After a breakup...

Prettymetty

Prettymetty

Natural/4b/medium-coarse
How long should a person wait to start dating again? A week? A month? A couple days :lachen:

How long do you usually wait?
 
i cant "seriously" date after a relationship for a good six months. it seems like it takes me that long to be in a good headspace again. after my last relationship i was jaded about after, and didnt have enough faith in them to pretend like dating was worth my time. the one before that took six months to burn out on partying and being a mess.

but i start meeting guys again whenever i want. its just not real productive dating for awhile. i dont even like that it takes so long, but i seem to need a slow recovery to get my enthusiasm back up again.
 
I usually take a few months at least. One bad breakup years ago I took a whole year. I think it depends on how close and emotionally attached one is to said ex.
 
i online date so my okcupid is always waiting, lurking beneath the surface. we end things and my profile goes live in a matter of hours.:lol:

with my current relationship i would probably start dating immediately but only casually. i would need a while before getting into another relationship.
 
I broke up with arsehole ninja on Saturday and got right on and re-activated that OKC profile Saturday night. Sunday night I was chatting with my SO and the rest is history. Ain't nobody got time.
 
Thanks for the input ladies. Deep down I know that the fastest way to get over your ex is to move on to the "Next"!
 
It takes me at least a year to start dating again. I admittedly have commitment issues plus I enjoy my own company so I'm usually in no hurry to date.

It has been slightly more than a year since my ex and I broke up for good. Every time I think about dating again, I have a flashback and happily snuggle up to my cat instead. Lol.
 
It differs from person to person as you can see.

While I can go through the motions, I'm not always "present" on the date if my heart is broken. Unless it's someone whom I had my eye on but never made a move on while in a relationship. For example, the person I'm seeing now was someone I noticed last year during my last relationship. So I was ready to explore when we got together during the Spring. However, I'm clearly still dealing with various emotions from that breakup BUT still moving forward. This is why the concept of a rebound is still unclear to me. Aren't we all rebounds in someway? Maybe the rebound is someone I already know I don't want for the long-term but using as a crutch?
 
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SamandI said:
I broke up with arsehole ninja on Saturday and got right on and re-activated that OKC profile Saturday night. Sunday night I was chatting with my SO and the rest is history. Ain't nobody got time.
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

This x100. I waited a bit longer but I found the best remedy to get over a break up was to go out there and meet new men (after proper screening, of course).
 
LOL! But results may vary. I was definitely in a didn't GAF mode. My last call to the ex ended up with me telling him to, and i quote, "lose my number". Matter of fact, it will be three years ago this time next week.
 
Mortons said:
As soon as I am asked out. Once I'm over it I'm over it these days.
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That's what happened with me and DH. I had just broken up with the ex and started dating DH shortly after. It was a long break-up process, but I don't believe in waiting if you don't have to. :look:
 
my mama use to say, "the best cure for an old man is to get a new man." I always thought that was funny.

but for me, it depends. I never go looking for relationships as I love being single. seriously, I prefer being single. but I've noticed that I'm not even really open to serious relationships until perhaps a year and some change following the end of a committed relationship. now, do I have fun during that year....? absolutely.
 
I agree that a new man makes it easier to get over the old guy, but make sure you're not rushing into a new relationship just out of loneliness. I got out of a 1 1/2 year relationship and was dating the very next week. Started a new relationship, but quickly realized that the new guy wasn't what I wanted and that he was truly a rebound guy. So just be sure it's what you want.
 
gimbap said:
I agree that a new man makes it easier to get over the old guy, but make sure you're not rushing into a new relationship just out of loneliness. I got out of a 1 1/2 year relationship and was dating the very next week. Started a new relationship, but quickly realized that the new guy wasn't what I wanted and that he was truly a rebound guy. So just be sure it's what you want.
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Exactly! Once u realize the relationship is not what you want but stay anyway, clearly it's a rebound. What made you realize it wasn't what you wanted and when did you realize this? gimbap
 
Fine 4s said:
Exactly! Once u realize the relationship is not what you want but stay anyway, clearly it's a rebound. What made you realize it wasn't what you wanted and when did you realize this? gimbap
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Fine 4s

After my 1 1/2 year relationship ended, I panicked. My ex and I had discussed getting married, having kids, and now there I was, in my late 20s, starting over. So I made it my mission to get a new man ASAP, and I did.

