Am I wrong?

[DMJ's Mom]

Ladies I just need some perspective on this. I cooked my SO dinner last night and about 2 minutes into the meal one of his homegirls calls needing some advice and he actually sits the food aside and holds a 15 minute conversation with her. If this were just a once and a while thing I wouldn't mind but it seems like anytime we're just trying to relax together or out to dinner (even when we were celebrating my birthday) as soon as once of his friends calls or texts him I lose all his focus. When I talked to him about it I told him that every now and then I'm a little selfish and want all his attention and to have him all to myself he laughed and told me it was cute that I'm a little jealous. I love that people trust and rely on him enough to seek his advice and I'm positive that he's not doing anything shady but sometimes I feel like I have to be the one on the other end of the phone just to get any kind of attention. Am I wrong to be irritated by this?

 

[Lucie]

I don't think you're wrong especially if you say this happens often. Would he be okay with it if you did this to him?

Does he have the Savior complex? I used to be guilty of the same behavior but that ish is draining and caused me to lose a lot of sleep. I understand if something happens unexpectedly but he needs to let people know he is spending time with you and that he will get back to them at a later dat and time.

Even if I am in the car with someone and my cell phone rings, I keep the conversation to a 2-minute minimum because I feel it is rude. It doesn't matter whether it's DH or not.

 

[lexi08]

I understand completely. I have a 'friend' like this . I don't even think it's jealousy we just want our time and undivided attention also.

 

[Bunny77]

You might need to do the same thing to him...

 

[Connie]

Try putting him 'aside' a few times for one of your 'homeboys' and see how nonchalant he'll be about it.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I don't think you're wrong especially if you say this happens often. Would he be okay with it if you did this to him?

Does he have the Savior complex? I used to be guilty of the same behavior but that ish is draining and caused me to lose a lot of sleep. I understand if something happens unexpectedly but he needs to let people know he is spending time with you and that he will get back to them at a later dat and time.

Even if I am in the car with someone and my cell phone rings, I keep the conversation to a 2-minute minimum because I feel it is rude. It doesn't matter whether it's DH or not.

I don't think its exactly a Savior complex? Usually he can drop the issues as soon as he hangs up the phone and move right along as if nothing is going on

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I understand completely. I have a 'friend' like this . I don't even think it's jealousy we just want our time and undivided attention also.

Exactly! I just don't understand why they find that thought so hard to grasp

 

[Ramya]

SO was like this too but I told him my concerns and now we have a NO cell phone rule when we are together. My time is my time and I need his undivided attention .

 

[Everything Zen]

I don't think you're wrong especially if you say this happens often. Would he be okay with it if you did this to him?

Does he have the Savior complex? I used to be guilty of the same behavior but that ish is draining and caused me to lose a lot of sleep. I understand if something happens unexpectedly but he needs to let people know he is spending time with you and that he will get back to them at a later dat and time.

Even if I am in the car with someone and my cell phone rings, I keep the conversation to a 2-minute minimum because I feel it is rude. It doesn't matter whether it's DH or not.

I concur. I think I'm still getting over my Saviour complex. Well nowadays, I actually let myself be saved!

 

[Lucie]

I don't think its exactly a Savior complex? Usually he can drop the issues as soon as he hangs up the phone and move right along as if nothing is going on

I think he does have a Savior complex IMHO. How he reacts how he gets off the phone is totally irrelevant. I think he likes to be needed and does not understand how his behavior affects you. There is a time and a place for everything and there must be a time where A) he doesn't answer or B) he answers but let's the person know he is spending QT with you. If they need him so frequently they may need therapy

 

[Lucie]

I concur. I think I'm still getting over my Saviour complex. Well nowadays, I actually let myself be saved!

Ditto. I guess being a perfectionist I liked to be everything, for everybody But I was doing the worst damage to myself. As much as people love to have that person they can depend on, if I was not available they would move on to the next available person . People only go as far as you let them.

I just hope the OP's man realizes this .

