missyT
New Member
I was in a relationship with a guy that I met in church last summer for about 2 and a half months. We broke up for several reasons but the most significant reason was because of a 'slip up' so to speak. Everytime we saw each other, it was in a public place and he complained that he didn't like this and wanted to be "alone" with me. This was my first actual relationship and I sort of trusted him because he was saved and seemed really committed.
Prior to this we had had several discussions about what we thought is 'okay' to do in a relationship. He wasn't a virgin but that was before he got saved. He thought that everything was ok so long as you didn't have intercourse. I didn't agree so we set some boundaries. So far these boundaries were kept. The only thing we did was kiss, but that didn't happen often (He was such an aweful kisser...talk about wet fish).
Anyway so he booked a hotel room and initially wanted for us to stay there over night but I said no. Partly because I didn't want to lie to my parents about my whereabouts. So we got to this hotel room (not at all posh by the way, far far far from it). I was slightly put off about the class of the hotel, but anyway, we got into the room and by that time I was starting to feel very nervous.
He then preceeds to take his shoes, jacket etc. off. He took my coat and hung it up and I tried to keep myself at a distance and he kept asking if I was ok, I said 'yes' as you do. Anyway to cut the long story short, despite my reluctance, things happened that should not have although we didn't have intercourse.
Well after this incident, things started to change in the realtionship. I felt sooooo guilty and for a while didn't want to talk to him. I felt like I had been taken advantage of in some ways. I felt like I couldn't say no to him and was worried how he would react if I did, so I want along with things. Oh might I add here that he is 7 years older than me (18 and 25). At first I didn't see the age difference as a problem, in some ways I thought he would be more trustworthy because of this.
We had lots of arguments and he admitted that it was of because of what happened. I agreed. At one time he called me to say that "he has been thinking and want to end the relationship". Although I didn't like him much at this point, I made him change his mind so we continued as were where. (This might sound bad but the reason I chaned his mind was because I wanted to be the one to end it...my bad).
Several weeks later, I broke it off and he appeared ok with it. I suggested we still be friends (I didn't want this at all, it's just something you say,right?), he said no, so I was like ok then.
Well during the relationship he lent me several christian tapes etc. which I gave back at and he did likewise with mine. But I left one of them at home so I couldn't give it to him at that time but I didn't tell him until several weeks later when he started contacting me saying he want to get back together because he believe that God wants us to be together (Whatever!). I said that I would pray about that myself.
Well after a while I stopped answering his calls and eventually he stopped calling. Then on several occasions I saw him at church and he would approah me to ask if I had sent his CD, which by the way was a cd he had made himself (no expenses then) and propbaly had on his computer. Ayways I said that I would but kept puttin it off till he crossed the line. After church on sunday morning, my mum and I were sitting down talking when he approached my mother and explained that he used to be 'a friend of mine' and that I still had his cd and 'refused' to give it back. My mum was quite surprised at his behaviour but didn't say anything.
Anyway that evening before evening service, I called him to say that I had his Cd and that I would leave it at reception. He didn't answere so I left a voicemail.
Well I couldn't leave the cd at reception so I put it in the car. Then at the end of service I was standing outside waiting for a friend, when a young woman approached me (I saw her that morning with this so called 'x'', I don't like that term) and asked if I was ***** 'x' girlfriend. I said "well no not exactly". Anyway to cut the long story short, I gave the girl the Cd. Then whilst in the car on the way home, I get a text message from this guys saying "My girlfriend says you gave her the cd. Say thankyou to your mum for me. I wish you all the best" etc. etc. At the point I thought 'how spiteful of him'. Why does he have to call her his girlfriend to me.
Anyway, everytime I see him in church I look away and pretend I didn't see him so that I don't make eye contact. I think I am still partly embarrassed about the hotel incident and am angry at him. I am also quite hurt about the way he treated me but does that mean I am still holding him in forgiveness and if I am, what should I do about it?
(Sorry this is so long, and I really appreciate anyone who had the patience to read all of this and respond. Thankyou)
Prior to this we had had several discussions about what we thought is 'okay' to do in a relationship. He wasn't a virgin but that was before he got saved. He thought that everything was ok so long as you didn't have intercourse. I didn't agree so we set some boundaries. So far these boundaries were kept. The only thing we did was kiss, but that didn't happen often (He was such an aweful kisser...talk about wet fish).
Anyway so he booked a hotel room and initially wanted for us to stay there over night but I said no. Partly because I didn't want to lie to my parents about my whereabouts. So we got to this hotel room (not at all posh by the way, far far far from it). I was slightly put off about the class of the hotel, but anyway, we got into the room and by that time I was starting to feel very nervous.
He then preceeds to take his shoes, jacket etc. off. He took my coat and hung it up and I tried to keep myself at a distance and he kept asking if I was ok, I said 'yes' as you do. Anyway to cut the long story short, despite my reluctance, things happened that should not have although we didn't have intercourse.
Well after this incident, things started to change in the realtionship. I felt sooooo guilty and for a while didn't want to talk to him. I felt like I had been taken advantage of in some ways. I felt like I couldn't say no to him and was worried how he would react if I did, so I want along with things. Oh might I add here that he is 7 years older than me (18 and 25). At first I didn't see the age difference as a problem, in some ways I thought he would be more trustworthy because of this.
We had lots of arguments and he admitted that it was of because of what happened. I agreed. At one time he called me to say that "he has been thinking and want to end the relationship". Although I didn't like him much at this point, I made him change his mind so we continued as were where. (This might sound bad but the reason I chaned his mind was because I wanted to be the one to end it...my bad).
Several weeks later, I broke it off and he appeared ok with it. I suggested we still be friends (I didn't want this at all, it's just something you say,right?), he said no, so I was like ok then.
Well during the relationship he lent me several christian tapes etc. which I gave back at and he did likewise with mine. But I left one of them at home so I couldn't give it to him at that time but I didn't tell him until several weeks later when he started contacting me saying he want to get back together because he believe that God wants us to be together (Whatever!). I said that I would pray about that myself.
Well after a while I stopped answering his calls and eventually he stopped calling. Then on several occasions I saw him at church and he would approah me to ask if I had sent his CD, which by the way was a cd he had made himself (no expenses then) and propbaly had on his computer. Ayways I said that I would but kept puttin it off till he crossed the line. After church on sunday morning, my mum and I were sitting down talking when he approached my mother and explained that he used to be 'a friend of mine' and that I still had his cd and 'refused' to give it back. My mum was quite surprised at his behaviour but didn't say anything.
Anyway that evening before evening service, I called him to say that I had his Cd and that I would leave it at reception. He didn't answere so I left a voicemail.
Well I couldn't leave the cd at reception so I put it in the car. Then at the end of service I was standing outside waiting for a friend, when a young woman approached me (I saw her that morning with this so called 'x'', I don't like that term) and asked if I was ***** 'x' girlfriend. I said "well no not exactly". Anyway to cut the long story short, I gave the girl the Cd. Then whilst in the car on the way home, I get a text message from this guys saying "My girlfriend says you gave her the cd. Say thankyou to your mum for me. I wish you all the best" etc. etc. At the point I thought 'how spiteful of him'. Why does he have to call her his girlfriend to me.
Anyway, everytime I see him in church I look away and pretend I didn't see him so that I don't make eye contact. I think I am still partly embarrassed about the hotel incident and am angry at him. I am also quite hurt about the way he treated me but does that mean I am still holding him in forgiveness and if I am, what should I do about it?
(Sorry this is so long, and I really appreciate anyone who had the patience to read all of this and respond. Thankyou)
