10+ years together, house, baby, no ring . . .

Mortons said:
Why doesn't marriage "work" for people who have been living together for 10+ years? What does that even mean?
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This is only for those wanting marriage:

I think for the most part one or more never wanted to get married and if one did, then that person is holding their breath. I speak from experience. My uncle said he never wanted to get married and has been with a woman for about 30 years, even has a child going to college. She was holding on waiting to get married. Ican't even call her my aunt because she's not....she's just my uncle's girlfriend. And yes she wants to get married even jokes about it (but I know those are serious jokes and he just grins and changes the subject). So wtf ever!

I feel like for every story some one tells about marriage after a long time there are a 100 stories where women wasted their lives waiting on a man to wife them, when they should've walked away in the first place. And not all men are nice enough to tell you how they feel from the beginning. They'll stay around as long as you let them, and benefit from the arragement while you pine away counting on time to do the work for you. And if you get them know that it's not a prize situation because you guilted them into marrying you because you've put in the "time" and there are children involved. WHEN you could be with a guy whose ecstatic about you.
 
luckiestdestiny said:
This is only for those wanting marriage:

I think for the most part one or more never wanted to get married and if one did, then that person is holding their breath. I speak from experience. My uncle said he never wanted to get married and has been with a woman for about 30 years, even has a child going to college. She was holding on waiting to get married. Ican't even call her my aunt because she's not....she's just my uncle's girlfriend. And yes she wants to get married even jokes about it (but I know those are serious jokes and he just grins and changes the subject). So wtf ever!

I feel like for every story some one tells about marriage after a long time there are a 100 stories where women wasted their lives waiting on a man to wife them, when they should've walked away in the first place. And not all men are nice enough to tell you how they feel from the beginning. They'll stay around as long as you let them, and benefit from the arragement while you pine away counting on time to do the work for you. And if you get them know that it's not a prize situation because you guilted them into marrying you because you've put in the "time" and there are children involved. WHEN you could be with a guy whose ecstatic about you.
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This. Girl, thanks is not enough. I just put the brakes on my situation after 5 years. It was way too long. Putting in "time" does not guarantee the result you desire. I decided not to hang around to be the consolation prize for no man.
 
I have a friend in almost this exact situation. She's been with her man for over nine years, they're buying a house together, and are now getting ready to undergo invitro to have a kid, yet they have no plans to get married. Mind you they have drawn up separate wills, have a mortgage contract, and plan to continue drawing up individual contracts as needed. So when I said to her why not just get one contract down at the the courthouse and be done with it, she said they didn't have the time for it and it was not important... so I ended the conversation by saying "well, in my experience people don't get married for a reason and it's not because it takes too much time."

Well, don't you know she went home that night and told him that I wanted to know why they weren't getting married and he said "well, we have a whole lot more work to do before we make that move". Girl called me up that night mad and crying talking about "how could he say that? I mean we're thinking of having a baby, isn't that more of a committment then marriage" I just listened and didn't say a word.

Of course she wants to get married and of course he doesn't. That's the story in these situations 90% of the time. I think what these women are hoping is that over time as their lives continue to get intertwined the guys will break down and want to get married.

As for me, I'm zipped lips from this day forward.
 
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ambergirl said:
I have a friend in almost this exact situation. She's been with her man for over nine years, they're buying a house together, and are now getting ready to undergo invitro to have a kid, yet they have no plans to get married. Mind you they have drawn up separate wills, have a mortgage contract, and plan to continue drawing up individual contracts as needed. So when I said to her why not just get one contract down at the the courthouse and be done with it, she said they didn't have the time for it and it was not important... so I ended the conversation by saying "well, in my experience people don't get married for a reason and it's not because it takes too much time."

Well, don't you know she went home that night and told him that I wanted to know why they weren't getting married and he said "well, we have a whole lot more work to do before we make that move". Girl called me up that night mad and crying talking about "how could he say that? I mean we're thinking of having a baby, isn't that more of a committment then marriage" I just listened and didn't say a word.

Of course she wants to get married and of course he doesn't. That's the story in these situations 90% of the time. I think what these women are hoping is that the overtime as their lives continue to get intertwined the guys will break down and want to get married.

