After How Many Years of Marriage Is It "Too Late" To Get A Divorce?

[lizjoseph]

I ask this question because I heard on the radio that Santana (the Latin guitar player/singer) and his wife are getting a divorced. She filed the papers after about 30+ years of marriage. I say, what's the point of getting divorced now? Your good "man catching days" are over! So you're close to 60 and divorced....now what? I mean I know people can date at any age nowadays and it's not really frowned upon, but I'm like you spent nearly half your life with this man and NOW you want a divorce....and to have to start all over again with someone new? Come on now! I mean, yes, she will probably walk away with half of what he has...but come on now, might as well stick it through....especially at her age(not sure how old she is, but I'm guessing late 50's early 60's by the looks of Santana and the fact that they've been married over 30 years) What do you ladies think? How longbefore it's "too late" or "not worth it" to get divorced?

 

[envybeauty]

when you are 85 maybe. but 60, no. at 60, you could still live another 30 years. why spend it in misery.

I don't think it matters the amount of years you have been married. if someone got married at 21, then 30 years later, they are only 51. certainly that is not (that) old.

 

[dlewis]

It's never to late. I see 60+ year old people dating all the time.

 

[LunadeMiel]

It's never too late to be happy

 

[gone_fishing]

Life is too short to spend one day being miserable.

While I think people divorce for a lot of fickle reasons, if the marriage is just beyond repair, I don't think one should suffer because of age.

That's age descrimination.

 

[Whimsy]

You deserve happiness at any age.
prime mancatching years aside, if you're unhappy married, i don't care if you're 97, drop that zero and be happy either alone or if you find your geriatric lover!

 

[firecracker]

Wow is all I can say.

 

[dlewis]

Wow is all I can say.

Is that your grandbaby in your avatar?

 

[calm_delight]

IMO, it's never too late. I am certainly not a fan of divorce and would encourage anyone to try to stick it out and salvage the marriage in instances where the marriage is indeed salvagable (sp?). However, if the party ova...it's ova. Close up the piano and turn off the lights. Time ta go!

It could have taken her a long time to get up enough courage to leave, he/she could have been unfaithful, he/she could have simply fallen out of love...you never know.

Late 50's-early 60's isn't really that old if you think about it. It's not like she has one foot in the grave, she still has a good 20-30+ years of living to do. Who wants to be miserable and unhappy, especially in their "golden years"?

Also, there's a chance they may separate/divorce and start living the single life, then find that life together wasn't so bad after all and end up back together. Or, they may be content to grow older and die single and HAPPY. Or, they may eventually settle down with someone else.

I know after a certain age, the pickins' get slimmer and slimmer as far as eligible bachelors and bachelorettes go (because most people are generally married by 35 or so) but I think she and other Goldens Girls such as her self, may have a few more good "man catching days" left in them yet.

 

[lisana]

you'd be surprised how many folks spend decades married in misery, I would much rather someone divorce after 50 years of misery, live 6 months of happiness and drop dead than stay married and die miserable. it's never too late.

 

[blackmaven]

It is never to late to enjoy life. Why continue to stay with a partner who is making life unbearable?

 

[Mystic]

It's never too late to get a divorce. Some women have sacrificed many of their years in an unhappy marriage for various reasons biggest one, the children. However when the children leave it becomes unabearable to remain in the marriage. I know someone who is 70, spent 35+ years in a marriage and shocked us all when she filed for divorce. We could not understand it and our thoughts were that after spending so many years with him why not just stay? The thought has also come to mind that the husband is so frail that he might kick the bucket any minute making her a very wealthy woman. Her response is that if she has 10 or so years to live she would prefer to do it on HER terms. She went a head with the divorce and now she looks 20 years younger, travelling, spending quality time by herself and making up for lost time. She is a very content and happy woman now.

I ask this question because I heard on the radio that Santana (the Latin guitar player/singer) and his wife are getting a divorced. She filed the papers after about 30+ years of marriage. I say, what's the point of getting divorced now? Your good "man catching days" are over! So you're close to 60 and divorced....now what? I mean I know people can date at any age nowadays and it's not really frowned upon, but I'm like you spent nearly half your life with this man and NOW you want a divorce....and to have to start all over again with someone new? Come on now! I mean, yes, she will probably walk away with half of what he has...but come on now, might as well stick it through....especially at her age(not sure how old she is, but I'm guessing late 50's early 60's by the looks of Santana and the fact that they've been married over 30 years) What do you ladies think? How longbefore it's "too late" or "not worth it" to get divorced?

 

[MizAvalon]

It's never too late to be happy

OK! Who cares how long we have been married? I'm not spending the rest of my life in misery. And if they've been married for 30 years they have probably been miserable for a long time.

Besides, so many people are divorced and widowed/widowers at that age she won't have any problem finding someone.

 

[calm_delight]

you'd be surprised how many folks spend decades married in misery, I would much rather someone divorce after 50 years of misery, live 6 months of happiness and drop dead than stay married and die miserable. it's never too late.

You wouldn't want to end up like Mr. and Mrs. Brooks from "In Living Color". Remember them? LOL --We still together!--

http://video.aol.com/partner/hulu/in-living-color-mr-and-mrs-brooks/PRxehzj8eLNZdN33a_0-gRGWt-kyfTJ6

 

[lisana]

You wouldn't want to end up like Mr. and Mrs. Brooks from "In Living Color". Remember them? LOL --We still together!--

http://video.aol.com/partner/hulu/in-living-color-mr-and-mrs-brooks/PRxehzj8eLNZdN33a_0-gRGWt-kyfTJ6

Oh thanks for this, that was hilarious!

