Am I overreacting about V-day?

[TokyoReina]

Someone please, just tell me the truth! I've been dating this guy a few months now. Every now and then we go out to dinner or a movie, but most times we either meet at my place and or his and order in, watch a movie, blah blah.

So this week comes. I assume we'll be going out for Valentine's day. He hasn't said anything about it. I ask him at the beginning of the week if what he's planning for Friday. He looks at me like erplexed and says "Valentine's day is for people in love. I don't know." This sets of alarms in my head. My intuition tells me that if I'm being ignored on V-day he either A. Has someone else he plans on spending with or B.We're not on the same page as far as where this relationship is going and what kind of relationship it is.

So I tell him that if he plans on putting me down on Valentine's day, we're through and I don't want anything else to do with him. I'm already hurt that I'd already bought him a card and whatnot and he's not considered me at all. What say you? Am I overreacting or am I being played for a fool?

 

[kaykari]

He said how he feels. He doesnt think youre someone to celebrate Valentine's day with. You said how you feel. Its painful, but at least simple.

 

[CaraWalker]

i had a boyfriend for valentine's day a couple of years ago. day before we were at dinner with his damn family for tapas cause his little sister was home for spring break or something. i wanted something for valentine's day and he bought me a handful of callalillies the next time he picked me up, and promised me a fancy meal that he never ended up cooking. when we broke up, i realised months later that he probably started dating someone else right beforehand.

moral of the story: a.) don't trust men that don't celebrate valentine's day

b.)

"Valentine's day is for people in love. I don't know."

what else do you need to know?

 

[faithVA]

Many guys aren't into Valentine's day, they will only do it if you insist. But I think you have a right to be alarmed because the way he responded to you sounds like you are not on the same page. Even if he wasn't into Valentine's day, I don't think his response was appropriate.

Maybe you need to talk to him again and let him know that for you Valentine's Day is a mandatory celebration and that you want him to take you out and celebrate it.

You may want to check to see if you two are on the same page. He may just be hanging out with you while you think you are having a serious relationship. He doesn't sound really into you.

 

[Briabiggles]

You're only a couple months in and the relationship is new but if he was really into you, then he would do something.

This time last year, I was dating someone for a few months (I wouldn't really call it a relationship) and didn't expect anything for V day. I was surprised when he pulled through by making me a fancy dinner. Who knew he cared that much....i sure didn't!

Basically, this guy told you how he feels about you. Be glad he did it early on.

 

[nlamr2013]

I mean no offense op but you all don't seem to be in a relationship. Seems like you're just hanging out. He's told you what the deal is. I don't think you overreacted but I think you two are on different pages.

 

[TokyoReina]

Basically, this guy told you how he feels about you. Be glad he did it early on.

I'm trying to see it that way but really I'm just a bit hurt and confused. This is the same man that was pushing for a relationship a month ago and upset when I said I wasn't ready for that. Then he was telling me I'm the only woman he's focused on and he wants to genuinely be with me.

Now I get "Valentine's day is for people in love." He seemed upset that I was upset with him...but oh well, I am. I am aware we are not in an official relationship, but I thought we were working towards that. We do spend 2-3 days out of the week together and by no means did this feel like a simple hanging out kind of thing.

 

[CaraWalker]

the thing is, probably most men dont care about valentines day, but they know that most women do. so they can either choose to play along and keep the ball rolling, or bring everything to a halt. generally it would be that guys who want to keep going play along simply just to keep a woman happy. its not a lot of effort to do, is it?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Relationship =/= in love .... sadly, you sound like you expect to celebrate with who you're dating but he sees it as celebrating with someone you're in love with.

 

[MzLady78]

I'm trying to see it that way but really I'm just a bit hurt and confused. This is the same man that was pushing for a relationship a month ago and upset when I said I wasn't ready for that. Then he was telling me I'm the only woman he's focused on and he wants to genuinely be with me.

