Do you think white folks are sincere when the compliment your natural hair?

[greenandchic]

Does it really matter if its sincere or not? I would rather a fake compliment than ANYONE regardless of race saying something ignorant about it. And idk if the issue of race should even be brought into it b/c there are some fake black people out there too.

^^^^
This

Though I don't really care all that much, I have pondered a few comments.

Someone will say "I wish my hair could do that!" and then in the next breath talk about how they don't leave the house without flat ironing their wavy/loose curly hair. I'm like hmmm.

I used to be that way. Back in the day I would have panic attacks when my hair wasn't completely straight, then I would envy some naturals and wished my hair could do that too. Little did I know my hair actually could when I allowed it to.

 

[Nonie]

@Kinkyhairlady, I think your first mistake was allowing your disbelief to get to you so that you turned to the other faces and appeared to look for approval from others in the vicinity. You reminded me of that kid who sneezed and then looked around wondering why everyone didn't say "Bless you!" You probably made others feel awkward and they smiled either because they approved, or because they hadn't noticed until the comment was made and were embarrassed to be so oblivious, or just to be polite coz they didn't care one way or another. The person who paid you a compliment may have really meant it...and if she didn't, you thanking her made her look the fool as her "mockery" fell on deaf ears.

I think when you stop expecting approval from others but learn to decide for yourself what is good and what isn't, then you will not be disappointed or shocked. Either folks will tell you what you already know, or they'll be speaking BS that is completely ridiculous and not worth your time. In each case, your happiness will not be dependent on their opinion. Most importantly, you need to find out what makes you feel fantastic about yourself so that you live in that world as much as possible.

If you had a beer belly and had secretly been working out and in secret were seeing progress and feeling very inspired to continue, if someone out of the blue remarked at how svelte your midsection's profile looked, wouldn't you beam and say thank you and gush with glee that someone NOTICED? OK, let's go back to your hair. You spent hours on LHCF trying to learn as much as you can to help improve the condition of your hair. So unless you're just lunching, why is it so hard to believe that whatever changes you've made or whatever new things you're doing to your hair are having an impact that isn't going unnoticed? I think you need to believe in your ability to bring out the best in yourself, be it in how you dress, put on makeup or do your hair. And when people applaud your efforts, you should accept it graciously because gadammit you have been working on it. Thank God it shows! If the opposite happens and no one says a thing or someone says a "not-so-nice" thing, I'ma tell you how to interpret that: they're jealous! End of story.

 

[ItsMeFre]

I am one of 8 black female teachers (there are 2 black males) in a school of 45+ and I'm the only one that wears my hair natural. Plus I live in the South (yes I do think this matters). Most of the time I don't get compliments on my hair, just fascinated looks, lol. But they love this white girls hair on my team that is WL and they compliment her all the time.

The 1 or 2 compliments that I've gotten I do believe are sincere but they've been like "I love your hair, it's so ethnic!" I just chalk it up to ignorance and lack of exposure. I just smile and say thank you.
This may sound bad but I honestly believe that they will never appreciate my hair type or understand why I would choose to wear it natural, so I don't care what they think at all! Why would I care what someone thinks who has never even really been around many black people??? LOL

 

[Avaya]

Nope, I don't think they are being sincere.

I remember when I met this girl with this crazy name and before I could stop myself I said, "That's a cute name!" I actually thought her name was ridiculous. It was like a knee jerk reaction to say the opposite of what I was actually thinking I think the same applies for the majority of the whites. Not all of them, but the majority. It's like "Quick! Let me say something!"

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

@KCcurly, I would just assume they're all thumbs about doing their hair. That if they had your length and your skills they'd do the same. Or that they look ugly w/o their hair straight which is why they have to wear it straight. Call me crazy but I honestly never associate what it is being said about me with what others do or think. I also usually decide for myself if what is said is true or not...then keep it moving. "You like my hair? Me too!" "You don't like it? Pity you!" "You like my messy hair? You're crazy!" In other words, I already decide what's fact. All the other stuff is either an echo of a fact or a person's own problem; nothing to do with me.

