Just because I'm a 3b, my advise doesn't matter??? RANT!

[BroadstreetBully]

I actually understand where she was coming from. Let me get out of here.

 

[newbeginnings2010]

I debated posting in this thread because most people don't seem to be looking from the other side, but I decided to speak up for the few that might have a different opinion.

Honestly, I can't be COMPLETELY mad at the girl because I know where some of her feelings are coming from. I've seen this behavior on the board, too. I've been a member since 2008 (under a different screen name), and there was a similar thread about this same issue back then. There are plenty of "4b's, GET IN HERE," or "TYPE 3's HELP!" threads all over the board. Now, if it's something like products or moisture retention, I'll take advice from anyone who knows about hair care regardless of what hair type because different products work differently for different people regardless of hair type. HOWEVER, I have no problem admitting that if I need help with something like detangling or methods of using products, I'm more likely to listen to a type 4, not because type 3's don't have tangling issues (because EVERY hair type experiences tangling), but because I think that someone with a similar hair type or someone that i know has worked with a similar hair type would probably have better advice for how to handle my hair. My stylist is a 3b and because she's given me mostly good advice on my hair before and she works with my hair regularly, I definitely listen to her about most of the products and methods she suggests for my hair. If she's never seen you work with anyone with a similar hair texture to hers, she might not think that you really know about working with her texture. Seeing is believing in some cases.

Whew! I just had to get that off my chest!

Please don't shoot me!!!

 

[SummerSolstice]

hair gwan be dry and pop off

 

[Twix]

My stylist is a 3b and because she's given me mostly good advice on my hair before and she works with my hair regularly, I definitely listen to her about most of the products and methods she suggests for my hair. If she's never seen you work with anyone with a similar hair texture to hers, she might not think that you really know about working with her texture. Seeing is believing in some cases.

Whew! I just had to get that off my chest!

Please don't shoot me!!!

I definitely am guilty of that, though not typically with just the texture thing. When I first started going into salons, I was paranoid, because I wanted someone who had worked with my hair texture before. (Funnily enough, the best stylist I have ever had was a punk rocker white chick!) Sometimes when I'd go into a place, I'd pointedly look for any black stylist, just because I thought she'd know more than a stylist of any other race/hair type.

I feel like it was confirmed to me though, because when I had a Mexican stylist who "knew what she was doing" with black hair, she balked at the fact that I put oil in my hair and utterly messed my ish up. =/

Sorry tho, OP. Hang in there! I think that most people are initially apprehensive taking advice from someone not "like them" until they realize that person can understand their situation, even if they haven't experienced it.

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

You tried and it sucks. I just had this convo with my mom. There are some friends I want to help with their daughter's hair but I know they'd never listen because my daughter's a 3 and they're daughter's are 4's.

I had someone laugh at me because I said one of the reasons I went natural was so that my DD will like her curls. They laughed at me and said "Honey please, she'll never need a perm. She'll be fine" Not needing a relaxer doesn't equate a love for her curls. They just don't gt it.

 

[jennboo]

Why are we in here acting like 4b hair acts and responds to things exactly the same as type 3b hair? I mean really, is it to be PC?

OP, the advice you gave about moisturizing and protective styling is fantastic and is a general rule of thumb for all textured hair. Cool. However, if you were to tell me that a specific moisturizer or product XYZ has done wonders for YOUR hair, I'd be skeptical about its effects on MY type of hair.

I honestly am much more likely to take hair advice, if it makes sense, from a person with my texture hair over someone with straighter or silkier hair...that kinda makes sense to me Even when viewing youtube vids for styling methods and product reviews, i take heed to people like Cynthiarf and Rustic Beauty over folks like curly chronicles because the latter referenced folk have hair like mine.

I mean if a person with type 1 straight hair gave a 3b head advice and touted how White Rain shampoo is spectacular and that there is no need to moisturize and that you shoud wash your hair twice a day you'd be like heck no, lol.

 

[blkbeauty]

I think I'm a 4a/4b ( I believe) btw. I still get typed differently by my stylist and all. Anyway, I would look at it from her perspective.

I don't know what I am anymore...Most people say you're a 3c and I believe I am a 4a. I think its the different textures...my hair is curly in the front with a kinkier curl in the back. At anyrate, I stop using Andre's hair type and use more if the LOIS. The reason is this, I've see some 3c's who hair is fine and some who have thicker hair. I think we should all moisture regardless of grain which imo, is the ANdre's scale....however, I think depending on the "texutre" - LOIS, I think we should handle our hair differently.

