Protective Hair Styling May Be Aggravating My Depression...

[Everything Zen]

Eagerly awaiting the end of a 6 month relaxer stretch, I look back in retrospect on a number of things.

1. About a month post relaxer, I stop using all heat on my hair save DC treatments and indirect heat on rollersets. 3 months into the stretch, I let Deneen straighten my hair (as seen in my avatar) which lasts for about 5 days. Other than that, I wash my hair almost daily, detangle in the shower as needed and pin it up in two braids in the back tucking the ends to keep them moist. I slap a headband on and airdry. I look like this 90% of the time. It's a fantastic protective "style" but I don't feel attractive when I leave the house which doesn't help my moods and I need all the help I can get!

2. I read a lot of hair blogs and most notably Curly Nikki where she mentioned that your hair can have a major impact on well-being and if "you're not feeling your hair, you're not feeling yourself".

4. The problem is that I can only keep my hair in a style be it a rollerset or straight for up to 5 days before I get itchy flaky scalp and start developing dandruff problems. I am not that technique savvy but I own the FHI Runway, the Maxiglide, and a Conair steam straightener and as I learn to develop those skills, I still can't justify the heat and manipulation for style. I don't get out of the house much these days bc I can't drive for health reasons and I feel like- what's the point of doing my hair if I'm not going anywhere?

I have a nice wig, but there's nothing like knowing you have healthy MBL hair and nothing to show for it. I am a stickler for overall beauty and healthcare maintenance. My body, skin and everything else is on point but if my hair needs to be mostly kept in a protective style to be healthy, I wonder what's the point?

Any thoughts?

 

[Barbie83]

Eagerly awaiting the end of a 6 month relaxer stretch, I look back in retrospect on a number of things.

1. About a month post relaxer, I stop using all heat on my hair save DC treatments and indirect heat on rollersets. 3 months into the stretch, I let Deneen straighten my hair (as seen in my avatar) which lasts for about 5 days. Other than that, I wash my hair almost daily, detangle in the shower as needed and pin it up in two braids in the back tucking the ends to keep them moist. I slap a headband on and airdry. I look like this 90% of the time. It's a fantastic protective "style" but I don't feel attractive when I leave the house which doesn't help my moods and I need all the help I can get!

2. I read a lot of hair blogs and most notably Curly Nikki where she mentioned that your hair can have a major impact on well-being and if "you're not feeling your hair, you're not feeling yourself".

4. The problem is that I can only keep my hair in a style be it a rollerset or straight for up to 5 days before I get itchy flaky scalp and start developing dandruff problems. I am not that technique savvy but I own the FHI Runway, the Maxiglide, and a Conair steam straightener and as I learn to develop those skills, I still can't justify the heat and manipulation for style. I don't get out of the house much these days bc I can't drive for health reasons and I feel like- what's the point of doing my hair if I'm not going anywhere?

I have a nice wig, but there's nothing like knowing you have healthy MBL hair and nothing to show for it. I am a stickler for overall beauty and healthcare maintenance. My body, skin and everything else is on point but if my hair needs to be mostly kept in a protective style to be healthy, I wonder what's the point?

Any thoughts?

This has been a struggle with me too.....it's like, I want to protective style, and when I do I feel good about taking good care of my hair, but whats the point of heaving healthy hair you can't show off and play around with? I'm hoping others will chime in....

I hope that when i reach my goal of MBL, I wont have to PS all the time to retain my length(I don't mind doing it sometimes). If thats the case, let me just give up now!

 

[Mai Tai]

I am a firm believer that when you look good (on the inside and outside) then you feel good. Because I am not that good at doing protective styles, I choose not to because my buns, braidouts, etc. look a hot mess.

Now don't get me wrong...some of the ladies on this forum are able to protective style and look like they just stepped off a runway, but me...Not so much. I don't have the technique and I would rather look nice then wear a frizzy burned out updo just to avoid heat.

I blowdry and flat-iton every week, and yes it may hinder my retention a little bit, but as long as my hair is growing, not shedding, and not breaking, then I am happy.

 

[Everything Zen]

I think I've gotten addicted to daily washing because I can't handle more than a few days before I go running for the shampoo! I could do rollersets or go pay to get it done but what's the point of all that effort if I have to wash it in a couple of days? It seems my only solace is knowing that doing nothing is good for my hair and that when I do style it, I look completely different.

