Advice please

[ellegantelle]

(Posting this in the relationship forum because technically friendships are still relationships.)

I'm asking for advice on how I should handle the situation below:

My group of girls and I have been "tight" for almost 10+ years now. Amidst or busy schedules and lives we make a plan to hang out at least once a month and also make plans with each other on birthdays. We even get together in smaller groups 2 or 3 in between.

My birthday was earlier this month and my girls for together and planned a last min surprise party for me. At the end of the month is another friend's birthday in our circle.

I asked in a group chat what this friend wanted to do for her birthday. She came up with her ORIGINAL plan to get together on the day of her birthday and asked for input on whether people could make it on that day or the day after. I expressed that the day after would be better for me, but if majority rules for the day of her bday I would make it on that day for her.

She said we will ALL go with Friday and informed us of plans she has with someone else on the day of her birthday.

So on the day of her birthday I'm scrolling through my social media account and find that the four of my friends (all of them!!!) got together on the day of her birthday.

No one texted nor called nor group chatted about this get together.

I commented on the picture and said: hey wheres my invite?

The friend with the birthday responded and said it was just a quick last min get together and that Friday is still on.

But 1. I'm hurt that I wasn't invited to the "last minute" get together on the day of her birthday. We are all close, some closer than others but nevertheless a close group of females yet no one called or texted me about this.

2. It baffles me how my bday event was a last min get together but everyone got an invitation.

3. I never said I couldn't make any events on the day of her bday. I was asked which day I preferred and said Friday, which shouldn't have "x'ed" me out for the day of her birthday. Plus she said she made plans with someone in her family (not with us) on that day.

4. I don't know how to approach how I'm invited to one event and not the other and I'm considering not going to the upcoming event because of this whole situation.

So my question is: how would you handle this situation????

 

[antavia009]

If there's a history of you preferring a time/place/venue that has consistently been different from the group majority, then maybe they feel you are being difficult or not really interested in going but not actually saying so.

If that history isn't there then I would conclude that they are being shady. You can try to explain that you felt left out of something you genuinely was interested in celebrating. Hopefully that would resolve the issue.

ETA: Your hair is so pretty btw!

 

[LiftedUp]

If Thursday was not a viable day for you and it was a last minute outing then calling you last minute on a Thursday just probably wasn't their best bet. Additionally, Friday is still on.

I wouldn't take it as being malicious. They seem to value your friendship.

 

[ellegantelle]

If there's a history of you preferring a time/place/venue that has consistently been different from the group majority, then maybe they feel you are being difficult or not really interested in going but not actually saying so.

If that history isn't there then I would conclude that they are being shady. You can try to explain that you felt left out of something you genuinely was interested in celebrating. Hopefully that would resolve the issue.

ETA: Your hair is so pretty btw!

antavia009 thanks the advice! You're right, I am always the one who isn't the most flexible with my schedule so I have to take that into consideration like you said. I will definitely talk to them and let them know that even if I say going out on a specific day isn't the best day for me, it's always courteous to just drop a text and let me know what's going on because my schedule may/may not have freed up.

And thanks for the compliment! :wink2:

If Thursday was not a viable day for you and it was a last minute outing then calling you last minute on a Thursday just probably wasn't their best bet. Additionally, Friday is still on.

I wouldn't take it as being malicious. They seem to value your friendship.

You're right LiftedUp . I tend to take things personal (I'm a Cancer ) so I definitely need to take a step back and look at the situation differently.

 

[RUBY]

Take a step back and breathe.

Try not to be hurt or salty about it and take it on face value.
You said you preferred Friday. Thursday is her birthday. They arranged last minute for/on Thursday. Friday is still on.

Be thankful you have friends who got together for your birthday and each others birthday.

 

[ellegantelle]

Take a step back and breathe.

Try not to be hurt or salty about it and take it on face value.
You said you preferred Friday. Thursday is her birthday. They arranged last minute for/on Thursday. Friday is still on.

Be thankful you have friends who got together for your birthday and each others birthday.

Very true RUBY...I'm definitely going to go to the event today. Good advice ladies!

 

[SmileyNY]

I think you're overreacting. They assumed you couldn't make it the day of her birthday.

I would assume the same. For a friend to suggest meeting on a different day than my actual birthday, I would assume they must really be busy that day.

Just mho... if you really were not THAT busy on her bday, it was kinda selfish to suggest another day anyway. It was sweet of her to adjust her plans to include you and she has every right to want to do something on the day of her bday. You shouldn't be mad at that.

Most people want to feel special and celebrate on their actual bday, no matter what is planned on a different day.

 

[ellegantelle]

I think you're overreacting. They assumed you couldn't make it the day of her birthday.

I would assume the same. For a friend to suggest meeting on a different day than my actual birthday, I would assume they must really be busy that day.

Just mho... if you really were not THAT busy on her bday, it was kinda selfish to suggest another day anyway. It was sweet of her to adjust her plans to include you and she has every right to want to do something on the day of her bday. You shouldn't be mad at that.

Most people want to feel special and celebrate on their actual bday, no matter what is planned on a different day.

I agree with what you are saying...she asked the group which day did they prefer and I told her that Friday works better for me because I'm not as tied up on that day. I guess it was just a shock to me when I saw everyone got together on the day of her birthday when she said she had made plans with a family member on that day (not with the other girls). SmileyNY

 

[kaykari]

my feelings would be hurt. *shrug*

 

[LiftedUp]

I would feel hurt but because it wasn't malicious I would let it go

 

[Naveah2050]

I think you're overreacting. They assumed you couldn't make it the day of her birthday. I would assume the same. For a friend to suggest meeting on a different day than my actual birthday, I would assume they must really be busy that day. Just mho... if you really were not THAT busy on her bday, it was kinda selfish to suggest another day anyway. It was sweet of her to adjust her plans to include you and she has every right to want to do something on the day of her bday. You shouldn't be mad at that. Most people want to feel special and celebrate on their actual bday, no matter what is planned on a different day.

I agree - it was a little selfish of you to suggest meeting on a day other than her bday when you clearly weren't that busy and now making a huge fuss that they met without you to celebrate her bday on her actual bday even though Friday is still on.
I agree they should have at least sent you an FYI if you can drop by this is happening text.