If I cut my Hair, I lose my Man...

[Shinka]

I have a dilemma today. I want to BC cause I can't do these perms. I had a bad scalp reaction last touch up and its almost time for anothetr touchup. My hair is short so there's no hiding the hair or protective ponytails. It's getting puffy in the miami heat.

I have a dilemma, I want to cut it and my man said if I do...it's over. He lasted through another BC this past Novemeber and says he can't do another.

"Makes no sense for a pretty girl like you to look like a boy"

We've been together for a year, we just ended our engagement, but decided to take things slower.

I don't know what to do. I don't like this puffy permed mess. He doesn't even like braids or weaves. I'm at a crossroads.

My Man or My Hair...help please.

 

[FemmeCreole]

what is your gut telling you?

how do you feel about him?

how do you feel about the relationship?

how important is the relationship to you?

how important is the health of your scalp and hair to you?

 

[dicapr]

How about a wig? There also hair styles that can work with the poofyness of new growth. Maybe a straw set, or rollerset or some type of big hair will work for the summer. When it gets cooler, you can just flat iron the roots. But this should be about what you want to do. My dad was controlling about my mothers hair, and you would not believe the drama in our household that came from her having a bad hair day. If someone's feelings for you are so shallow that him not liking your hair is enough to make them walk away from you I would doubt there is any real long term possibility for the relationship. Is this someone you actually want to be with at all?

 

[LunadeMiel]

So..your man is willing to leave you because your outward appearance will change. Now, God forbid you get into an accident or you have to go through chemo or something....

 

[xxBlackRosexx]

That is crazy he is supposed to love you for you no matter what!
Cut it if you want to and see if he goes, if he does then he aint for you.

 

[donewit-it]

I like Val's responses. Very mature and it makes you answer your own questions.

If you want my opinion....

You are beautiful. He can be replaced. You will look gorgeous with a cute boycut.

 

[QT]

I'm guessing you about to start transiting? Have you tried roller setting? They have rollers small enough to curl your hair. Or you can try going to the Dominican until you hair grows a liitle more for you to get twists.

 

[SweetlyBlessed]

So..your man is willing to leave you because your outward appearance will change. Now, God forbid you get into an accident or you have to go through chemo or something....

I concur with the above. That's just plain nonsense. Is he just using your hair as an excuse for something else that will end the relationship? Looks like he's looking for a way out and it appears that you do nothing that out of line so he picked your hair.

It's more then your hair...pray and seek the REAL answer.

 

[Shinka]

what is your gut telling you?
to cut my hair

how do you feel about him?
he's shallow, if its all about hair. And he's an a-hole

how do you feel about the relationship?

it's on its last dying leg
how important is the relationship to you?
was very important, but I'm moving out per his request. So I don't know really. I know I love him
how important is the health of your scalp and hair to you? very important, I can't do these perms anymore. I feel I look horrible. More horrible thanI would bald headed

.

I just feel emotionally sad over this.

 

[Afro-Indi]

Do what you have to do and let him leave.

If he's willing to leave over something so simple, you can't possibly believe your relationship with him will stand up to 'real' issues in the future.

 

[SmilingElephant]

I'm not big on relationships....

but it seems to me your man is being a loser.

Dump him...he aint ur daddy!

 

[ladylibra]

you've only been together for a year and were engaged?

your relationship has bigger problems than hair babe... sorry to say. he says you're a pretty girl and then says you'll look like a boy in the same breath.

come on now.

there's a saying i now live by that applies perfectly to this situation: "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

 

[GoingNatural]

I feel like you have a lot more to think about than your hair...seems like a good OT discussion erplexed

 

[FemmeCreole]

.

I just feel emotionally sad over this.

based on your responses I see where you leaning.....do what your gut is telling you...... it looks like he's just trying to look for nonsense to just end it all.

You do what is good for YOU! Love yourself first and you open yourself up to be loved. It may be him, it may be someone else. It will always hurt when a relationship ends especially someone with whom you were on the track for marriage.

Everything happens for a reason but we usually see the reason later.

Just be true to yourself and listen to your heart.

 

[QT]

.

I just feel emotionally sad over this.

Well there you go, you answered your own question. On your boyfriend tip i don't get into all that, b/c at the end of the day you will make your own decision. I wish you well on your hair care and home care.

 

[Shinka]

Thank You ladies for the response. ladylibra is right. Maybe I just needed to hear what I was thinking told to me.

