RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice??

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

honestly..had i not been a member of this board and u came to me irl offering advice on my hair..i would of laughed it off too. u just wouldn't of been able to relate to the problems my hair has vs. yours.

that's why i want to change the world! it's so frustrating that some women go so many years stuck with the same problems or at the same length and won't try something different.


ETA: long time no see/talk!!!!

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Well hair grows, no technique needed so yes that's the same for everyone. But retention is completely different. Type 3's can do lots of things I can't because I'd never retain any hair.

BASIC. cowashing and detangling. i didn't tell her to make mixtures out of avocado and then mix cat urine and honey and WA LAH! lol

Cowashing and detangling--that's all i recommend. It works for 91% of the ladies on the board.

 

[darlingdiva]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Some people would rather complain than try something different to make their situation better.

In terms of the water, I wouldn't say that it's drying. However, I can't wet my hair too often b/c that's too much manipulation for me. I know that co-washing works great for many ladies. If your friend's current regimen isn't working, she should at least give co-washing a try. I know that co-washing doesn't work for me because I tried it.

Moreover, everybody's hair is different--even if they have the same hair type.

Plus, I don't agree w/ all of Johnny Wright's advice (like when he tells women not to completely airdry).

Don't let other people frustrate you, though. If what they're doing isn't working for them and they're not willing to try something new, don't advise them anymore. When they want to complain about their hair, let it fall on deaf ears--just like they let your advice fall on deaf ears.

 

[Still Sexy Stewardess]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

honestly..had i not been a member of this board and u came to me irl offering advice on my hair..i would of laughed it off too. u just wouldn't of been able to relate to the problems my hair has vs. yours.

Um, Ditto.

OP, (and sylver2, too) your hair is gorgeous. Before being on this board, I assumed that all women with hair like yours were just born with it. It never occurred to me you had to put effort into retaining it. I probably would have poo poo'd your advice, too, thinking, no matter what I do, my hair won't look like yours. I know better now.

 

[msa]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Anybody BSL/MBL or below disagree with my OP?

On a relate topic, folks don't listen to me because my hair is short and because I'm natural. And it doesn't frustrate me because I understand that my hair is different from theirs or not reflective of their goals.

 

[poookie]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Don't take it personally
When people are looking for hair advice, they're going to listen more attentively to people with similar hair types. & natural Type 4s tend to have unique pitfalls (i.e., knots, dryness, etc) that natural type 3s or 2s may not experience to the same extent.

but i feel ya. sometimes having people switch things up can give good results... but it's always good to err on the side of caution. setbacks can be totally devastating.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Whenever I give advice to black (AA, etc) women I get one of two responses:

1. Smile and nod
2. Oh that only works for you because you're mixed (that's a big assumption)

It's so frustrating to see how brainwashed everyone is. I should not have to justify my answer with, "there are hundreds of black women of all skin tones, races and hair textures that use the same process"

I bring this up because I was recently talking to a friend who said how tired she was of her natural hair and that it knots up all of the time. I told her that she needs to cowash every few days and detangle. She continues to tell me that water (exact conversation):


The funny thing is she's a 3c with "soft hair".

I know it's a learning curve and many of us came onto the board with the same assumptions--some may still believe those assumptions. But what I've noticed is that a lot of the white women and black women with long hair have the same routine--check out longhaircommunity.com--they cowash, use light oils, low heat/manipulation routines and then check out some/most of the longer haired women on this board.

It's so frustrating to me because obviously what you are doing isn't working so why not try something different???

Story of my life My hair is leaning more on the 3cish side and I face the same issues that you have when trying to teach better hair care.

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Some people would rather complain than try something different to make their situation better.

In terms of the water, I wouldn't say that it's drying. However, I can't wet my hair too often b/c that's too much manipulation for me. I know that co-washing works great for many ladies. If your friend's current regimen isn't working, she should at least give co-washing a try. I know that co-washing doesn't work for me because I tried it.

Moreover, everybody's hair is different--even if they have the same hair type.

Plus, I don't agree w/ all of Johnny Wright's advice (like when he tells women not to completely airdry).

Don't let other people frustrate you, though. If what they're doing isn't working for them and they're not willing to try something new, don't advise them anymore. When they want to complain about their hair, let it fall on deaf ears--just like they let your advice fall on deaf ears.