As for me, I'm zipped lips from this day forward.
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Now thats deep.
 
ambergirl said:
I have a friend in almost this exact situation. She's been with her man for over nine years, they're buying a house together, and are now getting ready to undergo invitro to have a kid, yet they have no plans to get married. Mind you they have drawn up separate wills, have a mortgage contract, and plan to continue drawing up individual contracts as needed. So when I said to her why not just get one contract down at the the courthouse and be done with it, she said they didn't have the time for it and it was not important... so I ended the conversation by saying "well, in my experience people don't get married for a reason and it's not because it takes too much time."

Well, don't you know she went home that night and told him that I wanted to know why they weren't getting married and he said "well, we have a whole lot more work to do before we make that move". Girl called me up that night mad and crying talking about "how could he say that? I mean we're thinking of having a baby, isn't that more of a committment then marriage" I just listened and didn't say a word.

Of course she wants to get married and of course he doesn't. That's the story in these situations 90% of the time. I think what these women are hoping is that the overtime as their lives continue to get intertwined the guys will break down and want to get married.

As for me, I'm zipped lips from this day forward.
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I understand. I only mention it here because I'd hate to see the "okie dokie" where you just spit out what you've heard over and over "marriage is just a piece of paper" or you're so "different" that you're doing what a million black women have done before you (not get married, and live with some dude, or dudes...and really how does it benefit your children to put them in that situation. You live w/ one dude, then the next, meanwhile children are put in awkward and sometimes horrible situations with the "men" that rotate in and out your life). Really it's almost revolutionary for us to get married, not the other way around (as society keeps shoveling down our throat. If we actually stopped to look we'd see what that belief has done to our community while others keep on thriving).

So anyways with others I'm zip lipped too. If you don't want to get married that's one thing,.....but if you do, dellusion is not helpful. Be straight about what you want, and don't back down because of some guy spitting out some speal he heard in magazines every where. It doesn's serve you or him to short change your life and what you want (and it definitely doesn't serve future children). But until the veil comes off people will keep spouting what they read without doing critical research to the contrary. Don't get me wrong if you don't want to get married it's one thing, but for those who do...there's nothing standing in the way but beliefs that aren't based on fact: most well thought out marriages don't divorce, there are men who will commit, and frankly you deserve someone who wants you and is willing to declare it.
 
:clap: ^^^^^ THIS.

Men use women up for years and decades because women allow it. Everyone can see through the pitiful fronts of "Oh, I just don't see myself getting married" or "It's just a piece of paper" GTFOOHWTBS. Everyone knows that SHE wants the ring and HE wants free puddy, cooking, cleaning etc

I wish I WOULD have let myself get played like that. No ma'am. I do not understand it... there are BILLIONS of men on earth, okay? BILLIONS. If one is going to basically ruin your life by wasting your youth and beauty for his gain then dump his tail and get a better one.
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
I hope she got a nice insurance policy on him, cuz if he up jump da boogie n die, she short. And I bet his family wont look at her as his "life long partner" then. I can see da obit now - he leaves to mourn four chirren by his long time friend. GTF! She's an idiot.
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You preach the truth about that!
I actually went to a funeral where the GF had been with her boyfriend (the deceased) for over 10 years and had 5 kids together. Do you know the family didn't even put her name in the obituary and even misspelled some of the kids names. :nono: I was so embarrassed for her. Dude was also in the military but all the insurance went to his mama because she was listed as beneficiary. I'm sure the kids got social security, but still.
 
mahogany45 said:
You preach the truth about that!
I actually went to a funeral where the GF had been with her boyfriend (the deceased) for over 10 years and had 5 kids together. Do you know the family didn't even put her name in the obituary and even misspelled some of the kids names. :nono: I was so embarrassed for her. Dude was also in the military but all the insurance went to his mama because she was listed as beneficiary. I'm sure the kids got social security, but still.
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THIS!

Now tell me again how it's "just a piece of paper". I know my 401k through my job will automatically go to my husband in the event of my death. No. paperwork. needed. Same thing for his company. The power of marriage.....
 