Here's the thing, Nonie. Let's say I start talking about how I love baby seals and I want to save them. Someone else says they love baby seals and want to save them too...but then they show up in a baby seal fur coat.

The actions and the words don't match. That's what has me puzzled. How are you going to say you wish your hair did what mine does, but then burn the mess out of any texture you have? Why can't they just say "I like your hair!" and leave it at that?

I also decide if what is said is true or false and sometimes I have to call bull

Does that change the way I wear my hair? No. Does that change the way I feel about my hair? No. Because part of learning to love my hair is wearing it for me and no one else.

I once had a coworker, after eyeing my hair with disdain for a few minutes, come up to me and say "Now that's just too big. I dont' like it like that" I smiled and said "Then it's a good thing I'm not wearing my hair for you."

I deem her comment to be true but at least she was honest.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

My modus operandi is that people--strangers especially--or any people you don't really know don't hand out compliments just 'cuz.

From my experience, anytime a woman is complimented 'you look pretty!' and if there are a pack of wolves--women nearby, they eye her up to see if she stands up to the compliment! I know from personal experience

And even if she wasn't being sincere, I would have said 'thank you' then rocked a Tyra strut just cuz I knew they were looking!

 

[moda]

Nope, I don't think they are being sincere.

I remember when I met this girl with this crazy name and before I could stop myself I said, "That's a cute name!" I actually thought her name was ridiculous. It was like a knee jerk reaction to say the opposite of what I was actually thinking I think the same applies for the majority of the whites. Not all of them, but the majority. It's like "Quick! Let me say something!"

Why when there is a choice to say nothing at all?

Here's the thing, Nonie. Let's say I start talking about how I love baby seals and I want to save them. Someone else says they love baby seals and want to save them too...but then they show up in a baby seal fur coat.

The actions and the words don't match. That's what has me puzzled. How are you going to say you wish your hair did what mine does, but then burn the mess out of any texture you have? Why can't they just say "I like your hair!" and leave it at that?

I also decide if what is said is true or false and sometimes I have to call bull

Does that change the way I wear my hair? No. Does that change the way I feel about my hair? No. Because part of learning to love my hair is wearing it for me and no one else.

I once had a coworker, after eyeing my hair with disdain for a few minutes, come up to me and say "Now that's just too big. I dont' like it like that" I smiled and said "Then it's a good thing I'm not wearing my hair for you."

I deem her comment to be true but at least she was honest.

@ the baby seals reference I think it is somewhat different. I think about when I first stopped relaxing and had no idea how to style my natural hair. I was still going to the same stylist who did the same thing she always did, a rollerset. I was in awe of the natural styles and really wanted to do it for myself but I did not know how. Once I learned how I dumped my stylist and did my own hair.

 

[Nonie]

Here's the thing, Nonie. Let's say I start talking about how I love baby seals and I want to save them. Someone else says they love baby seals and want to save them too...but then they show up in a baby seal fur coat.

The actions and the words don't match. That's what has me puzzled. How are you going to say you wish your hair did what mine does, but then burn the mess out of any texture you have? Why can't they just say "I like your hair!" and leave it at that?

I also decide if what is said is true or false and sometimes I have to call bull

Does that change the way I wear my hair? No. Does that change the way I feel about my hair? No. Because part of learning to love my hair is wearing it for me and no one else.

I once had a coworker, after eyeing my hair with disdain for a few minutes, come up to me and say "Now that's just too big. I dont' like it like that" I smiled and said "Then it's a good thing I'm not wearing my hair for you."

I deem her comment to be true but at least she was honest.

@KCcurly, I don't know if your analogy is a good one. The person didn't come to work wearing a crazy do that resembled your hair calling herself Bobo the clown.

If I don't look good with hair like yours because I've never known myself to wear hair like yours and cannot imagine wearing hair like yours, then I won't suddenly start wearing it like you just to prove how much I like your hair. Also if the only way I ever saw my hair was looking hard and dry...and cannot fathom that my hair can ever look like yours, I will still admire your hair but I daren't try to go natural coz if I end up with steel wool, I won't be able to pull it off. Also, if to get hair like yours I have to sacrifice looking "cute" today...so I can grow my hair to the length of yours and also master skills to pull that off, then I will not be doing all 'o dat! Doesn't mean, I don't admire your hair.