 

[clever]

I would stop protective styling and begin to expirement with new styles.

 

[clever]

as for the dandruff,do you think it could be product buildup or hardwater buildup on your scalp?

 

[Everything Zen]

as for the dandruff,do you think it could be product buildup or hardwater buildup on your scalp?

Never thought of the hard water... Hmmm.... I use clarifying and chelating shampoos. I'm not heavy handed when it comes to products but it could be what's in them- I stay away from SLS, mineral oils, petrolatums, etc.

 

[Nayna]

I hear u. I was thinking about this before because I enjoy my hair but I also understand that to get it to a certain point it seems that is my best option. I'm trying to play around with wigs and try and see it as a "fun time" for me to experiment with different looks. At least till my hair is where I want it. In the summer I didn't ps at all. I say if u have to do it for a little while have fun with it. If not tweak ur regimen a bit so that u can get ur look working for u. Feel better. I'm sure there are many of us that get to that point where it feels a little pointless.

 

[SmilingElephant]

I have clinical depression...so i know what you mean....when i feel like i'm ugly....then i get really depressed and i HAVE to flat iron my hair at that point....No use in being depressed just to have beautiful hair.

Sometimes this protective styling thing can be too much.

 

[Everything Zen]

I have clinical depression...so i know what you mean....when i feel like i'm ugly....then i get really depressed and i HAVE to flat iron my hair at that point....No use in being depressed just to have beautiful hair.

Sometimes this protective styling thing can be too much.

And I just started a new med the other day- complete with exhaustion, sore muscles, apathy, nausea, etc. I was just getting to a point where I could get out of bed every day and clean up. I take hour long showers complete with all the bells and whistles. If I don't, my whole day is unproductive and I can barely leave the house, let alone get anything done. I hate this phase of treatment. It's just like once you try a new therapy, it's a whole new hill to climb in the process. Then to try and add hair styling on top of it?

 

[SmilingElephant]

Yeah...i've been on my meds for almost a year now. But along with that i have God and i have the support of my family.
I was just like you....but along with that i would cry every single day....for no reason...uncontrollable crying. I had ugly mood swings. I was seriously afraid to go outside....every now and then now i'll go outside. And i jus hated life. But caring for my hair is also therapeutic for me...so even if i do use heat to style...i make sure i take all the measures to protect my strands from it.

You can't ride on everybody else's wagon...you have to drive your own.



its gonna take a few weeks before you really see a difference with your meds....but once you find a therapy that works for you....do not stop it...no matter what anyone else says.

I have ppl telling me to get off my meds...but it's working for me...i'm more productive, i think clearly...i have my spells every now and then....but i'm getting better.

Do waht you need to do to get better.

 

[Mai Tai]

And I just started a new med the other day- complete with exhaustion, sore muscles, apathy, nausea, etc. I was just getting to a point where I could get out of bed every day and clean up. I take hour long showers complete with all the bells and whistles. If I don't, my whole day is unproductive and I can barely leave the house, let alone get anything done. I hate this phase of treatment. It's just like once you try a new therapy, it's a whole new hill to climb in the process. Then to try and add hair styling on top of it?

Yeah...i've been on my meds for almost a year now. But along with that i have God and i have the support of my family.
I was just like you....but along with that i would cry every single day....for no reason...uncontrollable crying. I had ugly mood swings. I was seriously afraid to go outside....every now and then now i'll go outside. And i jus hated life. But caring for my hair is also therapeutic for me...so even if i do use heat to style...i make sure i take all the measures to protect my strands from it.

You can't ride on everybody else's wagon...you have to drive your own.



its gonna take a few weeks before you really see a difference with your meds....but once you find a therapy that works for you....do not stop it...no matter what anyone else says.

I have ppl telling me to get off my meds...but it's working for me...i'm more productive, i think clearly...i have my spells every now and then....but i'm getting better.

Do waht you need to do to get better.

I am so glad that you ladies are getting treatment. Many people don't and would rather suffer silently.

By the way...SmilingElephant...I stealing the above bolded quote. I love it.