Exhibit A

Shannon Tweed - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Simmons_Tweed_001_060606.jpg


Tweed has lived with Gene Simmons of Kiss since 1985. They have two children are Nicholas (born January 22, 1989) and Sophie (born July 7, 1992). The family members star in a reality television show on A&E entitled Gene Simmons Family Jewels.[5]
 
ambergirl said:
I have a friend in almost this exact situation. She's been with her man for over nine years, they're buying a house together, and are now getting ready to undergo invitro to have a kid, yet they have no plans to get married. Mind you they have drawn up separate wills, have a mortgage contract, and plan to continue drawing up individual contracts as needed. So when I said to her why not just get one contract down at the the courthouse and be done with it, she said they didn't have the time for it and it was not important... so I ended the conversation by saying "well, in my experience people don't get married for a reason and it's not because it takes too much time."
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He all the time for those contracts, but not enough time to get married. With an appoint a couple can get married by the JP in less than 10 minutes. I am a home owner and at the closing it took more than 10 minutes. Heck it took more than 10 minutes to purchase a car. Ya girl is getting played, I think you know that though and she now knows it. She is going to keep on hanging in there. Po chile.
 
mahogany45 said:
You preach the truth about that!
I actually went to a funeral where the GF had been with her boyfriend (the deceased) for over 10 years and had 5 kids together. Do you know the family didn't even put her name in the obituary and even misspelled some of the kids names. :nono: I was so embarrassed for her. Dude was also in the military but all the insurance went to his mama because she was listed as beneficiary. I'm sure the kids got social security, but still.
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im tryna tell u. family will get real shady on u when stuff like that happens. married or not sometimes. they'll come ova to ur place, see what he had, start going thru stuff (if u let'em), did he get his last paycheck....whose gonna get to keep his car....who gonna ride shotgun in da family car, who say what at da funeral. das why its important to have that "piece of paper"...if not, a good sized insurance policy. dayum dat if imma be auditioning for the role of wifey and in da process he up jump n die and his family wanna act stoopit. at least be smart about it, dat way u can walk away with some change in ur pocket and start anew.
 
luckiestdestiny said:
I understand. I only mention it here because I'd hate to see the "okie dokie" where you just spit out what you've heard over and over "marriage is just a piece of paper" or you're so "different" that you're doing what a million black women have done before you (not get married, and live with some dude, or dudes...and really how does it benefit your children to put them in that situation. You live w/ one dude, then the next, meanwhile children are put in awkward and sometimes horrible situations with the "men" that rotate in and out your life). Really it's almost revolutionary for us to get married, not the other way around (as society keeps shoveling down our throat. If we actually stopped to look we'd see what that belief has done to our community while others keep on thriving).
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What's funny is that this couple is white as snow...I mean literally they are both blonde and darn near transluscent white :lol:. Just goes to show we can all get played.

The reason I'm not saying another word is I see how she's using me to ask him questions she needs to be woman enough to ask him herself. I basically said to her I'm not saying another word on the matter and that I'll support her in what ever she decides.

ThickHair said:
He all the time for those contracts, but not enough time to get married. With an appoint a couple can get married by the JP in less than 10 minutes. I am a home owner and at the closing it took more than 10 minutes. Heck it took more than 10 minutes to purchase a car. Ya girl is getting played, I think you know that though and she now knows it. She is going to keep on hanging in there. Po chile.
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Oh yeah, she's going to hang in there until he either breaks down and marries her or leaves or just goes on about the status quo....forever. Either way, how the relationshp plays out will be his decision not hers.
 
ambergirl said:
I have a friend in almost this exact situation. She's been with her man for over nine years, they're buying a house together, and are now getting ready to undergo invitro to have a kid, yet they have no plans to get married. Mind you they have drawn up separate wills, have a mortgage contract, and plan to continue drawing up individual contracts as needed. So when I said to her why not just get one contract down at the the courthouse and be done with it, she said they didn't have the time for it and it was not important... so I ended the conversation by saying "well, in my experience people don't get married for a reason and it's not because it takes too much time."

Well, don't you know she went home that night and told him that I wanted to know why they weren't getting married and he said "well, we have a whole lot more work to do before we make that move". Girl called me up that night mad and crying talking about "how could he say that? I mean we're thinking of having a baby, isn't that more of a committment then marriage" I just listened and didn't say a word.

