A Natural, almost on the verge of giving up!

[BroadstreetBully]

The time has come, when I look at my hair and wonder if it's worth it. I LOVE my natural hair and all its curls and kinks. But it has been knotting up like crazy. My ends are knotted, and I'll have to cut them, and that's going to set me back. I'm so upset. While I was relaxed, I didn't have this problem at all, now that I've learned to take care of my hair, had I not transitioned, I would have been BSL and on my way to my goal. I feel like I started over again just to have to deal with a whole new set of hair "issues".

I've tried it all ladies. And with working and going to school, I just don't have the time. I've been very adamant about being natural and staying natural, and now...feeling like this has me feeling like a hypocrite. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. I'm going to let this play out and see where my hair goes, because I'm in love with my natural hair. But I want length as well, and I'm not achieving enough of it when I have to constantly trim the ends. I can't afford to jump on anymore bandwagons because it's costing me too much time and money.

If anything else I've considered texturizing, but I'm so much happier without the chemicals and scab hair. Perhaps I'll have to adopt a flat ironing regimen and just deep condition and do protein treatments like crazy. Who knows!?


If any ladies have input, I'd appreciate your help! I'm just so torn right now.

 

[loveable37]

I wish u luck !!
If i decidecto go natural cuttin my hair(no no)unless its really what i wanna do instead i will deal with both texture cause i might decide to change back.

 

[cmw45]

I think that most naturals get to this point at some point...I was here about a week ago...I'm a also a student and don't have time to spend on my hair like that so I'm putting in some braids on Wednesday. I know the braider (she does my friends hair) so I'm hoping I won't have some of the braid issues others seem to have. This will give me at least a two month break from my hair...so when I take them out, I won't be frustrated and will be in a better position to make a decision from.

 

[jenteel]

why don't you try more protective styling?
knotting usually comes more with dry ends
that helps me thru when i get frustrated w/ my hair
but my hair has been doing so well w/ this and moisturizing
i've been bunning and braiding my own hair (keeping it off my shoulders)
especially w/ the cold weather approaching u may want to do some serious moisturizing, bunning and the like...
i haven't trimmed my hair in months b/c my ends are not really exposed
and if they are it's not for days at a time anymore
hope this helps...
going natural is a process and it takes years to master

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I hate dealing with me hair right now so I'm about to braid it up! I'll take them out when I feel like dealing with it. This helped me a lot in the beginning and has become a habit. I don't think twice about relaxing.

 

[gradygirl]

I'm sorry hun. I have felt the same way lately. Natural hair takes alot of work for me. I have been texturized before and it was easier for me to take care of but I did want to give being natural one more try but I must admit I am tired of being a slave to my hair which is why I wear wigs all of the time. Maybe it will be easier the longer it gets atleast thats what I am hoping for. Just do what is best for you and good luck.

 

[cmw45]

why don't you try more protective styling?
knotting usually comes more with dry ends
that helps me thru when i get frustrated w/ my hair
but my hair has been doing so well w/ this and moisturizing
i've been bunning and braiding my own hair (keeping it off my shoulders)
especially w/ the cold weather approaching u may want to do some serious moisturizing, bunning and the like...
i haven't trimmed my hair in months b/c my ends are not really exposed
and if they are it's not for days at a time anymore
hope this helps...
going natural is a process and it takes years to master

I totally agree!

 

[hopeful]

((((HUGS)))))) redRiot, most of the time I'm fine with my hair but I find when I get super busy I become especially frustrated because I cannot ever quickly get a cute hair style. Flat-ironing takes me hours, twists take at least an hour (for a quick twist-out) or up to 3 or more hours for twists I plan to keep in awhile, wash and go's take an hour too because off all the detangling and tons of products I have to comb through my hair because without product my hair would dry so weird because of the different textures throughout my head. When I have time, none of this bothers me though. The only thing I can do somewhat quickly is put it in a puff and wear a pretty scarf, but my puff is still so tiny and my head is big lol.