 

[Chameleonchick]

I understand your frustration. I have taken advice on hair from all hair types, but the fact is most people identify with people that look like themselves, in this case hair. Now with that being said, you did try to help and that is the best you can do, maybe she might take your advice even though she said those comments.

 

[Curlykale]

I understand. I am a 3c and my mum is a 4c. I started to take care of my hair 2 years ago and my mum loved the results, but she didn't listen to my advice because she thought my natural hair is "like this". If I don't work, I get one unique knot and I don't retain length or have curls, but she did't believe me.

I showed her some people with her texture on youtube who used what I use and did what I do and she was enthusiastic. Sometimes we need to hear about somebody exactly like us to believe something works. So I always show examples and explain why something whould work for HER, I don't use my hair as an example anymore and it seems to work better. Hope it helps!

 

[Lynnerie]

Why are we in here acting like 4b hair acts and responds to things exactly the same as type 3b hair? I mean really, is it to be PC?

OP, the advice you gave about moisturizing and protective styling is fantastic and is a general rule of thumb for all textured hair. Cool. However, if you were to tell me that a specific moisturizer or product XYZ has done wonders for YOUR hair, I'd be skeptical about its effects on MY type of hair.

I honestly am much more likely to take hair advice, if it makes sense, from a person with my texture hair over someone with straighter or silkier hair...that kinda makes sense to me Even when viewing youtube vids for styling methods and product reviews, i take heed to people like Cynthiarf and Rustic Beauty over folks like curly chronicles because the latter referenced folk have hair like mine.

I mean if a person with type 1 straight hair gave a 3b head advice and touted how White Rain shampoo is spectacular and that there is no need to moisturize and that you shoud wash your hair twice a day you'd be like heck no, lol.

THANK YOU!

Can we just keep it real for minute. Some hair advice is the same across the board like not abusing heat, combing from ends to the root, finding the balance with moisture and protein. But lets not act like the products or even the techniques are the same for all types. Plus, we all know the attitudes of folks irl so why be shocked that someone who has 4b hair is skeptical of taking advice from someone who is 3b.

There was a thread started like this by GoingNatural
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=386110&highlight=

 

[kbragg]

Why are we in here acting like 4b hair acts and responds to things exactly the same as type 3b hair? I mean really, is it to be PC?

OP, the advice you gave about moisturizing and protective styling is fantastic and is a general rule of thumb for all textured hair. Cool. However, if you were to tell me that a specific moisturizer or product XYZ has done wonders for YOUR hair, I'd be skeptical about its effects on MY type of hair.

I honestly am much more likely to take hair advice, if it makes sense, from a person with my texture hair over someone with straighter or silkier hair...that kinda makes sense to me Even when viewing youtube vids for styling methods and product reviews, i take heed to people like Cynthiarf and Rustic Beauty over folks like curly chronicles because the latter referenced folk have hair like mine.

I mean if a person with type 1 straight hair gave a 3b head advice and touted how White Rain shampoo is spectacular and that there is no need to moisturize and that you shoud wash your hair twice a day you'd be like heck no, lol.

I totally agree with this entire post especially with the bolded and ESPECIALLY when it comes to issues of transitioning long term. Hair is hair may be the PC to say but the truth is napptural 4a/b hair behaves dramatically different than the 3's. It even grows out of heads differently lol (meaning our hair grows up and out rather than down.)

A type 3 WILL have an easier time transitioning than a type 4. Not invalidating type 3 struggles and not saying it's EASY just easier. Most type 3's can blend the 2 textures and detangle easier than a type 4 will. Most type 3's will never have to deal with single strand knots. Basic hair 101 type of advice can span across all hair types but type 4's have very unique issues that other types truly don't.

And yes I'm one of those ignant people that would take hair advice on type 4 specific issues from someone like Rustic Beauty or BlackMasterPiece before someone with type 2 or 3 hair.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

It hasn't happened yet but I know how SOME ladies get offended and start taking things personally.

Please don't let this turn into War of the Textures!

Please!!

 

[CoutureMe06]

I understand, but she came to me in the first place for advice because of my experiance! I would think any newbies would want to soak up any and all info regarding hair from other naturals but that's me.

Definitely!

Oh, she asked you. Ok, that makes sense then OP. But still, that's wierd especially for her to say that. What was the point of her asking you if she felt that way?

She could have respected your opinion, even questioned it instead of bombarding your advise.

"Well, I have nappy hair" blah blah is just that.

 

[kbragg]

It's just a matter of being able to relate to the person giving the advice. If I am dealing with cystic acne and someone who's only had a few pimple in their life is trying to tell me their skin regimen I'm a little less likely to believe what they're saying will work for me versus someone who shows me a pic of how they used to have cystic acne and now by following XYZ method they have clear skin.