Of course she wants to get married and of course he doesn't. That's the story in these situations 90% of the time. I think what these women are hoping is that over time as their lives continue to get intertwined the guys will break down and want to get married.

As for me, I'm zipped lips from this day forward.
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Did she ask him what exactly they have to work on before marriage can occur? Can you ask her what that meant specifically? I'm dying to hear the answer to that.

Seriously, I'm trying to understand how all this other stuff can come first.
 
TriviaIn the TV Show Gene Simmons Family Jewels she legally changed her name to Shannon Tweed-Simmons.

I got the information above from her Wikipedia (so the authenticity may be in question), so I just find it strange that she legally changed her name and didn't marry him. It takes more paperwork and more time to legally change your name then just getting friggin married. I am sure Gene must not want to marry her. I don't know if it is true or not but in the past it has been mentioned that he is a womanizer. Then I am sure his tongue gets a workout. BTW I can't stand his artifically colored black hair, he looks so stupid.
 
I hate to see that "long time girlfriend or special friend" stuff in the obituaries. I have seen that play out when we have patients that are really sick and that "special friend" is there night and day taking care of them while family just calls to say hello and all you get is a mention at the end.

10+ years...I cannot imagine. Yes there are some people that don't want to get married but that doesn't account for the majority.

What is the benefit of NOT get married after you have combined your life in all other ways???
 
Eherah...My parents were like this. They were together since my moms was 21, my dad asked her to marry him when she was 24 she was like meh. They didn't jump the broom until I was 3.5. I am the youngest of 3. They have been married since 1981. She was good. She prolly didn't want to marry him. I wouldn't have.

I know someone very near and dear that is in the situation now. I know she wants to get married, but he is a donkey. Love him to bits, ride or die for him, but he is a donkey.
 
Sounds like a friend of mine. My answer is swift, and simple if not PC. No offense to your friend, this goes for mine too. (Though I admit I have less and less to do with my friend all the time. Side note: They're both white.)

She's dumb and doesn't mind being used.
She needs to work on self esteem and common sense.
 
Glib Gurl said:
LOL - oh nothing in particular. She just sent an email about how "the family" was going to the mall today . . . just made me :rolleyes:

I remember one time I did interfere in their business and said to dude, semi-jokingly, "When are you gonna 'put a ring on it'?" And he was like, "I put a roof over her head . . . isn't that enough?" :perplexed
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Whoa do we have the same friend? She sent me a photo of the "family" with his 2 other children (that he supports via his DADDY, and it says The _____ Family. I thought, "well they are, but you sure aren't!" He's making sure of that too.

As for the roof. Heaven only knows who is paying for that now.
 
Well if they are happy shacking I guess that's fine, but in most of these situations it's often the female being more interested in eventual marriage, and then what happens? He may see it as if it ain't broke why fix it.
 
zzirvingj said:
Did she ask him what exactly they have to work on before marriage can occur? Can you ask her what that meant specifically? I'm dying to hear the answer to that.

Seriously, I'm trying to understand how all this other stuff can come first.
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Girl, this story just gets worse. So one of her big complaints about him is that he constantly criticizes her. To the point where she says sometimes she just sits and crys when he leaves the house. He also is moody, picky, and can't make up his mind on anything to save his life. Honestly, I don't think he thinks they have to work on anything. I think he feels SHE needs to work on some things before he will commit to marriage :nono:

Personally I just couldn't tolerate living with someone who made me feel like I was auditioning for the job of wife every day.
 
mahogany45 said:
You preach the truth about that!
I actually went to a funeral where the GF had been with her boyfriend (the deceased) for over 10 years and had 5 kids together. Do you know the family didn't even put her name in the obituary and even misspelled some of the kids names. :nono: I was so embarrassed for her. Dude was also in the military but all the insurance went to his mama because she was listed as beneficiary. I'm sure the kids got social security, but still.
Click to expand...

When you're with a man in the military and have kids by him it definitely doesn't make sense to be shacking up without marriage. In that specific situation if you have a family that doesn't like you don't be surprised if you're left with nothing for you and/or children.

Someone enlighten me but I thought that only married couples could get life insurance policies. There are soo many benefits to being married. I personally feel these benefits especially financial, become sooo much more important when you have children.

