A Conversation with Friends...an Educational sidebar

[MzShouldaLength]

So ladies, I'm sure we ALL have had a conversation like the one I had with a group of my friends the other day.....

Friend 1: Man, I need a perm. These roots are ridiculous.

Me: I bet they aren't bad at all, let me see.....(**feel her new growth....it is literally almost non-existent**) Girl that is nothing...how many weeks has it been since you had a perm

Friend 1: 5 wks...

Me: WHAT?! And u already about to perm again....I'm 10 wks post...

Friend 2: Oooo girl, how u do that...anything past 5 to 6 wks and it's breakage everywhere...

I resist the urge to get on my hair soapbox and hold back a lecture about deep conditioning, moisture, protein, etc, and the conversation changes topics...

Friend 1: It's almost time for me to wash my hair...I wash about every 3 days...

Me: Me too...I can't go longer than that

Friend 2: Well that's the reason why you need a perm so often...you WASHING the perm out!!

Me:erplexed I mention that you can't WASH out a perm, it's permanent...but she acts as though she didn't hear me. I again resist the urge to get on my hair soapbox...people will believe what they want, and sometimes it's best to let results speak for you. I've gotten about 3 to 4 inches of growth since I started my hair journey, and slowly but surely my friends are taking notice and asking for advice. And when they do, I'm happy to give it.

This reminds me of another mind boggling conversation with a friend...

Background info - I'm sitting on the couch watching tv airdrying my hair and my roommate is about to perm her hair.

Me: So I thought you were going to go natural

Roomie: I am natural

Me: Huh? So you cut the permed hair out?

Roomie: No, but it's been 3 months since I permed, so I'm natural.

Me : Oh....if you say so.....(15 mins have gone by since she started the relaxer process) so how long are you going to let it process?

Roomie: Idk...until it burns....that's what my beautician always said do.

Me: :burning: (this is the image in my head) U don't think that will overprocess the hair??

Roomie:erplexed Huh?

Me: It's when the previously processed hair is broken down even further past the point that it should be

Roomie: **Blank stare**

Me: Never mind


What off the wall hair care practices or comments have you heard in conversation and how did you respond??

 

[naturallylovely]

I was told that we can't leave conditioner on my hair for longer than what the bottle says, because conditioners have alkaline and if it sits too long it will start to break our hair down.

..I simply said "no it doesn't" and went to sleep with my conditioner in. Then she said, "well you can do that cause you're natural and your hair is strong. You can't do that with a relaxer."

Offered to show pics of the long-haired relaxed ladies here...she said the pics were probably fake.

I quit after that.

 

[chasturner84]

I have that convo too often with my MBL cousin. She's one of those effortless growers who does seemingly the "wrong" things but her hair thrives. I started working out and she told me that if I did too much sweating that it [the sweat] would cause the relaxer in my hair to wear off and my roots would be kinky again I tried sooo hard to explain to her that what she is feeling is NEW GROWTH not previously relaxed hair that is back natural. No luck. Maybe she'll understand how it works soon...

 

[danysedai]

Once I told my friend that I was 4 months post and she said my hair would break if I didn't relax every month
She has NO knowledge about hair, she had a really bad relaxer experience when she was very young so she never relaxed after that, which is good but she takes NO care whatsoever of her natural hair under her weave, and by no care I mean no washing her hair for months,no moisturizing, nada de nada. She just "slaps a weave on that s$%%t" (her own words) and that's it, she says she cannot be bothered. Her daughter's hair breaks my heart (well at least she hasn't relaxed it either) but it's dry like a desert and very unkempt.I've offered to doo her daughter's hair and only got grunts for answers.
She has seen my hair go from NL to SL to almost APL now and her answer is "you have spanish hair" WTF!!!
She's the same one who says I'm not latina

 

[divatude]

my friends say the exact same thing to me abt my hair, they told me if i transition that my hair on gonna break, yet there hair never seems to grow passes EL

and when i told my friend her hair was over processed she refused to believe me, but her hair was dry and extremely see thru

 

[Miss_C]

Good post OP. People believe what they want. Can't stop it. Just gotta live with it till they're ready for the knowledge. Until then, everything will be "You got Spanish/Indian/Non-black blood" Or "All your hair is gonna break off if you don't relax every month" Yet you will clearly have your hair, and more of it, than ever before. To each his own...until they're ready to change.

