Your relationship w/him is over...do you still keep in contact w/his family?

[new-life]

I have a situation. In December 07, me and my ex officially broke up. For some reason I moved on quickly because I had this warm feeling in my heart that God wanted this to work on me and move on. So 2 months later, he called me and told me how much he loves me and that this is best for us because we both need to work on getting ourselves together (which is true). Fine. We had a great conversation, and we hung up. Then he kept calling little by little, and after a while, my feelings for him started coming back. But he's a f***ing prick because when I wanna call him or speak to him, he wanna talk about "we're not even together". Honestly, i've been through too much shyt w/him and his issues (4yrs) and I'm still trying to get over him but it still hurts sometimes.
Ok, so I deleted his number, and email and all, but this is the problem. I was introduced to him by one of his sisters, who i don't speak to that often but I love very much. When we first started talking, he introduced me to his cousins, his sister, his brother- all of which I am close to. His 1st cousin is my best friend, I consider him like a brother to me. Both of his sisters I'm also close to also, even though we don't talk as much. I wanted to know, I'm trying to get over my ex, so should I cut off contact w/his family also for a while? Even though they know the situation, and they could care less about it, they still wanna talk to me every once in a while. Also my relationship was a long-distance relationship if that helps.
Thanks.

 

[stinastina]

I have a situation. In December 07, me and my ex officially broke up. For some reason I moved on quickly because I had this warm feeling in my heart that God wanted this to work on me and move on. So 2 months later, he called me and told me how much he loves me and that this is best for us because we both need to work on getting ourselves together (which is true). Fine. We had a great conversation, and we hung up. Then he kept calling little by little, and after a while, my feelings for him started coming back. But he's a f***ing prick because when I wanna call him or speak to him, he wanna talk about "we're not even together". Honestly, i've been through too much shyt w/him and his issues (4yrs) and I'm still trying to get over him but it still hurts sometimes.
Ok, so I deleted his number, and email and all, but this is the problem. I was introduced to him by one of his sisters, who i don't speak to that often but I love very much. When we first started talking, he introduced me to his cousins, his sister, his brother- all of which I am close to. His 1st cousin is my best friend, I consider him like a brother to me. Both of his sisters I'm also close to also, even though we don't talk as much. I wanted to know, I'm trying to get over my ex, so should I cut off contact w/his family also for a while? Even though they know the situation, and they could care less about it, they still wanna talk to me every once in a while. Also my relationship was a long-distance relationship if that helps.
Thanks.

Yes, cut them off until you can heal. You need some space to yourself. If you think somewhere down the line you may want to be friends with them, let them know you need to heal right now and won't be in touch much. If they care about you, they will understand.

 

[envybeauty]

Pul--ezee! Would any of those people come to your aid if you really needed them? Would they tell you about him running around with another woman? Do you think that for one minute they would introduce him to another woman?

I have as of yet to hear anyone say that their ex's family members are truly THEIR friends.

I say drop him and his people.

 

[new-life]

Yes, cut them off until you can heal. You need some space to yourself. If you think somewhere down the line you may want to be friends with them, let them know you need to heal right now and won't be in touch much. If they care about you, they will understand.

Thanks stina, that's exactly what I was feeling- I guess I just needed confirmation.

 

[new-life]

Pul--ezee! Would any of those people come to your aid if you really needed them? Would they tell you about him running around with another woman? Do you think that for one minute they would introduce him to another woman?

I have as of yet to hear anyone say that their ex's family members are truly THEIR friends.

I say drop him and his people.

To the first bolded, I honestly think they would. To the second bolded, I'm laughing right now, because just thinking about what you're saying makes me sound a little silly lol but thanks for your answer, I needed it.

 

[Country gal]

I had three major relationships in my adult life. The first one I deal with his family on limited occasions because of my son. I may run into his family but I don't go out of my way to call them.

The second one who cut off my communication with his friends and family. he didn't want them to invite my son to his God sons birthday party because he said it would be too hard for his fiance/ now wife. I see his Play sister from time and time with his God sons. The kids are always happy to see each other. I have no dealings with this ex.

My most recent ex still tries to keep in contact.

 

[Lanea87]

I would say let them be. Keeping in contact with them wont really let you move on, cause they are connected to him. If they so happen to call you, just tell them that your fine and tell them your busy. They might just be calling to see how you doing so they can call and tell him.... So leave them too.

 

[TLC1020]

Nope, I don't , especially since I don't have any children, I don't see any reason too and I'm not going to start now..

 

[Farida]

Just let them go, at least for a while. It will help you heal. Also, consider the implications of being friends with them on your future relationships.

