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NEED SOME SUPPORT...I ALMOST WANT TO CRY

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@CASSANDRA...I feel you.

Anywho--
Well MMPOLK01
I don't believe in being 'nice' and polite to ppl who can't bestow the same courtesy towards me. You just don't let ppl talk to you or treat you any kind of way. You don't let ppl make you feel down on yourself, damn that.
That goes for boyfriends, husbands, females friends--whatever.

BUT I tend to be feisty. I don't shy away from confrontation---and everyone is different. I recognize that.

MMPOLK01, Ok....I'm not telling you what to do.
Just understand that ppl have different ideas of what friendship really entails.
Y'know...?
Some 'friends' are two-faced and 'sometimey'. Grin all in your face and talk behind your back.
Some 'friends' don't know how to be 'friends' because they've never had a functional (as opposed to dysfunctional) relationship with another female.
Some 'friends' will call themselves your friends---and all the while they're jealous....COMPETING with you.

I don't know the extent of your relationship. Maybe none of this applies. Maybe the problem is that she just has a bad habit of giving unsolicited opinions/advice...?

You should tell her about her comments and how they make you feel. While she's at your house visiting. You don't have important conversations over the phone unless you have no other option. Half the time it's not even what you say but HOW you say it--so make sure you're calm before you talk to her.

I mean, really--
What relationship is 'sunny' ALL the time? LOL
You won't always agree.
BUT you have to learn how to effectively MANAGE conflict; not avoid it.
EVERYONE must set clear boundaries in their relationships.
And as long as we share relationships with others--difficult conversations are bound to happen!

If she's the type of person who shuts down then let her. She'll prolly come back around.
If not well if she can dismiss you and your feelings THAT easily then.... you were prolly better off anyhow.

Forgot to add:
Unlike others I completely disagree with not doing hair at her house. How does that solve anything?
As if you doing your hair in her presence is bringing the b***h out of her? LOL. That's laughable.
Her b****ness has nothing to do with you.
So no--I don't see why you have to stop doing your hair around her.
SHE needs to stop making those comments.
Your 'hair' is not causing the conflict--Her attitude is.


Oh yeah--Forgot something else:LOL
In terms of your relationships with people, when your boundaries are crossed--when you and your feelings are ignored and dismissed--you have to learn 'when it's time to say when'.
It's usually idealogical and gullible individuals who think that all relationships are meant to last forever. Especially romantic ones. Which is half the reason why so many relationships are hobbling around for years on 1 leg.
....and half the reason why you see so many females who'll deal with a womanizing a**hole (year after year).
'But I love him!"
Girl, puh-lease...get some self esteem and a clue!

Some relationships are not meant to last forever.
That's just being realistic.

:amen: Cosigning on this entire post, especially the bolded. This is why I have very few "friends". OP, I'm sorry that your friend is treating you like this. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. Don't allow this girl to derail your hair goals..keep on transitioning. I can't wait to see your BC picture too:grouphug:
 
I agree. OP, Im not sure if she does have your best interest at heart :ohwell:. I have two close friends with way longer healthy hair and they are very supportive...funny how it's certain relatives (blood) who make the doubtful comments so I know how you feel...never had my friends be so negative towards me--Im glad about it because Im the one to shut out people who hurt me/my feelings. Im curious to know if this is what she has to say now that you are making progress, what was she saying before you started treating your hair better? probably nothing. she was quiet then--was just letting you do you huh? but idk. Keep doing what you are doing. To me, you seem to have a good regimen and I hope you reach all your goals with or without her support. :yawn:

THANKS LADIES!!!! I'm actually starting to feel a lot better. I just hate to lose a friend, that's just me and my personality, but I definitely won't be doing my hair at her house, or in her presence and I WILL continue to rock my phony pony (b/c it's DOPE and guys love it and they think it's mine LOL)!! And to you Christa, yeah before I joined the site and I was throwing tracks in with glue left and right, relaxing every 4 weeks, coloring and doing all types of wild things, she actually didn't mind helping me with my hair then...funny now that I look at it...

One of the other ladies mentioned that friends have their roles: loud one, fat one, pretty one, skinny one....that is true, because clearly i'm the skinny pretty one and she's the bigger one ....maybe she is jealous and don't want me to step on her toes...well just like she's trying to lose weight, i'm trying to grow hair :weird:....lol...friends, can't live with them, can't live without them...thanks ladies...

oh, and this secret (LHCF website) is definitely safe with me...:sekret:
 
You don't? Newbie or not, after reading your story, I knew she was...
Love your friend, but understand that even some "friends" should be loved from afar. When you get older and experience life more, you'll understand. :yep:

Oh. we call folks like these frenemies. :lachen:

What she said :yep:.
 
Hey OP, if I had a dime everytime someone posted about some family member or friend ragging on their new-found hair practices I'd be making a nice chunk of change.:lachen:
Since this is a long-time friend I would first confront her about it, tell her in a nice way her comments are appreciated..... and if that ish dont stop we going to have some problems.
 
Who sounds more like a friend the ladies on this board or the one you call best friend?

Follow the advice here, get your support here, talk to us here.

