White guy at a party tells me that I need to straighten my hair

[FlowerHair]

Don't worry about him.
As long as your boyfriend thinks you're beautiful, that's all that matters...

 

[MusicandWine]

The white guy kept asking how long it takes to straighten my hair and insisted that I go back to the silky straight hair. When I told him that the heat and chemicals damage my hair he kept insisting that I needed to either do that or spend hours straightening it. He even said, "Start straightening it now if you have to so that you can look good tomorrow."

I would have laughed so hard when he said that and then I would have told him to go somewhere before I slapped him.

 

[NikStarrr]

I wouldn't have thought it was a big deal. That white guy probably doesn't even realize what he is asking and how it could possibly offend you.
1. White
2. Guy
3. Drunk
that list equals a person who doesn't get it. He just thought you looked hot one way and was drunk enough to tell you. If he had said I saw some pictures of you in Red and you need to wear it everyday it would not offend you and to him it is the same thing.

My exact thoughts.

 

[EllePixie]

I wouldn't be so offended by the initial comment but the fact that he needed to keep going after you said you didn't want to straighten your hair...mmm yea, my man would have had to come get me b/c I would have been taking my earrings off and slicking down my cheeks with vaseline, especially if I had been drinking too...

I cannot stand it when men PERIOD (white, black, latino, asian, whateva) feel the need to "educate" women on what we need to do to look hot. When I get comments like this I usually respond with something like, "Well please tell me what I should do in order to be hot to you so I can do the opposite, because I don't want you anywhere near me, thanks."

And yea he was drunk, but that's most likely how he feels sober. It was just inappropriate.

 

[cutenss]

Did you tell him he needed to tan so that you would not be subjective to the bluish green veins that you could see through his clear, pastey skin? Jus' askin

 

[blkbeauty]

Hey Roxy!!! I understand how you feel. But here's the ugly truth of the matter - does it really matter how you where your hair, whether its down to your butt, an inch long, kinky, curly, straight or weaved? Should it matter if its blunt cut or in a puff?

My point is - why did he single you out to talk about such a frivilous topic like hair? Drunk or not he should've not commenting on your hair. I think that some folks are just way over fascinated with a BW hair.

Its funny, I seldom see a WW be put on blast that way! Even when her hair is thin and breaking off from color damage.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

tell him you only press your coochie hair.... hard press every tuesday & thursday

Natural nazi on deck!


but oh... wow your natural hair in that bathroom pic is darn dope... gorgeous sis

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Y'all are right, I shouldn't take drunk comments so seriously. When a white person says to me "You need to straighten your hair" I hear "Black hair isn't good enough, you need to look more white."

I was already touchy about the subject because of something that happened earlier at the party. An Ethiopian girl with neck length, heat damaged hair thought my hair was real and asked me how I grew it that long. I told hair that it was fake and that I grew out my real hair by being gentle, never using heat, and wearing it curly. She recoiled in horror at the thought of wearing her own natural curls. It was so sad. Her own hair was wispy and breaking off because she just had to have straight hair.

lol, girl stop.
Her hair was wispy and breaking off because she doesn't know how to take care of it. And even if she wore it naturally, if she doesn't know how to take care of it, it would still look a hot mess. Hair can be straight and be healthy, and it can be natural and unhealthy. Did you tell her about taking care of her hair, or about LHCF?
I'ma be mad if you stopped to explain proper hair care to a drunk white man but couldn't even hook a sober sista up with a URL.

 

[neonbright]

Girl do you and if your bf likes it and more important you like your hair. Keep it the way you like to wear it. I do not relax for the white man or my man I relax for me because I like it. I just had 4 to 6 inches for layers cut to my hair today. I got a lot of complaints but I know they are like were is you long hair.

 

[Yoshi3329]

Wait, why are you talking to a drunk? You know there ain't no reasoning with them kinda people.

 

[nappystorm]

Your hair is beautiful, Roxy. What's your reggie?

I would have said oh okay and K.I.M.

