Awww come on lets finish the discussion! It was civil!

[Southernbella.]

I think we are all saying the same things here:

Some women relax their hair because it's just a style choice.

Some women relax their hair because they don't know anything about natural hair or that they even have that option.

Some women relax their hair because they don't like natural hair and would rather die before they let someone see a single nap spring forth from their scalp.


When we have hese discussions, we are not talking about the women who relax as a style choice. Everyone in these threads has admitted that some women who relax have issues, so why can't we just discuss them and leave all the other stuff out of it?

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Are naturals who constantly flat iron and press suffering from the same self hate issues?

Yes, all of you guys are delusional as well

 

[Summer_Rain]

People KNOW, or are aware of, the stigma's associated with natural hair. One does not need to actually possess a specific trait, characteristic, or quality to know that it is deemed undesirable.

Well not everyone is driven by said stigma. That's my point.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I think we are all saying the same things here:

Some women relax their hair because it's just a style choice.

Some women relax their hair because they don't know anything about natural hair or that they even have that option.

Some women relax their hair because they don't like natural hair and would rather die before they let someone see a single nap spring forth from their scalp.


When we have hese discussions, we are not talking about the women who relax as a style choice. Everyone in these threads has admitted that some women who relax have issues, so why can't we just discuss them and leave all the other stuff out of it?

We can't leave out those women because people here generalize too much.

 

[msa]

hate/love, something in the middle - my question still, how can anyone have an appreciation, love, fondness, for something they've never known? Now me personally - I don't count the hair 9 or so weeks out of my scalp as a true representation of what my full, natural & maintained hair would be like.

But if you acknowledge the POV of someone relaxed their entire lives then thats cool. IMHO, I think most black women probably fall into that category.

As far as the bolded, how can someone have such a dislike for something they've never known? Women on this board denigrate their new growth every single day, but no one bats an eye. If they know it well enough to be negative about it, then surely it's possible for them to form some positive opinions as well. They just choose not to because they've already accepted the idea that natural hair is "bad, hard to work with, nappy, etc" and approach dealing with it with that perspective.

Honestly I don't even consider the opinions of people with a different hair type than mine to be relevant to me as far as this topic is concerned. Not saying it's right, but hey...

I can understand that. It's kind of like how people discount the opinons of naturals who used to relax.

 

[Bosslady1]

The other thread about hairstyle options got locked?! How dreadful...

 

[audacity.]

I include naturals who only wear their hair straight, as well as naturals who only wear weaves. But that's just me.

so what if, on the other hand, a relaxed head only wore her hair in textured styles?

 

[Summer_Rain]

When we have hese discussions, we are not talking about the women who relax as a style choice. Everyone in these threads has admitted that some women who relax have issues, so why can't we just discuss them and leave all the other stuff out of it?

Because then the conversation would be over - it 1(page)and done!

White is right
Mainstream media
Euro standards of beauty
Hip Hop
blah blah blah

Thread over!

 

[basketballbabe03]

Here's the difference, a relaxer can hurt you, likely will burn you. A curly perm does not.

This is not true. I curly perm is a chemical process which can also do damage.

I just want to make myself clear.

IMO, self-hate is a psychological issue that can be manifested in different ways. But, I do not believe that relaxing is indicative of self-hate. "Self-hate" is too serious of an issue to just keep throwing it out there like that.

I do believe that relaxing shows that the person does not love their natural hair, they may like it and they may have though it was fun for a while or that it was a nice style change, but they do not love it. If someone wants to extend that to they don't love themselves, fine, but that's not how I feel.

If you want to stone me for making assumptions about how other people feel about their hair, then fine. This is just my opinion, based on people's actions and the words that accompany those actions.

I do agree with this somewhat. I'm not saying that everyone who relaxes hates their hair but think about the times you hear someone say: "Girl, I gotta do something about this new growth." or the people that have to have their hair bone straight all the time?

How could a person hate something they never knew?

Very, very true.

But, unless someone relaxes every 4 weeks, they've dealt with a bit of natural hair. I mean how many folks complain on the hairboard every day about their 8 weeks post new growth being so difficult? They've already formed an opinion about their natural hair so they know it a little bit.

This could be a different issue because of having two completely different textures in your head. From my experience, it can be difficult to deal with the two textures, so the people that are posting might be talking about the two textures and not the new growth. For me, when I was in transition, it was much harder for me to deal with then having my hair 100 percent relaxed or 100 percent natural.

 

[msa]

Are naturals who constantly flat iron and press suffering from the same self hate issues?

Can people please stop using the term self-hate?

And, yes, naturals who constantly straighten or wear weaves are suffering from the same thing IMO. They do not love their natural hair.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I think that's sad.



Tell the truth!

The only reason people have such a hard time with maintenance is because they're trying to force their hair to do things it doesn't do naturally.