You are going through more than just one transition. You are going through the transition in your mind about your hair and the changes you want to make.

This requires support, guidance, understanding and sometimes just an ear to listen.

Tell your "best friend" about everything else if you desire to do so, talk to the ladies on this board about your hair. :yep:

Create your boundaries baby girl, let her know the topic of your hair is out of bounds. Which also means letting her know her comments are no longer required or expected.

Blessings.
 
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Who sounds more like a friend the ladies on this board or the one you call best friend?

Follow the advice here, get your support here, talk to us here.

You are going through more than just one transition. You are going through the transition in your mind about your hair and the changes you want to make.

This requires support, guidance, understanding and sometimes just an ear to listen.

Tell your "best friend" about everything else if you desire to do so, talk to the ladies on this board about your hair. :yep:

Create your boundaries baby girl, let her know the topic of your hair is out of bounds. Which also means letting her know her comments are no longer required or expected.

Blessings.

ITA.... If only I had followed that advice sooner. Boundaries are very important.
 
And to you Christa, yeah before I joined the site and I was throwing tracks in with glue left and right, relaxing every 4 weeks, coloring and doing all types of wild things, she actually didn't mind helping me with my hair then...funny now that I look at it...

At first I was thinking her negativity might be due to that bad hair/good hair thing most people cant let go of. But now I definitely think she's jealous. She will not support you now that you're trying improve your hair condition/length, but she was willing to lend a "helping hand" :rolleyes: when you were doing things that caused you to have breakage/damage and could've even caused baldness... I know this is old and I haven't seen the Recess cartoon in years but Im still going to say it, "Oooh scandalous!" :lol:
Im sorry, but she makes me think of a song:

TLC LYRICS
"Case Of The Fake People"

I thought that I knew about 'em
Thought that they would never do me wrong
Well well they smile in your face
When all the time they wanna take your place
Them backstabbers
Same old scene that
You've seen for so long
Always want to be around you
But as jealous as they come
Well don't want you to win that race
'Cause if you do it's gonna lessen their space
That's when I decide to say
Goodbye, goodbye
To all the fake people in my life
I never wanted you around me
So be on your way now
You better think twice
Before you let people in your life....


I can just imagine how she would feel or react if you were to make hurtful and discouraging comments about her trying to accomplish her weight loss goal. Good luck with your best friend OP, I can tell you have got a big heart :yep:, people used to tell me that all the time when I was younger, I still do have a big heart...to a certain point.
oh well...HHG!
 
And to you Christa, yeah before I joined the site and I was throwing tracks in with glue left and right, relaxing every 4 weeks, coloring and doing all types of wild things, she actually didn't mind helping me with my hair then...funny now that I look at it...

At first I was thinking her negativity might be due to that bad hair/good hair thing most people cant let go of. But now I definitely think she's jealous. She will not support you now that you're trying improve your hair condition/length, but she was willing to lend a "helping hand" :rolleyes: when you were doing things that caused you to have breakage/damage and could've even caused baldness... I know this is old and I haven't seen the Recess cartoon in years but Im still going to say it, "Oooh scandalous!" :lol:
Im sorry, but she makes me think of a song:

TLC LYRICS
"Case Of The Fake People"

I thought that I knew about 'em
Thought that they would never do me wrong
Well well they smile in your face
When all the time they wanna take your place
Them backstabbers
Same old scene that
You've seen for so long
Always want to be around you
But as jealous as they come
Well don't want you to win that race
'Cause if you do it's gonna lessen their space
That's when I decide to say
Goodbye, goodbye
To all the fake people in my life
I never wanted you around me
So be on your way now
You better think twice
Before you let people in your life....


I can just imagine how she would feel or react if you were to make hurtful and discouraging comments about her trying to accomplish her weight loss goal. Good luck with your best friend OP, I can tell you have got a big heart :yep:, people used to tell me that all the time when I was younger, I still do have a big heart...to a certain point.
oh well...HHG!
 
You don't? Newbie or not, after reading your story, I knew she was...
Love your friend, but understand that even some "friends" should be loved from afar. When you get older and experience life more, you'll understand. :yep:

Oh. we call folks like these frenemies. :lachen:

I'm with January Noir on this one. You sound fairly young and I can tell you when I was younger I had some friends who would say things to make me feel bad about myself or that I was lesser. Your friend sounds like this to me. I would try to keep my distance, some "friends" aren;t capable of being true friends.
 
Girl you know I feel for you - I went and continue to go through some similar behavior from other black women at my school all the time. The best advice I can give you is first to speak to her about how she is making you feel. People seldom realize that they are being rude until it's pointed out to them and then usually, not always I've found, they relent. If she was truly a friend she would be able to hear what you were saying and make an effort to change. If not....you know the old adage...with friends like these who needs enemies. :rolleyes:

Second I would stop discussing or doing my hair around her. She's clearly got a negative attitude about the whole thing and she probably thinks because she's fully natural and you're not that she's an expert on how to care for natural hair. Also she is probably insecure that you are moving into her territory and wants to deter or weaken you so that she can be the one that supports you when things get bad. I highly recommend you learn to do some things such as your hair without your best friend. No matter what friends should be the people that support you and help you up when you are down. Sometimes other women have a hard time doing so and in that case you need to be the one that supports your dreams and goals alone...:yep:


I was going to respond with bolded statement. Quit telling every thang! Learn to encourage yourself.
 