 

[omegachick31]

Drunk white boy: You look hotter with straight hair *hiccup*

OP: Thank you

Drunk white boy: Huh? *hiccup*

OP: Well hotter is a superlative of hot...which means that even though I'm hot now with my curly hair I can't go anywhere but up

Drunk white boy: gosh darn you are frightfully intelligent

OP: And hot....don't forget hot...

At least that is how it would have went in my world.....I got to much time on my hands...

 

[PeaceFlow]

I think if you had all natural looking pics and he said you should straighten it that would be offensive to me. However you had straight ones too and he liked what he saw. Regardless he is one of those rude people of many races who wanna tell you how to dress and look and do this and that.

Just tell him you like the way you are currently and the only person you care about thinking you are hot is you man.

Its weird how men sometimes feel the strong need to share how ****able they think you are I think that's why he said it loads of times, its a way of being able to share his feeling with you but disguising it as comments on your hair IMO.

 

[HollyGolightly]

Its weird how men sometimes feel the strong need to share how ****able they think you are I think that's why he said it loads of times, its a way of being able to share his feeling with you but disguising it as comments on your hair IMO.

That's a whole 'nother part of the convo that pisses me off. He's entitled to his own opinion, but he had no right to tell me that I should spend hours changing my appearance to please him. Men always do that ish. They feel it's their right to rate our physical beauty and tell us how we ought to look.

“A man’s right to confer judgment on any woman’s beauty while remaining himself unjudged is beyond scrutiny because it is thought of as God-given. That right has become so urgently important for male culture to exercise because it is the last unexamined right remining intact from the old list of masculine privilege. As such, it is daily exercised more harshly in compensation for the other rights over women, and the other ways to control them, now lost forever.”
— Naomi Wolf, “The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty are Used Against Women”

 

[I AM...]

He was paying alot of attention to your hair in person and with the "re-call" of what he saw on Da Book!! I would keep one eye up. I think he likes you. IMHO!

 

[Vashti]

I wouldn't have even given that albino gorilla the time of day. Just brush it off.

 

[fitnessmommy]

He was drunk and hitting on you.

 

[MadisonK]

WTH. He's STUPID!

 

[empressri]

You should have told him to keep his little mind clear, he might need it to make some life altering decisions, such as whether to purchase bud light or Heineken.

 

[lilsparkle825]

I specified that she was Ethiopian so that people could picture what her hair looks like. It wasn't like my 4a hair, hers was more 3b or cish.

Now that is the exact OPPOSITE of what Ethiopian made me think, actually. She just didn't know how to take care of it, like another poster said. You know as well as I do that there are lots of women on here with beautiful, LONG relaxed (and heat-trained natural) hair.

The guy was a drunken idiot. It's like a drunk guy calling you ugly because he tried to holla and you turned him down.....that wouldn't bug you and you'd just have a smart retort, right? (OK, that's what I would do, but still, you get what I'm going for here)

 

[tricie]

Agree w/ the others about it being the ramblings of a drunken idiot. His dumb a** will probably try to make a lackluster attempt at an apology at some point. :/

 

[EbonyCPrincess]

Wow, I'm not even natural and I was highly offended reading your post. More power to the gals that simply said "why let it anger/bother you!" but I don't see how it couldn't when he got to saying "I don't care WHAT you gotta do" WTF are you to even comment how you like my hair period, what diff does it make what would make you look "hott" according to HIM. To me that was disrespectful not only about your hair but also to your BF. And from your description I was expecting to see a much more traditional looking 'fro but that curly hair is gorgeous! I'm just glad your BF had your back. Hmrph....I'm still a lil miffed!

But then again my very close friend (who I also dated years ago) is Nigerian and he seems to be the biggest straight hair nazi on the face of the planet....even hates my RELAXED hair braidouts...smh. So as someone said, if black ppl can't even all appreciate natural hair in all its beauty why would that ignorant white dude?