When I relaxed it was because people made me feel that my natural hair was unacceptable. When I decided to go natural some people still made me feel this way. IMO relaxing is not a style choice. To some it's unthinkable.

Honestly, when I hear people say that natural hair is hard to take care of I just erplexed and . I mean what's easier than not having to apply a caustic chemical to hair/scalp every few weeks.... Cutting off my relaxed hair was the best thing that I could have done for myself physically and mentally. Yes, it required some reverse engineering but I believe that I'm a better person for it...

 

[tocktick]

How could a person hate something they never knew?

* Parents, friends etc around them telling them natural hair is ugly etc.
* Bad touch up experiences (I can remember a few - like being told my hair was "tough" because I'd been too lng without a relaxer)
* Possibly seeing girls with natural hair being treated in a negative way. Where I grew up, many girls with twas were clowned. I'm sure the shortness was an added factor though.

I think a lot of it is more so fear, as opposed to hate. Of course, I do agree that there are women who dont hate their natural hair even if they've never experienced it. It differ from person to person but I don't think you need to have experienced something directly in order to hate, dislike or fear it.

 

[MizzBrown]

Well, if you are a 1a - 3c would your opinions (pro or against) be different than someone who is 4z?

Call me judgemental but i give more credit to folks who transition and go natural with Type 4 hair than Type 1-3.

There is a HUGE difference IMO.

I've realized that i can't transition. Its too much for me and i just have to be brave one day and chop it all off and deal with a tiny fro rather than try to do a long term transition and get so frustrated.

I think many women would like to explore their natural hair but are scared of the length as well.

Remember all those threads of folks BC'ing and then crying bloody mary because they've never seen their hair that short?

 

[CandiceC]

Having a relaxer doesn't allow you choose one or the other depending on your mood. You can't go from SL relaxed hair to SL natural hair in a day. You can go from SL pressed hair to SL natural hair in a matter of minutes. I don't agree with straightening either, but I recognize there's a difference.

What I was trying to say is that if a person really loves their natural hair, then they wouldn't relax.

I was thinking about a longer mood. Like wearing your hair relaxed for awhile and then switching it up the next year and being natural. And vice versa.

 

[hairsothick]

Call me judgemental but i give more credit to folks who transition and go natural with Type 4 hair than Type 1-3.

There is a HUGE difference IMO.

There's a huge difference to me too.

 

[Carrie A]

How could a person hate something they never knew?

One of very close girlfriends was relaxed at 3 years old. She has never seen her natural hair. After I did my BC she said well more power to you but you will NEVA see me without a perm up in here. Oh no. That's not the kid. erplexed

 

[msa]

so what if, on the other hand, a relaxed head only wore her hair in textured styles?

She's still relaxed.

This could be a different issue because of having two completely different textures in your head. From my experience, it can be difficult to deal with the two textures, so the people that are posting might be talking about the two textures and not the new growth. For me, when I was in transition, it was much harder for me to deal with then having my hair 100 percent relaxed or 100 percent natural.

I agree that sometimes it's about the two textures. But most of the time it's about "nappy newgrowth", "my new growth dreads up...", "who here hates dealing with their new growth", "I can't wait to relax because I can't stand my new growth", "How can I make my new growth straighter", "straightening makes my new growth easier to deal with"...I mean really...it's not just about the two textures, it's about changing what grows out of their scalp...

 

[Qualitee]

One of very close girlfriends was relaxed at 3 years old. She has never seen her natural hair. After I did my BC she said well more power to you but you will NEVA see me without a perm up in here. Oh no. That's not the kid. erplexed

3! why would someone relax a child's hair at 3!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Call me judgemental but i give more credit to folks who transition and go natural with Type 4 hair than Type 1-3.

There is a HUGE difference IMO.

I've realized that i can't transition. Its too much for me and i just have to be brave one day and chop it all off and deal with a tiny fro rather than try to do a long term transition and get so frustrated.

I think many women would like to explore their natural hair but are scared of the length as well.

Remember all those threads of folks BC'ing and then crying bloody mary because they've never seen their hair that short?

According to some of the looser textured women there really is no difference.

I do agree about that length concern as well. Wooboo, some of us won't look good with nugget heads (me definitely included lol)

 

[CandiceC]

Call me judgemental but i give more credit to folks who transition and go natural with Type 4 hair than Type 1-3.

There is a HUGE difference IMO.

I've realized that i can't transition. Its too much for me and i just have to be brave one day and chop it all off and deal with a tiny fro rather than try to do a long term transition and get so frustrated.

I think many women would like to explore their natural hair but are scared of the length as well.

Remember all those threads of folks BC'ing and then crying bloody mary because they've never seen their hair that short?

Ding ding ding. I couldn't transition unless I was in braids. There's too much of a difference between my natural and relaxed hair for any style to make any sense after 16 weeks or so. Lol. Maybe I could get by on braid outs. But still 16 weeks isn't going to give me the length I'd want to start off natural if I were to chop.