 

[lolascurls]

I get it more from my mother. She does that, you're washing your hair too much.....you should straighten your hair.... if you went to a salon....(they would break my hair right off! )
I just nod and keep it moving. MBL now, heading for WL. Maybe she'll start listening soon.... One can only hope!

 

[PerplexingComplex]

That wouldn't even make sense considering you said you washed your hair as often as the other friend, yet you're able to go the longest without getting a touch up.

"Water makes my hair dry." I hear this so often and I just can't believe someone would seriously say this. My response is always, "That doesn't even make sense. How can water make your hair dry?"

 

[MzShouldaLength]

That wouldn't even make sense considering you said you washed your hair as often as the other friend, yet you're able to go the longest without getting a touch up.

"Water makes my hair dry." I hear this so often and I just can't believe someone would seriously say this. My response is always, "That doesn't even make sense. How can water make your hair dry?"

My thoughts exactly...This whole conversation was just annoying and uneventful. At the end, they still feel that perming every 5 wks is the thing to do, and that the breakage they experience if they go past 5 weeks has nothing to do with their other hair care practices. If you don't take care of your hair, of course you'll experience breakage dealing with the 2 textures. We can only give advice...whether they decide to listen, take heed, and put it to use is a completely different story.

 

[mg1979]

So ladies, I'm sure we ALL have had a conversation like the one I had with a group of my friends the other day.....

Friend 1: Man, I need a perm. These roots are ridiculous.

Me: I bet they aren't bad at all, let me see.....(**feel her new growth....it is literally almost non-existent**) Girl that is nothing...how many weeks has it been since you had a perm

Friend 1: 5 wks...

Me: WHAT?! And u already about to perm again....I'm 10 wks post...

Friend 2: Oooo girl, how u do that...anything past 5 to 6 wks and it's breakage everywhere...

I resist the urge to get on my hair soapbox and hold back a lecture about deep conditioning, moisture, protein, etc, and the conversation changes topics...

Friend 1: It's almost time for me to wash my hair...I wash about every 3 days...

Me: Me too...I can't go longer than that

Friend 2: Well that's the reason why you need a perm so often...you WASHING the perm out!!

Me:erplexed I mention that you can't WASH out a perm, it's permanent...but she acts as though she didn't hear me. I again resist the urge to get on my hair soapbox...people will believe what they want, and sometimes it's best to let results speak for you. I've gotten about 3 to 4 inches of growth since I started my hair journey, and slowly but surely my friends are taking notice and asking for advice. And when they do, I'm happy to give it.

This reminds me of another mind boggling conversation with a friend...

Background info - I'm sitting on the couch watching tv airdrying my hair and my roommate is about to perm her hair.

Me: So I thought you were going to go natural

Roomie: I am natural

Me: Huh? So you cut the permed hair out?

Roomie: No, but it's been 3 months since I permed, so I'm natural.

Me : Oh....if you say so.....(15 mins have gone by since she started the relaxer process) so how long are you going to let it process?

Roomie: Idk...until it burns....that's what my beautician always said do.

Me: :burning: (this is the image in my head) U don't think that will overprocess the hair??

Roomie:erplexed Huh?

Me: It's when the previously processed hair is broken down even further past the point that it should be

Roomie: **Blank stare**

Me: Never mind


What off the wall hair care practices or comments have you heard in conversation and how did you respond??

I don't think people really believe that it is PERMANENT. Actually, I don't think I really believed that until I started transitioning. And when I tried to explain to two co-workers why I have two textures they looked at me like I was crazy and said, "But relaxers don't last that long."

 

[SignatureBeauty]

Well you can't fault them, alot of us was like that until we learned more about hair knowledge, some will learn and some never will, I know some people that never take care of their hair and it still grows. But I usually don't even comment because any advice you give them will go in one ear and out the other and plus they will think you don't know what you are talking about anyway, My SIL relaxes her hair every month, she cannot stand the site of a kink coming in and she relaxes her WHOLE head from roots to end. and she still has hair on her head and she is almost 50.

 

[YNOBE]

Great thread! I have had ppl tell me I wash my hair like a "white girl", and "white" products don't work on black hair.

