Just because I'm a 3b, my advise doesn't matter??? RANT!

[cdawnlewis]

So, I have a cosmetology license, right, so I try to give advice to another person who is going natural. Well I have 3b hair and hers is more 4a/4b. I tried to tell her if you want to retain length, use moisture, moisture, moisture and ps as much as she can...she looked at me crazy and said "well it's easy for you, you don't have nappy hair!" I was taken back because just because I have a looser curl doesn't mean I don't fight daily with my hair just to get it to curl right or lie flat!!! I think some women think that people with a looser curl have no say so, or can't complain just because they have "good hair"!! Like wth! EVERYONE can have "good hair" when it's healthy!!!! Sorry, I'm done. Sheesh...

 

[Neith]

Don't get mad.

That advice is good for most hair types.

You tried. Move on.

I know it can be frustrating, but you can only help those who want to be helped.

 

[southerncitygirl]

I agree with you, I'm 3c and I get tired of the mixed comments....my mom fought with my hair all the time which is why it was relaxed most of my life....then I transtioned and am natural. I had a long learning curve with managing my hair. I have learned so much from others that don't have my hair type and applied it to my reggie. Moisture is important for highly textured hair.

 

[cdawnlewis]

It's just sad when that's just the basics as far as healthy hair is concerned lol

 

[Cheleigh]

It's just sad when that's just the basics as far as healthy hair is concerned lol

Don't feel bad. It happens to all of us, regardless of hair type. I'm a 4a, and "some" people say that I went natural/hair grows because I don't have the nap attack like them.

But you know, by the same token, every head of hair is different, so what works for me "might" really work/not work for them. But it's just that it doesn't need to be attributable to something as minor as curl pattern.

 

[Neith]

Don't feel bad. It happens to all of us, regardless of hair type. I'm a 4a, and "some" people say that I went natural/hair grows because I don't have the nap attack like them.

Me too...

It just makes me actually lol.

 

[yaya24]

Well you tried.

She'll just have to continue walking around with dried up short hair.

 

[nikolite]

So, I have a cosmetology license, right, so I try to give advice to another person who is going natural. Well I have 3b hair and hers is more 4a/4b. I tried to tell her if you want to retain length, use moisture, moisture, moisture and ps as much as she can...she looked at me crazy and said "well it's easy for you, you don't have nappy hair!" I was taken back because just because I have a looser curl doesn't mean I don't fight daily with my hair just to get it to curl right or lie flat!!! I think some women think that people with a looser curl have no say so, or can't complain just because they have "good hair"!! Like wth! EVERYONE can have "good hair" when it's healthy!!!! Sorry, I'm done. Sheesh...

This has happened to me countless times, especially with my sisters/cousins. Sometimes I can't even mention hair. I've learned not to say anything as much as I want to share advice. Not only do they assume that I have "good hair" that I don't have to take care of (which is quite subjective) but they think that I have no idea about caring for kinky hair in general. And some people think going natural was somehow easier for me to pull off. To an extent, they are right that I don't know their hair like I know my own, but I know a lot more about hair care than they do honestly (LHCF made sure of that ).

But I don't have a cosmetology license like you so the nerve of her. Whatever. You tried. She'll have to learn the hard way.

 

[CoutureMe06]

She doesn't feel like she can relate to you. I would feel a certain way too. Especially if this was my first transition and new nothing about being natural.

Now I'm more educated but if that were me back then, I would give you the side eye too.

 

[CoutureMe06]

I think I'm a 4a/4b ( I believe) btw. I still get typed differently by my stylist and all. Anyway, I would look at it from her perspective.

 

[ChristmasCarol]

If a person gives stank attitude about hair advice, they're probably not really serious. If they were, they would try to learn what they could from EVERYONE. Some people only want to hear horror stories - the fact that you've been successful w/your hair may make them look for reasons to discount what you say.

 

[Ms.Christ3n]

My cousin will not listen to me at all because she swears I got more Indian blood in me (I'm thinking to myself, who the *** was Indian in my family?) and thats why I have curly hair and why hers is so "nappy" ( her words, not mine). And why my hair grows so well and hers doesn't. I just told her to moisturize and bun and she will see a huge difference.