After about a month, I started noticing little things about him that I absolutely hated--being a show-off, arrogant, all talk/little action--but I tried to tell myself that no one is perfect, I was being too picky, etc.

Around 4 months in, I started to notice that I would get straight up ANNOYED when he called! It felt like a chore to talk to him. Plus he wasn't putting in as much effort either. I expressed my feelings to him, and he suggested that we take a break. In my head I was like :yay: :peace: A few weeks later, I suggested that we move on.

It's been about 6 months, and I'm fine with being single. I want to start dating soon, but I told myself that I would not rush into anything out of fear of being alone.
 
Mortons said:
As soon as I am asked out. Once I'm over it I'm over it these days.
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SamandI said:
I broke up with arsehole ninja on Saturday and got right on and re-activated that OKC profile Saturday night. Sunday night I was chatting with my SO and the rest is history. Ain't nobody got time.
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Layluh said:
I'm saying though! This reminds me I need to get on okcupid. Soon as we separate on November 7th it's on and POPPIN.
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I admire you guys attitude toward a breakup. I wish I was that snapbackish. I need time.


NuBraveHeart said:
my mama use to say, "the best cure for an old man is to get a new man." I always thought that was funny.

but for me, it depends. I never go looking for relationships as I love being single. seriously, I prefer being single. but I've noticed that I'm not even really open to serious relationships until perhaps a year and some change following the end of a committed relationship. now, do I have fun during that year....? absolutely.
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Your MOM said this? Wow. My mother was the complete opposite. She felt I moved on too quickly which I didnt think so at all. If it was up to her, I'd take a 5 yr break...She never wanted me jumping from one man to the next. Shoot she'd rather me just not date at all...at least when I was younger and getting my ish together.
 
I think you have to do a self-evaluation for that. I hate to see women think getting into a relationship with a new man will ease the hurt and pain from the last. I'm a firm believer in not distracting yourself after the end of a relationship, but thoroughly dealing with your feelings.

Now granted, if this was a fling or someone you were dating and didn't really care about then by all means find a new man.
 
Last time I was single I dated a month later. I wasn't cut up over the end of the relationship at all.

Still at the same time I wasn't interested in a relationship as I'd just got out of one. I suppose I see it as my right as a beautiful woman to be wined and dined occasionally by lovely men:look:. It doesn't mean I'm not using any of the other 160 hours of alone time in the week to reflect and it doesn't mean I'm not enjoying singledom. Just the opposite.

Its funny because many of the associates and friends I've known who don't do well with men have long breaks in between relationships, but they don't end up with a different type of guy the next time:perplexed:. Taking time out means different things for different people. I do think most are licking their wounds when abstaining from relationships, but reflecting on what they've learned about themselves and what to do in the future isn't always a part of it.
 
I agree the best way to get over a break up is to get a new guy. Just be clear once you identify he's not someone you'd have picked otherwise that new dude is temporary.

It stops you from some truly psychotic moves if your relationship was intense.

Other way that worked for me was mad socialising. Just reconnecting with friends and life helped over some deep emotional grieving.

ETA: it goes without saying you will be reflective, I mean the way my brain is wired that's all I'd be thinking of ergo the distractions that work great btw
 
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i just dont like men for awhile after getting out of a relationship. i feel like they all have issues and i have a sudden clarity on what those issues are now that i would be blind to normally :lol: after my last relationship i would think about men and dating and be like 'they all suck.' it wasnt about being heartbroken or sad, i just didnt find men to be magical fascinating interesting creatures anymore, for awhile.

so i guess the thing that delays me is i temporarily lose my faith and interest in men :lol:
 
I rarely rush to get back into a relationship but I never take long to have a few friends around for dates. Keeps my mind occupied.
 