But you know about a week ago I did the most beautiful twist out ever, I felt so pretty, people kept asking me how I got it like that. I really want to make it to at least 3 years, by then I should be close to bsl, I just have to see what that feels like and looks like on me, I really want to reach that goal. I don't want to relax, encounter problems again, bc again, and have to start all over, that would be really frustrating. I am just so determined to stick it out. And besides, natural hair is just so beautiful, I really do love wearing my hair in it's natural state. Don't give up, you can do it. PM me anytime if you need encouragement.

 

[foxxymami]

I hate dealing with me hair right now so I'm about to braid it up! I'll take them out when I fell like dealing with it. This helped me a lot in the beginning and has become a habit. I don't think twice about relaxing.

Ditto...kinky twists are my FAAAAAV "getaway". I get them several times, then when I miss my own hair, I take 'em out.

Maybe you could try a protective style like someone suggested, and use that as your "getaway" when your hair is getting on your nerves.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Don't give up girl, hang in there! I just pulled out a few knotted strands this evening so i know what you mean. I did a protein treatment this evening (eggs, oo, conditioner) and that plus the rubbing i did while washing it out led to a few tangles.

I would definitely say get your hair braided/weaved up and give yourself a break for a few weeks. This should help with some of your frustrations. Or, there are some women here that flatiron/press weekly. I would send them some pm's and see if i could get some tips. I am not recommending you do this, but maybe this will be an option if you proceed with extreme caution.

If i think of anything else i will send you a pm.

 

[Kawaii1]

I'm not natural but 2 of my sisters are. My twin has tons of long natural hair. It is longer then shoulder length I believe and I can get with her about maintenance. She said she got a new moisturizer that makes her hair like butter so I can find the brand. I don't think you should use chemicals. the only reason I perm is because my hubby likes the straight look. if I ever get divorced I will go natural

I don't know what you do to take care of it but sis just washes and braids in the large braids. She keeps it moisturized and wears it either crinkly from the braiding or all out and natural. Don't do it! Don't texturize!

 

[velvet]

Hey there- don't give up.

Here's some advice from a very unorthodox natural:

I don't trim or cut until I want a style. I view my split ends and knots as temporary protection for the rest of my hair until I get the length that I want. You know what happens once I trim?- I get knots again! so what's the point when I'm trying to achieve length? do you feel me?

Every type of hair gets tiresome. But the great thing about being natural is that you can truly shift looks. I just got tired of my natural hair two weeks ago- so now I'm flat ironing. Total Maxiglide time for my waist length 4a hair is 20 mins. I only have to do it once a week, and I feel like I just got a new pair of shoes! and you know what- when I get tired of this- all I have to do is wet my hair.

Hang in there- we all go through it!

 

[TheNewFine]

Hi Red,
I too am natural and love, love my curls! However, it does take a lot of work to keep them looking and feeling good. But that's true of all hair and styles. Go back to your first love - What was it that made you want to go natural in the first place? Think of the last time you had a successful hair experience - what did you use on your hair, how did you style it? Look at some of the fotki's of people that have your length and texture and try to replicate.

Lately I've been doing braids at night before I go to bed (6-8) I put a leave-in and shea butter on my hair as I braid it and a little castor oil on the ends. Then I pin curl or tuck the ends under. I've also used rods on the ends too if I'm going to wear it down, usually with a headband the next day. Tie a scarf on and in the morning, take the braids out and you have very pretty waves! Sometimes I will do an updo after I take the braids out and it looks really pretty too. The updo is protective and you can wrap it at night and wear it for another day or two without alot of manipulation.

This new step really helped me fall in love with my hair again after I got bored with wng's. PM me if you want more details or just want to chat. We often feel like we are swimming upstream with natural hair. Don't feel condemned either way. This is my second time around being natural. I wish I had not gotten the relaxer after 3 years natural but I did. My hair soon went back to being thin, overprocessed and breaking off. So I've been natural 2 1/2 years, getting great ideas and support from this site and feel really good about my hair journey!