Yeah, I think if she wasn't my friend I wouldn't care as much which is why I've never "ranted" about this before. I just want the best for her and I just can't believe she would think I would set her up like that! She's seen my black parents and her hair isn't that far off from mine

Um, Ditto.

OP, (and sylver2, too) your hair is gorgeous. Before being on this board, I assumed that all women with hair like yours were just born with it. It never occurred to me you had to put effort into retaining it. I probably would have poo poo'd your advice, too, thinking, no matter what I do, my hair won't look like yours. I know better now.

Shoot I thought I was born with hair like this too until I messed up my hair and was stuck at damaged SL hair for years. Thank you LHCF!

 

[Tee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Anybody BSL/MBL or below disagree with my OP?

I dont disagree and I see where you are coming from.

I first seriously took co-washing into consideration from Queeny20/Que/***Victory..** many years back. Our hair is NOTHING alike. Texture, type, nothing. But 'the practice/principle' worked for both her 4B hair and my 3B hair. So I don't disregard what anyone has to say due to the type or texture of their hair if it's a safe basic principle.

(Now I am not using some of the extreme stuff I read about or flat ironning wet hair regardless who say you can do it.erplexed)

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I really don't think you should take it personally. We are inundated with sooooo much advice (a lot of it bad) on how to take care of hair. And I think there is an ingrained mentality that "certain" hair grows and "certain" hair doesn't--even in spite of all the beautiful coils, fros and locks of considerable length we see in type 4 hair. I also think it's a LOT of work that many AA women are not willing to do. That's one reason I'm so glad I found this board. I really don't know anyone IRL who devotes as much time and attention to their hair as I do--or the people on this board! LOL

 

[Junebug D]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I understand both sides. Type 4 does have its own very distinct set of issues. There are basics that seem to apply to all textured hair types, like the advice you gave, but she wouldn't know that. I can see how that is frustrating for you, and for her.

But even to this day, it does rankle me a bit to see type 3s and all saying how easy it is and so forth. I know I don't pay too much attention to the regimens of people with type 3 hair. Even at NP, they still felt there was a need for a separate c-napp/4b forum.

 

[anon123]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Isn't moisture key to growth and retention? I won't tell someone that they HAVE to use certain products. But basic techniques?

Being on this bored haven't you noticed commonalities on basic techniques regardless of hair texture?

Anybody BSL/MBL or below disagree with my OP?

I'm just below bsl and I'm going to have to disagree with your OP. Well, not really because your friend was 3c! So I think you definitely have a point there. Sometimes people see "good" hair, and think their hair isn't possibly like that and dismiss you before even thinking or reasoning it out. I'm sure that that is frustrating.

At the same time, I'm 4b and esp. because my hair is longer I can't be cowashing so frequently. Truth is, my hair knots up far too much for that. I need to detangle with every wash, at the very least once every other wash, or my hair wants to become dreadlocks. It takes at the very least 90 minutes to detangle my hair, usually more like 2-3 hours, possibly up to 4 if I have to retwist into smaller twists. If I try to go faster than that, my fragile hair gets broken and I start loosing length. I can't not twist it because my hair will shrink and mat up, so even though you might be able to do a wash and go, I can't. I'd love to find a way around this, but I haven't. I'm pretty positive I cannot follow your routine.

 

[chellero]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

On a relate topic, folks don't listen to me because my hair is short and because I'm natural. And it doesn't frustrate me because I understand that my hair is different from theirs or not reflective of their goals.

I tried your moisturize with water technique. I dc'd rinsed, sprayed it with water and sealed. 2 hours later I took my brillo pad head back into the shower, cowashed and put on some cantu shea butter. Love your posts, but I am not trying your moisturizing techniques no mo!

 

[Fine 4s]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

This just doesn’t add up.
Here’s the you part:
The problem is credibility. Does she not take a doctor's advice, a lawyer's advice, or a fashion consultant or her children’s teacher’s advice (if she has any) ? The list goes on… It’s not about taking advice it’s about taking advice from YOU. Like someone once told me, in every sales interaction either you are selling them or they are selling you. You simply did not ‘sell’ it to her.

Here’s the ‘them’ part:
However, we all know if one wants a DIFFERENT outcome they must be willing to try something DIFFERENT. That’s a paradigm issue and does not change quickly, it’s a mentality thing not a black-woman-hair-care-advice-to-another-black-woman thing. They made a choice/decision to NOT take the advice for various reasons that have nothing to do with the advice giver IMO (as several folks mentioned they either gave up on hair care or they want to complain etc.) I would bet that in this person’s life there are many other things they complain about b/c they’re not getting the desired outcome.