Ive been single for 3 years and its not out of choice. In all that time Ive never met anyone i'd consider SO material. Every single guy ive met, bar one, have been online and they've been dreadful for one reason or another. Noone approaches in real life.

If I had my way I'd have gone straight into a relationship but it hasn't happened.
I've pretty much given up hope. Ive even lowered my expectations ie occupation/looks/race and that hasn't helped.

I see nearly everyone around me meeting guys except me.

What is the secret?
 
There's no timetable but IMO women spend too much time disecting past relationships. You already know what you don't want but you will never figure out what you do if you don't put yourself out there. Just date. That means even if you luck out and meet a really great guy (or girl) you don't lock yourself down immediately.

Would you wait to hire an assistant after your current one quits? Do you jump and hire the first person that applies without interviewing others? Of course not yet too many women because they don't want to be single refuse to just date but instead "fall into" relationships without vetting if that person should even be taking up time. Interview a few at the same time. Go out to dinner, do fun activities meet like minded men and only when one has risen above the rest should you move into "going steady" territory. Three dates and the desire to resume having sex is not the foundation for a relationship.

Good luck!
 
bklynbornNbred said:
There's no timetable but IMO women spend too much time disecting past relationships. You already know what you don't want but you will never figure out what you do if you don't put yourself out there. Just date. That means even if you luck out and meet a really great guy (or girl) you don't lock yourself down immediately.

Would you wait to hire an assistant after your current one quits? Do you jump and hire the first person that applies without interviewing others? Of course not yet too many women because they don't want to be single refuse to just date but instead "fall into" relationships without vetting if that person should even be taking up time. Interview a few at the same time. Go out to dinner, do fun activities meet like minded men and only when one has risen above the rest should you move into "going steady" territory. Three dates and the desire to resume having sex is not the foundation for a relationship.

Good luck!
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LOVE this post. :yep: Who knows if I ever would have met DH if I spent years and years trying to "get over" my ex?? I just didn't think it was necessary and it wasn't. It was my luck that the first guy I dated was just what I needed. We did take it fairly slow (in the beginning) and I communicated to him that I was getting over a bad break up and he was fine with that. I also communicated that I wasted time with my ex and that I wasn't looking to waste anymore time. I have no regrets for not waiting. I would probably have more regrets if I were still single. I also feel like taking that time to "get over" the ex is another way for your ex to control what you are doing. No one should have that kind of power over you to the point where you feel like you need to recuperate and can't even move on!
 
That's why that other thread over acceptable time to date after a spouse dies annoyed me. Some women act like it's a badge of honor to be without companionship for years after their husband dies. Or they judge other women harshly for not wailing and moaning for an "acceptable" amount of time. Meanwhile a man loses his wife and folks are lining up at the wake to get him a new lady friend.
 
bklynbornNbred said:
That's why that other thread over acceptable time to date after a spouse dies annoyed me. Some women act like it's a badge of honor to be without companionship for years after their husband dies. Or they judge other women harshly for not wailing and moaning for an "acceptable" amount of time. Meanwhile a man loses his wife and folks are lining up at the wake to get him a new lady friend.
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Isn't THAT the truth...... :rolleyes:

In fact, people will almost encourage the guy to move on, get out of the house, meet some new women, etc. Shoot, some women are already lined up at the repass bringing him the pies they've baked lol.

Talk about a double standard. Smh.....
 
I waited a little over a year before dating after my divorce...we were married for 15 years and have 3 kids together so it was necessary...not to get over him but to rediscover myself as a woman. I had been primarily a wife and a mother since the age of 21 so there was some growth /soul searching that needed to be done.

Since being in the dating world, I wouldn't waste a hot second getting back out there after a break up. I think most relationships clearly have issues before the break up happens but people stay in relationships longer than they should. If you recognize the issues ahead of time and realize when ish isn't working out, there shouldn't be that much "work" to do or "issues" to get over IMO.
 
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