10+ years together, house, baby, no ring . . .

Glib Gurl

Glib Gurl

Well-Known Member
Please, someone explain this to me. How is a couple together for more than 10 years, bought a house together, had a baby together, but *still* just "boyfriend and girlfriend"? :rolleyes: That is CRAZY to me, but the woman in the situation doesn't seem to say anything . . . guess she's just happy to have her man . . . but does she really? I mean, dude could bounce at any moment.

So exasperating.

Sorry y'all . . . just got an email from said "girlfriend" and I'm looking at her cross-eyed like, "What is it going to take for you to close that deal?"
 
Oh, and a husband can still bounce at any moment. They'll be consequences, but with the divorce rate being what it is, I don't think many see it as a deterrence.
 
TamedTresses said:
Does she want to get married? It's not everyone's goal to get married.
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So you buy a house together, have a child together, sleep with this man and behave like a married couple yet don't want to get married. I doubt she's the reason they aren't married yet :nono:
 
LunadeMiel said:
So you buy a house together, have a child together, sleep with this man and behave like a married couple yet don't want to get married. I doubt she's the reason they aren't married yet :nono:
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I didn't say she was the reason they aren't married yet. I asked if she wanted to get married. Some women don't want to. Some are nonchalant about when it happens.
 
Ridiculous.

We have proof on this very board that it doesn't take a man years and years to decide if you're marriage worthy or not. If after a year or 2 max, he doesn't pop the question- he's just not that into you.

And in this situation, dude had ZERO motivation to get married anyway. A baby and a house together? Talk about not needing to buy the cow.

ETA: does she want to get married is a fair question, but I'd be very surprised if the answer is no.
 
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Life is too short to be worried about the decisions and choices grown people make... If she wanted her situation to change enough, she would change it. A friends Granny said that a woman has to get good and tired of a situation before she is done and never goes back. Sounds like you friend is not there yet.

My friends make decision all the time that I don't like all the time. As long as neither their's or their children's well being is not in danger, as a friend my job is to listen ad support. I will give my opinion asked but without expectations of change. You can't frustrate yourself wanting more for people than they want for themselves. Just continue to show your love and support for her. She will make her move when she is ready.
 
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Glib Gurl said:
She acts like she doesn't care, but I know she does want to get married.
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If she wants to get married, then I hope she gets her wish. I know I certainly want to get married one day. I just realized that because I want something that doesn't mean that everyone does, that's why I asked if she wanted to get married.

And, if she wants to get married, she should stop acting like she doesn't. If she doesn't seem to care, why should he? He is apparently good with how things are now.
 
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

I see this all the time as well. This happens because women allow it to happen. My uncle was with same women for 11 years and had for kids by her. Never showed any invention of ever putting a ring on it. They broke up and he got a new girl. They got married after 3 years.

I know a lot of men that only stay with their girlfriends out of convenience. They know that she's not going anywhere and that with or without a ring she is still going to take care of him. And some men only stay with a girl because they have kids together. One of my classmates told me that he wanted to leave his girl so bad but he didn't want to hurt is daughter.
 
LunadeMiel said:
So you buy a house together, have a child together, sleep with this man and behave like a married couple yet don't want to get married. I doubt she's the reason they aren't married yet :nono:
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:yep::yep::yep: But I'll bet she is telling people "she/they" arent ready right now, its not that important, its only a sheet of paper and we dont need it to validate our love, ect ect ect.
 
MzLady78 said:
And in this situation, dude had ZERO motivation to get married anyway. A baby and a house together? Talk about not needing to buy the cow.
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In the words of Chuck D, "Here it is, bam, in ya face, got d a m n".