I was just hoping I wasn't crazy.

Val, thank you for the questions.

Everyone, thank you for your responses.

 

[SignatureBeauty]

Girl!! Look at my Bald head in my Avitar, My Husband done that because I wanted to go Natural (again) he has been thru this with me 9 times, My hair is not important to him, all he wants now is for me to just let it grow. He shapes it, edges me up and never say not one negative word. So I agree with the other ladies, it is more to it than just hair.

 

[Connie]

If a man is truly into you, the length of your hair shouldn't change that. If it does, then he's not the one for you.

 

[hothair]

I say he shouldn't let the door hit his behind on the way out I mean if you're reacting to relaxers and your hair is not that long (so not a drastic change) he can either support your decision to care for your scalp or show his shallow sounding self out. He needs to compromise I think in this case you should do what you feel is right but messing with your scalp/ health for a man's aesthetics would not be my choice...Good luck

 

[vestaluv1]

So..your man is willing to leave you because your outward appearance will change. Now, God forbid you get into an accident or you have to go through chemo or something....

Yeah, this is along the lines of what I was thinking. Are you sure that he's not more concerned about what OTHER people would think of "his womans'" look?

I know a lot of men are like this .

 

[Kimberly]

I'm sorry. This doesn't sound like the person for you, to me. Sounds like you've already lost your man for him to even make such an ultimatum. I say call him on it....and NEXT!

 

[Fine 4s]

what is your gut telling you?

how do you feel about him?

how do you feel about the relationship?

how important is the relationship to you?

how important is the health of your scalp and hair to you?

The hair is just a symptom of something else...take your time.

 

[shermeezy]

I have a dilemma today. I want to BC cause I can't do these perms. I had a bad scalp reaction last touch up and its almost time for anothetr touchup. My hair is short so there's no hiding the hair or protective ponytails. It's getting puffy in the miami heat.

I have a dilemma, I want to cut it and my man said if I do...it's over. He lasted through another BC this past Novemeber and says he can't do another.

"Makes no sense for a pretty girl like you to look like a boy"

We've been together for a year, we just ended our engagement, but decided to take things slower.

I don't know what to do. I don't like this puffy permed mess. He doesn't even like braids or weaves. I'm at a crossroads.

My Man or My Hair...help please.

Seems like your hair is the most stable and promising relationship out of the two. Treat your hair right and you'll be rewarded. Your man is right about one thing -You are a pretty girl. So please believe there are plenty of fish in the sea who will be more than happy to date a lovely natural woman.

 

[discodumpling]

As soon as you dump this CAPITAL L oooser your scalp will thank you. I bet it will breathe a sigh of relief

This is not the man for you...he's still out there and he is waiting for you to love yourself first, before he steps to you

 

[butterfly_wings]

He sounds controlling to me, do what is best for you, don't let somone else tell you what to do with your body.

 

[SelfStyled]

Wow......., where do I begin?????? I'ma give you some advice that I LIVE By- this is from my grandmama and you know they are always right:

When someone shows you who they are- believe them.


He's not ready for you sweetheart. You are enough as you are. BC, relaxed, whateva. And he's right your face is BEAUTIFUL and it will still be beautiful no matter what you decide to do with you hair
Make your own decisions.


That is all.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

Your hair, no offense but your man sounds flaky. Would you leave him if he went bald or locked his hair or whatever?

Forget him, sounds like he is making excuses to me.

 

[Ciacia]

IMHO he is emotionally black-mailing you which is not nice, but he is a man and they are not perfect when it comes to communication. You said you already went through a BC in November so he probably thinks "she already did that once and now she wants it again WTF !!!!"

I think the ladies on this board are really serious (or I should say more than average people) when it comes to hair care, so instead of taking a drastic decision (i.e. breaking up) I suggest that you have a nice and calm conversation about your issue. Show him your hair state, explain to him your fears regarding a new relaxer (short hair is better than bald right ). And most of all tell him the most important thing "baby it may sound crazy, but hair actually grows, it is just a matter of time".

Hope this helps

 

[Eiano]

NO!

Pshh!!

Are you crazy?

Stay with him!!! Don't cut your hair. Keep it how it is!!! So what if it's damaged, at least no one call ever call you "no-man-having heifer"!!

now how do you feel about that response?

 

[Nola Darling]

He's not for you. Sorry to tell ya.