As previously mentioned by others the commitment choosing a man/woman to co-parent with you for the rest of your child's life faaar outweigh the commitment of marriage. So for me personally its perplexing that someone has a child(ren) with someone, is with them for 3-5+ years, but doesn't want to rush into marriage.

I personally see the value in marriage whether or not their are children involved. Its just me but it says a lot to me if a guy is with you for say 3-5 years but hasn't popped the question especially if he's established and is past the age of 30.
 

Shanon is home, wandering around the house in a painkiller induced state – well, some might say stoned. She appears to be really out of it and sits down to watch television. Nick sees her turn on the televsion and there’s an infomercial for knives. She calls the number to ask ifit really does cut a can. Then we cuto commercial.
Gene is in New York City where he meets with Tony, who tells him that a business deal has fallen through. Gene says he wants to meet with his investment people tosee if he can turn this negative into a positive (meaning the poor state of the economy). While in this meeting Gene decides he wants to talk to the president of the New York Stock Exchange because he wants to get up and inspire the people. He asks someone to get this man on the phone. The CPA types are apalled. You just don’t call the president of the New York Stock Exchange for pity’s sake. Gene says why not, only one of two things can happen. He’ll either take the call or hang up on him.



Cut to California and the Tweed-Simmons household. A bunch of boxes with an invoice from “As Seen on TV” arrive. The imication is that Shannon went crazy ordering things from infomercials the night before. OK, reality check here. When, in your life, did you ever order anything from an infomercial and have it arrive at your house in less than 4 to 6 weeks? Even with “priority shipping” you’re still looking at more than one day. But then again this makes for better drama, even if it isn’t “reality television.”



Gene got the chance to “inspire” at the NYSE by rining the opening bell. He then had some television “interviews” where he told everyone to “Buy American.” Again I question whether or not these interviews took place. I don’t doubt he rang the bell but usually one gives credit to the news media outlet who did the interview when replaying an interview that aired on another station.



Back to California, where Shannon is on a shopping spree yet again. She calls up to order something online and her credit card is declined. So she finds one of Gene’s credit cards to use, but surprise, surprise the company won’t charge this card and ship to her. She’s annoyed so she decides to change her name online. REALITY CHECK PEOPLE. You can’t change your name online. You must fill out specific documents and have them filed in your county courthouse in order to make the name change legal and binding. You can’t do this in the middle of the night and have it become legal. Well, in this fantasy world Shannon decides to change her name to Shannon Tweed-Simmons.



Gene comes home and finds boxes all over the place. There’s one addressed to Gene that contains wine glasses and a note congratulating him on his marriage. Doc calls and says he can’t believe Gene got married. So Gene goes out to confront Shannon, who tells him that she changed her name legally to Shannon Tweed-Simmons.


So let me get this straight….Shannon goes online to change her name, and very quickly someone finds out and has the time in a few short hours to get them a gift and ship it to them? On what planet does this happen? I sent friends a gift from Target.com from their registry that took days to ship to them.


Gene goes out and tells all the women he meets that he isn’t married. No one is impressed. Gene is upset that people will think him to be a hypocrite. Shannon doesn’t think anyone will care.


Gene Simmons Family Jewels | Gene Simmons Family Jewels episode 5: Economic Stimulus



ThickHair said:
TriviaIn the TV Show Gene Simmons Family Jewels she legally changed her name to Shannon Tweed-Simmons.

I got the information above from her Wikipedia (so the authenticity may be in question), so I just find it strange that she legally changed her name and didn't marry him. It takes more paperwork and more time to legally change your name then just getting friggin married. I am sure Gene must not want to marry her. I don't know if it is true or not but in the past it has been mentioned that he is a womanizer. Then I am sure his tongue gets a workout. BTW I can't stand his artifically colored black hair, he looks so stupid.
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Though it may not apply to this situation, there are many people who live together but don't believe in the institution of marriage.

On another note, it always amazes me how so many people see marriage as a bigger commitment than having a child- especially these men.Dude has no problems with impregnating you but he does not want to commit to marriage? Now that is sad.
 
I get it at this point in my life. (Im an old-head)

Would not want it if I were in my 20's and 30's...

Like Oprah..Its no longer necessary at this point in my life.
 
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