Here’s the ‘but’ part:
Don’t we all know someone who pretends not to take advice and secretly do anyway? Ya neeeeeeeeever know J

 

[PeaceFlow]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Being honest, I don't pay attention to anything other than 4a/b people on the boards or IRL.

However, pre-LHCF if one of my looser textured friends recommended a technique I probably would try it but I wouldn't believe my hair could be long and shiny just because theirs was.

Now that I am in the know I don't care how a 3 a/b/c flat irons, moisturises, tames, their 1 years progress pics It's not the same. Maybe its best to show her pics of 4a/b naturals with long hair who use the basic techniques you are advocating. I wouldn't be angry with her for wanting reassurance it can work for her hair type.

 

[chellero]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

It's crazy women of all hair types will run and try cat urine, horse products, ovary juice sold by farming companies, but they won't try basic techniques recommended by another black woman?

People are putting cat pee on their heads. I think that the basic steps to growing healthier hair are the same for almost everyone. Not drying it out with the wrong shampoos, moisture, using chemicals safely if you are going to relax or color, frequent conditioning, protective styling, low heat blah blah blah. But the reason that people spend so much time looking for the right products and techniques on here, is that different hair and hair types need different things. There is a fair chance that another 4a/3c's regimen won't work for me. If I was to copy the regimen of a 3b then I probably wouldn't be BSL. If you really want to see those folks grow long hair then tell them to come here. Because I can see how someone with type 4 hair could look at yours and think that your hair and hers have nothing in common.

 

[Tee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I really don't think you should take it personally. We are inundated with sooooo much advice (a lot of it bad) on how to take care of hair. And I think there is an ingrained mentality that "certain" hair grows and "certain" hair doesn't--even in spite of all the beautiful coils, fros and locks of considerable length we see in type 4 hair. I also think it's a LOT of work that many AA women are not willing to do. That's one reason I'm so glad I found this board. I really don't know anyone IRL who devotes as much time and attention to their hair as I do--or the people on this board! LOL

This is so true. Before this board and seeing exaple of "YES WE CAN", I wouldn't have believed black women could grow hair to such great lengths. Heck, I though SL was long before I joined here!

 

[msa]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I tried your moisturize with water technique. I dc'd rinsed, sprayed it with water and sealed. 2 hours later I took my brillo pad head back into the shower, cowashed and put on some cantu shea butter. Love your posts, but I am not trying your moisturizing techniques no mo!

Proof positive that even those with similar hair types can't do the same things.

 

[beana]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

OP: Your hair is beautiful!!!!!!

BUT... even on this board, i know i cant follow a 3b/c regimen for growth because as a 4a/b i know my hair is different. It's not that i don't believe the methods they use aren't successful for THEIR hair... i just know it might not be for mine. In fact, i search specifically for 4a/b hair advice and at times coarse 3c.

Back when i first joined LHCF i went crazy with braidouts, Daily CO washes, stretching etc... my hair grew but my ends were see through because of all the breakage and matting i experienced. When your hair is as dense and coarse as mine you cant do everything everyone else does. On this hair journey i've learned to pay attention to what works for me... even if its not a popular opinion on the board or amongst my friends.

 

[mscocoface]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

If the person you are giving advice to is on this board there is a possibility.

If they are NOT on this board the chances are slim and none and that is for just the basic advice.

I will look at basic information on the board to understand the foundation of taking care of The BEAST but after that unless you have hair like mine I am going to probably just listen and take notes.

I follow most of the natural 4cdefghijkl ladies and what works for them and even then I am cautious because in the end the golden rule for hair still applies "What works for one may not work for another".

On the other hand, I am giving advice to all the ladies in my family about haircare and we run the gamut on hair texture so for my 2b/3a neice I recommend something different than my 4cdefghilk hair textured neice.

Even my natural sister in law versus my relaxed sister. I have enough sound and wonderful information to access because of here, other hairboards and blogs that I can give decent advice or recommendation on products, tools and reggies.

 

[sleepflower]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

People plainly do not listen to me for sorta the same reasons.

