Advice: Dealing with arguments

[Divine.]

So I have been dealing with a guy on and off for about 6 months. I officially cut it off a month ago because the relationship was not progressing. However the other day, he randomly popped back in.

We got into our first full blown argument because he texted me late at night (booty call hours) after I asked him respectfully not to. Although we never took that next step (read: sex), I still wasn't comfortable with him texting me at those hours. Plus he does that frequently. He ALWAYS texts me in the middle of the night while I'm sleep. Because of that, I literally haven't had a conversation with him in two months.

So back to the argument. I see the text when I wake up and want to flip. First because of of the late night text, and also because he went back to doing something I had asked not to do. I shot him a text at work saying that if he couldn't speak to me during the day, don't speak to me at all. To which he responds, Why are you so bitter? I tell him my issue, just saying that those texts make me feel like a booty call. Then he gets mad! He's not in town right now so it became clear to me that I guess he really did want to talk.

He's giving me the silent treatment right now. I'm irritated because he totally dismissed my feelings and turned this situation on me. I hate confrontation so this situation really bothers me. Is there any rectifying this? It's not even so much the relationship I'm trying to salvage, I just want to resolve the issue so I don't stay mad. Was I wrong for feeling the way I did?

I just need some encouragement. I was so happy during the time I had away from him. Then the minute he comes back into my life he flips it upside down with one text * sigh*

 

[khadicurls]

You're not wrong feeling how you do. Just let it go and leave him alone. If he hasn't respected your wishes by now he's not going to because he has a different view point and no amount of arguing with him will change him. You have to change how you react to him and indifference is the best thing. I would just block his number and be done with it. Never give someone that much power over you especially when you said it was someone that you were happier with not being in your life.

 

[ladysaraii]

Honestly, after the first time I asked him not to text me that late, I would ignore any future offenders. Any messages sent to me during my no-text zone wouldn't exist to me and I'd only acknowledge the ones that were sent at appropriate times

 

[kaykari]

Ignore ignore ignore. If he loved you, he would respect you. Why give a man who doesnt love you so much energy? Why let him pull you to his low level?

 

[MsDee14]

Try to find peace within yourself and not with him
Try to go back to the life you had before he came back in it.
I don't think you should contact him to hash things out or solve this argument. He was in the wrong and did not respect your wishes. I believe you should charge this one to the game and K.I.M.

 

[Lucie]

He wanted a reaction and you gavd him one. Ignore him. Anyone who knows how you feel about a specific matter and chooses to continue doing it, does not care about you.

 

[RoseTintedCheeks]

When you say dealing with, it sounds like you two aren't even going on official dates and its been 6 months...Red flag

He's giving you the silent treatment which means you're blowing him up and not being reciprocated. Another red flag

You are his OPTION OP and it sounds like he just isn't that into you. Just stop all contact and move on.

 

[Divine.]

When you say dealing with, it sounds like you two aren't even going on official dates and its been 6 months...Red flag

He's giving you the silent treatment which means you're blowing him up and not being reciprocated. Another red flag

You are his OPTION OP and it sounds like he just isn't that into you. Just stop all contact and move on.

These are all the reasons why I stopped talking to him in the first place. We aren't official and I wanted to leave this mess with my dignity in tact. It was hard to accept but I knew moving on was best. And I didn't blow up his phone, he just stopped the conversation by no longer responding. When I tried to be the bigger person, that's when I realized it was the silent treatment. I left it alone after that.

Right now my feelings are just hurt and I don't know how to deal with them.

 

[MsDee14]

@Divine. What do you think will make you feel better?
Maybe you can send him one final text that will give you closure?

 

[Divine.]

MsDee14 I'm a communicator so I would love for us to just get over this bump. I wanted this relationship to end because I had enough self respect to get out of it. Not because of some stupid argument that leaves both of us feeling mad. I really hate confrontation and it's innate for me to want to solve problems. When I can't solve the problem, it just creates all these emotions and frustration.

I could text him...but I don't think what I want to say is appropriate

 

[MsDee14]

@MsDee14 I'm a communicator so I would love for us to just get over this bump. I wanted this relationship to end because I had enough self respect to get out of it. Not because of some stupid argument that leaves both of us feeling mad. I really hate confrontation and it's innate for me to want to solve problems. When I can't solve the problem, it just creates all these emotions and frustration.

I could text him...but I don't think what I want to say is appropriate

I completely understand even though I am the complete opposite.

You say you want to get over this bump, but what will happen once you guys are over it? Continue talking/dating or end things on a good note? If it's the latter, I wouldn't even try to get over the "bump" and let it be.

He's giving you the silent treatment for a reason...

 

[Divine.]

I completely understand even though I am the complete opposite.

You say you want to get over this bump, but what will happen once you guys are over it? Continue talking/dating or end things on a good note? If it's the latter, I wouldn't even try to get over the "bump" and let it be.

He's giving you the silent treatment for a reason...

This is more for me than him. I guess I can't let conflict bother me so much. I'm pretty much over him. Only time will make me feel better at this point.