 

[Ms. Martina]

tell him you only press your coochie hair.... hard press every tuesday & thursday

Natural nazi on deck!


but oh... wow your natural hair in that bathroom pic is darn dope... gorgeous sis

This comment had me cracking up...lol. I have questioned this before. I wonder if some ppl actually relax or flat iron down there. Hmmmm...

 

[LaidBak]

Why did you take him so seriously (pissed is a strong word)? He was 1) drunk, and 2) male. Men are visual, we all know that; and drunk men say what's on their mind. He was thinking about your hotness and that's it. I seriously doubt he was making any statements about your most distinctive ethnic feature (which in all actuality is probably your skin and not your hair). If in his mind his opinion is that you are hotter with straight hair then so be it. In the end his opinion means nothing anyway. Just shrug it off as an odd type of compliment from a drunkard and don't read all that political correctness into it.

 

[HollyGolightly]

He was drunk and hitting on you.

I seriously doubt it, since I'm the antithesis of his type. He only dates petite Asian women.

Why did you take him so seriously (pissed is a strong word)? He was 1) drunk, and 2) male. Men are visual, we all know that; and drunk men say what's on their mind. He was thinking about your hotness and that's it. I seriously doubt he was making any statements about your most distinctive ethnic feature (which in all actuality is probably your skin and not your hair). If in his mind his opinion is that you are hotter with straight hair then so be it. In the end his opinion means nothing anyway. Just shrug it off as an odd type of compliment from a drunkard and don't read all that political correctness into it.

Other ethnicities have dark skin but no one else has hair like us. That's why I consider my 4a hair my most unique and distinctive ethnic feature.

 

[LaidBak]

^^good point!

 

[curlyninjagirl]

ITA with EbonyCPrincess. Every time I read a post that stated, "Well, I wouldn't've been offended," I'm like HUH???

Drunk or not, an insult is an insult, no matter how you dress it up. You could dress it up in ignorance. You could dress it up as a compliment. But an insult is still an insult and it's quite natural to feel INSULTED.

 

[Lisa]

I'm sorry! I am so sorry but as soon as you said he was drunk I knew something foolish was going to come out of his mouth . I'm with the poster who asked why are you trying to be logical with a DRUNK!!

I really don't mean to laugh but you just made my night... urock: :notworthy THANK YOU!! I so needed to laugh today.. I'm imagining you trying to reason with a man :alcoholic who can barely stand up straight!

Bless you and your boyfriend for having the strength to not cuss his drunk a$$ out!! (I'm not sure I would have that restraint!)

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

This comment had me cracking up...lol. I have questioned this before. I wonder if some ppl actually relax or flat iron down there. Hmmmm...

I sincerely hope no one has enough hair down there to be doing all that.

 

[newbeginnings2010]

I understand you getting upset OP. Even if someone is drunk, words can hurt and piss you off! Everyone doesn't have a strong iron heart. It may have made you angry then, but you will soon forget it. I had a white guy at a party tell me that he loved black people and one of his favorite songs was Back That A** up.

First of all, I don't even like that song, and second, this party was two years ago, so that song was oooold even then. Was that the BEST you could come up with? Not only that, I told him what high school I went to (a black school BTW), and he asked, "What sport do you play?" I said, "Uh, none. I do ballet and I like to read." His reaction: "Whatever! You have to play a sport! You went to (insert black school name here). Black people play sports. Plus your school has the number one basketball and football teams. Come on, tell me!" I looked at him like he was an idiot. I almost cursed him out! He's lucky that my DH (just SO at the time) heard the whole thing and pulled me away before I could tell him about himself!

Wanna know the worst part? He wasn't even drunk. Later I found out that he was from some small, isolated country in Europe and he never really knew any black people until he went to high school. But seriously dude. You've been in America for at least six years. Some people just choose to remain ignorant.

My feathers still get a little ruffled when I think about that incident! There's nothing wrong with getting angry. It's the way you handle your anger when situations like yours present themselves. You didn't curse him out like he deserved, and that takes integrity!