and the relationship as a whole. My early 20 something self wanted to then. I never really liked the dating and club scene (though enjoy having a great time- just not clubs). People my age, then, were finishing school and getting married I guess that is how we were all taught to do, especially in the AA community among the females. We were taught go to school, get all you can get, then settle down. Well, initially, that was my mind set but I changed. I started a business at 23 and returned to school part-time. Though I wanted to be married then, it just wasn't there for me. In all honesty, I am glad. I am now about to be 31 I am in grad. school and will be married in December. Do I have regrets no. I opened a Facebook account this summer and ended up linking up with former high school classmates. Every last person on there is either going through a divorce, had a divorce with kids, or is married and not happy. That is both male and female. I was like wow. It was devestating at first to me but then I realized that very well could have been me. Marriage require maturity, unselfishness, understanding and a host of other things. You simply have to get married when it is right for you not because it seems like the thing to do. I am not the same person I was at 21, 22, 23 or 29 for that matter. I like me more today than I did then. I like what I have become and what I am becoming.

But ladies, I do have this question and maybe you can share your perspective with me. I have noticed among my grad student classmates, my white counterparts, they get married, they have children, etc. and go school/work. They seem to do all of theirs at the same time and they work as a support system (their marriages that is). Why do we feel like we have to do everything in an order and by the time we do those thing in that order we are older and why don't I see as many couples that work as a support system? Why aren't we seeing as many young black couples working together to achieve or acquire something. Why does it seem like it is all about me and mine and you get yours and if we don't make it I still got mines? I had a conversation with a senior gentleman in his 70's and he had some great insight and I will share later. I am in a rush so I can't really ask the question the way I want to but try to answer it the best that you can.

 

[czyfaith77]

I feel you on the bolded...I want to marry my SO, but the timing is not right of course. We have been having serious conversations about our future though.

Heck, I am 30 (soon to be 31) and about to married and am not ready for the mama part. I love children but I want at least a couple of years to enjoy just time with my husband and to travel together. Many people who have already been there have advised the same thing. Shoot, they did not have to tell me....