 

[hopeful]

OP, you have been given excellent advice. I am like you. I am a communicator too and I like to get things resolved. I hate to tell you this but most men don't listen to this communication that we are so tied to. Talking with this guy is like basically spinning your wheels. He is not listening to you. One, because he's a guy, and most respond to action. But secondly, and most importantly, this guy is just all out disrespecting you: texting in the middle of the night despite your requests; not courting you at all; not calling you during the day (who does that?); and now giving you the silent treatment because you told him how his late night calls make you feel. Instead of him feeling badly and apologizing, he's trying to make you feel even worse. I would just let this one go, learn the lessons, and KIM. If it makes you feel better put all your anger in a letter, let it all out, but don't send it. If you must send a final text, wait until you are calmer so that you don't write something you regret.

 

[ava2]

You can't control what other people choose to do. You can only control how you choose to react/respond to what they decide to do.

Men respond to actions.

It matters less what you say ("please do not text me at this hour") and more what you DO (non-action: answering him).

The fact that he is not honoring your preferences and boundaries is a red flag. Ignoring him is more dignified than lashing out.

 

[Divine.]

ava2 my eagerness to communicate makes it so hard for me to ignore people...ugh! My first instinct when I saw the text was to ignore him but I got so angry. I stay wanting to tell people about themselves lol I don't plan on speaking to him in the future. This relationship is beyond repair and I did everything I could. Now I'm just tired. Thanks for all the advice ladies!

 

[hopeful]

And if that's you in your avi he is a fool! You are gorgeous my dear.

 

[hopeful]

One last thing. People who love communication like we do have to understand the we communicate in many ways, not just through the verbal and written word. Ignoring someone is communicating, focusing on ourselves is communication, as is how we respond to foolishness, how we dress, etc.

 

[ava2]

@ava2 my eagerness to communicate makes it so hard for me to ignore people...ugh! My first instinct when I saw the text was to ignore him but I got so angry. I stay wanting to tell people about themselves lol I don't plan on speaking to him in the future. This relationship is beyond repair and I did everything I could. Now I'm just tired. Thanks for all the advice ladies!

"Remember, Composure and dignity. Composure and dignity."

Poppin' off at the mouth, and SHOWING OUT, says more about you than the wrong that was done TO you. Alladat, can show your weakness, can show your insecurities, and can tell people what buttons to push in the future.

Just a thought.

 

[TinyBlu]

If a man can't honor something as simple as texting rules, in what other ways is he going to dishonor you?

A man who respects you and REALLY likes you will make concessions to work around your schedule.

I would treat him like the child that his mimicking: IGNORE. It sounds to me like he just wanted attention. You are doing more with your silence than by acknowledging him with a response.

 

[Divine.]

"Remember, Composure and dignity. Composure and dignity."

Poppin' off at the mouth, and SHOWING OUT, says more about you than the wrong that was done TO you. Alladat, can show your weakness, can show your insecurities, and can tell people what buttons to push in the future.

Just a thought.

ava2 I didn't pop off on him like I wanted, he got the watered down version But you make a very good point. I just need to stop talking. My emotions are going to be the death of me

hopeful Yes it's me! Thank you. Men don't realize what they got until it's gone

It's so crazy how things be so perfect at the beginning and then just turn to sh!t. He never used to be so rude and disrespectful. Our communication was great at the beginning! Idk what happened but I just know I can't deal with it anymore.

 

[ThickHair]

Why did you respond? If you don't respond in the middle of the night he wouldn't text in the middle of the night.

 

[starfish]

@Divine., Did he tell you he wanted to be exclusive and he wasn't seeing other people? I'm wondering because you seem awfully emotionally invested when in his mind, it wasn't a relationship. That's what YOU are calling it but I don't think he was on the same page. My apologies in advance if I'm wrong.

 

[Poohbear]

He's giving me the silent treatment right now. I'm irritated because he totally dismissed my feelings and turned this situation on me. I hate confrontation so this situation really bothers me. Is there any rectifying this? It's not even so much the relationship I'm trying to salvage, I just want to resolve the issue so I don't stay mad. Was I wrong for feeling the way I did?

No and No.

Block his number so that he cannot text you at a disrespectful time any longer.

 

[Babysaffy]

Install Mr Number app which will block his calls and texts.

Visit www.baggagereclaim.com

The advice there on emotional unavailable men and no contact is second to none. This man sounds like a total nightmare you don't want to come true! Run!

 

[Divine.]

@Divine., Did he tell you he wanted to be exclusive and he wasn't seeing other people? I'm wondering because you seem awfully emotionally invested when in his mind, it wasn't a relationship. That's what YOU are calling it but I don't think he was on the same page. My apologies in advance if I'm wrong.

ThickHair I never respond at night. I normally respond the next day. That's what makes the situation so silly. You'd think he'd get after the 7th time that I'm not available at those times.

starfish I use the term relationship very loosely. I didn't mean exclusive relationship. I just meant I was seeing him. Before I cut it off with him, I was emotionally invested but I realized that was the problem and moved on. Of course I was disappointed it ended. So when he texted me, it got under my skin. My feelings now are derived from the disrespect I felt not necessarily from how I feel about him. And I don't take disrespect well at all.

 

[Mitre]

It's so crazy how things be so perfect at the beginning and then just turn to sh!t. He never used to be so rude and disrespectful. Our communication was great at the beginning! Idk what happened but I just know I can't deal with it anymore.

He was alway this way since it is very difficult for a person to change their personality. You are seeing this side of him because the facade - mr nice guy- has fallen. Rarely can a personality maintain a false personality for long.

Sent from my ...typo machine