Here's an example that is close to home for me. I think some WNGs and braid-outs look great. I really do. I have even complimented some people on them too. I KNOW if I were to do a braid-out that I'd wear out, I'd be darn sure it was perfection. I could compliment you on your braid-out and you, with your thinking, would read more into that and assume I would love to rock the do. Even though I didn't say any such thing. So you may go into elaborate details of how you did it (Heck, maybe I even asked you coz I'm that Nonie who is curious about stuff to want to learn as much as I can, whether I need the info or not LOL). You may know me for the next 10 years and see me daily and I never ever pull that style off. My reasons for this, you may never know. It could be coz I am lazy and can't be bothered to put in all the work. Or it could be that that isn't the best style there is in my list of "must do styles" so I have filed it at the bottom of the pile. I could have another reason in that I tried it and it didn't suit me at all--and if I am not the sort who tells bad stuff about myself, you can bet your bottom dollar, I'll never tell this to you. So you see, why I don't do what you do could depend on so many things, and none of them have to do with me lying to you about liking your hair.

Have you heard people say Halle Berry could wear a sack and still look good? Why is that? Because she had the knack of looking good no matter what. She could come out the door looking a mess and suddenly looking a mess would be a new trend. Sometimes it's the whole package that makes something look good. The one who compliments you might not live in surroundings where natural hair is accepted and so may be in the closet about liking it. We all have read about people whose families condemn their plans to go natural. Some have been unable to fight and given in to the pressure to relax. How do you know this isn't her story?

I think we need to quit making assumptions and just take stuff at face value. I mean, what does it benefit us to assume the reason behind the words? Sure, there will be that person who is blatantly sarcastic. And? *shrug* WTF do I care? In other words, how important is their opinion to my existence? Which brings me back to the point that I don't leave home before I'm pleased with how I look, so anything in reference to my appearance is either just confirmation or BS. The reason behind either is usually not relevant, especially when it is from people who matter very little in my life or when I go home.

 

[Lucie]

I don't think negatively of people I don't know. If someone compliments me, why wouldn't they mean it? And even if they didn't mean it, that's on them. I know my hair is pretty and a fake/genuine person will get no different reaction from me either way.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

Ok maybe the baby seal reference was totally off, but it was the first thing that came to mind LOL.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Hell yeah! My hair is the shizzle. I know this. And every compliment I get, I believe 100%.

I dunno but I think the only time someone would wonder about a compliment she got is if she herself wasn't too comfortable with whatever was being complimented. Like when I was overweight and not happy with my body, and on days I wore something I didn't think looked right but didn't have an alternative because I hadn't done my laundry or whatever, if someone then complimented me on what I was wearing (especially if they said it looked good on me erplexed), I'd wonder if they were being sincere. Why? Because I didn't think I looked good enough for that to even become a topic of discussion.

So yeah, I'm rarely suspicious of compliments. And it's not because I am so naive as to think people can't be cheeky. There are just some things I am so grateful for and so proud of that I buy into every compliment I get. My hair is definitely one of those things I wouldn't change and give thanks daily for. I know I might sound crazy to some, but I SWEAR I adore my hair; and the adoration is even more now that I've seen it can grow beyond SL.

Now the day that stylist messed my hair up and made it look like poop, if someone had told me it was cute, I'd know she was full of ish. Why? Coz I know poop when I see it. A friend did try to claim it was cute but I called her out on the BS by showing her a magnified breakdown of the mess I had going on there. No one else complimented me on the do because I dunno, seems people I hang around are pretty honest. They didn't call it ugly. They called it "interesting".

I like your attitude. And I agree 100% with the parts in bold.

Just because society over the years has made us to feel like our hair is "ugly" doesn't mean that ALL people buy into that mindset.

Sometimes I think we can be our own worst enemies when it comes to how we view our natural hair.

I don't think they are to be honest. Not sure why but I get the impression they're not. Today I walked into a meeting and one white lady blurts out oh my hair is nice. I'm like caught off guard and say thanks. I looked at the faces of the other ladies and they had fake smiles on. Then the one that complimented me kept looking at me. LolSuper awkward moment.