It's not personal. I wouldn't get offended if a white person didn't take my advice on caring for sunburn cuz umm...I don't burn so what do I know really? How can one who has never experienced something expect their advice to be taken as gold? If I was naturally thin, never really had to watch what I ate, and stayed tiny through all of my pregnancies would I expect someone who gains weight easily, has been chubby since childhood and gain 50+ with each pregnancy to relate to me and welcome my advice? Hardly!

Sometimes you have to humble yourself to realize that people are different and want advice they can relate too. Would you take advice from a middle class white male who grew up in a life of privilege on how to deal with racism and sexism in America? Would you not give the side eye to a committee established to assess and address the woes of the black community that had not one black person on that committee? If your answer is yes then you are on some higher Yogic spiritual plane than the majority of us and maybe should lower your expectations of us mere mortals

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

It's just a matter of being able to relate to the person giving the advice. If I am dealing with cystic acne and someone who's only had a few pimple in their life is trying to tell me their skin regimen I'm a little less likely to believe what they're saying will work for me versus someone who shows me a pic of how they used to have cystic acne and now by following XYZ method they have clear skin.

It's not personal. I wouldn't get offended if a white person didn't take my advice on caring for sunburn cuz umm...I don't burn so what do I know really? How can one who has never experienced something expect their advice to be taken as gold? If I was naturally thin, never really had to watch what I ate, and stayed tiny through all of my pregnancies would I expect someone who gains weight easily, has been chubby since childhood and gain 50+ with each pregnancy to relate to me and welcome my advice? Hardly!

Sometimes you have to humble yourself to realize that people are different and want advice they can relate too. Would you take advice from a middle class white male who grew up in a life of privilege on how to deal with racism and sexism in America? Would you not give the side eye to a committee established to assess and address the woes of the black community that had not one black person on that committee? If your answer is yes then you are on some higher Yogic spiritual plane than the majority of us and maybe should lower your expectations of us mere mortals

Sooo OT but this white guy pissed me off because he tried to tell me black people couldn't sunburn and he was jealous of us blackies. I've been sunburned and the ish HURTS LIKE CRAP! That is all

Carry on.....

 

[kbragg]

Definitely!

Oh, she asked you. Ok, that makes sense then OP. But still, that's wierd especially for her to say that. What was the point of her asking you if she felt that way?

She could have respected your opinion, even questioned it instead of bombarding your advise.

"Well, I have nappy hair" blah blah is just that.

Yeah that's a little dumb to ask someone's advice and then discount it lol. That's like someone asking me "Kass how did you lose 80lbs" and then after I tell them say "Well I need to lose 200lbs so that'll never work for me" My responses were based on the volunteering of the information, not someone seeking your advice and then acting dumb about it. I hate time wasters

 

[kbragg]

Sooo OT but this white guy pissed me off because he tried to tell me black people couldn't sunburn and he was jealous of us blackies. I've been sunburned and the ish HURTS LIKE CRAP! That is all

Carry on.....

Black people can burn but depending on the melanin content will determine how fast, slow, if at all etc. I personally don't burn. I guess I could if I was out in Arizona sun for 6 hours straight lol. My DH is one of those weird white folk that don't burn. Must be that Indian in his family His younger sister though? She'll burn taking out the trash in 70 degree weather po thang

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

The fact of the matter is caring for this hair type:

Has very little in common with caring for this hair type:

I have absolutely no problem saying that I would not take advice from a 3b on haircare for my tightly coily 4a hair....to me its counter-intuitive.

Type 4a/b hair is VERY distinct and has needs that are very specific to that hair type. Many of the techniques that type 3's and below use not only are not applicable to type 4's but it can actually lead to an unnecessary setback.

I take advice on any subject more seriously from someone that has actual hands on experience as opposed to someone thats just speaking in hypotheticals. Thats just common sense in my book.

 

[Janet']

Sad situation, but don't waste your energy on it...If you didn't want to hear what I had to say, then YOU shouldn't have asked ME...Ugh!

 

[Neith]

All I have to say is..

1. How do you know whether the person has KNOWLEDGE of a different hair type? Especially a professional... just because someone has a different hair type doesn't mean they don't have experience with others.

2. Op was giving GENERAL advice that most anyone with afro textured hair would benefit from.


Unless it's off the wall, bad information... at least be OPEN to knowledge from different sources. You don't have to take what they say as gospel, but you never know what you can learn from someone else.


Just my humble opinion.

 

[jennboo]

BMP i totally agree.

 

[Neith]

but BMP... don't you do people's hair of all textures?