 

[remnant]

why don't you try more protective styling?
knotting usually comes more with dry ends
that helps me thru when i get frustrated w/ my hair
but my hair has been doing so well w/ this and moisturizing
i've been bunning and braiding my own hair (keeping it off my shoulders)
especially w/ the cold weather approaching u may want to do some serious moisturizing, bunning and the like...
i haven't trimmed my hair in months b/c my ends are not really exposed
and if they are it's not for days at a time anymore
hope this helps...
going natural is a process and it takes years to master

I totally agreewith you

 

[remnant]

Hey there- don't give up.

Here's some advice from a very unorthodox natural:

I don't trim or cut until I want a style. I view my split ends and knots as temporary protection for the rest of my hair until I get the length that I want. You know what happens once I trim?- I get knots again! so what's the point when I'm trying to achieve length? do you feel me?

Every type of hair gets tiresome. But the great thing about being natural is that you can truly shift looks. I just got tired of my natural hair two weeks ago- so now I'm flat ironing. Total Maxiglide time for my waist length 4a hair is 20 mins. I only have to do it once a week, and I feel like I just got a new pair of shoes! and you know what- when I get tired of this- all I have to do is wet my hair.

Hang in there- we all go through it!

That encourages me to stay natural thank you velvet

 

[EMJazzy]

Hey there- don't give up.

Here's some advice from a very unorthodox natural:

I don't trim or cut until I want a style. I view my split ends and knots as temporary protection for the rest of my hair until I get the length that I want. You know what happens once I trim?- I get knots again! so what's the point when I'm trying to achieve length? do you feel me?

Every type of hair gets tiresome. But the great thing about being natural is that you can truly shift looks. I just got tired of my natural hair two weeks ago- so now I'm flat ironing. Total Maxiglide time for my waist length 4a hair is 20 mins. I only have to do it once a week, and I feel like I just got a new pair of shoes! and you know what- when I get tired of this- all I have to do is wet my hair.

Hang in there- we all go through it!

I guess both of us are unorthodox because I feel the same way as you do about the knots and flatironing!!

 

[Cheleigh]

Hey there- don't give up.

Here's some advice from a very unorthodox natural:

I don't trim or cut until I want a style. I view my split ends and knots as temporary protection for the rest of my hair until I get the length that I want. You know what happens once I trim?- I get knots again! so what's the point when I'm trying to achieve length? do you feel me?

Every type of hair gets tiresome. But the great thing about being natural is that you can truly shift looks. I just got tired of my natural hair two weeks ago- so now I'm flat ironing. Total Maxiglide time for my waist length 4a hair is 20 mins. I only have to do it once a week, and I feel like I just got a new pair of shoes! and you know what- when I get tired of this- all I have to do is wet my hair.

Hang in there- we all go through it!

I didn't know how to articulate this, so thank you velvet for typing the bold above. My hair gets tangled very easily-mostly because my hair is very coily, the strands are fine, and I shed a lot of hair. I get knots all the time, but I don't cut them out. I will try and pick out the attached hair from the knots (until the knot is only comprised of shed hair mostly). I only trim about every six months, although I do "search and destroy" splits and dust. I also get single strand knots, and I leave them alone too.

I haven't straightened yet, but my stretched length in the back is at armpit. I've also found that coating my strands with butter or pomade (weighting them down) helps minimize knots, as does good detangling.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Hey there- don't give up.

Here's some advice from a very unorthodox natural:

I don't trim or cut until I want a style. I view my split ends and knots as temporary protection for the rest of my hair until I get the length that I want. You know what happens once I trim?- I get knots again! so what's the point when I'm trying to achieve length? do you feel me?

Every type of hair gets tiresome. But the great thing about being natural is that you can truly shift looks. I just got tired of my natural hair two weeks ago- so now I'm flat ironing. Total Maxiglide time for my waist length 4a hair is 20 mins. I only have to do it once a week, and I feel like I just got a new pair of shoes! and you know what- when I get tired of this- all I have to do is wet my hair.