 

[BAP28]

interrupts a dinner that you so sweetly made him because some friend needs advice

no no no--not sure why he couldnt have been like im having dinner with my SO--iwill have to call you back--btu i understand he is a helpful person
quality time is quality time--period---on the phone during dinner with me--no no no dear----

i dont think ur wrong for wanting ur SO's undivided attention during dinner---

 

[DMJ's Mom]

thank you all! I just really wanted to make sure that I wasn't just trippin over nothing. Guess I'll have to talk to him about it from a different angle

 

[LunadeMiel]

I don't think you're wrong. I think it's extremely rude to be on the phone while you are with someone else. My SO used to do this a lot and I eventually had to bring it to his attention.

 

[fattyfatfat]

OP, I feel your pain! Im going through something similar.

I swear men and women think differently. Of course a woman is going to be pissed and question her SO/DH when he is talking to another female in her presence w/o acknowledging her. You are right for feeling the way you do. Has he said anything to you about it?

 

[laCriolla]

Ladies I just need some perspective on this. I cooked my SO dinner last night and about 2 minutes into the meal one of his homegirls calls needing some advice and he actually sits the food aside and holds a 15 minute conversation with her. If this were just a once and a while thing I wouldn't mind but it seems like anytime we're just trying to relax together or out to dinner (even when we were celebrating my birthday) as soon as once of his friends calls or texts him I lose all his focus. When I talked to him about it I told him that every now and then I'm a little selfish and want all his attention and to have him all to myself he laughed and told me it was cute that I'm a little jealous. I love that people trust and rely on him enough to seek his advice and I'm positive that he's not doing anything shady but sometimes I feel like I have to be the one on the other end of the phone just to get any kind of attention. Am I wrong to be irritated by this?

if you follow the WHy Men Love BI**** book, you should have taken that plate after 5 min, wrapped it in foil, put it in the oven, and went out and bought yourself dinner- leaving him to sit there and eat alone when he's ready. why reward his behavior with your company ??? I mean, he knew he could talk for 15 min (long enough for your hard work to get cold) because he knew you'd be there.

i don't like how he said "oh that's cute" like he's brushing you off.
men don't understand words. just Action. got to gently make them respect you. thanks LHCF- i never understood that before but it's true.

 

[laCriolla]

AND ANOTHER THING!! (haha)

if you were on a date, you wouldn't let him talk on the phone at the table for 15 min! why is this different?

I think it was the "goddesses" sticky where there are tips on how to say get off the phone @ the dinner table. but yeah- I would have wrapped that plate up and bounced (for a couple hours).

 

[fattyfatfat]

exactly to the bolded. I dont want to hijack your thread OP but I had to show my SO what I kept telling him I would do. He never understood my words but he understands what I did today. Next time he talks to someone while in the room with you, walk out the room or anything that will get his attention.

if you follow the WHy Men Love BI**** book, you should have taken that plate after 5 min, wrapped it in foil, put it in the oven, and went out and bought yourself dinner- leaving him to sit there and eat alone when he's ready. why reward his behavior with your company ??? I mean, he knew he could talk for 15 min (long enough for your hard work to get cold) because he knew you'd be there.

i don't like how he said "oh that's cute" like he's brushing you off.
men don't understand words. just Action. got to gently make them respect you. thanks LHCF- i never understood that before but it's true.

 

[tocktick]

he shouldn't have answered that phone during dinner. you took the time to prepare that meal for him and out of respect, he should have focused on enjoying that meal with you. imo, if you're having a sit-down dinner at home or at a restaurant then calls shouldn't really be taken. it's hardly a long-time to go without the phone.

i don't think you're over-reacting. since he's done this more than once, i think it's something that he doesn't realise is actually quite a problem. . however, since you've made your feelings clear on this then he should be taking your feelings into consideration. laughing about thinking you being jealous is cute comes off as patronising to me and at the very least shows he think you're over-reacting and is not taking you seriously. maybe he was trying to diffuse a potentially unpleasant situation by laughing your concerns off though.

i would talk to him again to make him realise that you are totally serious. i don't think this is as simple as a case of you being jealous but feeling like you're playing second fiddle to his friends too often.