Now I get "Valentine's day is for people in love." He seemed upset that I was upset with him...but oh well, I am. I am aware we are not in an official relationship, but I thought we were working towards that. We do spend 2-3 days out of the week together and by no means did this feel like a simple hanging out kind of thing.

I'm confused.

You said you weren't ready for a relationship, so I'm assuming that means your feelings for him aren't that deep yet. But when he said as much out loud, you got upset. Why?

Add to this to fact that you said y'all are basically doing house dates for the most part, IDK. Sounds like a really ambiguous situation going on that needs some clarity.

 

[TokyoReina]

I'm confused. You said you weren't ready for a relationship, so I'm assuming that means your feelings for him are that deep yet. But when he said as much out loud, you got upset. Why? Add to this to fact that you said y'all are basically doing house dates for the most part, IDK. Sounds like a really ambiguous situation going on that needs some clarity.

That was a little over a month ago. I thought he was moving pretty fast at the time and just didn't want me dating other people. These past few weeks we've spent a lot of time together and I've warmed up to the idea. Well, until now since I've been put down for Valentine's day. Before now, I was under the impression that was what he wanted. I'm 100% surprised at his behavior right now.

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

That was a little over a month ago. I thought he was moving pretty fast at the time and just didn't want me dating other people. These past few weeks we've spent a lot of time together and I've warmed up to the idea. Well, until now since I've been put down for Valentine's day. Before now, I was under the impression that was what he wanted. I'm 100% surprised at his behavior right now.

Did you tell him that you changed your mind and that you were now open to a relationship? or did he think that you guys were still just hanging out?

 

[MzLady78]

That was a little over a month ago. I thought he was moving pretty fast at the time and just didn't want me dating other people. These past few weeks we've spent a lot of time together and I've warmed up to the idea. Well, until now since I've been put down for Valentine's day. Before now, I was under the impression that was what he wanted. I'm 100% surprised at his behavior right now.

Are you in love with him? Does he know you've warmed up to the relationship thing? Because it sounds like he could just be reacting to the vibe he's getting from you.

If I was dude, yeah, I'd feel some way about you not wanting to be my woman, but having Valentine's Day expectations.

 

[TokyoReina]

Are you in love with him? Does he know you've warmed up to the relationship thing? Because it sounds like he could just be reacting to the vibe he's getting from you. If I was dude, yeah, I'd feel some way about you not wanting to be my woman, but having Valentine's Day expectations.

I'm not in love with him. I thought we were on the same page though. He brought up that had didn't want me dating other people...he became my focus and I told him as much. He was happy about that. He wanted more time...so we spent more time together. Believe me, us spending v-day would fit right in with how he's been acting. So when he played dumb...it confused me.

 

[Ogoma]

WhAt did he say/do when you told him you were through if he doesn't come through on Val's day? Is he planning something or just going to let it go?

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I mean no offense op but you all don't seem to be in a relationship. Seems like you're just hanging out. He's told you what the deal is. I don't think you overreacted but I think you two are on different pages.

This is exactly what I was thinking. This seems like a friends with benefits type situation.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I'm obviously not a relationship guru, but seems like it's a lost cause (Valentine's Day, not the entire relationship) and you should take up dating other men again.

He was way more into you ... or so you thought, until he flipped the script and you're upset cause now you've given your attention and he's backing up. Maybe he liked the challenge? Pull back, slow fade him.

 

[MzLady78]

I'm not in love with him. I thought we were on the same page though. He brought up that had didn't want me dating other people...he became my focus and I told him as much. He was happy about that. He wanted more time...so we spent more time together. Believe me, us spending v-day would fit right in with how he's been acting. So when he played dumb...it confused me.

Hmmm.

Could he just be cheap? Why are your actual dates out so rare?

 

[MzLady78]

I'm obviously not a relationship guru, but seems like it's a lost cause and you should take up dating other men again.

He was way more into you ... or so you thought, until he flipped the script and you're upset cause now you've given your attention and he's backing up. Maybe he liked the challenge? Pull back, slow fade him.