 

[QueenHav]

OP, I feel for you!! I was dealing with the same problem this week. I was recently in a car accident, so along with being in pain (I can't tolerate the pain meds they put me on) I was NOT feeling my appearance. I threw in the towel yesterday and got a sew in installed. I was planning on doing it later on in the month...but it was getting to the point where I was either going to stay in the house for 3 weeks straight or just bite the bullet and come up off of that paper. I feel better for it. I hope that you can find a solution that works for YOU...(and I know I'm going to get :gotroasted: for this) and bump your hair if is getting in the way of you feeling better. IT WILL GROW BACK

 

[panamoni]

Just want to send you some love.

Having beautiful hair via protective styling vs. showing if my beautiful hair can cause an agonizing debate within myself. Part of taking care of myself will mean that when I've reached certain goals or am in a certain emotional season, I will do what's best for me at the time. Maybe, 3 days down, 4 days up, or something. Or, down for a few weeks after relaxer and up the last half of my stretch.

I wish you all the best.

 

[Carrie A]

Why not try a few new hair accessories. And don't forget about make-up and clothes. Doing make up and putting on a new outfit will give you a lift even if you are protective styling.

 

[panamoni]

Why not try a few new hair accessories. And don't forget about make-up and clothes. Doing make up and putting on a new outfit will give you a lift even if you are protective styling.

I also meant to add that a few weeks ago, I started paying more attention to my appearance, wearing nice clothes and accessories, and it made me feel so much better about myself and I started getting lots of compliments again, with my umpteen week post bun and all.

 

[Poohbear]

2. I read a lot of hair blogs and most notably Curly Nikki where she mentioned that your hair can have a major impact on well-being and if "you're not feeling your hair, you're not feeling yourself".

This is interesting that you pointed this out. I was somewhat feeling this way when I was thinking about wearing my hair in a bun indefinitely until I reached brastrap length. But when I wore a bun, I really wasn't feeling myself. Even though I have a high self-esteem about myself, my hair still had an impact on how I felt about my overall appearance. I enjoy wearing my hair big, showing length, framing my face. I really don't like wearing my hair pulled back unless I'm extremely hot outside or in the house chillin' by myself not doing anything. So I've decided to just enjoy my hair by wearing it the way I want to wear it. I know how to take pretty good care of my hair so I'm not going to worry about reaching brastrap length. I think I can do it without protective styling.

 

[beans4reezy]

Sometimes this protective styling thing can be too much.

It can be, because you just don't feel pretty. I have PS'd 100% of the time this year and I feel like crap! But, I'm on a mission, so that keeps me from being too much in the dumps about it, but for you sis, compromise with yourself. Maybe show off your hair a couple of times a month (maybe once every two weeks). Your hair should not compromise your emotional well being.

 

[Rain20]

What about phony pony's even if your hair is long, you can hide your hair. What about half wigs? If you dont have to leave the house, what about a nice headwrap. You tube has some interesting headwrap ideas. If your scalp is dry maybe try condition washing instead of shampooing with the clarifying/chelating shampoos. Or, try a treatment shampoo if you have flaky scalp if the condition washing doesnt help. HTH.

Hang in there. Keep in touch with your health care providers if your medicine doesnt start to help in the appropriate timeframe.

 

[Everything Zen]

Thank you ladies- as always, it's nice just to even hear from you all when I feel trapped. I rarely post these days let alone lurk bc of depression and the only reason I do is bc I count this as a form of journaling. I'm being treated for a mysterious possible seizure disorder the doctor's can't figure out and am not allowed to drive for a year- I have no health insurance and have been sent to the ER twice in the past 10 months (once I had a seizure while driving and ran my car off the road- not injured THANK GOD ALONE). On top of being laid off and a separation from my SO, I'm having a rough time. This depressive episode has gone on for over a year now. It's hard enough to ask for a ride from my folks even when I do need to go to various doctor's appointments, prescription refills, etc. My best friend just called me for the 3rd time in a couple of weeks and I changed my mind on dinner with my folks- I just don't have it in me to reach out. I'm barely eating and pretty much just laying around the house sleeping. I went on a trip to visit friends in Boca Raton, FL last week and spent half the time inside asleep and the rest of the time in the hot tub crying.