 

[msa]

Call me judgemental but i give more credit to folks who transition and go natural with Type 4 hair than Type 1-3.

There is a HUGE difference IMO.

I've realized that i can't transition. Its too much for me and i just have to be brave one day and chop it all off and deal with a tiny fro rather than try to do a long term transition and get so frustrated.

I think many women would like to explore their natural hair but are scared of the length as well.

Remember all those threads of folks BC'ing and then crying bloody mary because they've never seen their hair that short?

'

What about people who have never been relaxed and didn't have to transition or BC?

I was thinking about a longer mood. Like wearing your hair relaxed for awhile and then switching it up the next year and being natural. And vice versa.

Yeah I could see that but maybe it's the length thing that's influencing me because you'd have to cut your hair each time. In that case, it would make more sense for someone to get a BKT (which I am 2000% against).

 

[Farida]

I will be honest and admit I am self-conscious about my natural hair (not because I think it is terrible, but the reactions people give me). When I was growing up in Kenya, it was normal for a lot of women to have natural hair. There are more relaxed heads now, but for the most part, most females, especially young ones, have natural hair. It costs way too much for many people to relax their hair.

Here, the very first day I walked into work with my afro, people made a huge deal about it. And my boss, even my flippin boss was running his fingers through my hair without my permission, because of 'curiosity.' People stared at me (didn't help that I was in South OC where there's barely any black folk to begin with.) Black people asking me when I was going to get a relaxer....I had family members even offer to give me money if I was having cash flow issues and couldn't get a relaxer? Really?

So, I don't like the attention it brings, because I am a quiet, reserved person. I don't like people staring at me and making a fuss. But the sad thing, is a large group of people in this country don't know what a black woman's hair looks/feels like it because they don't see it often. This is not the way it should be. I shouldn't be drawing attention to myself by letting my hair be the way it is meant to be.

But I love my hair. I also loved having a relaxer too, because I liked to wear my hair straight. I liked to be able to do the several straight styles without worrying that my hair would revert/fall. I can still do that now, maybe not as often.

Many women don't even put that much thought into a relaxer...so I don't think it is always self hate, not even mostly self hate. Just the norm.

 

[msa]

3! why would someone relax a child's hair at 3!

What I don't understand is, people are so outraged if someone relaxes a childs hair at ages 3-5 but if they're 6 or above it's somehow ok.

 

[Carrie A]

3! why would someone relax a child's hair at 3!

It was too thick and nappy.erplexed

Although that's crazy to me, my hair was pressed or blow dried regularly by the time I was 6/7. This is the first time I'm seeing my natural hair too. I had no memory of my natural unaltered hair.

 

[CandiceC]

According to some of the looser textured women there really is no difference.

I do agree about that length concern as well. Wooboo, some of us won't look good with nugget heads (me definitely included lol)

They wouldn't know. Unless you've got a good amount of a couple different textures including 4b, you really can't know. I will say from experience that my looser 4a hair in the front on the right is much more manageable during stretches than the other 4a/4b parts.

 

[basketballbabe03]

3! why would someone relax a child's hair at 3!

Um, that's child abuse. I don't care what anyone else says.

According to some of the looser textured women there really is no difference.

I do agree about that length concern as well. Wooboo, some of us won't look good with nugget heads (me definitely included lol)

That is SO not true. If that were the case then the same products that works on someone with a looser texture would work on another with 4b hair. Especially when it comes to shrinkage. I think not...

 

[Qualitee]

Some people say they relax their hair to look more professional at their job. So curly hair= nonprofessional..........I think that is stupid.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Some people say they relax their hair to look more professional at their job. So curly hair= nonprofessional..........I think that is stupid.

I agree with the statement above... I actually think my natural bun/ponytails look better now that I'm natural. They are more interesting to look at....

 

[CandiceC]

Hope I don't get in trouble , but I have seen some black women who look awkward with straight hair. Can't say for sure if it's relaxed or pressed, but the straight hair just doesn't seem to go with some black women.

Has anyone ever thought that?

 

[Farida]

Transitioning sucks.

I have 4a in the front and 4b at the back...so I know hair...I cried many times as a child having combs passed through my dry, tangled hair...now that I know better about my hair I wouldn't dare try and comb it dry!

Transitioning is a nightmare. Especially when you have problems like me, who the relaxer made my hair light and very thin, but my natural roots are very thick, bushy and curly. I looked ridiculous really when I was transitioning.

Then when I went in to do a BC, and the lady showed me a stylist who had just BC'ed I chickened out. Went back home to my nightmare mix of textures...I eventually just grabbed scissors and cut the ends off.

Made my life X1,0000,0000,0000 simpler.

More than anything, even when I knew the relaxer was bad, I was afraid of short hair. I hadn't had short hair since I was maybe 5.

I feel very weird now with short hair...I just can't wait for it to grow.