~Sparklingflame~ said:
:yep::yep::yep: But I'll bet she is telling people "she/they" arent ready right now, its not that important, its only a sheet of paper and we dont need it to validate our love, ect ect ect.
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I want to meet all these folks who think marriage is just a piece of paper. I want the owners card to their nice car (just a piece of paper), I want the title to their homes (just a piece of paper). I want all of their cash (just a piece of paper). After all they are only pieces of paper.

zzirvingj said:
I'm just trying to understand why a man would live with and have a child with someone he doesn't want to marry.
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EXACTLY
 
Sounds like a lack of self-worth to me. She's settling. I think guys do this (and girls too), because they think they can get a better deal and keep you (the unmarried one) as insurance.
 
Is this my cousin you speak of? She's been with her man 11 years, they have one child together, he has one from a previous relationship that she refers to as her stepson :ohwell:.

They live together but haven't purchased a house together, when asked when do they plan to marry; she says they don't want to rush. I'm like seriously 11years and a 4yr old later is rushing? :ohwell:

But when asked when do they plan to have another baby she proudly says, "in the next two years b/c I don't want my kids to be so far apart" :rolleyes:
 
*5+5 said:
Is this my cousin you speak of? She's been with her man 11 years, they have one child together, he has one from a previous relationship that she refers to as her stepson :ohwell:.

They live together but haven't purchased a house together, when asked when do they plan to marry; she says they don't want to rush. I'm like seriously 11years and a 4yr old later is rushing? :ohwell:

But when asked when do they plan to have another baby she proudly says, "in the next two years b/c I don't want my kids to be so far apart" :rolleyes:
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She can't be serious about life.
 
what specifically did she say in her e-mail......how did the subject come about? c'mon Glib...spillit chile...

*passes Glib a newport one hunnit*
 
ThickHair said:
In the words of Chuck D, "Here it is, bam, in ya face, got d a m n".


I want to meet all these folks who think marriage is just a piece of paper. I want the owners card to their nice car (just a piece of paper), I want the title to their homes (just a piece of paper). I want all of their cash (just a piece of paper). After all they are only pieces of paper.
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I'm about to make this my FB status, lol.
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
what specifically did she say in her e-mail......how did the subject come about? c'mon Glib...spillit chile...

*passes Glib a newport one hunnit*
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LOL - oh nothing in particular. She just sent an email about how "the family" was going to the mall today . . . just made me :rolleyes:

I remember one time I did interfere in their business and said to dude, semi-jokingly, "When are you gonna 'put a ring on it'?" And he was like, "I put a roof over her head . . . isn't that enough?" :perplexed
 
I honestly think that is R I D I C U L O U S!! I don't understand people. There is not one good reason why someone should be playing house for 10 years. If your're going to have a child out of wedlock, at least have a plan to get married to the person, otherwise, you should not be laying down with that person in the first place. I dont understand why women shack with men for so long with no ring, especially with children. Personally, I would feel disrespected if i had been living with a man for that long, whom I have a child with. In the black culture, men need to stop disrespecting women by not marrying them, and women need to stop allowing men to disrespect them by not demanding marriage.
 
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Glib Gurl said:
LOL - oh nothing in particular. She just sent an email about how "the family" was going to the mall today . . . just made me :rolleyes:

I remember one time I did interfere in their business and said to dude, semi-jokingly, "When are you gonna 'put a ring on it'?" And he was like, "I put a roof over her head . . . isn't that enough?" :perplexed
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Get the f#ck outta here!! Well if she doesn't know she deserves better then what can you do??
 
zzirvingj said:
I'm just trying to understand why a man would live with and have a child with someone he doesn't want to marry.
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  • Because he can
  • Because he can leave whenever he wants to (I know, I know a married man can do the same, but trust, his wife can give him heck in the courts if she wants to :yep:)
  • All the sex he wants and he doesn't have to go hunt for it
  • A full-time babysitter for his child
  • Someone to cook
  • Someone to clean
  • Someone to keep track of all his appointments, social calendar, etc.
  • Because she lets him
Too bad they weren't married for those 10 years. Shoot, she'd be eligible to collect his social security when she comes of age whether they stayed married or not.
 
