ellennicole
New Member
Okay, met a nice man in January. We've been dating consistently and in March decided to be exclusive. Everything for the most part is GREAT. He's kind, considerate, a perfect gentleman (opens doors, pulls out chairs, etc, is always aiming to please). I've met his family, and he's met mine. We've even decided to go to church and bible study together---not as a couple, but to strengthen our spiritual growth. We're not having sex b/c we want to take our time to really get to know each other and maybe wait until marriage.
Anyway, he calls several times throughout the day (morning, afternoon, and at night before we go to bed). I'm extremely happy and enjoy the time we get to spend together.
The problem--- in the beginning he was extremely expressive (verbally) about wanting to be with me and how I make him feel. He's always making references about if I become a member of familiy and how important it is for me to get used to his family (he's the youngest of six). He even asked me about what kind of wedding I would want and that he had a dream about weddings and babies.... Now, it's like pulling teeth. I have a constant need to "know" so I ask a lot of questions, and he knew that before we got together.
One night we were kissing and I heard him say the "L" word. When I was IM-ing him the next day and mentioned it and he SWORE up and down he didn't say it. Not only does he do this, but he wrote me a four paragraph email explaining how he doesn't use that word lightly and if he were to say it he'd say it with intent and in a more formal setting....he even mentioned my hearing problem as possibility. Yes, I am partially deaf and I read lips but anyway..
We went out of town recently and he met some of my college friends--who really like him a lot and that's rare considering my track record. Anyway, I told him (later) that my friend said we looked like we had known each other for a long time and we really looked comoforable together.. and he says, "Yea, well it's still early." and I said, "Umm, k, yes I know that." Then he goes on about how he's going to temper his enthusiasm. Whick surprised me b/c he calls all the time and we spend everymoment together. So, I got upset and expressed it... so he didn't call for three days.
Monday, he tells me he can't tell if I'm smiling on the inside or outside. I tell him that I'm very happy with him and that enjoy spending time with him and that I feel glad that he was put in my life.... and he says.... (nothing).
So, I say.. "What about you?" and he says, "What about me?" and I say, "How do you feel?" and he says, "I feel fine...." I say, about us,and he says, "I feel fine about us."
So that upset me and I explained that I feel fine when I have a quick and hassle free drive to work, etc. That fine is just blah... so he sends me an email saying that my need to know superceded his being ready to open up and that he didn't want to.... So then he shuts down and doesn't call for two days.
I know some people have the opposite problem, but his actions show me he cares, but I am not understanding why it's so hard for him to SAY IT.
Am I wrong for being mad???
Anyway, he calls several times throughout the day (morning, afternoon, and at night before we go to bed). I'm extremely happy and enjoy the time we get to spend together.
The problem--- in the beginning he was extremely expressive (verbally) about wanting to be with me and how I make him feel. He's always making references about if I become a member of familiy and how important it is for me to get used to his family (he's the youngest of six). He even asked me about what kind of wedding I would want and that he had a dream about weddings and babies.... Now, it's like pulling teeth. I have a constant need to "know" so I ask a lot of questions, and he knew that before we got together.
One night we were kissing and I heard him say the "L" word. When I was IM-ing him the next day and mentioned it and he SWORE up and down he didn't say it. Not only does he do this, but he wrote me a four paragraph email explaining how he doesn't use that word lightly and if he were to say it he'd say it with intent and in a more formal setting....he even mentioned my hearing problem as possibility. Yes, I am partially deaf and I read lips but anyway..
We went out of town recently and he met some of my college friends--who really like him a lot and that's rare considering my track record. Anyway, I told him (later) that my friend said we looked like we had known each other for a long time and we really looked comoforable together.. and he says, "Yea, well it's still early." and I said, "Umm, k, yes I know that." Then he goes on about how he's going to temper his enthusiasm. Whick surprised me b/c he calls all the time and we spend everymoment together. So, I got upset and expressed it... so he didn't call for three days.
Monday, he tells me he can't tell if I'm smiling on the inside or outside. I tell him that I'm very happy with him and that enjoy spending time with him and that I feel glad that he was put in my life.... and he says.... (nothing).
So, I say.. "What about you?" and he says, "What about me?" and I say, "How do you feel?" and he says, "I feel fine...." I say, about us,and he says, "I feel fine about us."
So that upset me and I explained that I feel fine when I have a quick and hassle free drive to work, etc. That fine is just blah... so he sends me an email saying that my need to know superceded his being ready to open up and that he didn't want to.... So then he shuts down and doesn't call for two days.
I know some people have the opposite problem, but his actions show me he cares, but I am not understanding why it's so hard for him to SAY IT.
Am I wrong for being mad???
Well, I think FunkyMunky said it all right there 
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