Hang in there- we all go through it!

How are you able to maxiglide your hair in 20 minutes, i must know your secrets!!!

 

[meia]

You are truly preaching to the choir on this one friend! I start thinking the same thing-
since my ends knot all the time-- the worst ones are the knots in the center of the strand...it can get really "hairy" (pardon the pun ) but here's what I discovered. Whats the best way to deal with knots- KEEP THEM FARTHEST FROM YOUR MIND BY BRAIDING! I know this is the 5211634684 thread i've posted this but it really works! I've had to do a lot of cutting lately but only when I leave it out and sleep on it forgetting to tie it up (which is every night!)....

Lets be real here- natural or relaxed, scaly scalp or knots for days, they both have their ups and downs. I rationalize it like this- would you rather be combing or cutting out knots or would you rather deal with chemicals, painful scalp, underprocessing/overprocessing instead? I quickly realize everytime I think about straightening that I can't continue to put chemicals in my hair- what am i going to do if i have kids? what are the later effects of perm chemicals?? I then forget even thinking about straight hair. Its just not an option for me but trust me stick with your hair for longer.... just be extra gentle when detangling and use loads and LOADS of conditioner and do plenty of hot oil treatments and deep conditioning protein treatments. Another thing i've learned? Regular trims (Especially if you don't sleep with a bonnet) are definitely require... the ends may be snagging because you haven't trimmed in a while. Just do a light dusting and see if this helps. Often this helps me so I recommend considering it.

SO MY ADVICE:
BRAIDS! TWISTS!! PONYTAILS, 2-STRAND FLAT TWISTS- anything to keep the hair out of your way but keep it moisturized, detangled, and well-managed. DON'T FLATIRON! I've experienced my texture flattening when I use it after a while.....just be patient, give your hair lots of love (and conditioner), and do plenty of protective styles and the knots will stave away...

I PROMISE!

 

[meia]

PS: VELVET- YOU'RE INCREDIBLY RIGHT! lets all think back to how frustrated we were to chop our hair in the first place! but with any hair type if you're looking to improve and manage the hair so it looks beautiful its going to be some work- HARD work but work nonetheless...

Lets imagine the reward that waits for us once we hit our goals.....and stay positive!

 

[Nicole1976]

Okay, I'm not natural...but just in case you decide against going natural any further...consider Textlaxing your hair!

I love it!!!

My hair has so much more body, my nape hair grows and I feel like I am very close to natural, my hair still maintains most of its curl pattern and is very strong since TextLaxing

 

[Sugar Brown]

I would guess you are going through a hot hair phase, but a relaxer won't solve it. Sometimes hair just does its own thing - relaxed or natural....Try a great conditioning treatment before you resort to something else...a deep treatment usually puts me back on track.

 

[imstush]

That encourages me to stay natural thank you velvet

Same here! And I've been totally thinking about texlaxing.

 

[xquizit01]

Hi - I'm transitioning (1 year in Nov w/out a relaxer), and I was about to throw in the towel until I conditioned my hair with LeKair Cholesterol Plus. My natural hair responds really well to this conditoner. Don't be fooled by other brands of cholesterol. Make sure you try the Le Kair brand. This stuff is the bomb and it is also inexpensive. I haven't tried any other formulas of LeKair because this one works just fine. I hope this helps!

 

[BeaLady]

I understand the feeling. I've been natural for a long time and I'm thinking about putting a chemical in my hair. I bought the Just For Me Teture Softner but I haven't used it yet.

I've been wearing twists/twistouts for about a year and am getting bored with the style. I flat ironed my hair this morning and before lunch time it poofed out and looks terrible.

I was thinking about getting braids or a sew-in so I can give my hair a break.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

THANK YOU SO MUCH LADIES! I have read through every single response, and have decided that I will stay natural for a good while and see what happens.