I heard a convo in the bbs that went like this:

lady 1: black people are ONLY supposed to wash there hair ONCE a month

lady 2: That's Nasty! I wash mine TWICE a month!

then they went on to talk about hair grease...

lady 1: Blue Magic is the best grease for growing hair. I been using it for years!

lady 2: I'm gon start using it.

lady 1: I grease my head very week!

the curious side of me just had to see what their hair looked like, so I walked to the side of the store they were in and lady 1's hair was at the top of her ear, badly damaged, broken, no edges and just a hot mess. lady 2's hair was NL but badly broken, see-thru and scraggly ends.

All I could do was smdh ... the blind leading the blind...

 

[Nova]

She has seen my hair go from NL to SL to almost APL now and her answer is "you have spanish hair" WTF!!!
She's the same one who says I'm not latina [/QUOTE]

 

[Bnster]

lady 1's hair was at the top of her ear, badly damaged, broken, no edges and just a hot mess. lady 2's hair was NL but badly broken, see-thru and scraggly ends.

All I could do was smdh ... the blind leading the blind...

Thanks funny!

 

[Bnster]

My mother who thinks washing my hair too much washes out the relaxer and that is one of the reason why in the past I couldn't retain hair length. I would correct her but she doesn't believe.

Thanks LHCF for throwing out that misconception. Plus if it did So What, I want a clean scalp and head of hair!

 

[Ann816]

Too funny!!!!!

Great thread! I have had ppl tell me I wash my hair like a "white girl", and "white" products don't work on black hair.

I heard a convo in the bbs that went like this:

lady 1: black people are ONLY supposed to wash there hair ONCE a month

lady 2: That's Nasty! I wash mine TWICE a month!

then they went on to talk about hair grease...

lady 1: Blue Magic is the best grease for growing hair. I been using it for years!

lady 2: I'm gon start using it.

lady 1: I grease my head very week!

the curious side of me just had to see what their hair looked like, so I walked to the side of the store they were in and lady 1's hair was at the top of her ear, badly damaged, broken, no edges and just a hot mess. lady 2's hair was NL but badly broken, see-thru and scraggly ends.

All I could do was smdh ... the blind leading the blind...

 

[Nova]

Well you can't fault them, alot of us was like that until we learned more about hair knowledge, some will learn and some never will, I know some people that never take care of their hair and it still grows. But I usually don't even comment because any advice you give them will go in one ear and out the other and plus they will think you don't know what you are talking about anyway, My SIL relaxes her hair every month, she cannot stand the site of a kink coming in and she relaxes her WHOLE head from roots to end. and she still has hair on her head and she is almost 50.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[SIZE="3"]I was "definitely" one of "them." Long before finding forums like LHCF, the minute I saw new growth I was ready to perm. On top of that, I use to hot curl my hair sometimes twice daily. No wonder my hair never got past ear-length. I also thought my hair wouldn't grow unless I put a pound of grease on my scalp. The list goes on & on. Now that I know better, I've tried to offer info. namely, to family members. But it falls on deaf ears. [/SIZE]

 

[MzShouldaLength]

Well you can't fault them, alot of us was like that until we learned more about hair knowledge, some will learn and some never will, I know some people that never take care of their hair and it still grows. But I usually don't even comment because any advice you give them will go in one ear and out the other and plus they will think you don't know what you are talking about anyway, My SIL relaxes her hair every month, she cannot stand the site of a kink coming in and she relaxes her WHOLE head from roots to end. and she still has hair on her head and she is almost 50.

I don't necessarily fault them. However, I jus don't think it's the smartest thing to stay stuck in your ways when they obviously aren't working for you. I'm pretty sure that's the reason why most of us searched for and found LHCF in the first place. But I do see what you're saying.

 

[MzShouldaLength]

Great thread! I have had ppl tell me I wash my hair like a "white girl", and "white" products don't work on black hair.

I heard a convo in the bbs that went like this:

lady 1: black people are ONLY supposed to wash there hair ONCE a month

lady 2: That's Nasty! I wash mine TWICE a month!

then they went on to talk about hair grease...

lady 1: Blue Magic is the best grease for growing hair. I been using it for years!

lady 2: I'm gon start using it.

lady 1: I grease my head very week!

the curious side of me just had to see what their hair looked like, so I walked to the side of the store they were in and lady 1's hair was at the top of her ear, badly damaged, broken, no edges and just a hot mess. lady 2's hair was NL but badly broken, see-thru and scraggly ends.