This is another possibility.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

 

[ambergirl]

I'm assuming you all are sleeping together? If so, he should have been making plans for something on Valentine's Day....a card? a romantic walk? a dessert? something.

But instead of getting angry, I would have waited to see what showed up on Valentine's day. The way a man treats you on a holidays like that is very revealing. No recognition of the holiday at all is a bad sign. As is a completely unromantic gift.

Sounds like he's getting what he wants out of the relationship as is so he's not trying to impress you anymore.

 

[PJaye]

I really, really, really hope that you are not sleeping with this guy. *fingers crossed*

 

[Farida]

I really, really, really hope that you are not sleeping with this guy. *fingers crossed*

And if you are, stop it. From the info I see here, he switched to friends mode when you told him you didn't want a relationship. He is treating you like a friend and he valentine's comment sounds like is reminding you that you shut it down and now you want more. You need to step back and decide what you want. Define the relationship or lack thereof and move on accordingly. If you choose to go forward he needs to put effort into being a boyfriend. A man who cannot even put in effort in the beginning is not worth it. If this is woooing you, what happens when the wooing period ends?

 

[Farida]

I'm assuming you all are sleeping together? If so, he should have been making plans for something on Valentine's Day....a card? a romantic walk? a dessert? something. But instead of getting angry, I would have waited to see what showed up on Valentine's day. The way a man treats you on a holidays like that is very revealing. No recognition of the holiday at all is a bad sign. As is a completely unromantic gift. Sounds like he's getting what he wants out of the relationship as is so he's not trying to impress you anymore.

But if OP is sleeping with him but said she wants no relationship, can you blame the guy for treating her as such. If a guy treats you less than and you put out...you teach him how to treat you.

 

[LaBelleLL]

Nevermind. Was confused about a point.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

OP sounds like you just want the hoopla associated with V day without having any real feelings for him. He seems to have picked up on that. Not to mention that you told him you weren't ready for a relationship. Men aren't like us. They are not going to pine away for you but for so long. And he basically threw it in your face about you not wanting a relationship.

You need to move on at this point unless you just enjoy hanging with him as a buddy.

 

[ambergirl]

But if OP is sleeping with him but said she wants no relationship, can you blame the guy for treating her as such. If a guy treats you less than and you put out...you teach him how to treat you.

Yeah, I suspect sexing was happening and the OP caught some feelings while as far as he was concerned they were friends with benefits.

Oh well, OP if that's the case, just chalk it up to a lesson learned.

 

[God_Favor]

OP you sound like you aren't really that into in and just wanna feel special on vday.

Updates us on how this day went.

 

[Kindheart]

Pretty clear to me ,he doesnt love you therefore he doesnt think yall should spend V s day together . Love is something that doesnt come easy ,he probably likes you but not on a deep level .

But if OP is sleeping with him but said she wants no relationship, can you blame the guy for treating her as such. If a guy treats you less than and you put out...you teach him how to treat you.

Sometimes it doesnt matter what you do ,if a man or a woman loses interest you can disappear act like whatever ,it wont matter. I had guys playing all sorts of games to get me to notice them /miss them /realize how great they were ,it didnt matter to me cuz i was not into them .
Love is irrational ,it happens when you least expect it and its not dictated by little games

 

[nlamr2013]

I'm trying to see it that way but really I'm just a bit hurt and confused. This is the same man that was pushing for a relationship a month ago and upset when I said I wasn't ready for that. Then he was telling me I'm the only woman he's focused on and he wants to genuinely be with me.

Now I get "Valentine's day is for people in love." He seemed upset that I was upset with him...but oh well, I am. I am aware we are not in an official relationship, but I thought we were working towards that. We do spend 2-3 days out of the week together and by no means did this feel like a simple hanging out kind of thing.

It may not feel like just a hangout thing to you but that could be what he feels it is especially since you told him you weren't feeling the relationship thing.