I agree with Nonie in that I think YOU have to feel like you think your hair looks AWESOME first....otherwise, you probably won't think that the people complimenting you are being "sincere". If you don't feel beautiful with your natural hair, then you'll probably feel that others don't feel like you're beautiful with it either. It really is a mindset.

That's like when people are told that they're pretty or attractive all the time. IF the person feels deep down that they ARE attractive, then they'll be happy and will take the comment as a compliment. But if the person doesn't really feel attractive deep down on the inside, then they will think that the person was just saying that to "be nice" ,or because they were trying to "flatter".


As a side-note: MOST people don't continue to stare or look at things that they find unattractive or UNappealing. Especially if they're smiling too. Just keep that in mind.

 

[SimJam]

I once had a coworker, after eyeing my hair with disdain for a few minutes, come up to me and say "Now that's just too big. I dont' like it like that" I smiled and said "Then it's a good thing I'm not wearing my hair for you."

I deem her comment to be true but at least she was honest.

The Snr HR Manager always makes comments when I wear a twist out like "you forgot to comb your hair today" or " looks like your rass-ing (starting dred locks)" and I honsetly didnt think she was serious until she straigh up said to me that she doesnt think i should wear my hair like that to work.

WELLLLL after consulting the HR handbook where it only made reference to having neat, clean hair and colour of hair .... I pointed out to her that my hair is both clean and neat and also pointed out to her and as an agency whoes mandate is to promote environmental managamemnt and reduce pollution sources, my non use of relaxer chemicals was actually better for the environment than her hair care practices .... I also hinted that I would take the matter to a local civil rights NGO.

Now I make sure to wear a twist out whenever I know Im going to have a meeting with her

 

[LoveCraze]

I totally believe it especially when it comes out of the blue. In fact a really good friend of mine says she prefers how my hair looks now as opposed to how it looked relaxed. And I have no reason to not believe her because it is reiterated often. That doesn't mean she is going to try to kink up her hair so it can look like mine. She is simply admiring the uniqueness of my hair to hers. If you exude confidence in how you feel about your hair, people will pick up on that and appreciate your efforts. That is unless you walking around looking Like Ms JoAnn from the typeF series. If anybody is complimenting that ratchetness, then they surely are lying.

 

[JeterCrazed]

I am one of 8 black female teachers (there are 2 black males) in a school of 45+ and I'm the only one that wears my hair natural. Plus I live in the South (yes I do think this matters). Most of the time I don't get compliments on my hair, just fascinated looks, lol. But they love this white girls hair on my team that is WL and they compliment her all the time.

The 1 or 2 compliments that I've gotten I do believe are sincere but they've been like "I love your hair, it's so ethnic!" I just chalk it up to ignorance and lack of exposure. I just smile and say thank you.
This may sound bad but I honestly believe that they will never appreciate my hair type or understand why I would choose to wear it natural, so I don't care what they think at all! Why would I care what someone thinks who has never even really been around many black people??? LOL

(I think it matters a lot. )
I think they are being genuine the same way the like Indian food or sombreros. I love the way Mormon women wear their hair. That doesn't mean I'm not gonna have that same expression on my face. I live in NJ. Ain't no Mormon colonies here. Taxes are way too high to own that much land. If I see one with their hair freshly done, I'm gonna and probably I may even ask her reggie.

Sent from my HTC Inspire™

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I guess cause my hair is in twist in pinned up I don't see anything special about. Maybe to the lady it was interesting I guess. I just felt some fakeness but who knows. If I hook my hair up I know it looks nice and expect compliments but if it is looking simple and pinned away, I don't know what there is to compliment. I have my bangs twisted and swept to the side and the back pinned up. Something that i don't find all that special.

 

[**SaSSy**]

I could give an F if any compliment is sincere or not regardless of race. I'm appreciative of any compliment anyone gives in regards to my hair or anything for that matter. And for me to over analyze a compliment is tiring.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

My modus operandi is that people--especially strangers--don't just give out compliments to be nice. If someone give you a compliment I feel like 9/10 times times it's real.