I get the feeling that she is definitely jealous. Maybe she's starting to see potential in your hair and doesn't want it to be better than hers. Just try to ignore her and continue to your thang. I wouldn't even bring up hair around her anymore.
 
THANKS LADIES!!!!
...

One of the other ladies mentioned that friends have their roles: loud one, fat one, pretty one, skinny one....that is true, because clearly i'm the skinny pretty one and she's the bigger one ....maybe she is jealous and don't want me to step on her toes...well just like she's trying to lose weight, i'm trying to grow hair :weird:....lol...friends, can't live with them, can't live without them...thanks ladies...

oh, and this secret (LHCF website) is definitely safe with me...:sekret:

You know you can't be skinny, pretty, AND have long hair:lol:. She must be pretty scared right now. Sounds like her hair was the one thing she had that made her feel special when she was around you. I sure hope she loses the weight or you are going to be in for a bumpy ride!
 
You know you can't be skinny, pretty, AND have long hair:lol:. She must be pretty scared right now. Sounds like her hair was the one thing she had that made her feel special when she was around you. I sure hope she loses the weight or you are going to be in for a bumpy ride!

:lol: okay...skinny, pretty and long hair--you wouldn't be just a threat, u'd be a triple threat then. oh no, that cant happen: I guess I'd be trying to sabotage your hard work too :grin: "Girl dont you use no leave-in. The medical association says there are tooo many chemicals in leave-ins. And start using super relaxers and smooth for 45 minutes." "Girl, you better start eating three servings of meat & potatoes per day." "Girrrl, stop drinking water, it will make your complexion so ugly."...lol, Im just joking mami.
 
For the most part I agree with everyone's posts here on this issue. That jealousy of hers can be seen a mile away, but in the midst of all of her hurtful comments, leaves me pondering one thing:

If she knows SO MUCH about natural hair, then why the heck isn't she trying to tell and help you with what you CAN DO?

She could have even told you what she uses and how she does things, but warranted, not everything works for everyone, but it's a start yanno. Anything she mentions, you can even ask about it on the boards to see if it's a good idea or not. I mean, a friend should be there to help you and support you and your goals, not sit there and give some pathetic and lame comments as she's been doing.

I really like that line from luckiestdestiny about adding "Why do you care?" when she starts her criticizing tirades. Don't let her get you down, since jealousy a friend do not make.
 
Well girl, you've got a lot of good advice here, but I'd just like to add...

That's too much constant negativity for me right there :nono:...

You really don't need people bringing you down like that, but if you value you're friendship, you need to be honest with her and tell her what you think of her comments and how they are making you feel. I guess after that, you will only know if she's a true friend or not.

I've HAD and still have friends that seem like they are in competition with me and are fake and jealous as h$ll.

From what I've just read, thats pure unequivocal jealousy.

Keep doing what you're doing, hold ur head up and when you get to your hair goals you can throw it in her face :grin:. YEAH!
 
I'm sorry to say this but I personally think that she can see the progress you are making and she is threatened by you. In my opinion, real friends don't hurt each other like that. Then again, maybe she's not aware of how hurt you are.
 
Sorry that your friend is hurting you...she sucks!

Now, think about this...if your friend can't even support you or at least keep her mouth shut about your hair aspirations, how much suppport will she give you when you are going through love/relationship issues with your significant other, or how much will she be there to support your educational/career goals?

Sounds like you've got a friend who's cool being a friend as long as she's doing better than you. Don't be surprised if she tries to talk you out of every good/positive thing that you try to do. She has the potential to be the ultimate rain storm on all your parades.

Realize how she is and then realize that you don't need negativity. You don't have to lose her as a friend- you just need to redefine the relationship.

HTH

Tell her to read Proverbs 18:24, "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly..."
 
She's a hater. She sounds like she thinks she and her hair are the ish. If you continue to remain friend don't talk hair or do your hair in front of her. Obviously she can't handle it.
 
I feel for you and could feel the jealousy with each word I read...I am wondering if she is llike this when it comes to other things that she thinks she is "better" than you...
 
sounds like she enjoys putting you down. I used to be close to someone like this for a long time, they were very close to my family.

Then I decided that I was tired of all that drama and I put them out of my life...I've never been better!

Real friends don't put other friends down. You need to confront her and see why she likes putting you down so much...sounds to me like she is battling her own insecurities.

Maybe she thinks her hair makes her superior over you or is the one thing that he has going for herself over you.

There are better friends out there...
 
I feel you on that!! There is someone very close to me!who is apart of my family and in the past and even now she use to say things and do things that made me and other people around me felt that she was jealous! Your trying to do something good for you!! You do not need all that negativity. Definitely tell her how you feel! And be honest do not sugar coat it cause she will not take you seriously. Anyways keep your head up and never let some one make you feel inferior or low.
 
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