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I say, what's the point of getting divorced now? Your good "man catching days" are over! So you're close to 60 and divorced....now what? I mean I know people can date at any age nowadays and it's not really frowned upon, but I'm like you spent nearly half your life with this man and NOW you want a divorce....and to have to start all over again with someone new? Come on now! I

That reasoning relies on the belief that finding a romantic partner/replacement is a priority for both the individuals involved. With that reasoning, very unattractive people should also reconsider divorce since some would say they are lucky to have found one person.

I cannot say that there is ever too late a time for a person to get divorced. It's not my place to decide. Who's to know what is going on between those two individuals or what dreams they may seek to follow. They might be 60, but that doesn't mean you can't have issues with emotional abuse, resentment, infidelity, constant arguments, etc. In addition, some people stay together for the kids and as a result get divorced on "their time". If anything, it's worse when those married for short periods of time seek divorce. It seems a lot of people don't even give marriage a real try, they go through a rough patch and just bounce. To be 60 and seeking divorce requires (IMO) a lot more emotionally than to be 27 and seeking divorce after 3 years.

With that said. I was sad when I heard about Santana's divorce. He's often said how his wife saved his life, and how much, in spite of his infidelity he absolutely adores her. In general, people need to work harder to preserve their marriages and that doesn't mean "just" staying together, but being committed to maintaining a healthy and happy (generally) marriage for both partners.

 

[bluwatersoul]

why does it have to be about finding someone else? One can't be single and happy? I don't get it. You get divorced because you don't want to be married to whom you are with.

after that, whatever happens, happens.

 

[Imani]

Definitely don't think its ever too late. My grandmother got remarried at 63 to a very sweet and wonderful man.

She wasn't divorced though, she was widowed. She actually was reluctant to date at first and wasn't even looking for anyone but he kept asking her out so she finally said yes. Unfortunately, he died of cancer (just like my grandfather did). she says she will not marry a third time and does not want to see another husband die. But wouldn't mind a "friend" to hang out with sometimes.

 

[missann]

why does it have to be about finding someone else? One can't be single and happy? I don't get it. You get divorced because you don't want to be married to whom you are with.

after that, whatever happens, happens.

Agreed. What does "man-catching" have to do with anything?

 

[reallynow]

It's never too late to be happy and 60 is not old. Why continue to be in something that is making you miserable. People are living a lot longer now-get your "Bucket List" together and start doing it up!

 

[MsKipani]

It's never too late in my opinion. I'm far from being a promoter of divorce but on the same note I don't promote staying in something that is unhappy, unsatisfying and not progressing. I can't admire the couple that's been together for 50 years, but has hated each other for 45. At 60, anything is possible - you can find love if you really want it. And having a mate is not the sole definition of happiness. Why live any part of life in misery - whether you're 25 or 65? I'm sure it took some real courage to divorce at this point as well

 

[Armyqt]

WOW great thread. I love the resposnes you ladies gave. I agree it's never too late to be happy.

 

[myco]

To be 60 and seeking divorce requires (IMO) a lot more emotionally than to be 27 and seeking divorce after 3 years.

I agree with this. My friend and I had a disagreement about this. She felt that people who've been married for 20+ years had no reason to get divorced. They just needed to go to counseling and "work it out".

IMO, if you've been married that long and you're just now filing for divorce - I would like to think that you've pretty much exhausted all of your "make it work" options. You've swallowed a lot for the sake of staying married. Sometimes things really are irreparable and irreconcilable. Should you have to resign yourself to dying miserable just because you've already been unhappy for so long?

Couples who are consulting lawyers after 1 year are the ones that confuse me.

 

[Maynard]

Its never too late if you are unhappy. Dont waste one more minute.

 

[ThickHair]

My brother got divorced after 25 years. He was married at 21. It was never too late. My brother wanted to wait til my nephew graduated and turned 18. It just so happened it was the same day. The next week he filed for divorce. He did say he waited 8 years longer than he should have but he couldn't face leaving my nephew.

People in their 60s. 70s and even 80s remarry all the time. I also agree with there person who said "Why does it have to be about finding someone else? One can't be single and happy? I don't get it. You get divorced because you don't want to be married to whom you are with.

after that, whatever happens, happens." ITA

 

[toniy]

I am in agreement with Everyone. It's never too late. I think being happy is the goal. If not with him, then alone will definitely work.

It's never to late to get that "Groove Back".

 

[Bint Yusef]

Agreed. What does "man-catching" have to do with anything?

Its a new Olympic sport.

A 60 year old woman is in prime time to catch a 60 year old man. So her man "catching days" are never over.

Im with all the other ladies, if she isnt happy let her leave.

 

[chellero]

My friend's parents got divorced in their sixties. The wife waited until her husband got sick and left him. She said that she when she was young and raising her children and needed him he was running all over town with different women. Now that she no longer needs him, he can get one of those women to come and take care of him. I kind of feel bad for her husband, but he brought it on himself.

 

[dillard]

never too late, i agree. matter of fact, you can be 100yo and on your deathbed and think, know what... just in case marriages count in the after life, let me get a divorce so i can be free from the this Negro into eternity.

 

[MissScarlett]

I never think its too late!

I love dh and I believe in marriage but I swear, I have this vision of being married for like 25 years and moving on to something else in my life, not another person but I'm sure after a certain time your focus in life changes, people grow apart or your wants change.

I think monogamy and committment for a lifetime is hard to do and reach. I know that sounds terrible but I've always had this unpopular opinion. I think that as women we give so much of ourselves to our spouses, our children, I can see how you just *outgrow* a person.