My plan right now is to start co-washing more often and doing oil rinses. I'm doing all of this in the evening of course, because it's getting colder, and I don't want to catch anything serious.

I don't wear my hair styled at all, I just pull it in a ponytail and throw on a Upa clip, which works fine, but I also have to wear a scarf since my hair up front hasn't caught up with the rest of my hair. I'm going to start wearing some different head wraps, which I was doing for a while...but I got tired of everyone asking me why I never wear my hair out. I'll just respond that it's none of their business. I'm going to continue this style for the rest of this year...so I'll be trying to find different colored hair scarves.

I was braiding my hair up at night for a while, but in order for it to help keep my hair detangled and stop my ends from knotting, I was having to do about 16-20 braids, and it's very time consuming. I don't know how to cornrow either, guess I should learn how to do that as well!

So I will be purchasing some coconut oil and some of the other oils I've seen around here as well as the Monoi de Tahiti oil. I'll do a cowash and oil rinse a few times a week, then oil my hair with the Monoi oil, detangle, put my hair in about 20 neat plaits and wear my scarves over my hair during the day. I'm going to up my use of the BT Balm I have cause it smells yummy and feels so good. I'm also going to wear my UPA clip occasionally, and on those days I'll oil my ends and cover them with the cut out foot of stockings.

My main frustration is in the length of my hair. My ends didn't tangle when my hair was shorter, but it isn't long enough now to bun. So it's that middle phase when you're ready to give up. But I won't give up now. I love the health of my scalp...haven't had dandruff or dry scalp since the beginning of this year. My cuticles are strong and intact. I'll just give my hair a little more TLC before I do something I'll regret later. Cause I don't want to have to go through another long transition some years down the line

Thank you ladies so much for your support. I am very open to any more suggestions!!

 

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

I don't have knots, but I understand your frustration in general!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Hey there- don't give up.

Here's some advice from a very unorthodox natural:

I don't trim or cut until I want a style. I view my split ends and knots as temporary protection for the rest of my hair until I get the length that I want. You know what happens once I trim?- I get knots again! so what's the point when I'm trying to achieve length? do you feel me?

Every type of hair gets tiresome. But the great thing about being natural is that you can truly shift looks. I just got tired of my natural hair two weeks ago- so now I'm flat ironing. Total Maxiglide time for my waist length 4a hair is 20 mins. I only have to do it once a week, and I feel like I just got a new pair of shoes! and you know what- when I get tired of this- all I have to do is wet my hair.

Hang in there- we all go through it!

I think I will stick to this. I hate the knots, but I agree that cutting them only leads to more knots. I'm just going to baby the ends I have until my hair starts getting longer. Thanks!

 

[blazingthru]

I think a lot of naturals go through this. I am almost at armpit, closer then I thought and I get so frustrated with my hair. I would consider (if I were you) getting cornrows and a nice wig. Keep your hair cornrowed. You will not have the knot issue, you won't have to bothered with your hair as much and the wig will allow you to still function in the world - not that you can't with cornrows. But atleast you can have a week or two without dealing with your natural hair. I don't know how long you break between washes and things like that. This is what I want to do for myself but I am addicted to cowash and can't think straight until after I do it. Its like my morning coffee. I always pour a small amount of avocado oil on my scalp and then some oil on my ends everyday and since I been doing that I have less issues with knots and tangles. plus my hair is up all the time. Less time for tangles as well and I wear a phony pony. I like this look and sticking with it. I am natural as well.

 

[blazingthru]

Hi - I'm transitioning (1 year in Nov w/out a relaxer), and I was about to throw in the towel until I conditioned my hair with LeKair Cholesterol Plus. My natural hair responds really well to this conditoner. Don't be fooled by other brands of cholesterol. Make sure you try the Le Kair brand. This stuff is the bomb and it is also inexpensive. I haven't tried any other formulas of LeKair because this one works just fine. I hope this helps!

I agree I love this stuff to it makes my hair silky soft and manageable but its a mother to rinse out I swear it takes ten minutes to rinse all the way out.