For example, when I cut off all my relaxed hair, a few of my female relatives did the same exact thing. Now my hair looks better than it has for years and years, and my natural relatives ask me what I am doing. When I give them the most basic of advice, like "use conditioner" or "try a new moisturiser if your hair is chronically dry as straw", they tell me that only works for ME because my hair is thick/dense/full of coils/down to my neck (I wish neck length were long to me ), and theirs is not. The thing is, barring minor differences in texture, my hair is just like theirs, just longer and healthier. I even let them use my stuff and offer to buy it for them, and they pass on it. "Oh, that only works for YOU." I just smile and say something like "You're right, it is working for me" and let them keep complaining aobut my "magical healthy growing hair".

For me, I listen to advice that it seems everyone says works for them. Basic regimen advice is more for the health of the hair, so I learned not to pay attention to has hair that looks how I want mine to look, but for actual scientific evidence that something works or for loads of testimonials that something helped their hair out. I tend to pay attention to people with hair like mine for other haircare tips (like product recommendations or something more technical) because I learned the hard way what works one way for someone with type 2 or 3 hair probably will not work in a way I wanted it to for mine.

 

[sunshinelady]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Texture makes all the difference.

 

[Neith]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I think it's silly to act like type 4 hair is some "alien" substance. :creatures

Yes, it requires a lot of babying and moisturizing... but it is HUMAN hair. We have the same thing that they have on a basic level.

Shutting yourself out to other hairtypes can make you miss out big time.

Techniques/products/tools/recipies for one type can frequently work well for many hairtypes or be tweaked a little to work for all different hairtypes.

Not saying I'm not a little more drawn to type 4 threads - cuz I deal with the same issues on a daily basis, but I pay attention to type 3's too and have learned a lot from ALL the ladies here

 

[Spongie Bloom]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Ive been natural for a month now D) and quite honestly when I was researching and stuff for my hair I paid attention to pple with my hair type I stalked fotkis to find someone with the texture that resembles mine and grilled them to tell me what they do to their hair LOL while your hair is beautiful OP if you for example told me yout technique of shingling there is a huge chance I wouldnt use it and look for someone with similar hair texture But general advice like co washing and detangling mmmm Im not sure if I would take the advice if i wasnt a member on this board ...probably not but for general advice like that I take it from anyone regardless of texture

 

[Lady Esquire]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I would suggest a few hair books and a few hair sites, here included. You can lead a horse to the water but its thirsty stubborn behind has to drink by itself. You did your part.

 

[Bint Yusef]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I don't think anyone who isn't 4b can understand 4b hair. Growth, yes, but moisture et al. naw.

How is that so? Is it not possible if you have been caring for 4b heads of hair (i.e. your man if he has long hair or your child if she is a type 4b)

 

[Ediese]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Hmm...I think I would be more likely to take advice from someone that has the same or very similiar texture that I do. I know from experience that what works for a 3b, highly textured 3c, or even someone that's relaxed is probably not going to work for me (4a). Everything isn't for everyone, and I'm speaking of products and techniques, so I tend to follow those with a similiar texture.

 

[Ediese]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Isn't moisture key to growth and retention? I won't tell someone that they HAVE to use certain products. But basic techniques?

I see what you're saying here. If you're more sharing basic things, I don't think I would have a problem taking your advice into consideration. For product related (best moisturizers, conditioners, etc) for my texture, I probably would find someone with a similiar texture.

 

[Neith]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

It's crazy women of all hair types will run and try cat urine, horse products, ovary juice sold by farming companies, but they won't try basic techniques recommended by another black woman?

So true!

 

[Eisani]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I dont disagree and I see where you are coming from.

I first seriously took co-washing into consideration from Queeny20/Que/***Victory..** many years back. Our hair is NOTHING alike. Texture, type, nothing. But 'the practice/principle' worked for both her 4B hair and my 3B hair. So I don't disregard what anyone has to say due to the type or texture of their hair if it's a safe basic principle.

(Now I am not using some of the extreme stuff I read about or flat ironning wet hair regardless who say you can do it.erplexed)

I hear ya. You and I have varying textures (I'm 3c/4a) and you know our hair likes a lot of the same products! Same thing can apply to techniques. I'll read advice and/or reviews, do a little research and see how I could possibly tweak it to make it work for me. Personally, I'm going to look @ someone's hair length and health while considering their input before their hair type (while it still plays a factor, it's minimal). Generally speaking, that is.

OP I get that often as well, or the "y'all just have good hair anyway" brush-off. Hair is hair.

You know some 3's ain't trying to hear nothing a 4 is saying either so it goes both ways.