One of my friends parents do this. They've been together for 20+ years. They have a beautiful house, and 2 kids (1 of which is my friend). Theyre wonderful people. They're not married; they act like it. They don't want to get married. Why not? None of my business. They're doing what works for them.

ETA: like he has actually asked her to get married. So I guess he wants to get married, but doesnt really care all that much, and she just doesnt want to get married.
 
ThickHair said:
I want to meet all these folks who think marriage is just a piece of paper. I want the owners card to their nice car (just a piece of paper), I want the title to their homes (just a piece of paper). I want all of their cash (just a piece of paper). After all they are only pieces of paper.
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Girl, you on it. I had to quote you on my FB. I made sure to add you SN. :look::yep:
 
I hope she got a nice insurance policy on him, cuz if he up jump da boogie n die, she short. And I bet his family wont look at her as his "life long partner" then. I can see da obit now - he leaves to mourn four chirren by his long time friend. GTF! She's an idiot.
 
My friend's father just died. After all the bickering between the father family and the wife's family, I saw firsthand just how important marriage is. The father and step mom had only been married 2 years and they were seperating but she still had the final say so of everything. The family was not too happy...
 
Why doesn't marriage "work" for people who have been living together for 10+ years? What does that even mean?
 
zzirvingj said:
I'm just trying to understand why a man would live with and have a child with someone he doesn't want to marry.
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Cause it's easy. And he can still be on the look out for the bigger better deal. He doesn't have to declare that he wants to be with her and no one else but can get the same benefits.

People need to stop quoting divorce rates because they change with age and education also makes it go down to next to nothing so really that's an excuse. There are plenty of articles that state new rates....I'm just pulling from the first one I saw because I'm not going to spend hours researching this again lol! I provided it in another thread. Here's he info and link for those who want to go research other sources have fun cause they say the same thing.

IN SUMMARY
To sum it up for skimmers women who get married after 25 have only a 16 percent (or so depending on article) chance of divorce. If you thow education into that equation that percentage lowers 13 percent more. If you add money, that rate goes down again. So really if you marry smartly: educated, of a certain age, and with a decent income (because most marriages end in divorce because of money) there really is a small chance of divorce. So really quoting old statistics isn't fair

Here's the link and article:

:
Divorce Rates are Falling as Couples Marry Later: Risk Factors – Marriage Age, Education Level, Warm Weather, Baseball
Statistics for Divorce​

The United States shows a similar trend. The U.S. per capita divorce rates were:
Read on ​


  • 1995, 0.43%
  • 1997, 0.43%,
  • 1998, 0.42%,
  • 1999, 0.41%,
  • 2000, 0.41%,
  • 2001, 0.40%,
  • 2002, 0.38% (Note: These numbers don’t go to 2007, but show same trend of lowering.)
Marriage Age

Women who get married before the age of 25 make up about 64 percent of all divorces in the U.S. On the other hand, women who get married in their late twenties make up only 16 percent of the divorces. This means that any woman who gets married before she turns 25 is about four times more likely to get a divorce. (Women in their 30s have even better odds of staying married.)
Men have similar numbers, though they are somewhat more likely to get divorced if they marry before 30. [divorcerate.org]
Please remember that these are just statistics. Every person, every couple, every marriage is different. A girl shouldn’t call off her wedding just because of her age or her finance's age, however, if everyone in a her family says she’s too young to get married, they just might be right.
Education Level and Economic Factors​


Couples with higher education and higher income are less likely to have marriage problems. (People everywhere must be wondering what genius came up with the research grant to study this.) But, let’s look at some of the stats related to divorce within the first 10 years of marriage:
  • Any amount of college decreases the chance of divorce by 13 percent
  • An income over $50,000 decreases the chance of divorce by 30 percent
  • Couples with an income under $25,000 have a 50 percent chance of ending up getting divorced. [divorce360.com]
 
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