All I could do was smdh ... the blind leading the blind...

Hilarious! grease was the "moisturizer" of choice back in the day. Lol. And still is to some obviously. SMH...I'm still trying to convert my sister. Anything that smells good to her just has to be great for the hair. Oh well.

 

[Missigirl]

Both of you are very smart. When I started on my healthy hair care journey I was acting like I had just got religion. I was telling everyone what they need to do......well pretty soon I realized you have to let your HAIR do the talking....

 

[MzShouldaLength]

Both of you are very smart. When I started on my healthy hair care journey I was acting like I had just got religion. I was telling everyone what they need to do......well pretty soon I realized you have to let your HAIR do the talking....

This sounds just like me....I really felt like I had stumbled upon this whole new world of knowledge and I just had to tell somebody...but we learned...lol.

 

[SignatureBeauty]

I don't necessarily fault them. However, I jus don't think it's the smartest thing to stay stuck in your ways when they obviously aren't working for you. I'm pretty sure that's the reason why most of us searched for and found LHCF in the first place. But I do see what you're saying.

I understand, I wasn't saying that "You" I was just speaking in general, but some people are just stuck in those old school hair ways!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I have heard, more times than I can count, that my hair will grow faster if I cut it as if there is some trigger at the end of the hair that tells the roots to sprout hair faster?

Now that just makes NO SENSE at all but so many people say it that I guess others just believe it and spread the nonsense around?

 

[SignatureBeauty]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[SIZE="3"]I was "definitely" one of "them." Long before finding forums like LHCF, the minute I saw new growth I was ready to perm. On top of that, I use to hot curl my hair sometimes twice daily. No wonder my hair never got past ear-length. I also thought my hair wouldn't grow unless I put a pound of grease on my scalp. The list goes on & on. Now that I know better, I've tried to offer info. namely, to family members. But it falls on deaf ears. [/SIZE]

Yeap! that is so true, you try to help because they ask what do you do to your hair but end up saying that is too much, to be fooling with my hair.

 

[dynamic1]

Some people even broadcast the madness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJeWaQ8nVYw

"Perms are not permanent." She believes exercising, swimming and showering strip a relaxer.
Oh..and she is black, so she should know!

 

[EccentricRed]

These stories are nuts!

1. Pulling your hair in a bun while it's wet will break your hair off.
2. Your hair is going to fall out if you wash it everyday!
3. You are acting like a white girl buying all those random products.

There are more, but I think the hilarious thing is that it is ALWAYS coming from someone who is struggling with their own haircare. I don't volunteer advice, but when they ask me and I tell them what I do, they always give me a comment about what I should do.

Among some of the other things you all posted...

 

[dachsies_rule!]

It still bothers me when i hear people say: "my hair won't grow" and then turn around and say "i have to relax every month cause it's nappy".
I'm like "if your hair won't grow you wouldn't ever need another relaxer". Some people get it, others i just shake my head at

 

[bimtheduck]

Missigirl and MzShouldaLength I agree you ladies, I've learned that ppl resent unsolicted advice. I'm a dietitian so when friends or family make some crazy diet, health, weight loss, or hair comment I really have to bite my tongue. It can be hard bc you don't want the ppl you care about wasting their time, money, trying and failing.

Even when I'm asked I'm careful about sharing the information I've learned on LHCF bc I still get odd comments and reactions...
"I don't have all that time to spend on hair", "that's for white folks", "we'll you must have indian in your family" etc. Or they just make some rude assumption about me like I'm vain or think I'm better so something silly like that.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

I was told that we can't leave conditioner on my hair for longer than what the bottle says, because conditioners have alkaline and if it sits too long it will start to break our hair down.

..I simply said "no it doesn't" and went to sleep with my conditioner in. Then she said, "well you can do that cause you're natural and your hair is strong. You can't do that with a relaxer."

Offered to show pics of the long-haired relaxed ladies here...she said the pics were probably fake.

I quit after that.

LMAO! ole girl clearly is confusing relaxer with conditioner. ♥

 

[caribeandiva]

Some people are dead set on failing. Well get out of their way!!