 

[Cien]

do you still keep in contact w/his family?

~~~
nope!!

I cut 'em all off!

It was hard at first....but a little distance and time can work wonders!

 

[new-life]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I've been feeling like this off and on also, and one time I hinted it to one of his cousins, and she goes "but your situation w/him has nothing to do w/me"- and I kinda felt bad because it doesn't, but, I guess it's gotta be done. Thanks

 

[Arcadian]

Pul--ezee! Would any of those people come to your aid if you really needed them? Would they tell you about him running around with another woman? Do you think that for one minute they would introduce him to another woman?

I have as of yet to hear anyone say that their ex's family members are truly THEIR friends.

I say drop him and his people.

Well actually, SO's ex family still keep in contact with him. His ex wife was krazy and they all agree about that. They liked him enough to keep contact with him even after the divorce (I've met all of them, nice people) His ex hates his guts, and hates the fact that her family still likes him but it is what it is.

It can happen.

-A

 

[CoCoEspresso]

It's definitely a sticky situation. I could definitely see myself getting closer to the mother of the last guy that I dated, but it would just be way too uncomfortable for me to maintain a friendship with her. Though, she's incredibly sweet, she would just serve as a constant reminder of her son. They look just alike for goodness sake, and those negative feelings would just keep coming back everytime I would look at her. IMO, not the best idea if you are trying to have closure and move on with your life. Some things just need to be left in the past.

 

[filthyfresh]

See, this is happening to me now.
My SO's ex-gf is still hanging around with his family.
Meanwhile we've been together for almost a year and a half.
She comes around on holidays, but not when I'm around.
(Because this past Thanksgiving I came through with my hood ass reckless cousins in case she wanted to jump bad...)
But I'd really appreciate if she stopped being so cool with them.
Not to mention, I called his mother one day and she answered the phone and the convo started like this.

Me: Hi, Ms. ____. How are you?
SO's Mom: Is this Jennifer?
Me: No, It's Ashleigh.
SO's Mom: Oh hey girl! What's up?

I would think that after a year, the ex would get the hint, but obviously she doesn't. What makes it so bad is that my SO isn't even around when she comes by. He deliberately leaves because he doesn't want to see her. And he's even asked his mom to stop having her over. But his mother said, "I'm not getting into it. She's welcome here as long as (SO's 18 year old sister whom the 24 year old ex hangs out with) is okay with it."

So after all of that, I say: "To all you ex-girlfriends out there, it is time to let the family GO." [drops mic]

 

[new-life]

See, this is happening to me now.
My SO's ex-gf is still hanging around with his family.
Meanwhile we've been together for almost a year and a half.
She comes around on holidays, but not when I'm around.
(Because this past Thanksgiving I came through with my hood ass reckless cousins in case she wanted to jump bad...)
But I'd really appreciate if she stopped being so cool with them.
Not to mention, I called his mother one day and she answered the phone and the convo started like this.

Me: Hi, Ms. ____. How are you?
SO's Mom: Is this Jennifer?
Me: No, It's Ashleigh.
SO's Mom: Oh hey girl! What's up?

I would think that after a year, the ex would get the hint, but obviously she doesn't. What makes it so bad is that my SO isn't even around when she comes by. He deliberately leaves because he doesn't want to see her. And he's even asked his mom to stop having her over. But his mother said, "I'm not getting into it. She's welcome here as long as (SO's 18 year old sister whom the 24 year old ex hangs out with) is okay with it."

So after all of that, I say: "To all you ex-girlfriends out there, it is time to let the family GO." [drops mic]

Sry that this situation stresses you

 

[Ms_Delikate]

See, this is happening to me now.
My SO's ex-gf is still hanging around with his family.
Meanwhile we've been together for almost a year and a half.
She comes around on holidays, but not when I'm around.
(Because this past Thanksgiving I came through with my hood ass reckless cousins in case she wanted to jump bad...)
But I'd really appreciate if she stopped being so cool with them.
Not to mention, I called his mother one day and she answered the phone and the convo started like this.

Me: Hi, Ms. ____. How are you?
SO's Mom: Is this Jennifer?
Me: No, It's Ashleigh.
SO's Mom: Oh hey girl! What's up?

I would think that after a year, the ex would get the hint, but obviously she doesn't. What makes it so bad is that my SO isn't even around when she comes by. He deliberately leaves because he doesn't want to see her. And he's even asked his mom to stop having her over. But his mother said, "I'm not getting into it. She's welcome here as long as (SO's 18 year old sister whom the 24 year old ex hangs out with) is okay with it."

So after all of that, I say: "To all you ex-girlfriends out there, it is time to let the family GO." [drops mic]

 

[Poohbear]

When my relationship is over with a guy, I am no in contact with his family.

 

[filthyfresh]

Sry that this situation stresses you

It's okay. It doesn't stress me too much.
SO's Mom just moved to Killeen, Texas.
SO's ex-gf lives in Houston.
As long as she's away from me & my SO, I don't care.
Now if I catch her over the holidays when/if I go visit...
Y'all might want to put $20 in my commissary.

 

[QUINN]

Yes, cut them off until you can heal. You need some space to yourself. If you think somewhere down the line you may want to be friends with them, let them know you need to heal right now and won't be in touch much. If they care about you, they will understand.

Great advice! I am friends with one particular ex's family. I mean tight like blood relatives. When we broke up, I let them know I had to step back for a while. They understood. I still won't visit that often, but we talk.
You'll be okay, but you do need time to heal.