Also I know that when a woman is complimented in front of a group of women's , like she gets, 'Oh you look nice!' Then the group of women will hone in on her and see if she's deserving of that compliment. Maybe that why the pack of wolv--ladies at your work were giving you 'the look'

And even if she wasn't being sincere, I would have thanked her anyways and strutted away so hard I would have broke my heels!!

 

[SheenaVee]

White people (except my bf) don't seem to notice and/or give a crap about my hair enough to compliment it so I wouldn't know. Lol.

 

[Aviah]

Why should they be any less genuine than any other race?
It varies by person, as with anything else...

 

[MaraWithLove]

Yes, but I don't think a person's race has to do with their sincerity. I've also noticed IME it's other curly-haired people who compliment me-that includes my boyfriend who is White too. Man he has lush waves and 3 something curls that are visible-then he cuts it! -__- lol

 

[aishasoleil]

Nope, I don't think they are being sincere.

I remember when I met this girl with this crazy name and before I could stop myself I said, "That's a cute name!" I actually thought her name was ridiculous. It was like a knee jerk reaction to say the opposite of what I was actually thinking I think the same applies for the majority of the whites. Not all of them, but the majority. It's like "Quick! Let me say something!"

Your story made me ! While I don't completely agree about the majority of whites not being sincere, I DO agree that many times people will just say something nice because it's better than saying something that might hurt that person's feelings. Sometimes it's hard to just not say anything at all. It's not a white thing... it's a human thing.

 

[aishasoleil]

I totally believe it especially when it comes out of the blue. In fact a really good friend of mine says she prefers how my hair looks now as opposed to how it looked relaxed. And I have no reason to not believe her because it is reiterated often. That doesn't mean she is going to try to kink up her hair so it can look like mine. She is simply admiring the uniqueness of my hair to hers. If you exude confidence in how you feel about your hair, people will pick up on that and appreciate your efforts. That is unless you walking around looking Like Ms JoAnn from the typeF series. If anybody is complimenting that ratchetness, then they surely are lying.

Now, why do you have to talk about my homegirl JoAnn like that?

 

[-PYT]

I believe they are sincere. One lady I know always followed her compliments up with "my hair can't do anything like that" I'm like yeah......I know.

 

[yaya24]

Yes I do think that they are being sincere

 

[niqu92]

i think white ppl are being sincere when they compliment me on my hair, i get compliments from them all the time
everytime i wear my hair in a really big puffy braidout they always tell me how much they love my hair,today this white chick who sits behind me in my anatomy class who hasnt said a word to me all semester randomly tapped me on my shoulder today and was like
"this is so random but i really love your hair ive been looking at it all semester,i wish mine could do that"
so i smiled and told her thanks

back when i was natural i got so many compliments from white ppl especially in public bathrooms they would always stare at me and be like "i loooove your hair!" it was kinda creepy but i was just like mmk thanks lol

however i NEVER get compliments about my hair from black people...only once in a blue moon

 

[Nuelle]

I think they are. I wore a twist out for the first time this fall, and I had just walked out of my office and was walking toward my boss. She just blurts out "omg. she got her hair done!" [ <- that was me]. In a quieter voice, she goes on "oh this is the best hairstyle yet... Has everyone else been complimenting you?...I just love how it frames your face. How did you get your hair to do this? I wish my hair would do this." It was slightly weird all this fuss about my hair, but I knew that she meant it. On top of that, I got several compliments and stares that day, so I knew my twist out was fierce

 

[Jas123]

i don't know & i don't care...

 

[snillohsss]

Yeah. I think they are being sincere with me.

 

[GoodMernin]

Honestly, I don't think I ever really cared what white folks thought about anything.

If it isn't affecting my bills...they can keep it moving no matter the shade or hue.

Now, if that sun up there got hot enough that they started gunnin' for afro's...then Im'ma hafta watch my back and care what they think then. lol

 

[nappystorm]

I'm going to say this and I mean it with all the love in the world but some of yall care entirely too much about what white folks think. Just thank Becky and Timmy and go on about your business...