 

[Tiye]

Since you have a cosmetology license - if you have a track record and portfolio of healthy heads of hair including some with hair like mine to back you up then I'd listen to you. It's not like stylists have to have hair just like the hair of each of their clients to do a good job - otherwise that would defeat the purpose of paying for training and a license. But vis a vis other people I have to admit that some don't get that what they do for their hair might not work for someone else's hair or that other people's hair is not the same as theirs. I see that even on this board all the time.

 

[cdawnlewis]

She doesn't feel like she can relate to you. I would feel a certain way too. Especially if this was my first transition and new nothing about being natural.

Now I'm more educated but if that were me back then, I would give you the side eye too.

I understand, but she came to me in the first place for advice because of my experiance! I would think any newbies would want to soak up any and all info regarding hair from other naturals but that's me.

 

[B3e]

I think people are naturally weary of advice from people who don't have their hair type (or aren't quite in their shoes regardless of topic) and therefore "don't really understand". But I find the more I learn about my hair the more I can distinguish between good advice for all hair and type/experience specific suggestions.

I don't think your hair type determines how qualified you are to advise, it's the health and proven benefits from the practices you are kindly offering.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

That was seriously ignorant of her, you're a cosmetologist and you're natural. I would take your advice over a random person with my same hair texture. People are weird, don't worry about it. You tried to be helpful but some people learn from experience, not words.

 

[wavezncurlz]

nope. it doesn't matter....

sike, I'm being facetious. But for real, I don't try not to give advice because I get the standard lines heard here. I can't wait until my dd2s hair takes off. Her type is very different than mine and that'll show folks that I know about what it takes to have natural healthy hair.

You're a cosmetologist though so it shouldn't matter.

 

[Lynnerie]

So, I have a cosmetology license, right, so I try to give advice to another person who is going natural. Well I have 3b hair and hers is more 4a/4b. I tried to tell her if you want to retain length, use moisture, moisture, moisture and ps as much as she can...she looked at me crazy and said "well it's easy for you, you don't have nappy hair!" I was taken back because just because I have a looser curl doesn't mean I don't fight daily with my hair just to get it to curl right or lie flat!!! I think some women think that people with a looser curl have no say so, or can't complain just because they have "good hair"!! Like wth! EVERYONE can have "good hair" when it's healthy!!!! Sorry, I'm done. Sheesh...

Well, I understand that every hair type has their own issues but maybe she feels like you can't possibly understand the different regimen that a type 4a/b has to go through. If you want to help her direct her to this site or some youtube sites so she can see other naturals with her own hair type. Yes moisture and protective styling is important for all hair types but she needs the right moisture, the right styles, and detangling methods for her hair and she might be clueless about that.

We here on LHCF can take advice from eachother with different hair types because we know hair is hair but those on irl don't get it. Before I came to this site and became more open-minded I also dismissed looser curlies. (Now I find myself using more of the same products) Its a learning experience and I can't think of a better place to learn other than right here on this site.

 

[ms.blue]

I guess some people feel that they could only take advice from someone w/ similar hair type regardless if the information that you gave was correct. If someone w/ her hair type told her that to put dax grease all over & not comb her hair at all was the was to go natural she would listen b/c of hair type similarities.
I listen to any1 with healthy hair regardless of hair type b/c good information doesn't discriminate by hair type.

 

[simplyhair]

I'm 4a as well and I have always heard that I have the "good hair" thing going on just because my hair has been on the thick and long side...and that was when my hair was at armpit.

After I tell them that they should only wash their scalp, I keep right on movin' when they tell me "Oh, well you have to wash all of your hair".

I can't even get past Hair Basic 101 with their non-believing selves.

 

[JC Jane]

I am 4b and relaxed. When I was less educated about hair health years back I had a friend with natural loose 3 something healthy MBL curls tell me that I shouldn't use heat so much on my hair if I wanted it to stay healthy. I flat ironed daily with hardly any heat protectant. She washed her hair daily and air dried.

Duh,Simple right? Well because I was ignorant of the basics of healthy hair care I was like "you don't understand, I HAVE to use heat to make it manageable!"
She just looked at me then continued doing what she was doing.