 

[classychic1908]

Things will get better. The curly girl method has been known to help with itchy scalp, there is an adjustment period, but after that you may find less need to shampoo. And I just want to cosign with what has been said so far, forget about protective styling if it's making you feel bad. Love that hair, wear it down and enjoy it. There are many people with beautiful heads of hair that never protective style.

 

[keysha1983]

I wore a protective bun all summer long! I didn't feel sexy at all. I even went on a blind date with my phoney pony. Turns out he was smoking hot and I was so embrassed!! But 2 days later he sent me a dozen roses to my job. Phoney pony and all!

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

i don't understand the whole lifetime of protective styling either. i just can't do it. i feel pretty and girly when i wear my hair out. i know for a fact that i can make it to APL/BSL without protective styling, and i can wear it down everyday. so that is part of the reason that its my goal length. if i have to take drastic measures such as protective styling for life and no heat, then its not worth it to me.​

 

[AshCash]

Wow, I was lurking in this thread thinking how much this sounds like me. Then you mentioned seizures and I knew I had to respond. To answer your original question - Yes I do believe at the end of the day it IS important to feel good about yourself. I do wear my hair out most of the time. I agree with the person who said doing hair is therapeutic. Sure it takes time, but it makes me feel good so what is wrong with that?

Now to move on to the non-hair related portion... Please excuse me if I am overstepping my bounds, but these are all things I wish someone had told me when I first began battling epilepsy. (And it is a battle.) Some people might disagree with what I have to say here, but this is all from my personal experience.

I had my first seizure at the age of 13 and I am now 26 so I have been dealing with epilepsy for half of my life. Seizures are so scary! I feel fine one minute and the next I am waking up in the hospital with no memory of the last two hours. Epileptics, in general suffer from high levels of anxiety and depression. Have you ever read The Time Traveler's Wife? It sounds silly, but this is the best comparison to epilepsy I have ever seen. There one minute, gone the next. Epilepsy is about fear more than it is about anything else.

I'm being treated for a mysterious possible seizure disorder the doctor's can't figure out.

Unfortunately this is pretty normal. I hate it when TV doctor shows show someone having a seizure and then the doctors run tons of test to figure out whats wrong, fix it and then the person is "cured." This rarely happens in real life. In most cases, doctors will never be able to figure out what's wrong. An epilepsy diagnosis simply means a tendency to have seizures. There is usually no determination of why. Treating epilepsy is all all about seizure control.

I'm barely eating and pretty much just laying around the house sleeping. I went on a trip to visit friends in Boca Raton, FL last week and spent half the time inside asleep and the rest of the time in the hot tub crying.

This really concerns me because from my experience while its easy to believe this is just how things are now, this is NOT NORMAL. These things you are describing are classic side effects of seizure medications. They are NOT acceptable and you need to express that to your doctor. I have been on five or six different medications. Most of them left me completely zombie-like - not getting out of bed for months at a time. (One of them even gave me a horrible rash that could have killed me.) Again this is NOT acceptable. There are medications out there with tolerable side effects. Unfortunately they are different for everyone. Its all about trial and error. This is not easy (see rash), but you DESERVE to find something that works for you. (After the rash incident I refused to take anything for years.) For some reason, it was so much easier for me to believe that I was just a bad/sad/lazy/angry person, than to believe that it was the medication.

It's hard enough to ask for a ride from my folks even when I do need to go to various doctor's appointments, prescription refills, etc.

You are in for the fight of your life and you need all the help you can get. I had to print out everything I could from www.epilepsy.com and make my mom read it. (She was in serious denial that nothing was wrong with her child.)

The good news. I finally found a medicine (Keppra) that controls my seizures AND I can tolerate its side effects. I have been completely seizure free since 2005. That is FOUR years. I had two EEGs this year that came back normal. I work full time and am legally allowed to drive. From the outside looking in I live a pretty normal life. However things are not perfect. I get tired very easily. I often go to bed at 8 or 9 PM. I don't handle interruptions in my routine very well. I will never be one of those people who can just "go with the flow."

Sorry for all the rambling, but I am pretty passionate about the subject and I wanted to let you know that this can get better, but that you have to fight for it! Have you ever been to www.epilepsy.com? There is a wonderful community there. It can be overwhelming, but if you read just a little bit each day, you will learn so much.