What if you were trying to give someone with type 3 hair advice and they just ignored you because you're a type 4?

I see from your blog... you know how to do some hair. It would be their loss if they didn't take your advice!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

/\ Yep I absolutely do style peoples hair of all textures

I would be 100% okay with it if they did respond to me in that way, however in my experience, type 3 folk tend to take my advice I guess cuz they see the results on my blog. I think for the OP it would probably be best to display pics of clients who's hair has improved for more validity.

Thank you so much love

 

[sylver2]

at the time I did my 1 year stretch I had a friend 3b who was transitioning/stretching as well. she was 10 months post. I couldn't tell. Her hair looked the exact same to me roots and ends. Meanwhile my hair was drastically different. Half of my hair was a dry, kinky afro, and other half straight ends. Honestly when she talked about what was getting her through her stretch..my eyes glazed over and i tuned out. I thought ain't no way whats getting her through her transition is gonna work for me.

 

[CrissieD]

And this is why IRL I refrain from speaking to people about having natural hair or encouraging anyone to stop relaxing their hair I just don't have the energy. Some people will always find a way to cling to their issues.

 

[kbragg]

at the time I did my 1 year stretch I had a friend 3b who was transitioning/stretching as well. she was 10 months post. I couldn't tell. Her hair looked the exact same to me roots and ends. Meanwhile my hair was drastically different. Half of my hair was a dry, kinky afro, and other half straight ends. Honestly when she talked about what was getting her through her stretch..my eyes glazed over and i tuned out. I thought ain't no way whats getting her through her transition is gonna work for me.

I believe someone posted this in the transition thread too the drastic difference between a type 3 18 months post versus a type 4 and it was amazing I'm 6 months into my transition right now and have a very discernable TWA under limp straight strands. It's amazing

 

[HappilyLiberal]

So, I have a cosmetology license, right, so I try to give advice to another person who is going natural. Well I have 3b hair and hers is more 4a/4b. I tried to tell her if you want to retain length, use moisture, moisture, moisture and ps as much as she can...she looked at me crazy and said "well it's easy for you, you don't have nappy hair!" I was taken back because just because I have a looser curl doesn't mean I don't fight daily with my hair just to get it to curl right or lie flat!!! I think some women think that people with a looser curl have no say so, or can't complain just because they have "good hair"!! Like wth! EVERYONE can have "good hair" when it's healthy!!!! Sorry, I'm done. Sheesh...

You have to let people like that learn the hard way!!!!

 

[CrissieD]

Reminds me of something that happened to be recently.

I have a mentee who is currently transitioning and she is 4a/b. We were having a conversation about transitioning and I was just telling her my experiences and some things I did. Another friend of mine, who is a natural 4b, started talking about how much she dislikes her shrinkage, and how much blowdrying she has to do to loosen her curl pattern, . (Needless to say, she's been wearing micros lately)...

So of course my mentee is hearing this and she's uncomfortable, because she's hearing these negative comments. She wants to BC before school starts back in Sept, and she will have transitioned for about 6 months by then. After that, I go back to trying to be motivational, because I see the discomfort. Ol girl looks at me and says, "Well you don't know what it's like, because you have curly hair. You're hair is what is desired by people on campus!" Then I started to suggest some places for them (well really my mentee) to go on the net, and Ol' girl said there is no outlets or examples of women with our hair on the net. With that, the conversation ended.

A day later I e-mailed my mentee some 4a/b fotki's, photos, hairstyles, and sent her some forum links, to which she deeply appreciated.

I say once you point a person in the right direction, that is all you can do! That person is either going to roll with it, or not...

Your friend was obviously somewhat receptive. I did the same thing (emailed pics of 4bs) to a friend of mine because she said she couldn't ever stop relaxing her hair. Her response "oh no look @ that her hair is not as kinky as mine. If she is a 4b I must be a 4z." I showed her like 6 or 7 girls with 4b hair one of them was my cousin who has pretty much always had BSL hair. Each one she said the same thing. About my cousin (who has straight up 4B hair in the back and 4a/b in the front) she said her hair was long and she didn't have to relax her hair because if she is related to me she must have "mixed blood" and thats why her hair is long. If "mixed blood" entitles you to long hair where the hell is MBL and why is it eluding me? I am done.

 

[empressri]

If it's really the big of a deal, I wonder why I got some banging advice from *gasp* RELAXED ladies here that actually worked on my natural hair. Must've been a fluke.

 

[Janet']

If it's really the big of a deal, I wonder why I got some banging advice from *gasp* RELAXED ladies here that actually worked on my natural hair. Must've been a fluke.

Bwahahahahahaha

I love your wit!