You tried, that person was just not ready to begin their HHJ.

 

[katblack]

It's a tough world out there where knowledge doesn't necessarily mean power. I sometimes get girls coming to me with enough courage to ask me how I get my hair to look the way it does. Then I go on explaining how I put gel in it or I just do a twist out. Meanwhile the person I am talking to has a glazed over look that makes me just wanna stop talk'n and walk away

 

[Kranbery]

It's a shame they don't realize that your hair is beautiful because of the way you care for it. For me, moisture has to be on point all of the time. My hair can go from a dry mass of frizz to sleek uniform curls based on how well my hair is moisturized.

 

[tnorenberg]

Kudos anyway for trying. Sometimes you just have to say "ef em" and move on. They will learn the hard way and end up here...if they're lucky. Better yet, we need some member cards we can give out so we can just randomly direct them to this site.

 

[EccentricRed]

Reminds me of something that happened to be recently.

I have a mentee who is currently transitioning and she is 4a/b. We were having a conversation about transitioning and I was just telling her my experiences and some things I did. Another friend of mine, who is a natural 4b, started talking about how much she dislikes her shrinkage, and how much blowdrying she has to do to loosen her curl pattern, . (Needless to say, she's been wearing micros lately)...

So of course my mentee is hearing this and she's uncomfortable, because she's hearing these negative comments. She wants to BC before school starts back in Sept, and she will have transitioned for about 6 months by then. After that, I go back to trying to be motivational, because I see the discomfort. Ol girl looks at me and says, "Well you don't know what it's like, because you have curly hair. You're hair is what is desired by people on campus!" Then I started to suggest some places for them (well really my mentee) to go on the net, and Ol' girl said there is no outlets or examples of women with our hair on the net. With that, the conversation ended.

A day later I e-mailed my mentee some 4a/b fotki's, photos, hairstyles, and sent her some forum links, to which she deeply appreciated.

I say once you point a person in the right direction, that is all you can do! That person is either going to roll with it, or not...

 

[HeavenlySkies]

I'm sure that 4's are more prone to ssk's tangles and all sorts of other things that would hinder ones ability to retain as opposed to someone with looser textures.

 

[knt1229]

I understand you were offended because I would have been too. But, don't feel bad or think she is ignorant. I have read her sentiments right here on this site. Some folks just don't want to take advice from individuals who don't have their hair type even on LHCF. So I wouldn't expect a random person with 4 a/b hair IRL to be enthused about taking advice from a type 3 or looser curl pattern.

To be the best stylist you can be you have to find ways to educate your clients by seeing things from their perspective. Try showing them other clients you have with their hair type and explain what those customers did to transition or get healthy hair or whatever.

Also, give more of an explanation as to why your advice should be followed. Say something "like afro textured hair tends to be very dry and break off easily. So keeping your hair moisturized would help retain length. Also, keeping the hair from rubbing up against your clothes by bunning is another way....blah blah blah" This way your advice is more directed specifically to that client. Hopefully, that made sense to you. (not trying to tell you how to talk to your clients but people tend to respond better when things are broken down to them and addresses their personal concerns).

Sometimes you have to say things in a way that will make people want to listen to you. In your line of work that's important.

 

[empressri]

Don't get me started. Folks ask me advice, then I tell them xyz, then they say oh well you got that good hair, I got that _______ (insert hair type) so that won't work for me.

Bysh, then you can just be bald for all I care. Next time leave me the hell alone in piece to read my James Baldwin book, eat my reese's pieces and have my bottle of water.

 

[drappedup]

OP, I can relate with what happened, it's happened to me also as a fellow 3c, but don't take it personally. Whatever, that chick is going to continue having dried up hair of poor quality and little growth retention.

 

[detroitdiva]

There are a lot of people that are just truly ignorant in this world. Don't let them steal your happiness. Don't let them control your emotions either by getting so upset. You did the right thing by lending her some helpful advice no matter how she perceives you. You will never be able to change someone's views about you in one conversation. You know how difficult it is being natural and that's that. If she cant take your advice because she's hung up on stereotypes, oh well. She'll be back askin you questions when her hair isnt growing.... or on the floor. Lol.